Recovering
When I went in on Monday for the procedure, my doctor assured me that by Thursday I would be able to resume normal activities.
Clearly wrangling two infants does not fall into his definition of “normal activities”.
As I understand it, the Inuit people have a whole bunch of words relating to snow, because snow was such an important concept to them.
Well my children evidently have about 26 words for “Punching daddy in the testicles.”
Thing 1: Daaaaad. I’m inconsolable! I am sleepy and want to sit on your lap. Also, I would really like to work your balls over like a speed bag in a Rocky training montage.
Thing 2: Waaaah! You’re paying attention to another baby that isn’t me! I also need to be held in order to take a nap. Additionally I may need to beat on your sack as if your nuts owed me money.
Thing 1: Well I would really prefer that I be to one to be held right now. But I suppose I could let my brother have a turn, just as soon as I whale on your family jewels just a few more times.
Thing 2: Frankly I could go without being held, just as long as your groin suffers the sort of wrath usually reserved for a white cop in a Dolemite movie.
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October 29th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Dude–you missed out big time. What you *should* have done is make it seem like it’s a much bigger deal than it was; carry an ice pack at all times, wince when lifting anything heavy, have her bring you drinks, etc. Furthermore, since you have to fill about a dozen condoms to ensure sterility before being done with them forever–remember to make sure that she knows it’s only you doing your duty as a man to look at porn and masturbate as much as possible. LOL
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lukazaz reply on October 29th, 2010 3:57 pm:
WTF!!! this should be on a guide somewere I’m gonna go once the idea of a soldering Iron + testicles get’s out my brain but thanks for the tip
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October 29th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Also, delete these messages before your wife reads them.
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October 29th, 2010 at 4:10 pm
My daughter is pretty much convinced that my breasts are only there to use as steps in the climb up to my head. I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. Perhaps you should consider a cup until everything is healed. Personally I’m considering rigging up a metal bra to protect my goods until the whole “mommy is really a jungle-gym” phase passes.
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October 30th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
The downside to kids is that, they eventually hit a certain stage where their foreheads are at the perfect height for frequent collisions. They’ll hit damn near anything. Tables, counter tops, even nads. My kids have all gone through that. My youngest, who happens to be 18 months old today, is just about there. I know she nails me in the nuts at least once a day. Of course, the dog isn’t much better. Damned nuclear tail is at the right height to give me a good sack-tap.
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