Compiled Military List
(Submitted by Dave Snow)
- You may not tattoo your rank onto your “private part” and tell your commander to go ahead and pull rank on you.
(Submitted by Jennie)
- Do not send newbs after 40 ft of flightline (they will wander for hours through the squadron looking for it, only to be told by the CMC that there is no such thing and then will be asked who sent them after it …)
- The large hole in the tail of an S3 Viking is not your personal “pleasure hole,” even if it’s 3am and you’re bored with rover watch (wasn’t me, but a guy in our shop)
- The gigline is part of your uniform, not some bit of string that you need to go find and I should not sent newbs after such fictional items…
- Dehydrating oneself to the point of vomiting and then showing up @ sick bay the next morning is not wise … especially if you’re underage and there’s a bottle of whiskey in your fridge when Chief shows up to do an inspection …
- Broken middle finger does NOT give you a license to flip off the officers … even if they can’t tell the difference.
- If I tackle you because you walked in front of a turning engine, you cannot have me NJP’d for assaulting an officer …
- Telling your POFC that you were late because you were getting some really great ass is not an excuse for being late …
- Wandering onto the flight line complete delirious and hopped up on monster is not wise … especially when it’s your bird getting ready to go … and you’ve got 10 minutes to complete the full pre-flight inspection
(Submitted by Slade)
- Must not laugh at my XO when he calls me to attention in his stateroom to yell at me.
- Must not use my XO’s stateroom repeatedly for Fire Fighting Drills using Pina Colada Scented “Fire Fog”.
- Should not put a marble in the ventilation duct in the XO’s stateroom.
- Must not ask my CO upon his appearance in the Engine room Control Booth “Did you get lost sir?”.
- Do not write a MISHAP report with the phrase “Despite warnings from his junior officers, the CO…”
- Must not tell the bridge OODs that the Engineroom’s “hand rail coolers are INOP”.
- Our ship does NOT have a smoke screen.
- Must not cut off the hot water to the OPS Boss’s shower because he was singing too loud.
- Must not report to the bridge “Class Bravo Fire in the #2 Gas Turbine” when it is online.
- Shall not play the song “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” over the PA during an UNREP break away.
- There is no mail bouy.
- The radar does NOT need to be tuned.
- When addressing a Master Chief, the correct salutation is not “Yes Mastah!” (which is odd since we refer to Senior Chiefs as “Senior”).
- Not allowed to refer to our helicopter as “Tupper Wolf”, “Thunder Chicken” or “Whistling Shitcan of Death” in front of the pilots who outrank me.
- When in rough weather, I shall not spread viscous rumors of an “Angle of Death” to the crew, particularly when that angle is close to where we are rolling to and is nowhere near the truth of the matter.
- Should not (for personal safety reasons) remind Warrant Officers that they are “Almost an Ensign”
- Shall refrain from calling for a Warrant Officer on the PA using “Half Ensign” as his rank.
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March 8th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Wouldn’t tattooing your rank onto your “private part” be a bad idea considering that ranks tend to change?
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schwal reply on March 8th, 2009 10:25 pm:
As long as you only get promoted and stay below LT, you can just add stripes. On the other hand, that’s probably a 50/50 shot, and i cant imagine anyone tattooing down there.
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pfc ward reply on March 9th, 2009 12:50 pm:
not when you hit the armies e-4 ranks lol
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Ben reply on March 10th, 2009 11:10 am:
If you somehow ignored SPC, going from PFC to CPL would be an issue too.
Yes, staff corporal!
March 8th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
considering that ranks tend to change?
Some of us more than others. Sadly, mine bounced between Lance Corporal and Corporal with (for the 90s) alarming regularity.
I could have have the extra stripe done in henna ..
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March 9th, 2009 at 6:16 am
I like “Whistling Shitcan of Death”. It has a great ring to it. I know it describes a lot of the cars I’ve driven.
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March 9th, 2009 at 6:44 am
NJP?
POFC?
UNREP?
Can one of you navy types translate for this poor land-lubber?
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Dave in NC reply on March 9th, 2009 6:53 am:
NJP – Non-Judicial Punishment – punishment that puts you before your commander for judgement, somewhere between a warning and court martial.
POFC – Petty Officer – senior enlisted
captcha – Empire traveled…and all I got was a lightsaber, a starfighter, a sister, a father, a couple of robots, and this stupid t-shirt.
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Tzanti reply on March 9th, 2009 7:24 am:
Best captcha response evah!
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Stickfodder reply on March 9th, 2009 9:39 am:
Definitely
Stormgren reply on March 9th, 2009 8:55 am:
UNREP is an UNderway REPlenishment, i.e. “We’re gonna meet the resupply guys out on the ocean somewhere and transfer fuel/gear/food/etc from one to the other *while moving*. Hillarity can and does ensue (from what I’ve heard).
It’s traditional to play music over the PA during breakaway at the end of the UNREP. “Pretty fly for a white guy” seems like it’d be pretty damn funny.
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Tekno reply on March 9th, 2009 9:47 am:
Thanks for the translation guys.
I find the differences in acronyms and jargon from service to service, and country to country to be fascinating. We all speak the same language (grunt), but with different accents.
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March 9th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Poor Jennie. How the hell can you have a country where you’re considered old enough to go to war yet too young to get hammered on whiskey?
Brings back my uni days of taking american undergrads down the pub.
T.
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Blue_Cat reply on March 9th, 2009 10:27 am:
Or the horror of Brits in Texas unable to buy a drink, or worse, prove their age to be able to buy a drink!
Captcha: Provided Truax ~ I would give it if I knew what it was!
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March 9th, 2009 at 8:57 am
wait wait, who won most popular for the contest ?
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skippy reply on March 9th, 2009 3:22 pm:
Will be revealed soon.
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March 9th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Please tell me that the individual whose life Jennie saved simply reacted initially as if assaulted before realizing what had happened.
I heard or read about someone walking into propeller blades one foggy morning in England during World War II. It’s been so long now that I can’t remember if I read it or if my uncle who was with the 314th Repair Squadron told me. It was, to be concise, fatal.
I guess jet engines would be just as bad.
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March 10th, 2009 at 8:17 am
My favorite was telling the new butterbars that we had misplaced all of the M203 blank adaptors and that he needed to go company to company to find them them and account for them while in Iraq.
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CCO reply on March 11th, 2009 10:43 am:
Oh brother!
There was one smart aleck platoon sergeant who kept asking me for the blank firing adapter for the commander’s weapon (a .45).
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March 10th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Got to watch out for those angles of death. Nothing worse than biting it from a carpentry tool.
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Al Li reply on March 10th, 2009 8:50 pm:
and how can a rumor be viscous? Do you mean vicious?
Captcha: codman don’t — who is this codman and what shouldn’t he do?
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CCO reply on March 11th, 2009 10:40 am:
Actually, I think “angles of death” would be the angle at which the ship would roll over and keep rolling all the way. It happened to some destroyers during a typhoon during WWII; the big ships in the formation plowed through. I don’t know if the destroyers rolled over and sank (which is probably what happened) or it the ships were just upside down.
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March 16th, 2009 at 12:53 am
SPC4 = Full Bird Private. The WO of the enlisted.
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March 17th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Heh… angle of death. We didn’t worry about that, since we were engineering. If we rolled too far, we knew that the superstructure of the ship would simply fall off, and the rest of the ship would right itself at that point.
There were times out in the middle of the pacific where I left boot marks on the bulkheads in the p-ways because we had tipped a bit further than usual.
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