Had a fantastic holiday back home. Saw lots of family, enjoyed some excellent food, stayed away from all holiday cookies (pretty proud of myself for that one). Stayed with family over the Christmas break, and with all of the holiday brew-ha-ha never had any time for intimacy with the fiance.
We rushed to get headed out on Saturday for the long 4 hour trip to Harrisburg from Pittsburgh. In our rush we ate some quick wraps from our local Sheetz gas station. (This becomes important later).
About half way through our drive my fiance realizes that she hasn’t gotten any in almost 4 days and wants to rectify that at 70 miles per hour. (No, this story isn’t going to go all penthouse letters on you) There is still ice and melting snow on the road, plus a nice layer of fog in the air. While I love my fiance, I love my life, and low car insurance premiums more. At the very least I love low car insurance premiums on the same level.
So we decide to pull over. It is dark out, but there are only well lit places right off of the State College exit. With my fiance down to only a pair of Ugg boots on I don’t care about how well lit the places are. At this point we settle on the Hilton. Not that I’m planning on getting a room, mind you, just looking for an empty parking lot. (I’m cheap like that).
The back lot of the Hilton was empty, but the two adjacent side lots were not. Unless someone was pulling in or out they couldn’t see us. This would have to do. The car is filled with presents from the trip, so there is no back seat, and I’m too big a guy to make anything work in the front seat, so that means we’re headed outside. Things start going fine until, from both sides, cars start pulling out of the side lots which puts our show in full view. Both cars stop to watch for a minute and then drive off. I don’t care anymore it’s been 4 days! Then I look at the back door of the hotel and there is a pre-teen standing there with a look of shock and disbelief! I lock eyes with this kid right as I’m finishing and he takes off running. Oh Shit! He’s got to be calling the cops right?!?! Let’s get out of here!
I burn rubber as my fiance struggles with her clothes, we stop at a gas station about a half mile up the road to clean up and get an afterglow Reeses Cup. While at the gas station we discover that I have lost my wallet. Damnit! We search all through the car and can’t find it, we start panicking that perhaps we forgot it in Pittsburgh! We start making phone calls back. It’s not there.
Fiance: “Could it possibly have fallen out when we stopped in that hotel parking lot?”
Me: “Only one way to find out.”
Her: “What if the cops are there?”
Me: “Well if my wallet is there then I guess they know who was banging, and I’m fucked anyway!”
Her: “Oh yeah, your license is in there with all your info on it. I guess we have no choice but to head back to the scene of the crime.”
So we head back to the parking lot and I do a quick search, but no wallet. Just as we pulled out of the parking lot the cops pulled in, we were out of there in just the nick of time.
As we started heading back out on the highway it occurred to me that perhaps my wallet was in the Sheetz bag from before, I asked my fiance to check, and she told me that she couldn’t that she had thrown it away at the last gas station after we cleaned up from our activities.
Me: Well did it feel heavy?
Her: Yeah, a little, but I only ate half my wrap.
Me: Looks like we’re headed back.
We went back to the gas station only a half-mile from where we likely traumatized some 13 year-old, and started digging through their trash. We found the sheetz bag but only found dirty napkins and a half eaten wrap. After cleaning up for a second time in the gas station bathroom we headed back to the car. As my fiance went to sit down she noticed the tip of my wallet sticking out under her seat. Apparently she knocked it out of the center console and kicked it under the seat when she was getting undressed.
I’m not sure what the moral of this story is, but things usually end up alright for me.