My daughter is the next Donald Trump
You know how some kids have imaginary friends? They are their best friends in the world who they communicate with, and are almost real for them.
My 7 year-old daughter, who you may or may not remember told off a hot woman who was hitting on me, does not have imaginary friends.
She has an imaginary corporation, with imaginary stock holders, an imaginary board of directors, of which she is the CEO, and a janitorial staff, who is contracted through a temp agency of course.
I found out about her corporate undertakings when walking past her room last weekend and overheard her yelling at her assistant over an old bluetooth earpiece. She finished her imaginary conversation with, “if this merger fails to go through, so help me God, I will fire you and have the daycare center withhold your children from you.” I’m not sure what impresses me more, her ruthlessness or that her imaginary corporate offices has an imaginary daycare center.
I asked her about her company and she read me her mission statement (She didn’t know what the hell a mission statement was, but she had one). She then went on to explain to me about the ethical dilemma that she was having with her IT guy, Bill, because he’s an alcoholic, with whom she’s smelled booze on his breath on more than one occasion, but he works for peanuts and is very competent. She said that she was okay with overlooking it, but lately he’s been hitting on her up-and-coming protege, Emily, and Emily isn’t very receptive to this sort of treatment.
My sweet daughter went on to tell me that she has taken to hiring a former Superbowl player, whose name she cannot release at this time due to contractual obligations, to do motivational speaking for her company.
She doesn’t watch adult TV shows, she has limited use of the internet, and I have no idea where the heck she comes up with this stuff, except that I was the same damn way when I was 7, and I’ve only been a two weekend a month, every other holiday and 60% of the summertime dad, when not deployed. Her mother has no clue either, and her dumbass couldn’t cultivate this in our daughter, so this is, in addition to being pretty funny, wierd as hell.
Follow
December 12th, 2008 at 1:28 am
Your daughter sounds pretty cool. Just remind her of the importance of taking vacation, or she’s heading for an ulcer at age 10.
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 1:31 am
When I have kids, I will relate this story to them as part of an indoctrination process that will eventually lead them to take over the world, in lieu of the supervillain post.
And on a more serious note…. I should be banned from late-night/early-morning typing.
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 4:13 am
Encourage her, if she is playing at this at this age, watch out when she gets old enough to actually run a corporation. An always remember someday she may choose your nursing home so stsy on her good side.
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 5:15 am
Tell her to start up a small fund with a low interest rate, and if that damn IT guy keeps hitting on her protege’ to can his ass and use the fund as a “hiring incentive.” Also tell her to tell Emily that all she has to do is pull rank and let it be known in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t like, want nor approve of the IT guys advances and that should sort him out. if it doesn’t football players make great kneecappers.
Wait… what am I talking about?!? Argh!!!!
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 6:21 am
You could ask her for investment advice, but then you might get arrested for insider trading.
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 7:42 am
If you think its funny and weird now, wait til she starts selling girlscout cookies!
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Your daughter will take over the neighborhood w/one of two businesses:
A)Best little lemonade stand in (insert state here)
she will have one on every other street.
B) She’ll have the most organized group of lawn mowers in your neighborhood. I’m telling you this kid has potential.
If she’s this ruthless as a 7yr old, can you imagine what she’s going to be like as a teenager? LOL I envy/pity you LT. Your going to have you hands full.
Reply
Andrew reply on December 12th, 2008 9:52 am:
But the time she’s a teenager she’ll have controlling interest in all things house related and will be charging her parents rent. That’s where the football player comes in…. or didn’t you know?
Captcha: to mattress – Isn’t she a little young?!?!? Pedophile!
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 9:50 am
“She has an imaginary corporation, with imaginary stock holders, an imaginary board of directors, of which she is the CEO, and a janitorial staff, who is contracted through a temp agency of course.”
That sounds like a lot of businesses these days.
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Reminds me of my favorite Venture Brothers exchange:
Where do you get this stuff? I never see you read! It’s like you channel crazy dead people!
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I assume the voices in her head are the stockholders? or are they just the board members?
captcha: son forced
I don’t even want to think about that one
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Sounds like my niece at that age. Now, in her mid 20s, she’s the head honcho for Jack Daniels in our state. Did I mention she’s my favorite niece?
Reply
December 12th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
awesome. Just awesome.
Reply
Stickfodder reply on December 12th, 2008 7:44 pm:
Also a little scary.
Reply
Tyr reply on December 12th, 2008 9:16 pm:
Scary, awesome: they’re the same thing really, just from different view points.
Captcha :”familiar Charles” I don’t know him…
Reply
December 14th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
I wouldn’t even want to think about how powerful or crazy that kinda girl could get if she got into the corporate world…
Captcha: “across road”, where your daughter will have her first corporate takeover, of the neighbor’s lemonade stand.
Reply
December 15th, 2008 at 8:37 am
It’s simple how she got that way. Everything is genetic.
Confuse Dunn: Why should I and who is he?
Reply
December 15th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Does she watch Rugrats? One of the kid’s mother (Angelica’s mom) is very like this. If starts asking for her assistant Jonathan, you can probably make a good guess where she got the idea from ;)
Reply
December 15th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
DUDE, buy a video camera… you will want evidence of this later, also good for blackmail as well. i liked the ruthless ness of it too… that’s great
Reply
December 15th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Good Lord! Doctor Frankenstein, you have created a monster. I wonder what she will think when she reads her first Dilber comic…
Reply
December 15th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Good Lord! Doctor Frankenstein, you have created a monster. I wonder what she will think when she reads her first Dilbert comic…
Reply
January 3rd, 2012 at 1:40 am
I liked the old version better
Reply
February 25th, 2014 at 9:37 am
Hell, my (9 year old) sister has an imaginary body shop! When I was her age, I had, in the following order: Trucking company, construction company, demolitions company, military, gold mine, quarry (I liked destroying things or using explosives, apparently), and finally, a railroad. Funnily enough, the railroad has followed me through the years, as that is the name of my model railroad.
Reply