Deployed List
(Submitted by gEiStToG)
1. Not allowed to openly say how much easier it would be to let loose Z-Day in Afghanistan
2. As per rule 1, but applies to Iraq
3. Not allowed to suggest Z-Day as a means to an end for any conflict ridden country.
4. Not allowed to reserve the AHA in the defense that it is the “Best place to fight off the zombies”
5. Not allowed to bring Bolt Cutters with me to the AHA “Just encase IT happens”
6. Not allowed to assume old sluggish Iraqi’s that are hunched over on the sides of the street to be zombies.
7. Not allowed to request to open fire on said Iraqi Zombies
8. (Not me) Not allowed to throw bottles of water at Iraqi Checkpoint Guards who should have been stopping traffic to get their attention.
9. (Again not me) Not allowed to Fire Pen Flares at said Guards.
10. (Not me still) Just can’t throw anything at the guards.
11. Same goes for throwing candy at groups of children, it’s very rude even if you’re not hitting them.
12. Not allowed to request the use of the MK-19 as a backup weapon to better fight off the Zombies.
13. Not allowed to state that the building the new soldiers moved into was the site of mass murders.
14. Not allowed to say said building is haunted and wish them the best of luck living there.
15. Not allowed to enter their rooms when they are on mission and write strange messages from “the dead” on the walls.
16. Not allowed to write on their walls even while in the rooms asleep.
17. Not allowed to watch movies at work, even if it has material valid to my training.
18. Not allowed to train whilst deployed for Z-Day.
19. As per Rule 6, not allowed to request open fire on packs of stray dogs that look like their zombie dogs.
20. Not allowed to argue my reasoning for it by showing pictures of zombie dogs and comparing.
21. Not allowed to try to 0-2 Priority order flammable liquids.
22. Not allowed to mix gasoline and Styrofoam in old Iraqi bathtubs that don’t work (Even if the Napalm is part of contingency plan Delta)
23. Not allowed to make contingency plans.
24. Not allowed to order anything unless told it is required by a platoon leader.
25. Not allowed to tell platoon leaders they really should order this and that for their mission when they really don’t need it, even if they end up thinking they really do.
26. Not allowed to make platoon leaders think their chem lights really could use batteries.
27. Not allowed to put duct tape in my first aid kit
28. Even if it does fix everything and the movie Hollow Man is my example.
29. Not allowed to skip out on running in the morning because “My lungs can’t handle the sand in the air”
30. Not allowed to be seen smoking a cigarette right after using the above excuse
31. Not allowed to make recordings of noisy people having sex
32. Even if it was for proof that I really am kept awake at night by how my recorder picks it up at that noise level at night
33. In lieu of 31, not allowed to play recording to said person to ask them to be a little less noisy next time. (Apparently it could constitute EO violations even if it happened during hours of general order number 1 violations)
34. Not allowed to point out general order number 1 violators.
35. Not allowed to continuously count down the days and hours till we end deployment.
36. Not allowed to remind the 1SG and CDR of how many days we have left.
37. Not allowed to mention how soon it will be until I am drinking again in lieu of rule 35.
38. Not allowed to e-mail the “Donut of Misery” every week to the entire company.
39. Not allowed to attach the weekly favorite from Skippy’s List to my e-mail signatures.
40. Not allowed to attach the weekly tip for putting down zombies to my e-mail signatures.
41. Not allowed to point of the people who should not be wearing combat shirts.
42. Not allowed to make references to the women who are not wearing bras in said combat shirts.
43. Not allowed to point out men who are not wearing bras in said combat shirts.
44. Just not allowed to make reference to anyone in a combat shirt.
45. Not allowed to smoke outside without a top on, even if the 1SG does it and told me not to.
46. Not allowed to wear civilian clothes inside the privacy of my own room (While deployed).
47. (Not me) Not allowed to keep the wild cats as pets under your CHU.
48. (Also not me) Not allowed to leave food under your CHU for the wild cats.
49. (Again not me) Not allowed to keep any kind of stray animal as a pet under the CHU
50. Not allowed to ask “Are we going to Kuwait yet?”
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October 4th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
>27. Not allowed to put duct tape in my first aid kit
..This is totally my favourite.
Tho, I’d adjust #50 to “Are we nearly there yet Pappa Sarge?”
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gEiStToG reply on October 5th, 2009 1:06 am:
lol, now I wish I’d have thought of saying that line…probably would have led to a smoking hah
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October 5th, 2009 at 6:10 am
38. Not allowed to e-mail the “Donut of Misery” every week to the entire company.
The Donut of Misery! I’d forgotten about the Donut… we had it, way back in 2005-06 and it got passed around. And checked, frequently.
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CCO reply on October 5th, 2009 7:50 am:
Do tell more, please
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SSG Hay reply on October 6th, 2009 6:11 am:
The “Donut of Misery” was an Excel spreadsheet where you put in the date you arrived in country and the date you were slated to leave country (“country” being Iraq, Afghanistan, or any other deployment destination shithole) and it would check your computer’s date and tell you how many days you had left and display it as a pie chart with a donut hole in the middle. We all had it on our desktops and about once a week we’d open it up to see what new little funny quote it’d come up for that time period.
http://www.pugetsoundrealestatetoday.com/Donut_20_of_20_Misery.html – read that, it even has pictures
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October 5th, 2009 at 6:16 am
unfortuantley number 26 can be true since they make battery powered chem lights. and why does this seem like a list someone from the 30th hbct wrote.
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CCO reply on October 5th, 2009 7:50 am:
If it’s battery powered, is it a chem light?
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spc ward reply on October 5th, 2009 8:10 am:
youve never heard of battery powered chem lights???
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Minty reply on October 5th, 2009 11:31 am:
If you’re not pulling our collective chains, then there are going to be a lot of very confused people whenever a newbie is ordered to get batteries for chem lights.
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CCO reply on October 5th, 2009 12:06 pm:
Oh, wait, the big green ones that take two D-cells.
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SSG Hay reply on October 6th, 2009 6:13 am:
Nope, check this out – http://www.google.com/products?q=battery+powered+chem+lights&rls=com.microsoft:en-us&oe=UTF-8&safe=on&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=J0LLStntN8Gwtgf1haDvAQ&sa=X&oi=product_result_group&ct=title&resnum=4
They look like chem lights, they glow weakly like chem lights, they have batteries and LEDs on the inside and not chemicals. Can’t make this stuff up.
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October 5th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Not allowed to write the names of people I hate on my flashbangs.
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October 5th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
lol I knew someone would say that…I personnally don’t consider the lights you put batteries into to be “chem” lights…their just..flashlights..tiny flashlights
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Jim A reply on October 13th, 2009 6:05 am:
But electro-chemistry is still chemistry….
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October 6th, 2009 at 10:18 am
I was talking about the venerable green army L-shaped flashlights
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