More Friends of Skippy

It’s that time of the week again, when I show off some more things that our various servicemen can’t do. This time the entire list is courtesy of SPC Jason Greco.

• Not allowed to order chloroform

• Not allowed to cut a lock because I’m too lazy to walk back and get the key

• I am not a Government Slave

• Not allowed to use privates to test the validity of an MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet)

• I should not barricade my Platoon SGT’s door with water bottles.

• No longer allowed to refer to Marines as “Targets”

• No longer allowed to call a deployment a “Field Trip”

• Hitting another soldier with a frozen fish in the Commissary will get you kicked out

• No longer allowed to tag things with the phrase “Army Smart”

• I am not allowed in areas that require a security clearance, even if I have one

• Not allowed to claim a crowbar as my weapon

• Not allowed to use military vehicles for an “Ice cream run”

• It is optional to participate in “Man Love Thursday” if you are higher ranking than I am

• I am not the juggernaut

• I am required to wear underwear to PT formation

• Not allowed to build anything without supervision

• Not allowed to order prosthetic testicles

• Not allowed to order things “just because I want one”

• Not allowed to run a sex toy business while deployed

• Not allowed to wear a cape to work

• Black Hawk mechanics are not “crash test dummies”

• The other 0.1% do not work here

• Snowball fights are not authorized on the flight line

• Not allowed to buy anyone, especially Local Nationals.

• I should not test how sharp my knife is on living things

• “I can find things to do” is not the correct response when asked what I’m doing

• Not allowed to shoot cigarettes out of soldier’s mouths

• Mardi Gras beads are not allowed in the Dining Facility

• No longer allowed to wear a cape while driving a convertible military vehicle

• My kevlar is not a pimp hat and I’m not allowed to put a feather in it

• A $1000 piece of equipment does not make a good ash tray

• Mohawks are not authorized haircuts

• I am not allowed to boycott our CSM

• Not allowed to attach mullet wigs to hard hats with super glue

• Not allowed to order a new aircraft from supply, even if the one on the flight line is broken

• “Playboy: The Mansion” is not an authorized military program

• Not allowed to build a statue of myself using Government resources.

• Not allowed to replace my rifle with a baseball bat, even if it does have the same serial number, butt number, a sling and a magazine attached to it.

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This entry was posted on Monday, May 19th, 2008 at 9:11 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.