Unfair Standards
Judging from the reaction to the announcement of a new list some people were actually pretty excited to see it.
Which makes me feel mildly bad about teasing you folks with it, drugs when I was just using it to make one joke. (But in my defense, order it was funny, at least to me.) But it looks like I might actually have to write the thing now, so that will be coming some time soon I guess.
Since I have been thinking about marriage and relationship stuff lately I decided to discuss something that I think just about every guy has experienced. The inconsistent standards that the women in our lives like to apply to us.
For example: Presents.
Every woman I have ever been involved with has claimed to like it if we surprise them with a present. But there are rules about what surprises are okay.
Rules for husbands:
Living things that use photosynthesis, such as houseplants or flowers, are considered good surprises.
Living things that need to eat and poop, such as baby ferrets or Thai hookers, are bad surprises.
Rules for wives:
But conversely, if a woman decides to surprise a man with something that needs to eat and poop, such as “Surprise honey, I’m going to have a baby!” she generally considers that a good surprise. And if the husband knows what’s good for him he will play along. In yet another example of the double standard, it’s considered a very bad surprise for the husband to tell his wife “Surprise honey, I’m going to have a baby!”
If I have a point I guess it’s this: wives pretty much never surprise their husband with a Thai hooker.
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January 25th, 2008 at 4:24 am
Yay to double standards! It makes being female so much more enjoyable. :)
Seriously, though, my favorite example is when women whine and cry that they are “just as capable as a man” and can “do anything a man can do”, etc. Yet they get all righteous and offended when their significant other doesn’t open the door for them. As a feminist, I say Cut the guys some slack. They’ve been trying to figure us out for centuries, and just when they’d figured us out, we burned our bras and went back to work. :D
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January 25th, 2008 at 5:17 am
What if she came home with a thai hooker who didn’t need to eat or poop? Would the double standard still apply?… Wow, does that even make sense?
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January 25th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Dude, L.B., a hooker that doesn’t eat and poop is usually dead, regardless of national origin.
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January 25th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Thai hookers, no- ferrets, YES! We have had 3, the first two were my idea, the third he surprised me with. Ferrets are cute. Cute is good for gifts.
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January 25th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
What is the deal with the ads on the lefthand side??
Marriage Counseling
Christian Marriage Counseling at the National Institute of Marriage
http://www.nationalmarriage.com
Fix Your Marriage
An Alternative to Counseling. Get Free Advice Immediately
MarriageMax.com
Just a question?
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January 25th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
I would so let my husband have a thai hooker… as long as I got to pick her lol.
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January 25th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
If I came home with a Thai Hooker, I imagine it would be a better surprise then the 3 cats that I have, which my wife is deathly allergic to. Of course, she claims one of them as her own, and after watching me have to bottle feed them when they were kittens she has the arguement of “see, you would make a great father”, so some of these surprises back fire, no matter what.
The main thing that scares me about women is the fact that my wife has NEVER fit any of the stereotypes about them, except maybe the “grease monkey tomboy”, so if she starts talking about wanting to surprise me with something living that eats and poops, I am going to begin believing in Alien Abductions…………..
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January 27th, 2008 at 1:06 am
Hey, my husband is free to surprise me with a Thai hooker anytime, s’long as she’s clean. And a top.
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January 27th, 2008 at 3:57 am
Just to be fair us wives, here’s a little add-on to your rule on presents:
1st Corollary – The larger the group of close relatives you have over to open Christmas presents, the greater the chance that this will be the year hubby sprung for an “adventurous” item like see-through crotchless thongs or the vibra-dildo from hades.
2nd Corollary – And he will not warn you before you open this thoughtful gift, in front of both sets of your parents. Because it’s more fun that way.
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January 27th, 2008 at 7:26 am
I read this to my wife and I asked her if it would be ok if I brought home a Thai Hooker and she asked “Does she speak English? Because I want her to not speak English, not be diseased, and be cheap. I don’t want you to spend a fortune on her. and she better not remember me in the morning ”
Number 2 on the list: I must be selective when choosing a Thai hooker to bring home
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January 27th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Really Eric, what are the chances of finding an amnesiac Thai hooker? You’re better off taking her somewhere stateside, like the Moonlight Bunny Ranch.
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January 27th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Have you been to Korea??? Enough Soju and everyone is amnesiac…..
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January 27th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Oh that would explain the 2 years that I draw a complete blank. But I do have orders saying I was in Korea for both of them. But anyways about the Thai hookers, where can I get one to surprise my wife with?? Just testing the waters ya’know
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January 27th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
No WAY my wife would let me get a Thai hooker. Vietnamese, maybe, but not Thai.
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January 27th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Things that eat and poop are a bad present?
I should not have been happy about the turtle my boyfriend brought home from South Carolina?
All right, in all fairness I wouldn’t be too happy about a Thai hooker coming home with him, but then, I don’t think he’d appreciate that from me either if the roles were reversed.
Good luck with your double standards and unwanted menageries though. Maybe the hooker and the ferrets can conveniently eat the same foods and poop in the same places?
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January 27th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
maybe the Thai hooker will love to clean the house, especially after the ferrets? (but will she also do windows?!?)
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Signalist reply on August 15th, 2011 6:38 am:
“Hooker told me she’d do anything for $20
I told her to paint my house.”
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January 28th, 2008 at 2:03 am
… I’m so glad I’m young and can get away with not being in serious relationships XD
Another bit or two for your presents idea:
Colour. Men are not allowed to buy their ladies cheap wash sets because the box is the poor girl’s favourite colour (in this case purple).
When a girl is about to turn 18 (or whatever important age in the US for you lot) and turns up at your house for the night, never, and I’ll repeat never, let your mother hand her a birthday present and claim that half of it is from you. Especially if your one year is only a couple of days away and the half of that present you pointed too is a can of deoderant from Lidl.
Yes my ex did both of those -_-
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January 30th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
From my husband-
“I may no longer remember the year of my wife’s birth, though I may not forget the day and month.”
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January 30th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Everyone forgot the big one – weight. Issues of weight should never be addressed. Ever. Because there’s only two ways to do it nicely (the ‘more to love’ and the ‘I don’t love you for your body’ ways), and both will get you in trouble anyway.
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February 4th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Hmm… My husband usually doesn’t get me gifts unless he’s really thought about them… and he surprises me EVERY time.
The weight thing: I KNOW my husband likes my body so I don’t get mad whenever he slaps my bum and watches it jiggle.
As for the baby surprise… NEITHER of us was really excited about it whenever we first found out. We’d just gotten married. I only really got excited around the 6th month.
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February 18th, 2008 at 4:07 am
I just have to let you know that the “Thai hooker” has become a hot topic of conversation at our house. I have finally given in and told my husband that he may have a Thai hooker. My only stipulation is that he find one who can do windows. :)
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March 12th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Hm… This talk of Thai hookers reminds me of a joke…
A guy pulls up next to a hooker, waves a hundred dollar bill at her, and asks “What’ll this get me?” The hooker replies, “anything you want.” The guy seems to like this, so he asks “How long?” The hooker replies, “Just ’bout all night.” So she gets in the car, they drive back to his house, and as she gets out of the car he hands her a tin of paint and a paint brush.
“Paint my house.”
Heheh, but anyway, if the husband was the one saying “Surprise, Honey, I’m going to have a baby!” would the wife be able to sell him to biological studies? :P
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January 28th, 2011 at 2:10 am
I read a joke just like that!
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