We Don’t Want No Education

March 12th, 2010 by skippy

The Department of Education is purchasing several tactical shotguns.

I’m trying to rap my brain around the fact that it sounds like the guys in charge of education feel the need to equip a medium sized SWAT team.

I’m also wondering if these shotguns are intended for some sort of educational purpose. Like maybe there is some sort of military school, or police training facility that is partially support by the DOE. Or perhaps they are intended for more traditional classrooms.

“Now Clyde you need to determine how many 12 gauge slugs I have left in this bad boy. WLet me tell you, I have x slugs left. If (x+3)*(y-8)=36, how many times can I blow your ever-loving head off if you fail to solve for x?”

“Ummm….seven?”

BLAM!

“Wrong answer dumb-ass. I now have (x-1) slugs left. Any other heroes wanna try to make it out of Algebra 1 alive?”

Thank you Dracphelan for bringing this exciting new educational opportunity to my attention.

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This entry was posted on Friday, March 12th, 2010 at 12:19 am and is filed under Just kind of babbling, News. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Anonymous and STILL Employed Says:
March 12th, 2010 at 3:26 am

When I was in school, we used to joke around that on staff training days one of the topics they covered was marksmanship training – which started to worry us slightly when they put up gates and mesh fencing all around the site with several perfect spots to construct watch towers.

Did anyone else notice line on that article which said something about the guns meeting previous ED criteria? How many times have they already done this?

StoneWolf Says:
March 12th, 2010 at 5:36 am

Well, didn’t schools used to have Rifle teams? My college (albiet in Vermont where the average household has one longarm per adult) had a rifle team and a gun club. Hell, gym class would be a lot more fun if then included basic marksmanship. None of this tossing a beach ball crap, you’re going to learn to take a running deer at 100 yards.

Tim Covington Says:
March 12th, 2010 at 5:55 am

I found out more on it. Apparently, they are for their law enforcement agents to replace shotguns that have worn out. Yes the U.S. Department of Education has a law enforcement branch and they wear out their weapons. Why am I seeing a bunch of testosterone overdosed, combat booted (jack boots aren’t tacticool) thugs jacking on their (shot)guns all day itching to take down some perps.

AFP reply on March 12th, 2010 7:53 am:

You’d be amazed at what departments have law enforcement branches, such as the US Postal Service (hell, there is a series of movies based on the US Postal Inspectors). Also, IIRC, didn’t the Secret Service start as a Treasury Department enforcement branch?

Tim Covington reply on March 12th, 2010 8:04 am:

I know that (I have a Bachelor’s in Criminal Justice specializing in police work). It’s just that some, in my opinion, just really aren’t needed. I somehow doubt that the US Dep. of Ed. investigators ever need a shotgun. And, if they ever did need it heavier weaponry than a pistol, they could either call on local law enforcement of the FBI for backup. It is a waste of tax dollars to even provide them with anything more than a pistol and a couple of magazines.

Jim A reply on March 12th, 2010 9:23 am:

Every federal department and many independent agencies have their own police departments. Even the Library of congress has their own, independent police force.

StoneWolf reply on March 12th, 2010 1:03 pm:

The Secret Service still is US Dept. of the Treasury.

Jim A reply on March 14th, 2010 5:30 am:

Actually, the Secret Service has been rolled into Homeland Security, along with the Coast Guard

StoneWolf reply on March 14th, 2010 6:32 am:

Well that’s pretty new then. And the Coasties? Is there anyone HomSec won’t grab?

Captcha: County Depot-yes, every County should have an arms depot.

Minty reply on March 14th, 2010 1:17 pm:

Considering how wealthy the USPS used to be in the good old days, I’m not surprised. Especially considering that people have tried to use stamps as money.

AFP Says:
March 12th, 2010 at 7:50 am

And, depending on the shooter’s skill and a couple of other variables, I’d say typically the answer to that question is “One”. All the other information in the formula for solving for x is irrelevent chaff.

Phelps Says:
March 12th, 2010 at 11:31 am

It’s an innocent typo. These are for the Department of REeducation.

catphca: sidearm stretch.

Too easy.

Kemperfish Says:
March 12th, 2010 at 12:02 pm

captcha- No Soccer

As in,
No Soccer. There will be no soccer. Shoot, damn you, shoot..

We had archery for PE in my high school. And guns. Lots and lots of guns. Almost every boy in the school hunted before and/or after class, and would just tote along the kit to school. Guns and dead animals in student vehicles were a standard occurrence.
In junior high I reached in a pocket to pull out a note for the teacher and a bunch of .22 shells fell out. Another student promptly grabbed one and pulled the bullet out of the casing with his teeth so he could play with the powder. Yes, he was an idiot, but the teachers response was to tell the kid to knock it off or he might damage his teeth. Can you imagine the radius of the mind melt if a couple kids pulled such a stunt today? They’d shut down the whole Ca. school system while they tried to figure out to stop junior high IED training.

Ah, the joys of growing up a redneck.

StoneWolf reply on March 12th, 2010 1:07 pm:

Junior High IED training? Isn’t that usually just split into Chemistry and Physics class? Hell, I was making black powder at twelve and figured out pipe bombs at thirteen. And I’m only twenty three now. We had a chem teacher in high school get shipped WP instead of yellow and chucked it out over the parking lot. After it blew up he only got gigged for not warning everyone on the PA first. Of course, my High School is right next to the Ethan Allen Firing range and gatling gun fire during math tests was common.

Kemperfish reply on March 12th, 2010 3:08 pm:

Pipe bombs? Well, here’s hoping you make it to thirty.
One of my redneck cousins (of whom I had many, so they were sort of disposable, more or less) fancied himself a pipe bomb expert. That is, until one of them experienced a delayed ignition. Being a redneck and therefore having no concept of codified misfire remediation actions, said disposable cousin walked up to check on the malfunctioning device, at which point the device functioned properly and lodged itself in his chest. It was a very long and very bumpy ride in the bed of a pickup truck over many miles of rough, unpaved dirt roads to get to medical care. The docs said the ride out came closer to killing him than did the original jagged-pipe-in-chest injury. Cousin Kelly don’t much play with incendiaries no more.

Rednecks may be warmhearted creatures (if you are white, male, and christian), but logical, methodical and medically trained they generally are not.

captcha says: slammed wearier, and yes, Cousin Kelly was generally much wearier after he got slammed

StoneWolf reply on March 12th, 2010 3:23 pm:

Ah, yes, well, that’s where I differ. See, after nearly blinding myself with shrapnel from a catastrophic chamber overpressure situation with a spud gun, I developed a continuing interest in both First Aid and Fire/Explosive Safety. And I can tell you an Army issue PASGT will deflect a direct hit from a firework. Unfortunately I learned this while wearing the helmet. Which I guess is actually fortunate, since it would have hit me otherwise. Of course the last time I sustained a significant head wound I had to explain to the EMT-Basic how a field dressing worked while self applying said dressing to my own head. Yeah, sometimes I’m amazed I’m not dead yet.

David B reply on March 7th, 2014 1:08 pm:

Used to happen all the time in Wisconsin, and probably still does. The University of Platteville has lockers for students to keep their guns in during school hours so they can go hunting after classes are done for the day. (Learned this from the HS college rep visits.)

Damoncord Says:
March 13th, 2010 at 11:10 am

at my school there were a few police officers who walked the grounds, and the weapons policy was so strict you couldn’t have more than a plastic butter knife on you or they would try and file charges.

Captcha Mr Budlong

Tzanti Says:
March 15th, 2010 at 9:23 am

I remember my pen-friend got automatic weapons training in high school. At the time I was rather jealous.

paula Says:
March 15th, 2010 at 7:45 pm

Makes me remember a chemistry classmate way back in the dark ages, LONG before the interwebs made everything easy to find. George was a 15-year-old HS senior who already had a guarenteed 4-year free ride lined up at CalTech.

George was bored and curious one day, plus he had this chemical formula he was wondering about: was it real or fake? So he wandered into the chem lab during lunch to try it out. Well, his formula was indeed correct; and being a sensible sort, when he was finished (he didn’t want to just pour it down the drain!), he hunted up the chemistry teacher for disposal advice. Teacher managed not to panic, and called 1)the principal, who evacuated the school, and 2)the police dept., who sent over the bomb squad…..

Oh yes indeedy: George’s nitroglycerin formula was very, very powerful!

Tzanti Says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Hey, Teacher! *ka-chunk ka-chik* Leave them kids alone! :)

Captcha: cackled House – Yeah, I could see Hugh Laurie with a line like that.

lukazaz Says:
March 17th, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Yay algebra 1!!!

and thank god for http://www.myalgebra.com/algebra_solver.aspx

now I know it can save my life X_X

ElohS,Sa reply on April 10th, 2010 5:19 pm:

the first answer is x=-3(y-20)/(y-8)
The next answer where you solve for x-1 is x=-4(y-17)/(y-8)
The answer after that where I solve for x-2 is x=-(5y+76)/(y-8)
That said your logic is flawed for 2 reasons, you can not have a negative answer where the answer must be positive and you should not have a problem for an answer with a definite solution.

Thanks for the MyAlgebra site, it sped my solving the problem up a lot.

David Says:
August 19th, 2010 at 8:59 pm

Yeah well i got arrested at my highschool for carrying a pocket knife. I was then charged with a felony weapons possession charge becuase the blade was over 2 inches long. this was a knife i got for .99$ at a store

David B reply on March 7th, 2014 1:22 pm:

A kindergartner in my town was expelled for bringing a plastic butter knife to school so he could make his sandwich for lunch. After so many parents complained, the school district stepped in and said that the school overreacted (YA THINK?!) and brought the kid back. Then there was my buddy, a straight-A student, who was on the golf team. He used a broken knife (about 1/4″ was left) to clean the mud off his golf shoes. He was suspended for a month and given failing grades for the semester.
ANOTHER friend of mine (Sensing a trend here?), again, a straight-A student with no prior troubles with the law, who was in Cub Scouts with me forgot to take his pocket knife (1.5″ long blade) out of his pocket after our meeting the previous night. He put it in his locker so he wouldn’t be carrying it around. A student saw it and reported him. He was expelled. Did I mention that this was in 3rd Grade? Again, the town’s parents raised a big stink, so the city stepped in and told the district to bring him back with no punishment.
A kid was suspended for a few weeks for wearing a home made hat with plastic army guys on it for the “Crazy Hat Day.”

Lordi Says:
March 2nd, 2012 at 10:43 am

The answer is 33.

Lordi Says:
March 2nd, 2012 at 10:45 am

assuming x and y can equal anything, for x=33, y = 9. (33+3)*(9-8)=36*1=36. Therefore, x=33