“In My Face!”
OK, it’s become disturbingly apparent that Skippy needs some fresh content from his guests, so I think it’s time that I gave him content. And wouldn’t you know, that this comes from my own backyard, so to speak, while I was on leave.
I mentioned in a comments post recently that I was going on leave. That ended last Monday, 02 NOV 2009. And wouldn’t you know, there were quite a few (former/current) servicemen and retirees at one of my haunts back home. I get to chatting it up with these guys, and we all sit down to have a nice friendly game of Munchkin, with plenty of branch-bashing on the side.
Wouldn’t you know it, some piss-ant teenager (I pegged him at 18, later finding out I was two years too low) hears our conversation, and decides to get in on the fun.
By bashing the military.
And he covers all of the bases. Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, even the Coast Guard.
At least, that’s where he would have gone had I not stood up and pulled him to the side, in a very undignified manner. Then, in a voice that the kid would not mistake for a joking attitude, and just audible for my new acquaintances to hear (along with the rest of the store), I make a few queries.
“Are you a member of the military at all?” I want to make sure he isn’t one of us, since some of the things he was saying were borderline offensive to other civilians.
“No.” OK, next question.
“Are you a military spouse?” If he’s married to a service woman (or man, but I didn’t want to know) then he has plenty of first-hand experience.
“No.” Strike two. A civilian who isn’t a spouse means they better have a damn good reason spouting anti-military in this store. Let’s see if this is it.
“Are you a military brat?” If the kid is a son of a service member, he has every right and reason to be a piss-ant. I know they get a lot of crap because of their parents. However…
“No…” OK, time to lay into the kid.
At this point, I start pointing to the guys at my table. “You see that female there? U.S. Army, reservist. She’ll kill you”
Next to her is her husband, “That guy? Army Ranger, retired. He’ll kill you.”
Across the table is a guy who looks like a jarhead. “That guy with the bad haircut? Active duty marine, and he’ll kill you with the straw from his drink.”
Seeing the store proprietor come into the room, I point him out. “That guy? Make nice with him, as he’s a retired Airman and the store owner. Otherwise he’ll kick you out, drag you around the back, and kill you.
“I’m telling you this, why? Because I’m a sailor, and I’m being nice. I’ll only maim you if you don’t get out of my sight.” The twerp looks at all of us, and he realizes something: It’s not a good day to be shopping at this store.
When the kid made tracks, we breathed a collective sigh of relief, while the rest of the store patrons went nuts. They loved the display I had put on so much, we were getting questions from all around on what things were like, and to top it off, we didn’t get to play like we had originally intended.
It’s OK, though, as it was nice to know that for once we were appreciated in the Granola State. That made up for it, hands down.
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November 10th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Yeah, bashing the military to a bunch of servicemembers is pretty dumb. Fucknuts was probably trying to look tough or something and impress you guys.
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SKD reply on November 10th, 2009 5:47 am:
That would be the bright side, more likely he was just one of the normal puissants who feel the need to bash something they neither understand nor would ever dream of putting their lives on the line to protect the lives and rights of others.
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Ihmhi reply on November 10th, 2009 12:23 pm:
There’s a difference between hating the military and hating the soldiers who are in it. I think that kid was out of his damn mind, though.
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November 10th, 2009 at 6:06 am
You know when something like that happens to me, I just say Thank you. Then I tell them that now I know I’m doing my job right. Protecting their right to say whatever they like, Free Speech. It drives them crazy because they don’t know how to respond to that, it sure wasn’t the reaction they were expecting.
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November 10th, 2009 at 9:02 am
I’ve never been military, but I’ve got more sense than to be nasty about any branch. Interservice rivalry is like a family feud: every branch will mock every other branch mercilessly, but if a civilian mocks the Air Force in front of a Marine, cleanup on aisle 4 is imminent.
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Shadowydreamer reply on November 10th, 2009 3:49 pm:
Pffft.. Marines are just big pussy cats!
..give them raw meat and back away slowly.
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Minty reply on November 11th, 2009 12:19 pm:
Actually, I always thought Marines were just like their beloved bulldogs–drooling, vicious-looking brutes that at the end of the day, like any other dog, just want their belly rubbed. And like to hang out on the couch and watch TV while chewing on their rubber bone.
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Shadowydreamer reply on November 11th, 2009 1:05 pm:
Oooh.. THAT’S where I went wrong, I didn’t rub his BELLY..
Minty reply on November 11th, 2009 2:12 pm:
Oh deary, deary me. Now I’ve got the “it’s easy to take Sluggo to the vet” Ron White story running through my head.
You washed your hands later, right? Just saying. . .
Captcha: “urge Egyptian” Why yes, I do believe the Egyptians were the first to act upon that particular urge.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:34 am
that poor dumb kid. My mother was Navy Reserve, her dad AF, my dad’s dad Army(Corps of Engineers)…I know better than to go mocking the military. Shame not everyone does. If you’re ever in the desert we call Texas, let me buy you a drink, I wish I coulda seen that :D
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November 10th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I feel that there are very few groups in the world who cannot be made fun of at all, and soldiers aren’t one of them. That being said, not all such “jokes” are appropriate for any group. In every thing, there is something silly that can be teased, even by an outsider. The question really is how far is too far.
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RivCA reply on November 10th, 2009 11:42 am:
“How far is too far” doesn’t strongly apply to the servicemen of the USA. We don’t know how far it’s taken until they take it one step further than we would like. At that point, it becomes a matter of who backs down first, rather than who throws the first punch.
It wasn’t always like that, though. The Charleston Airport USO got shut down because a few service members didn’t know how to take a joke as a joke and a huge brawl got started because of it.
Captch: Unsold Learning. Like college to Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children? Waka waka!
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SPC Hyle reply on November 10th, 2009 3:55 pm:
I don’t think it’s necessarily on “how far” as it is “tone of voice” or “attitude behind it.” Same joke told to the same person can get a vastly different reaction based on those.
This kid seemed like he was trying to be a big, cool, tough jackass. No shit it went bad. Had he been friends with all the military personnel, he could have gotten away with it, largely because he wouldn’t be trying to be a big, cool, tough jackass–he’d be ribbing his friends.
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November 10th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
As a sailor who just got back from the middle east I’ve been hearing a lot of people say we don’t do anything and talking down on all branches. I gotta applaude you for this one brother, keep up the good fight and if you are ever in So Cal drinks are on me.
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RivCA reply on November 10th, 2009 1:55 pm:
Oddly enough, my name is a direct tag of that part of the state, as that IS my stomping ground.
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November 10th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
“He’ll kill you with the drink from his straw.”
One of the best lines I’ve ever heard.
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Chris reply on November 11th, 2009 2:30 pm:
Seconded.
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TheShadowCat reply on November 11th, 2009 4:00 pm:
Must not type while tired…
That was supposed to be “…he’ll kill you with the *straw* from his *drink*.”
I’m going to take a nap now.
CAPTCHA – me weschester, you skippy
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November 10th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Its like something I once read: “me against my brother, me and my brother against the village; me and my village against the world.”
Or in other words, it’s okay for you and other vets to make fun of each other; but that little idiot ain’t a member of the club, and he’d better learn to keep his mouth shut!
By the way: thanks for your service.
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November 10th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Of course, the proper reply for the kid would have been, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I’ll. Tell. Them. Slower. And. Use. Smaller. Words.”
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RivCA reply on November 10th, 2009 8:36 pm:
It’s a good thing for both of us that he didn’t, namely because he would have gotten beat down for a stupid comment and I would have been sent to prison for what would happen. It wasn’t worth it for either of us to continue pushing the joke.
Thankfully, he backed down and I’m still here. In hindsight though, my friends would be posting bail laughing their asses off about the whole situation.
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November 10th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Just wanted to say, this coming from a “piss-ant teenager”, I have nothing but respect for anyone in the military. My political views don’t line up with probably the majority of people serving, but the fact that you have the courage to sign up knowing you will likely risk your lives just so we can still have the country we do is nothing short of amazing.
What I’m really trying to say is thank you.
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ChrisF reply on November 16th, 2009 5:04 pm:
Indeed–I have respect for the armed forces (but not *too* much–they have their share of idiots, same as any other organization), just not so much for the people sending them out while sitting comfy and overpaid in DC. :-/
Granted, this is in part to having a Grandmother who *did* wear Army Boots, a grandfather who flew a B17, and my own very short-lived Army stint (made it through Basic, made it to the end of AIT, didn’t have the upper-body strength for the pushups on the last PT test. So what did I end up doing? Stockwork, lifting heavy boxes–go fig.) All things considered since then, I’m just as glad I didn’t make it–‘dirty job’ doesn’t even start to cover it. Was a good learning experience, though.
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November 11th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
So, my question is–what is Munchkin?
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McNutcase reply on November 11th, 2009 12:27 pm:
Munchkin is a card game that mocks the stereotypes of role-playing games. It takes a while to play, and gets extremely silly, since it features things such as Pantyhose of Giant Strength, the Duck of Doom, and a Limburger and Anchovy Sandwich.
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Shadowydreamer reply on November 11th, 2009 1:04 pm:
Almost as much fun as Apples to Apples. :)
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RivCA reply on November 11th, 2009 2:10 pm:
It’s even more fun than Apples to Apples.
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Anonymous reply on November 11th, 2009 3:21 pm:
I would almost refuse to believe that, and then I think about my High School classmates who waste their time to this day with Dungeons and Dragons…
CAPTCHA: Miffed shipments. Who pissed off the crates?
November 12th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Right before veterans day too. Sometimes I really hate douchebags like that.
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RivCA reply on November 12th, 2009 12:19 pm:
That’s just when the post popped up, LT. The incident happened last the week before Halloween.
Maybe there’s some significance in that?
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November 14th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Well, it’s offical…That kid was an idiot. While I’m not Military myself, I am a Military brat. My father was Special Forces, my brother was in the Army, and my uncle was a Marine. Not only that I went to a Military College and I still work at one. Over half my friends are military (and they all hope I’ll never enlist…something about the end of the world)! Anyways, back to my point…I’ve been around Military long enough to know that certain ‘joking’ by civilians (unless they happen to be good buddies and even that can get a bit sketchy) is considered a no-no but to flat out bash any branch is a one way ticket to getting your ass handed to you. This kid obviously had no common sense what so ever and the sad fact is that most of the current generation doesn’t (I also went to a liberal arts college. I went from one extreme to the other…so you can imagine some of the stuff I’ve had to listen to).
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November 15th, 2009 at 3:27 am
i never really understood those stupid people who look down on people who serve in the military.I have the greatest respect for those who serve, heh and yeah you don’t make fun of service personnel unless your good friends with them.
heh this brings to mind a memory of my best friend’s 18th where a mate of his who was Commando in the Australian Army who brought a woman he picked up along and ended up having sex with her there and the rest of us started teasing him with some slang that sent him chasing us out of the house. heh good times.
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November 18th, 2009 at 7:15 am
Its really this simple.
You dont go talkin shit about blacks by calling them N****** unless you want issues. Military is the same thing. The ONLY difference is that we arent always as easy to tell from civilians, like blacks are from white.
Good on ya man. You handled that alot better than I would of.
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November 24th, 2011 at 9:00 am
A quick look into the three branches in Finnish Defence Forces:
*What is considered ‘gay’ in civilian world is called ‘bonding’ in the Army/Air force (the versions vary)
*What is considered ‘gay’ in the Army/Air force is called ‘brotherhood’ in the Navy
*What is considered ‘gay’ in the Navy is probably illegal.
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