I decided to stick with the relationship theme for a while.
I have narrowed down all relationship problems into two issues. All strife in a heterosexual relationship stems from some combination of these two facts.
1: Women are insane.
2: Men are stupid.
Usually it’s both at once.
Women frequently ask questions that they do not really want to know the answers to. Such as “Is that girl pretty? Does this dress make my ass look big? You’d wrestle a shark for me wouldn’t you?” (I once worked with a man who actually got asked the shark one.) Now then, as anyone can point out, asking questions when you know that the answer will make you upset, is crazy.
And men prove their stupidity by actually answering these questions. There are two options when answering these questions. You can tell the truth which case the lady gets angry and the guy is in trouble. Or, we can lie. And they will know that we lied. And then we get in just as much trouble.
I have tried, on these occasions, to plead the fifth. It turns out that you can be forced to incriminate yourself against your wife. Also, torture bans do not so much apply to you.
The only real viable solution seems to be to be some sort of distraction, and then escape. I recommend those smoke capsules that ninjas carry around.
If you are fortunate enough to hang out with another couple, you can adapt a video game technique to get yourself out of these messes. It’s called “Training aggro”.
What you do is wait for your spouse to ask one of those loaded questions. Then, no matter what the question is, point at the other guy and say “Weren’t you just telling me about that?” Then when the women are busy ripping him apart you escape. You’d think that my male friends would be expecting this, but as I’ve pointed out, men are stupid.
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