A New Military List
(Submitted by Anonymous)
1: It is perfectly legal to call the MP’s to escort your platoon SGT away from your off post residence if he shows up for a surprise inspection at 9 PM while you are on leave.
2: While your spouse is a civilian and technically allowed to talk to the post commander if she wants to, its not recommended to use this to solve pay issues.
3: Even if you have tried for 6 months to get it fixed through your chain of command and the military owes you over 3 grand.
4: “Take control of your spouse” is not a lawful order.
5: You are not authorized to send emails to the G-6 in “leet speak”
6: You are no longer authorized to greet new soldiers to the unit with “welcome to the seventh circle of hell”.
7: The CSM is not to be referred to as “The Dark Lord of the Sith”.
8: You are not authorized to refer to your platoon leader as a “dumbass” in front of the rest of the platoon.
9: Even if he is standing in front of a bunch of soldiers with loaded weapons during a live fire exercise.
10: It is not OK to revoke senior officers computer user accounts.
11: Even if they keep getting viruses on government computers.
12: It is not OK to use your administrative rights to terrorize new soldiers.
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March 16th, 2009 at 12:33 am
“1: It is perfectly legal to call the MP’s to escort your platoon SGT away from your off post residence if he shows up for a surprise inspection at 9 PM while you are on leave.”
Why would an Officer try to inspect an off post residence when the person is on leave? Is that even legal?
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SailorJoe reply on March 16th, 2009 9:16 am:
a platoon SGT is enlisted, not an officer… and maybe its still gov’t housing, even if its not on post. not too sure on the rules for that since i live off post in non-gov’t quarters.
the army does of some weird rules though, so who knows.
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CCO reply on March 17th, 2009 5:37 pm:
Well, the Army is at partly paying for it through the housing allowance. A “health and safety” check might be required at some point depending on the soldier’s rank / pay grade; an E-4 would be more like to have his or her off-post quarter’s inspected just to make sure the land lord wasn’t ripping them off.
That’s totally a guess on my part based on memory and no personal experience.
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March 16th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Even if he just requested an HE round “center of sector” to prove he knows where he is despite the fact he didn’t check his gps battery before the FTX…
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March 16th, 2009 at 4:00 am
Classifying your Department Heads entire service record Top Secret Compartmented Information and sending it to the CIA via courier is not funny.
Neither is “Tagging Out” the XO’s stateroom door…
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March 16th, 2009 at 5:30 am
But it is funny when the LT desk disappears while he is at lunch and you suggest the CO write him up for failing to secure government property.
Footnote: The desk was missing, but all of the items that were on top of the desk are sitting in exactly the same relative position on the floor where the desk used to be.
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March 16th, 2009 at 7:07 am
You know, I’ve gotten away with speaking to my husbands superiors in alot of ways I probably shouldn’t, even though I know better. It’s amazing what a good pair of ladies, properly displayed can help you get away with.
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Catherine reply on March 17th, 2009 12:26 pm:
This is true. Boobs=power. Remember, men have a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
Captcha=Spread Asserting…for some reason this makes me picture a tub of Parkay dressed up in a leather catsuit and weilding a whip…
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Stickfodder reply on March 17th, 2009 2:24 pm:
That’s why nature came up with erectile dysfunction. It’s to help older men who no longer need to reproduce to deal with the the opposite sex.
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March 16th, 2009 at 11:50 am
#7: If I was the CSM (Whatever that means) I would LOVE to be referred to as “The Dark Lord of the Sith.”
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Strange reply on March 17th, 2009 2:04 am:
Command Sergeant Major, basicly the head enlisted, feard and lothed by all!
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March 16th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
“12: It is not OK to use your administrative rights to terrorize new soldiers.”
Even if they step away while logged on, going into their account in Dameware (remote desktop support app) and making it look haunted, while funny, is wrong.
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Weatherbabe reply on April 9th, 2009 5:40 pm:
I had a computer teacher in high school something similiar once
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March 17th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Regarding #7: “Dark Lord of the Sith” is never an appropriate title for your Company Sergeant Major.
Sith Lords are occasionally known (or rumored) to be merciful to people who screw up. A CSM usually grins like a great white shark as he asks, “What is this ‘mercy’ nonsense you speak of?” as he watches you do pushups. Until your heart stops. And then makes you do even more pushups.
And PLEASE don’t ask how I learned this.
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Andrew reply on March 17th, 2009 3:31 am:
same way you learned to spell ?
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March 17th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
so are you a negative A cup or a E+ cup? the higher ups usually go for one or the other…never in between
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