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Archive for December 1st, 2008

The omen of the eyebrows

Monday, December 1st, 2008

I woke up this morning, which is not my favorite time to wake up anyway, but society dictates it so. There I was in the mirror brushing my teeth, which society also dictates, but also it makes me feel better, so hey, everybody wins.

Anyhow, looking in the mirror, which is where I brush my teeth in the mornings, I skip showering (society has already asked far too much of me for so early in the day), I notice a wild eyebrow hair shooting straight down over my right eye. Now I’ve seen this ruffian’s kind before, so I reach for the tweezers to dispatch him forthwith, when suddenly I notice over the left eye his twin, pointing straight up towards the heavens.

What was going on? Was this some sort of omen — a message from the very Fates themselves? Would the plucking of one or the other determine the kind of day I would have? If so, how?

If I yanked the down-pointing right one and left the upstanding left one, was I choosing to let optimism remain while discarding the downer, or was I just choosing the downer? We get our word “sinister” from the Latin word meaning “left,” because the left was a bad omen in ancient Roman times. What would the implication of that be?

You might be thinking, “Just pluck both or them.” Please. You think the Fates are that gullible?

In the end, I just left them — each crazy eyebrow hair the yin to the others unruly yang — undisturbed, accepting the natural order of things.

Will the Fates buy that? Or will I suffer the consequences of my lazy, if balanced, grooming? By choosing to leave things the way they are, in disarray, have I not still chosen an equally destructive path?

I’m doomed.