I may have very well created a monster in my boy. He is girl crazy and he’s only 10.
I’ve caught him numerous times staring at my fiance’s breasts when she’s in a bikini, and when caught he says “well dad, in my defense, my future step-mom is really hot!”
We went to Cracker Barrel last night for a family dinner, and a pretty girl of about 10 walked by and my son nearly fell out of his chair looking at her. He gave her a wink and a smile, and she smiled back at him. He asked me what I would do. I told him that when I was single if a pretty girl smiled at me I’d buy her a beer. The little girl’s table was getting “happy birthday” sang to one of them at that very moment by the wait staff. The next time the waitress came up, my son asked her to send a rootbeer over to the little girl. I was too stunned to even stop it, I just gave the waitress a nod, which meant “Sure, you can be party to my son’s future as a player.” As the waitress walked by our table with the rootbeer, my son stopped her again and said “here give her this as well.” He put both his mother’s and my phone numbers on a napkin.
The little girl got the biggest smile on her face and when she turned to look at my son he gave her another wink, smile, and tilted his own rootbeer bottle the way I would have had at a bar. The girl’s mom was laughing and sent the little girl over to say thank you, and my son relaxed back in his chair like it was no big deal and said “happy birthday”, when the little girl told him, “oh it’s not my birthday, it’s my mom”s” my son said, “well screw it, enjoy the rootbeer anyway.” At that point I was rolling laughing, my fiance and daughter were hiding their faces in embarrassment, and the little girl giggled and went back to her table. A waiter walked by and told my son “Real smooth, little man.”
When they went to leave the little girl tapped my son on the shoulder, flashed him a huge smile, and thanked him again. The mom thanked us, and walked away beaming and laughing. When I told my ex-wife about what our son had done she laughed too. I told her “Well at least it was cheaper than the last time he tried to impress a girl.”
The last time he tried to impress a girl cost my medical insurance $40K for a 3 day trip to the Pittsburgh Children’s Hospital. Last school year my son had a crush on a little girl in his class, but was too shy to tell her. I had my kids for the first weekend of school this school year, and my son had changed a lot over the summer. He became very confident, he got braces which defined his jaw more and got rid of his buck teeth, he also took a lot of care in how he dressed and groomed himself. The little girl lives in the same apartment community as my aunt and uncle with whom we were staying with while I was in town. He saw her walking home from school and asked if I would let him out of the car to walk her home. Since it was in the same little complex I said “go for it”, and he walked her home.
He came into my Uncle’s house about 20 minutes later, and asked if he could go out and play with her in about a half hour (after they had both finished their homework). He was so excited because on that walk home the little girl told him that she liked him. So out they went to the playground and I thought all was well, until I get a call 15 minutes later, from the playground, that my son had done a flip off of the swing set and broke his arm. “Come quick, you can see the bones and everything!”
I got there and sure enough he was on the ground with 2 bones sticking out of his arm and the little girl holding his good hand. I called the ambulance, and the police came. When the cop asked what he did, I told him that he was trying to impress a girl and did a flip off of the swing. The cop had the little girl talk to him, and when he smiled at her, she said through tears, “There’s that smile I love”. He was in heaven when she said that. She had to go home right before the ambulance got there, and he asked if she was gone. When I told him that she was, he started bawling like a baby. He had kept from crying in front of her for over 15 minutes, because he wanted to look tough. I will say this for him, he’s a lot tougher than I am, because if my arm looked like this,
(Yes, that is his actual arm) I’d be crying, and I don’t care who was around.
If you don’t recall my Adventures in Babysitting 2 post, then I’ll give you a little recap.
A nice woman with 7 children of her own had an ad out in the paper to do daycare at her home. Since my work schedule had changed and I worked weekends I needed a place that would support that new schedule, as the post day care was Mon-Fri. This woman was and is wonderful. Some of her children are around the ages of my kids, and she has some older children that help her.
The sitter’s eight year-old daughter, Averie, developed a crush on my 10 year-old son. It was cute and harmless, or so both my son and I thought.
For my son’s last birthday he received a Nintendo DSI, which has a voice record function. I picked my son up from daycare the one day, and from the back seat I hear this little eight year-old’s voice:
Ohhhhhhh, (insert my son’s name here), I loooove youuuuu sooooooo baaaaaaad. Ohhhhhhhhh I want to tickle your wee-wee! MMMMMmmmmm (insert son’s name here) I’m going to make you mine. I love you sooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaad!
My son was even more shocked then I was. He had no idea that this little girl had recorded that on his DS, and had just heard it for the first time as well.
I’ve been told that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. My mom has told me that this is the sort of stuff that I put her through, and that I should consider myself lucky that he hasn’t hit puberty yet. God help me when he does.