Specialist Awesome
Vaden’s post yesterday reminded me of this particular story.
A long long time ago, back when I was an E-2 at Ft. Bragg, I was in a detachment with a young woman who I will refer to as Specialist Awesome.
Specialist Awesome was pretty much the definition of fearless. It didn’t matter who or what confronted her, she didn’t get flustered, or embarrassed, and she certainly never backed down from a challenge.
So one day my unit had a room inspection. Now this was before the nice new barracks that we received right before the inflatable sheep story.
The barracks that we lived in at the time looked like somebody had purchased a crack house, attacked it with a sledgehammer, and then let things go downhill from there.
One feature of these barracks was random nails sticking out of nearly every wall. I’m guessing at some point a soldier needed to hang something up, and the nails had just never come down. I hung a curtain from a few of these, to make some privacy. Some soldiers used them for hanging pictures, or speakers. Many used them for storage, by stringing shaving kits, or various pieces of equipment off of them.
Well Specialist Awesome, being like many other soldiers, hung stuff on the nails in her room too.
So during the room inspection the Commander and the SGT Major were both in her room, and everything seemed to check out. Just as they were wrapping up, however, the Commander noticed something that Specialist Awesome had hung up on a nail: an economy-sized package of Trojan brand condoms.
A strip of them was hanging out of the side, like some sort of amorous ammo belt.
The Commander got an impish look on his face, and turned to Specialist Awesome.
“So Specialist,” he began with that tone that officers use when they are screwing with an enlisted trooper, “Would you care to explain to the SGT Major and me what those are?” he finished, pointing at the rubbers.
Without a twitch, no trace of a blush, and looking him right in the eye while at the position of attention, Specialist Awesome answered him.
“Sir! Those are condoms. They are a form of barrier contraception. They are so I do not get pregnant when I fuck, SIR!”
Then she cocked one eyebrow at him, as if to say “Is that all you got?”
The Commander, decided that that was indeed all he had, turned bright red, mumbled something about her room passing inspection, and quickly exited the room.
The SGT Major followed him out, giving the distinct appearance of a man trying desperately not to choke to death on his own mustache.
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August 6th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Apparently you can post in the future as it’s still the 5th here, then again you’re probably just on the east coast. Anyways, funny story.
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August 6th, 2008 at 11:25 am
wow……..all i have to say…..wow.
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August 6th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Hmm did she use all of the condoms?
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August 6th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
My kinda girl. :P
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August 6th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I’ve recently been curious about something.
Are there any major differences involved in getting together with a military woman?
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barry reply on August 6th, 2008 9:08 pm:
ya the army and marine girls can kick your ass if you piss them off
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Andrew reply on August 6th, 2008 9:16 pm:
Some guys may like that…
Did I just say that? *hides*
And oddly inappropriate captcha: drooping Mr
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barry reply on August 6th, 2008 9:52 pm:
moral of the story don’t piss off female army and marine soldiers
Mike reply on August 7th, 2008 10:44 am:
I found military women are sexually specialist awesome. Women in uniform are sexy.
Captcha: news Dickoff (appropriate)
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Signalist reply on July 11th, 2012 11:19 am:
even ‘war elephants’?
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August 6th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Cantih,
Military woman may have access to high powered weapons, advanced technology, and surveilence capabilities that civilian women can only dream about.
But…they (And I include Military Spouses) also seem to be more self sufficent, able to handle stress, time apart and many other things that civilian women cant (or wont) stand for.
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SKD reply on August 6th, 2008 7:37 pm:
Are you forgetting those like Mrs Amy Proctor in your assessment of military spouses? In my experience, military spouses have much the same ability as non-military spouses when it comes to self-sufficiency, stress-handling, time away from those they love and such as non-military spouses. The only difference being that they have no choice but to deal with these things. I would say that those who remain for the long haul are more likely to have these traits though. In conclusion I would say that in the early stages of military relationships the ratios of those can handle these things to those can’t would be pretty much the same as in civilian relationship but in the ones that last more than say five years the ratios start becoming much greater in favor of those who can handle the stresses and separations forced upon them by military life.
Captcha “a Thorne”
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August 6th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Specialist Awesome is aptly pseudonym-ed. :D
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August 6th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Sounds a lot like my wife. Except she has never been in the military. And she doesn’t hang her condoms from the wall, just her….. other items.
You know your “sexually deviant” if you have to convince your 1st Sgt that the hooks and eye-bolts on the walls and cieling are for potted plants.
Captcha: 120-pound artist… better than a 98-pound wimp
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Tony reply on August 6th, 2008 11:42 pm:
did he buy it?
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Andrew reply on August 7th, 2008 1:16 am:
I’m not sure, but he accepted it.
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August 7th, 2008 at 3:54 am
Back when I was in AIT (during which you’re not supposed to engage in “interpersonal relationships”), a male soldier the in the room next to mine encountered a similar situation. During a room inspection, the drill sergeant found a string of condoms. Holding by the end, they unfolded like baby pictures of out a wallet in a cartoon.
“What the hell do you use these for?” the drill sergeant demanded.
Without missing a beat, he replied, “I make balloon animals with them drill sergeant.”
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Snyarhedir reply on March 15th, 2011 2:08 am:
That I have to see.
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August 8th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I am intrigued by Specialist Awesome and would like to hear more of her.
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August 8th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Ah! Army girls are the same the world over!
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