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My son, the next Me!

February 25th, 2010 by LT Ronald

I may have very well created a monster in my boy. He is girl crazy and he’s only 10.

I’ve caught him numerous times staring at my fiance’s breasts when she’s in a bikini, and when caught he says “well dad, in my defense, my future step-mom is really hot!”

We went to Cracker Barrel last night for a family dinner, and a pretty girl of about 10 walked by and my son nearly fell out of his chair looking at her. He gave her a wink and a smile, and she smiled back at him. He asked me what I would do. I told him that when I was single if a pretty girl smiled at me I’d buy her a beer. The little girl’s table was getting “happy birthday” sang to one of them at that very moment by the wait staff. The next time the waitress came up, my son asked her to send a rootbeer over to the little girl. I was too stunned to even stop it, I just gave the waitress a nod, which meant “Sure, you can be party to my son’s future as a player.” As the waitress walked by our table with the rootbeer, my son stopped her again and said “here give her this as well.” He put both his mother’s and my phone numbers on a napkin.

The little girl got the biggest smile on her face and when she turned to look at my son he gave her another wink, smile, and tilted his own rootbeer bottle the way I would have had at a bar. The girl’s mom was laughing and sent the little girl over to say thank you, and my son relaxed back in his chair like it was no big deal and said “happy birthday”, when the little girl told him, “oh it’s not my birthday, it’s my mom”s” my son said, “well screw it, enjoy the rootbeer anyway.” At that point I was rolling laughing, my fiance and daughter were hiding their faces in embarrassment, and the little girl giggled and went back to her table. A waiter walked by and told my son “Real smooth, little man.”

When they went to leave the little girl tapped my son on the shoulder, flashed him a huge smile, and thanked him again. The mom thanked us, and walked away beaming and laughing. When I told my ex-wife about what our son had done she laughed too. I told her “Well at least it was cheaper than the last time he tried to impress a girl.”

The last time he tried to impress a girl cost my medical insurance $40K for a 3 day trip to the Pittsburgh Children’s Hospital. Last school year my son had a crush on a little girl in his class, but was too shy to tell her. I had my kids for the first weekend of school this school year, and my son had changed a lot over the summer. He became very confident, he got braces which defined his jaw more and got rid of his buck teeth, he also took a lot of care in how he dressed and groomed himself. The little girl lives in the same apartment community as my aunt and uncle with whom we were staying with while I was in town. He saw her walking home from school and asked if I would let him out of the car to walk her home. Since it was in the same little complex I said “go for it”, and he walked her home.

He came into my Uncle’s house about 20 minutes later, and asked if he could go out and play with her in about a half hour (after they had both finished their homework). He was so excited because on that walk home the little girl told him that she liked him. So out they went to the playground and I thought all was well, until I get a call 15 minutes later, from the playground, that my son had done a flip off of the swing set and broke his arm. “Come quick, you can see the bones and everything!”

I got there and sure enough he was on the ground with 2 bones sticking out of his arm and the little girl holding his good hand. I called the ambulance, and the police came. When the cop asked what he did, I told him that he was trying to impress a girl and did a flip off of the swing. The cop had the little girl talk to him, and when he smiled at her, she said through tears, “There’s that smile I love”. He was in heaven when she said that. She had to go home right before the ambulance got there, and he asked if she was gone. When I told him that she was, he started bawling like a baby. He had kept from crying in front of her for over 15 minutes, because he wanted to look tough. I will say this for him, he’s a lot tougher than I am, because if my arm looked like this,

Photo of the arm for those who do not fear the sight of blood

(Yes, that is his actual arm) I’d be crying, and I don’t care who was around.

If you don’t recall my Adventures in Babysitting 2 post, then I’ll give you a little recap.

A nice woman with 7 children of her own had an ad out in the paper to do daycare at her home. Since my work schedule had changed and I worked weekends I needed a place that would support that new schedule, as the post day care was Mon-Fri. This woman was and is wonderful. Some of her children are around the ages of my kids, and she has some older children that help her.

The sitter’s eight year-old daughter, Averie, developed a crush on my 10 year-old son. It was cute and harmless, or so both my son and I thought.

For my son’s last birthday he received a Nintendo DSI, which has a voice record function. I picked my son up from daycare the one day, and from the back seat I hear this little eight year-old’s voice:

Ohhhhhhh, (insert my son’s name here), I loooove youuuuu sooooooo baaaaaaad. Ohhhhhhhhh I want to tickle your wee-wee! MMMMMmmmmm (insert son’s name here) I’m going to make you mine. I love you sooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaad!

My son was even more shocked then I was. He had no idea that this little girl had recorded that on his DS, and had just heard it for the first time as well.

I’ve been told that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. My mom has told me that this is the sort of stuff that I put her through, and that I should consider myself lucky that he hasn’t hit puberty yet. God help me when he does.

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24 Responses to “My son, the next Me!”

  1. AFP Says:

    Ahh, the things men do to impress women. I broke my elbow (hairline fracture, so not even the cool kind of broken) trying to roller skate for the first time. A few months later, after my arm had healed, some of the girls at my church were playing with roller skates during a retreat, and darned if I wasn’t suddenly a fan again, despite the fact that they had to drag me around by my hands in order for me to go anywhere.

    No, scratch that, ESPECIALLY because they had to drag me around by the hands. What can I say? I was a very smooth 15 year old.

    Reply

  2. kat Says:

    Wow… I seem to remember ten-year-old boys as being the “I like you, so I’m going to push you off the swing” type, or “I like you so I’m going to steal your crap” or my personal favorite “I really like you, so the next time we’re in art class I’m going to pour an entire container of paint on your head” :sigh: good times. Your son seems much more suave than that.

    Captcha, momentum minor : yes, that minor does seem to be gaining some momentum, doesn’t he

    Reply

    Captain McCheese reply on February 27th, 2010 3:14 pm:

    I remember a friend having a worm dropped on her knee by this one boy and myself being asked for my number by the same boy. I hate 10 year olds

    Reply

    Lo reply on October 4th, 2012 2:29 am:

    Holy shit, what?! That’s a man! A BIG STRONG MAN! Dude, your kid got balls!!! And that girl; plain PRICELESS! That girl must’ve been THAT love-drunk to record “Ohhhhhhh, ****, I loooove youuuuu sooooooo baaaaaaad. Ohhhhhhhhh I want to tickle your wee-wee! MMMMMmmmmm **** I’m going to make you mine. I love you sooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaad!” on HIS DS! Man, you lucky your kid didnt hit puberty yet! If not, imagine the problem you’d get from the overflowing suitors (And grandkids).

    Reply

  3. Jim C Says:

    Makes me glad my Daughter grown and that I don’t live near Skippy.

    Reply

    Angelus reply on February 27th, 2010 9:49 am:

    I don’t think this one was from Skippy. Either that, or the twins grew up REALLY fast.

    Reply

  4. Anna Says:

    Your son is amazing! What a cool kid, jeeze I’m 20 and half the guys I go out with aren’t that smooth, props to him!

    Reply

  5. Anonymous and STILL Employed Says:

    Whoa, I know people double this kids age who should take lessons off him.
    And I’m glad to see my stepdad isn’t the only one who takes pictures when their kids break bones – that was such a funny day, my little brother got a double break in his forearm to the point where he could probably have touched his own elbow (but would’ve been in agony), and the first thing my stepdad does is move everybody back and pull out a camera – it’s the little memories like that which made my childhood.

    Reply

  6. SCAlexD Says:

    DUDE!

    I woke up pissed off about something, logged on, checked skippyslist and this cheered me up.

    Wait-a-go LT, your kid is cool as shit. That means he has a cool as shit dad. I wish MY Dad was that cool…He’s actually a douche.

    Reply

    LT Ronald reply on February 26th, 2010 3:03 pm:

    Thanks for the mad props.

    I was actually a pretty crappy dad for half of his life. Not really crappy, just not there. I was either deployed or TDY over 5 of the last 10 years, most of them when he was real young, after my wife left me I focused more on my children and being a better dad. Most folks don’t realize how much you take for granted things in your life until their gone.

    Now that I only get my kids 2 weekends a month and half the summer they get all of my attention.

    Captcha: Galahad Visiting, Capthca must be a fan of Monty Python. Cause thats just what Galahad did at the nunnery.

    Reply

  7. Twan Says:

    Give your son a GD high-five for me. He’s a frickin’ bamf.

    Reply

  8. CCO Says:

    Wow! They could use that picture in first aid books–unnatural position, swelling, and bones sticking out!

    Reply

  9. JEFFREY DORFMAN Says:

    Jeffrey Dorfman February 27 at 3:00pm
    YOU BE GREATFUL THAT WASN’T YOU! THAT MUST REALLY HURT.
    BY THE WAY, SIMILAR ACTION ON MY PART ONE SUMMER IN HAVERTOWN. LUIS WAS ENTERTAINING HIS GIRLFRIEND (WHO HAD A FRIEND WITH HER) SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA IF I ENTERTAINED HER FRIEND. SO WE TOOK A WALK TO THE HIGH SCHOOL AND WENT AROUND THE BACK. WE FOUND OUT THAT THE FENCE WAS LOCKED (OR THERE WAS NO OPENING, I DON’T REMEMBER) SO I THOUGHT I’D BE A REAL BIG SHOT AND “HOP” OVER THE FENCE. THE FENCE, BEING AN ANCHOR FENCE, WAS ABOUT 6 FEET HIGH AND I THOUGHT I COULD JUST CLIMB IT AND THEN HELP HER OVER. BIG SURPRISE! I’VE SCALED THESE FENCES ALL MY LIFE AND NEVER HAD A PROBLEM, BUT THIS TIME, TRYING TO IMPRESS A FEMALE, GOT MY BERMUDA SHORTS CAUGHT ON THE TOP SPIKE AND SNAGGED ME GOOD, SWINGING ME DOWN TO WHERE I GOT A DEEP CUT ON MY LEFT ARM. NOW THE MOST IMBARRASSING THING WASN’T THAT I WAS HANGING FROM THE FENCE (LIKE THE FOOL THAT I WAS, BUT I HAD TO WALK ALL THE WAY TO JUNIPER RD WITH MY SHIRT WRAPPED AROUND MY WAIST TO HIDE MY UNDERWARE SHOWING ALOT FROM THE RIP IT MADE. I STILL HAVE THE SCAR ON MY LEFT ARM. YOU’LL END UP DOING SOMETHING STUPID TO IMPRESS A GIRL SOMEDAY. WE ALL DO IT AT LEAST ONCE. SOME IDIOTS DO IT ALL THE TIME. Jeffrey Dorfman February 27 at 3:00pm
    OK, I SPELLED GRATEFUL WRONG. SO WHAT! Jeffrey Dorfman February 27 at 3:02pm
    OH YES, I MISPELLED EMBARRASSING TOO!

    Reply

    kat reply on February 27th, 2010 4:56 pm:

    dude… the all caps, not nessesary, your shouting is giving me a headache.. also we do enjoy this nice thing called grammer, please look into it.
    Thank you

    Reply

  10. paula Says:

    good grief: what WON’T boys do to impress a girl!

    I personally remember one young fella who climbed to the top of a skinny young tree to show me how he could bend the tip of it down to the ground….. and he damn near got whiplash when it sprang the other way;

    my parents used to mention an incident when they were both about 8 years old: he tried his ‘circus act’ for her: standing on his head on a rickety chair on a box in a wagon being pulled down a bumpy sidewalk by a friend….. yes, this ended up as another case of compound fracture of the armbones. (but on the other hand, she remembered it, and DID eventually marry him!)

    Reply

  11. ltc_insane Says:

    lol women they makes fools out of men without any effort on their part …… so i can only assume it genetic :P

    Reply

  12. DF Says:

    The great moments happen when Mr. Slick gets his ego’s clock cleaned by a girl.
    One of my old friends was being (his words, not mine) a “total pimp”, until some girl took him up on his jokes. He was a virgin, she wasn’t. She was pretending to be a virgin, he most decidedly wasn’t. That led to some… awkward scenarios the next day.

    Captcha: totes in. Yes, he was totes in to girls. In his words.

    Reply

  13. Yoron Says:

    Really nice story.

    My son decided on a girl as he was sixteen, she fifteen and upper class, like diplomat parents with him being working class. I know, why take that up, love is after all love :) Yeah well, ah?

    Anyway he made friends with a friend of her just to be able to see her and after ‘stalking’ her down made her his own, sort of as she him :)

    Nope, they’re not together anymore, but they were for like seven years. What surprised me was the difference between his clear choice, I would like to call it bravery, and my own way of trying to attract the ‘weaker sex’ :)

    Can’t say that I was specially smooth at that age.

    Reply

  14. Dan Says:

    Nice silver fork fracture.

    Reply

  15. Luthor Says:

    Captcha: fathers hormones, speaks for itself

    Reply

  16. Matt Horvath Says:

    Ah the things we do to impress women.
    That’s why I developed a way to swandive into 3-foot pools without injury.

    Reply

  17. Calvin Says:

    Wow… your son’s quite the player. And perhaps the smoothest guy I’ve ever read about. XD I won’t be surprised when he hits puberty that he’ll have an entire harem around him.

    … Which is kind of a scary thought.

    Reply

  18. Required Says:

    I sprained my ankle trying to impress a girl in 9th grade. We were playing kickball or something and I tried to do a front-flip onto home plate. I didn’t land right, and then ended up hiding it from everyone for a whole week before she noticed the limp and made me go to the nurse.

    Reply

  19. David B Says:

    Either your son was in Oshkosh, Wisconsin at a Golden Corral last night, or he has several clones running around. I swear to God that I saw a little boy pull the same thing with rootbeer last night. The only problem was, he was hitting on my little sister!

    Reply

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