How To Punch A Vampire
Greetings to the readers at Skippy’s List! I’m a young sailor at age 26, going by RivCA here (and elsewhere on the Intarweb) and I’ve got a story for you.
I am currently stationed in Naval Weapons Station Charleston, and I am discovering very quickly that this is one of the most stressful commands to be a student at. The “A” school here has an education program on par with Harvard Law and MIT. We get all the core classes needed to do our jobs over the span of a year and a half, when it takes them four to do the same. Fast-paced doesn’t quite describe it.
It turns out that the school is so stressful and the schedule so dense, that there are occasions to set up suicide watches. (It’s to make sure shipmates don’t commit suicide. Yeah, it’s that rough.) As you might have guessed, some people go a little kooky if they can’t handle things here. Just before my arrival, one kid went to Captain’s Mast for deciding to do a Matrix jump from the third floor, wearing a trench coat. Broke his leg in the fall, owes half his paycheck for the next two months, and discharge once he’s done.
On a lighter note, some of the others have taken up other fun hobbies. Alcohol is a fun one. So is live-action role playing. Still others have taken up vampirism. (I can’t make this stuff up. Yes that one got masted, too.) That being said, here’s the tale.
I’m still getting settled in. Boot Camp Buzz is finally wearing off, and I finally have a decent haircut again. That doesn’t stop some people from getting their jollies off of “innocent” bystanders. As I was walking back to my dorm from getting late-night munchies at the Mini-NEX, some dope jumps out of the bushes right in front of me and decided to hiss at me. Full out decked in black (civilian clothing is allowed after a certain point in training) and wearing the black all-weather coat we got issued back at Great Lakes, I think he’s a prowler trying to mug me. Either that, or an emo kid decided to show his true colors and make like a vampire.
Rather than panic (OK, so I did) I walloped the guy in his fat nose, maybe having broken it. I turn around, book it and take another path to the dorms. Come on, the dude hissed at me, his eyes were bugged out, and he had his hands formed into claws next to his head. Almost like he was Louis from Interview With a Vampire. Anyways, I panic, punch his ticket, and haul ass.
The next day, at around noon, both myself and the class leader get called to our SLPO’s office. He looked at me and asked what I had done. I had no clue, having slept away the memories from the night before. When we get to the office, I’m brought in, and there’s my SLPO, the kid’s SLPO, and the command master chief for NNPTC. All I can think about was not crapping my pants. With them is another student, who I didn’t know was that was the same guy who I punched out the night before.
The Master Chief asks me why it was I had assaulted FN Biter. Then it clicked. Assaulted a random LARPer? Wait…
Dang, I didn’t break his nose after all.
Now I know why I was called in. They must have called the class leader as a character witness. Anyways, the memory came back. I said, “Chief, I never assaulted anyone last night. I lashed out at a man in black clothing thinking I was getting mugged. I was acting in self-defense.”
The CMC looks at the kid, who has gone white by now, and asked, “Is this true?”
You could have heard a fly puke on the SLPO’s desk. And silence is generally regarded as a “yes.” The chief then turns back and says I can leave.
He specifically told me to step out. He did not tell me to go back to class. Both me and the class leader get the idea to hang out and listen. All we can hear is the CMC getting railed up one side and down another. Apparently he left out a few details.
And I come back to class a hero having dodged Captain’s Mast after punching out a fellow student.
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August 6th, 2009 at 3:38 am
I’ll say the kid had some cajones to actually try reporting you but obviously not enough brains to think himself out of a paper bag. I can sympathize with you over the course load, but at least you aren’t being forced to take classes with no bearing on what you are trying to learn like you would in an actual college.
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August 6th, 2009 at 4:52 am
Nice. Maybe the stress broke FN Biter’s brain.
I gotta say, there’s a special place in my heart for LARPers. Most of them are brain dead little emo pukes. I’ve had several run ins with them back in HS when I was home. My last one occured in Winooski which is like Vermont’s Ghetto, Ghetto Light for everybody from an actual city. Weird week if I didn’t see at least one drug deal. The short version is I thought I was about to get mugged by a drug dealer. Then the little shit realized my .45 wasn’t a toy and I realized his was. Damn near pissed himself.
Don’t they wear some sort of distinguishing insigia so they can tell who’s in their game and who isn’t? There have been several LARPers injured for this shit, so far no fatalities. When my buddies and I do airsoft in the woods we always know who’s who and a non-combatant in the area is an automatic cease fire. We also usually use my woods since there won’t be non-combatants to worry about unless they’re treaspassing.
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Minty reply on August 6th, 2009 10:34 am:
From what I understand, responsible LARPers do mark themselves in some fashion. Now, while I’m glad no one has ever been really hurt, I’m not all that sorry you scared the piss out of that one guy. Seriously, who the hell walks around in a sketchy neighborhood pretending to mug people with a fake gun without identifying themselves as role-players?!
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Blue_Cat reply on August 6th, 2009 2:18 pm:
I have LARPed, and as a vampire too, although in the UK.
Our rules were based around playing inside a building:
NO weapons AT all outside the venue, even if kids toys. Seriously. We may not normally have armed police but they WILL turn up if needed.
Do not ‘play’ with others who are not playing. This is DUMB.
IF you look particularly weird (masks, fake blood) DO NOT GO OUTSIDE.
Be sensible, stay safe and smart.
Or get your ass banned as you could pose a danger to yourself and us.
Captcha: natick Tuesday ~ at least it isn’t Swordfish
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August 6th, 2009 at 4:58 am
Quick question relating to my story above, does this shit happen in real ghettos or is it just the brain damaged spawn of drugged out ex-hippies who spent too much time in an “I love me” jacket?
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Minty reply on August 6th, 2009 10:36 am:
I don’t spend much time in slums so I can’t be entirely sure, but I imagine not. The surrounding populace tends to be a little more wary.
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August 6th, 2009 at 5:24 am
punch emo’s cause they deserve it
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lukazaz reply on August 6th, 2009 7:15 am:
kill an emo save the world ;)
danm that should be a sloagan…
kill an emo get a cookie XD
Captcha; siblings nonop… ah come on captcha my bro’s emo and I can haz cookie?
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GBlair reply on August 6th, 2009 9:04 am:
I wish my lawn was emo so it’d cut itself.
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Minty reply on August 6th, 2009 10:38 am:
Damn, that’s up there with a Rippy the Razor Motivational Poster.
Captcha: “pub- acrimony.” The pub acrimony heightened considerably after the slumming emo college kids started whining about how much their lives sucked.
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StoneWolf reply on August 6th, 2009 12:07 pm:
Sweet mamma llama! Now I wish i actually kept in contact with those morons from HS. They need to meet Rippy!
Suprisingly, suicidal emos become frightened when you threaten to kill them. Go figure.
Maven reply on August 10th, 2009 10:19 am:
Aw man. I love Rippy! And RK Milholland is a UNT allum just like Skippy!
August 6th, 2009 at 6:36 am
I went through the same hell that you are going through now, though I did my A School, light side, and dark side training in Orlando, then made the trek up to Charleston for prototype.
My condolences. You have picked a hell of a program to go through, and yes, the stress they are feeling in that program is as high as he states. Drop out rate for the program I figure is in the range of 60-70%, overall.
Basically, this program is the nerd version of BUD/S training. The physical portion of it is a joke (PRT if you are a fatty, and six-month PRT test just like the regular navy), but the intellectual learning portion of it is hell. They cram everything there is to know about nuclear power down your throat in six months, then spend the next six months making sure you learned it by making you operate a nuclear power plant. Stress comes into play.
My only suggestion to you, assuming you make it out, is to pick a west coast ship or boat. The further away from DC you are, the easier life seems to be.
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August 6th, 2009 at 6:52 am
The program sounds as hellacious as the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, CA. Some people get easy languages like French or Spanish crammed into their heads in as little as 6 months. I was one of the skilled ones, so they stuck me in Korean for an 84-week head-cramming. Yeah…. we had suicide watches too.
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August 6th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Nuke school!? NNPT: shoot I was hoping it was learning how to tend to air to air missiles or test ’em. I was thinking China Lake or something.
On the other hand, the nuclear power industry in this country is full of graduates of power school, so I imagine your re-enlistment bonuses are going to be gi-normous.
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August 7th, 2009 at 9:49 am
AHAHA! I got “attacked” by one of those of those geniuses in High School. This one had a “knife” unfortunately mine was bigger, and, you know, real. I realized this when my blade cut his in half when I tried to deflect his knife. I kindof felt bad for him, poor guy almost peed himself… but seriously, he had this shit beat out of him by a 110 pound girl.
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Minty reply on August 7th, 2009 10:21 am:
Are you sure that was pee? ‘Cause a few of the guys I knew in HS had a fetish about that sort of thing. . . Just saying ;)
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StoneWolf reply on August 7th, 2009 12:10 pm:
Wait, go back to the part where Jane gets knocked out by a 90 pound girl, ’cause that’s never getting old.
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Dave in NC reply on August 7th, 2009 1:39 pm:
Nice Firefly reference, wolf.
Kat, please tell me you used your Aussie accent afterwards!
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Kat reply on August 8th, 2009 9:03 am:
I believe dear, that it’s actually spelled Jayne.
Wait… does that make me a nerd…
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StoneWolf reply on August 8th, 2009 11:04 am:
Yes, you are nerd amongst nerds. A needle in a stack of needles. And, despite being well read and well spoken, I can’t spell for beans.
August 7th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I was at that very same school about 10 years ago, and yes I was part of the vampire larp group for a while. Difference is our group 10 years ago had the sense to keep it in areas NOT frequented by people not participating in the game, and also to NEVER play on campus. We used the parking lot of the Green Dragon comic book store for a while, then moved to a parking garage in downtown Charleston.
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August 8th, 2009 at 5:32 am
Ah, LRP. Oh, the stories I could tell…
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August 10th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Come to think of it, the “real LURPers” have this problem. By real LURPers, I mean the guys in SF (green beanie, snake eater par excellence) training have annual exercises called “Robin Sage”. They have had unfortunate encounters with law enforcement who will ask about the person tied up in the back of the civilian vehicle or whatever. The problem is that sometimes the trainees think that this is part of the training.
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August 10th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I’ve been a LARPer for 20+ years, and the first rule of LARPing is DO NOT PLAY WITH NON-LARPERS! The second rule of LARPing is WARN the non-LARPers that there is a LARP in progress. On those grounds, the kid deserves everything he got (starting with the nose smack) and then some.
One time coming home from a LARP, I got stopped by a cop for (supposedly) dealing drugs (ie: I gave someone else in my car some ibuprofen in a well-lit parking lot). I had to explain to the cop why I had a trunk full of costumes and toy guns, and a 6-foot long glitter staff in the passenger compartment. The last thing I wanted was to have to explain it all to a judge while wearing handcuffs…
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August 10th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
lol yeah I know those types. I graduated from nuke school 3 years ago this october and when I first showed up there were jedi and sith fighting on campus at night, they were all at captains mast within a week for fighting. I personally just found that alcohol and the college of charlston girls made life bearable considering I was on 20-4’s due to making a couple chief’s very angry at me for calling them old douche bags that should just give up and die my second day at the command. And remember U can cram for any test they give you at that command trust me I did. See u in the fleet and gl
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August 21st, 2009 at 11:53 am
Sorry to correct you there em2 but the jedi knights were actually masted for assaulting a watch stander (the nearby rover)and Duelling. As for the cramming with the way the testing schedule is set up cramming is the only way to study because there isn’t any time for doing it any other way. But yes there really is a long and some what involved story on the jedis’ that if any one wants to hear I will recount. I actually got to watch that masting. BTW now that I’m out and all I have learned several parts of power school are basically 40 yrs out of date. Just memorize and dump the CM part of the CMR section and just nod and smile when anybody tells you nuetrinos don’t have mass.
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