Nighty Night Daddy
The other night my daughter was sitting on my lap, stuff while I was watching television. She had at some point previously managed to snag a small pillow. I think it was originally velcroed in to her car seat, ed not sure where she found it, click but as small objects the baby can grab a small pillow seemd pretty innocuous.
As I sat there minding my own business, my little girl turns around and looks up at me. She stood up on my lap, the pillow clutched in both hands. She made eye contact and smiled. Then very slowly but firmly she wedged the pillow over my nose and mouth. She made quiet and cheerful little cooing noises as she tried to smother me.
Once again, not sure if this is adorable or horrifying.
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October 7th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
She is evil, and we welcome our evil infant overlord.
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October 7th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Well, I guess that proves she’s yours.
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October 7th, 2010 at 8:43 pm
Both I would say.
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October 7th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
Time to check out the locking top cribs!
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INeedHelpBad reply on October 8th, 2010 3:01 am:
I think those are called cages.
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Matt reply on October 8th, 2010 4:07 pm:
Probably can’t succesfully market cages for kids, except maybe to readers here.
You can market a super-safe, super secure roll-top crib to keep your little tikes safe from falling ceiling portions duringearthquakes, marauding varmints, birds of prey and from being snatched by pervs that climb through the window.
Keeping the child securely locked away from the parents so they can enjoy some down-time would just be a side benefit.
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David reply on October 12th, 2010 11:48 am:
1. Take 1 baby crib.
2. Take 1 dog kennel.
3. Put 1 dog kennel inside 1 baby crib.
4. Leave this on your front lawn near the porch.
5. Hilarity ensues.
October 7th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Wow IM glad its not just my kids…
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October 7th, 2010 at 11:43 pm
Strike him down with all of your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete
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October 8th, 2010 at 12:18 am
My two and a half year old daughter regularly asks me to draw pictures of myself for her, then picks up a pen and gouges out “my” eyes. :0 She also enjoys “strangling” Mama. And I thought we had good times together…
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October 8th, 2010 at 1:13 am
Lawl. I did that to my dad when I was young. It think your daughter will grow up to be awesome.
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Twan reply on October 8th, 2010 1:13 am:
I*
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October 8th, 2010 at 2:04 am
Let me know when she’s old enough for JTHM. Sounds like she’d love it. ;)
And someday, I shall regale your daughter with tales of Mad Dog .357…
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October 8th, 2010 at 7:40 am
Hey, Mad Dog .357 was a *great* band. Or, at least, it *would’ve* been…
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October 8th, 2010 at 11:55 am
my daughter does stuff like this all the time. She tried to put me down for a nap once covering my head with the blanket and hitting me saying “shh mommy, take a nap.” Kids don’t realize how hard they are hitting you… or that you need to breathe through your nose and mouth. Mine also climbs on my back and tries to strangle me from behind while yelling “Piggyback ride!” It’s all in good fun. Having said that.. keep her away from the scissors.
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October 8th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
She’s going to be our future overlord. I’m just saying.
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October 8th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Our Future Empress is not afraid to do the work herself. @_@
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October 8th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
They have a plan. Failed this time but wait until she can hold a butcher knife. Don’t go to sleep then.
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October 8th, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Sounds like she’s trying to get her inheritance early. Such that it is.
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October 8th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
Clearly, she’s Abomination and should be sent back to the Bene Gesserit to be “dealt with” before she figures out how to use Voice and you’re completely vulnerable.
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October 9th, 2010 at 9:44 am
Well, seems like she heard how expensive it is to care for parents when they are old and wants to not even need to start saving for your retirement.
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October 10th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
One night, my wife and I had settled in for bed. At some point, my wife always rolls over, and rests her arm across me. We usually pass out pretty quickly after that. This particular night, it wasn’t to be. As my wife cuddled up with me, and laid her arm across me, our darling little girl made her way across the bed. Next thing I know, I’m hearing a smack, and my wife gasping. Apparently our prescious little demon decided to slap Mommy full-on in the face.
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October 10th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Jake…love the “Dune” referrence…would the child in question be named Alya?
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October 10th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
Great now i must go find some sandbags an a shotgun your daughter will become the leader of the terminators and mabye even leader of the twilight vampires i mean who could fight them without puking their guts out?
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October 12th, 2010 at 5:52 pm
My friend has a demon-spawn, much like your own. We were joking around about how my husband, Matt, had some sugar. Little Anna was pretending to be a waitress and so was taking our order. Well, apparently you’re not allowed to bring outside food into her cafe. She ran across the room while giggling. We quickly followed. she then went down the stairs and through 2 rooms before she caught up w/ him. We (the two “mature” mothers were following w/ the video camera) were at the bottom of the stairs. We hear a shriek then a muffled yell. Little Darling had stabbed my husband w/ the pencil. (It’s ok, it only scratched and there was only a little blood)
Now, how is this funny? When her mother told her to apologise she absolutely lost it. “But I’m NOT sorry!!!”
OMG!!! I had to leave the room b/c it was so funny!.. … I need to find that video footage…
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October 13th, 2010 at 1:25 am
My dad tells me that I attempted pro wrestling moves on him when I was a kid (Mom was a fan at the time).
:)
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October 14th, 2010 at 1:47 am
And every single one of your COs ever is laughing hysterically. Sometimes, you get the children your victims believe you deserve.
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October 17th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Hey…I was a good kid…ok, so I did wreak a little havok here and there…LOL I’m not about to fess up to the stuff I never got caught doing…it wasn’t me trashing that vacant house…it was the one-armed 12-year-old…
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