It can be scary inside my wife’s head
It can be scary inside my wife’s head
Wife: So last night I had a nightmare about our kids.
Me: I’m sorry. What happened.
Wife: I dreamed that I came home and couldn’t find our daughter. I was gone so long that a group of wolves had adopted her, and then moved under the dresser.
Me: …Under the dresser? How did they fit?
Wife: They were very tiny wolves.
Me: So….teacup wolves?
Wife: Yeah…I guess so.
Me: That actually sounds kind of awesome. I want teacup wolves!
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March 30th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
I want teacup wolves toom
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March 30th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
She dreamed teacup wolves, you *want* teacup wolves, but it’s *her* head you’re concerned for?
Also, I want teacup wolves.
Captcha: reasonable novocain
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March 30th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
captcha: that lingered
Yeah, I guess the idea of teacup wolves would linger in your head for a while.
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March 30th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
you see breeders have it all wrong stop breeding dogs start cross-breeding and domesticating wolves so that one day there will be teacup wolves :P
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March 30th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I’m not a dog person, but I would so want a teacup wolf. And I agree with Michael, I don’t think your wife’s mind is half as scary as yours.
CAPTCHA: growling remove – somehow seems appropriate for the subject.
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March 30th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
Scary? Hell, that is sheer awesome! I want teacup wolves! It would make my work day just that much more fun. Bring the pack in a backpack, keep them under the desk and let them hunt those users who insist on breaking my network.
(I swear, it’s only when people start using my computers that they break. People are the problem not the systems.)
You had better patent that pretty fast.
Captcha: aliening plants – Triffids? Oh, hell yes. TEACUP TRIFFIDS!
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March 31st, 2010 at 6:42 am
Hmmm… get some wolf bitches, a small wolf like male dog – elk hound? – and start the breeding. Breed only the little ones, neuter the big’uns. Dogs breed kinda fast, within ten years, you could have 4-6 generations and, perhaps, a stable breeding pool that breeds true. May need to find smaller wolf-like, sled type dogs to keep getting the size smaller. With all of the “miniatures” people are breeding, this may be do-able.
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Maven reply on March 31st, 2010 1:30 pm:
Start with Mexican wolves – smaller than the imported Canadian wolves in Yellowstone – and breed to malamute, spitz, and select for size. Work your way down further in size by adding mini-pin or Manchester terrier blood.
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March 31st, 2010 at 6:44 am
Next time WBC shows up, my counter-protest will demand teacup wolves as payment for their trespassing.
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Adam reply on March 31st, 2010 6:45 am:
Or, could we feed them to the teacup wolves?
captcha: “rash for” Captcha thinks the wolves won’t like them, either.
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TheShadowCat reply on March 31st, 2010 7:34 am:
That would get the PETA people on you for cruelty to wolves.
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DF reply on March 31st, 2010 8:35 am:
Yeah… All that indigestion.
Also, how would the tiny, tiny wolves get their mouths around the WBC’s swelled heads?
CAPTCHA: yokes increased. Is Captcha now going for the punny?
March 31st, 2010 at 10:04 am
I hate to say it, but when they breed for teacup wolves, they’ll end up so inbred that instead of vicious little rat-killers we’ll end up with irritating little frou-frou muffys with health problems that only know how to bark and pee themselves.
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March 31st, 2010 at 10:52 am
Since you can’t do more than 3 replies in a thread, I’m continuing here:
DF reply on March 31st, 2010 8:35 am:
Yeah… All that indigestion.
Also, how would the tiny, tiny wolves get their mouths around the WBC’s swelled heads?
CAPTCHA: yokes increased. Is Captcha now going for the punny?
I tend to think that since wolves hunt in packs, it would be sort of like little furry piranhas. All you’d have to do is draw blood of one of the WBC nitwits (Freddie boy would be my first choice) and then the wolves would all converge on him and eat him from the ankles up.
Dear goddess, I think I just found the next monster for a Roger Corman film.
CAPTCHA: is gowen – Is gowen what?
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Catherine reply on March 31st, 2010 2:41 pm:
Damn. That sounds completely awesome.
I’ll volunteer to spill the first blood to send the Furry Teacup Piranha-Wolves into their feeding frenzy.
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March 31st, 2010 at 1:48 pm
The fact that ,my wife’s dream about teacup wolves led to a breeding plan in less than 24 hours kind of disturbs me.
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Catherine reply on March 31st, 2010 2:44 pm:
Aww, Skippy…don’t you know your readers by now?
My only concern would be that contaminating the wolf blood with, say, chihuahua genetics would lead to a distinct decrease in the badassery of the final product. I’ll just stick with crossing the smallest wolves I can find. It might take a few more generations, but I believe the final product will be worth the wait.
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Ziggy reply on April 3rd, 2010 6:11 am:
I’m not totally sure a little Chihuahua genetics would decrease their badassery quotient. Every Chihuahua I’ve seen was sure it could take on a Rottweiler and was ready to try at any moment.
They would promptly end in a crunchy squeak, so too much Chihuahua genetics is clearly a bad idea. But a little plainly won’t hurt their spirit.
Just don’t take it all the way to that ridiculous recessed-jaw, apple-head, radar-ears level that Chihuahuas have been bred to.
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March 31st, 2010 at 2:43 pm
@_@ for the love of DOG (god backwards, HAH!) people, DONT breed any more tinny neurotic, eye buldging, ankle biting PURSE DOGS!..
I’m disgusted enough that people have taken a wonderful working breed such as the Boarder Collie and have spun off a Paris Hilton (ACCESSORY) to be fashionably slung around in a over priced bag and shown around town.
And yes, i know about the irony of my name and making a comment about mini wolves,,, This is coming from 9 years as a Vet Tech, not my furry side.
Also.. Skippy,, Your wife might just start to out psycho YOU! @_@ DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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kat reply on March 31st, 2010 10:25 pm:
lol, I worked at a vet for awhile, and I have an intense dislike of “purse dogs”, however, not all small dogs are devil-spawn, only most breeds. I just adopted a Boston Terrier who doesn’t bark, doesn’t bite and is quite well behaved.
On the other hand, I can’t even tell you how many times I have kicked animals out of the ER who were “service animals”. Sorry, the rat-looking thing in your purse is not a service dog unless you have it’s papers, what’s that? Left them at home? Well, then you should have left the dog there too.
Don’t even get me started on the lady who brought in her cat, what the HELL kind of service does a cat provide you?
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Tremorwolf reply on April 1st, 2010 2:58 pm:
HAHAH oh man.. People can be funny.. I swear some were Nazi’s about there pets (Papers) I had this one client read me the riot act when i called his cat an Abyssinian.. He questioned my education and inabilty to requinise a Savannah… The doctor came in and had to inform the poor Gent that “A Savannah has Rings and spots not to mention round ears.. your cat is a solid rust color with a wedge head and pointed ears…. its an Abyssinian.” The man became Irrate and Said “I have Papers and paid a fortun for my Sacannah!” to which my Dr relpyed… “Congradulations, you have papers that say you have a Savannah. Im sure those papers will provide you with endless joy in this imaginary world you live in.” At this point the guy picked up his cat and left… The guy was a spaz…
I had a 30 pound Maincoon,, that cat kicked ass.. Literally. he beat the crap out of a Rottie! XD man… i miss having a cat and a dog. :( (both passed away some years back.)
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kat reply on April 1st, 2010 3:23 pm:
I was referring to service papers. Either the papers, collar or vest that shows that your pet is a licensed service animal. Such as seeing-eye dogs or hearing dogs. We have a guy who comes in with his service dog (with papers) because he has nerve damage that means he has almost no feeling below the waist, so if something falls out of his pocket, or if he injures himself he doesn’t notice. So he has a dog who picks up the stuff that falls, and alerts him if he is bleeding from anywhere. He came in once with a piece of glass going all the way through his foot, he didn’t even notice it until the dog started whining and trying to lick his foot.
But again, your freaking purse Yorkie is not a service animal unless you have the proper documentation. I don’t care how depressed or anxious you are, no documentation, no pet.
David B reply on March 8th, 2014 11:14 pm:
THANK YOU!!! I feel sorry for Pugs, Ridgebacks, and German Shepards. They have been so over-bred that their quality of life has been severely reduced. I am a proud owner of a retired racing greyhound, and when she sits, her butt can’t touch the ground because her thighs are so big.There is about an inch and a half of air under her butt!
I laughed my ass off at the “Doberhuahua” commercial last Superbowl.
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April 2nd, 2010 at 2:16 pm
I now want three or four teacup wolves as “service” dogs.
For what service? For getting rid of stupid fools!!
SIC ‘EM BOYS!
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April 2nd, 2010 at 6:31 pm
I found this webpage with instructions for programming zombie badgers with Linux:
http://www.strangehorizons.com/2004/20040405/badger.shtml
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Billy reply on April 2nd, 2010 10:12 pm:
I was reading through it, and just had to laugh at the “one (1) dead badger, good condition”, isn’t the “good condition” part a bit of an oxymoron?
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April 9th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
I can see it now… A pack of teacup wolves bringing down a monstrous (for them) tabby cat in a fight to the death!
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April 11th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
I have to admit that I am in the minority.
I have no desire to own a pack of teacup wolves.
Instead, I want at least one and preferably several..
full-sized dachshunds. After all, before being shrunk to toy status, they were bred to hunt badgers for god’s sake! Just think what they could do if they were the size of rottweilers.
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