Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Inadvertantly Causing Natural Disasters
It turns out that there are clerics in Iran who feel that earthquakes are caused by women who dress immodestly.
I’m trying to come up with a punch line, but I’m having trouble coming up with anything as funny as that statement all by itself.
Granted the idea is not entirely new. I recently discovered that the ancient Greeks used to try to ward of storms by having women expose their vaginas*. And if people still did this today I would totally be a meteorologist**.
I’m not exactly sure why the Greeks thought this would work. Perhaps storms are gay, and thus repelled of the female crotch. Of course, storms were frequently under the control of Poseiden, who was rather distinctly not fearful of that particular region. I mean, he practically has “pussy” in his name. Maybe he was supposed to get so excited that the weather front would blow itself out early***. Or perhaps the idea is that by exposing themselves the women would calm him down enough to get the storm canceled. I know I have trouble staying angry when I am viewing the old “weather control station” myself.
But going back to the original subject some guy in the Middle East thinks that earthquakes are caused by women who dress like harlots, and not because his country was built on a fault line.
Jen McCreight, the author of Blag Hag has suggested a brilliant experiment called Boobquake****. She proposes that all women wear their most revealing clothing on April 26th, to see if they can cause an earthquake in Iran. I can only encourage participation in what will probably be known as “The most awesome scientific research of 2010”.
Plus if Tehran does get leveled by an earthquake it will be freaking hilarious.
*I also learned that in Guam it is forbidden for a female virgin to marry. And there are men who have the job of traveling around and prepping women for marriage. On a totally unrelated note, I am moving to Guam to pursue a career as a wedding planner.
**Side note: How do you think it would have gone down during Katrina if people in New Orleans had heard of this idea? I tell you one thing, the news coverage would have been a lot more comprehensive.
***Premature precipitation?
**** Also, this sounds like the best video game mod, ever.
Follow
April 25th, 2010 at 8:04 am
Fucking stupid jackass.
I’ll cause some earthquakes. In his balls. With my foot.
He’s probably never gotten laid, has he? He wouldn’t be this bitter about boobs if he had. And yes, it would be hilarious if an earthquake destroyed Tehran on Boob Day.
Considering the promiscuity of the Greek gods, that storm-prevention plan actually makes sense. I worry about you though, Skippy…I can see Mrs. Skippy threatening some tender bits with a large knife if she figured out your new job duties.
Reply
StoneWolf reply on April 25th, 2010 8:13 am:
Hmm, I think April 26 should be a National Holiday, regardless of how Tehran fairs. I usually don’t like holidays, but I wouldn’t mind a National Boob Day.
Reply
Catherine reply on April 25th, 2010 9:44 pm:
All in favor of April 26th becoming National Boob Day? (Indecent exposure rules are revoked during this period. Shirts become strictly optional. I wouldn’t do it , but you know SOME women will play along. I predict that male patriotism would be exceptionally high during this holiday.)
Reply
Raven Prometheus reply on April 26th, 2010 10:09 am:
AYE! Wholeheartedly, I’ll throw my vote in there. Just in case you didn’t hear me: AYE!!!!!!!
Captcha: The hemming. That and the rest of the clothes will be gone on National Boob Day….
Adam reply on April 27th, 2010 6:35 pm:
Official Boobquake… Just thought you should know.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=116336578385346
Captcha: “rwandan had”… the earthquake was in Rwanda? Why didn’t we hear about this?
Reply
Lyryal reply on April 25th, 2010 8:35 am:
Nah, “Mrs. Skippy” likes comedy, and Skippy is her favorite comedian.
I’ll wager she’s shaking her head & laughing, especially as she posted this link to her Facebook….
Reply
Janice reply on April 25th, 2010 8:55 am:
He does keep me entertained. Granted, I can bring the funny for him too. But more often than not, its totally by accident. Also, I usually know something is coming when he walks up to me giggling saying “ooh! ooh!”. Sometimes, Rule #87 still applies….
Reply
David B reply on March 9th, 2014 12:18 am:
Life with him is certainly interesting, isn’t it?
April 25th, 2010 at 8:11 am
“And thus I refute thee!” You realize, if nothing happens, its because God wasn’t quite offended enough, and if a quake does hit, its because God WAS offended enough, not because they were dumb enough to build on a major fault line. It would be like Vermonters bitching about blizzards, saying they were caused by the Gays or Canadians or somesuch bullshit.
By the way, I think the Greeks had a good idea. I have a rather difficult time being angry when confronted with a nice view of just one vagina or pair of boobs. It makes reasonable sense that a view of a whole village’s worth should be enough to temper the fury of a God. So perhaps if Tehran begins to feel a quake, all woman living in the city should strip and thereby derail Allah’s plans of destruction as blood drains from his primary brain and gets rerouted to the secondary.
Reply
April 25th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Lol I am always happy to do my part for science, and if you check out the fb page they have some really cool t-shirts with the profits going to the red cross
Reply
April 26th, 2010 at 6:13 am
Did the Greeks believe that it would work? Or by “work” do we mean “successfully persuaded the womenfolk bare their nether regions?” It’s not about convincing anybody that it’s TRUE per se, it’s just about persuading the some of the hotties that it’s socialy “okay.” That, and enough wine and you’ve got Girls gone Wild, ancient Greece.
Reply
April 26th, 2010 at 10:32 am
I, for one, am participating. If nothing happens, I can say, see? it’s a stupid thought pattern. If we get an awesome earthquake… well, then I get to strut around saying, “hey! be nice to me, or I shall unleash the power of my boobs!!!”
– BaschaW
Reply
Catherine reply on April 27th, 2010 10:55 am:
I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment, and shall do the same.
Reply
April 26th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
My fiance just bought a new tube top. *In best Hulk Hogan voice* Iron Shiek!!!! Whatcha gonna do when my fiance’s 36 inch Melons come after you!!!
//walks out of thread to the tune of “Real American”
Reply
Catherine reply on April 27th, 2010 10:56 am:
“Bows.”
You, sir, are a true patriot.
Reply
April 26th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Shake it, baby! … Not that much!
captcha: audible evildoer. spamfilter or a comment about the cleric?
Reply
May 1st, 2010 at 7:15 am
That cleric – ‘Mullah Imadiq’ – probably believes the Quran prohibits women from riding bikes and doing gymnastics as that could ‘rob’ them of their virginity too.
We need to rain bombs down upon Iran, but not ordinance; rather, pallet loads of Levis, Marlboros, CDs, Droid/Balckberry/whatever cell phones and a host of other consumer goods. Then ‘Mullah Imadiq’ could spout off all day to an empty room.
Reply
May 2nd, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Captcha: their willpower
nuff said
Reply
May 4th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Here ya go, THE weapon to bring an end to the evil Iranian empire! A couple of shakes and a bounce or 2 and its earthquakes for days.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2957272/Bedbound-by-my-big-boobs.html
CAPTCHA = Willis learned…he did if he read this article!
Reply