SGT Johnson’s Retirement Speech

July 13th, 2010 by SGT Johnson

Johnson’s Retirement Speech:

Ever since I enlisted, I have had to convince people that I was in the military. When I’ve told people I was in the military, the response was something to the effect of, “Right. Now what do you really do?”

I suppose I can see why people have a hard time thinking of me as being in the military:

I need four or five different sounding alarms set in succession of 5 minutes each in order to wake up – you can imagine how this endeared me to my roommates
My clothes are always full of wrinkles and try as I might I can’t keep them clean
“I think I’m going to be 5 to 10 minutes late” is part of my genetic coding
My honest opinion, which is often touched with sarcasm, finds my out-loud voice way more often than is appropriate
Try as I might, I can’t wrap my mind around a base speed limit of 25 mph
I have a hard time spelling PT, much less managing to do it or pretending to like it

Lucky for me, the military didn’t use these types of qualifiers to let me in. The truth is, the military is full of all kinds of people with all kinds of talents and all kinds of personalities and I feel lucky to have met these people and to have served with them. Generic Viagra over the counter on https://www.caladrius.com/buy-viagra-cheap-generic-online/ with cheap prices.

Because to me, my service hasn’t just been a job or a paycheck. My time in the military has been to protect what I hold most dear: The rights and privileges of a life that is just not found outside our borders. As a daughter of a first generation East Pakistan immigrant, I am acutely aware of what others don’t have that I have. Let me tell you a few of the things I have:

I took my own vows at my wedding ceremony, instead of waiting in another room while four men and my dowry decided the rest of my life for me, unlike my cousin did when she was 15 (and was also considered past the prime marrying age)
I am able to walk outside my house without a trusted male escort
I was not married at the age of 12 to a 30-year-old I had never met. (Although as a parent faced with upcoming college bills, I can understand why parents might consider this an option.)
I am able to read and write.
I can take road trips by myself.
My social status was not determined at birth.
I can vote. For whomever I want.
I can buy alcohol. (Although I will say that the wisdom of having this privilege…well, never mind…)
I can wear pretty much whatever I want.
I can leave my hair down and uncovered in public.
I can go to church wherever I want, switch whenever I want, as often as I want.
I can stare a man down in public and not fear for my safety.
Two very important words: indoor plumbing. (Have you tried the alternative? Ew.)
I can speak and publish the truth. Even against the government.
I can take a moonlight walk because there’s no martial law.
There’s no unexpected land mines in the back yard. (Although that might have saved me some college tuition for my kids, too…JK!)
I don’t have to pretend to be a man to serve in almost any capability in the military.
My children are attending school instead of having to work since 3rd grade to keep the family from starving.
My husband doesn’t need to plant an IED to feed the family for a month because there are no other means for him to get money.
I can influence my childrens’ schools’ curriculum instead of them being fed state-sponsored extremist rhetoric.
Sesame Street doesn’t air puppet skits designed to save preschoolers from picking up toys left on the ground because they may blow up on them.
If I am raped, I don’t need to worry about my family killing me to salvage their honor.
My children have clean water to drink. Heck, we even have clean water to flush. (That whole indoor plumbing thing, again….)
Adequate, stable supplies of electricity that most of the population can pay for.
Accessible, good family health care. (Well, that’s debatable, but it’s still better than most of the world’s.)
I can inherit and own property and mange it myself. (As a personal note, my father is missing my retirement ceremony because he’s trying to sell property my sisters and I can’t inherit, and he’s hoping to bring the sale money back to the United States so that we can inherit it that way.)
All of my children and I have survived their births.
None of my children died the first few years of their lives. (Although my teenagers seem to come dangerously close several times a week, now.)
A few more important words: Starbucks. White Castle. Broadway Shoes.

We in the military understand that these things are not just entitlements that everyone is given. We in the military understand that these things are things that others in the world covet and sometimes want to take away from us and from the people we love. I can’t think of a more wonderful way to spend 24 years than protecting these rights and privileges and the people I love. So as you might imagine, I am really having a hard time hanging up my uniform.

I am going to miss this uniform, the military, and you all like you wouldn’t believe.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 13th, 2010 at 9:48 pm and is filed under Guest Story. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

ltc_insane Says:
July 13th, 2010 at 10:24 pm

well said

Anna Says:
July 13th, 2010 at 11:00 pm

Why are you retiring now? That is, if you don’t mind me asking.

SGT Johnson reply on July 14th, 2010 7:13 pm:

Sometimes you have choose meeting one set of responsibilities well over dividing your time and giving two worthwhile efforts less than your best. (I hope that made sense….)

Anna reply on July 14th, 2010 10:40 pm:

oh totalty, :) I was just curious. Good Luck in future endevors!

Catbunny Says:
July 13th, 2010 at 11:36 pm

RE: indoor plumbing – the alternative
Girl Scout camp in all the years I went, had latrines instead of flush toilets (except at the actual kitchen building). The exchange counselors from Europe were usually horrified. :)

(I wonder if anyone who was at Camp Low Country or Camp Skimino is also reading this list….) :D

StoneWolf reply on July 14th, 2010 3:37 am:

In Boy Scouts our toilet was “Here’s an E-tool and some TP. Go over that way.” Ah the joys of a Marine Assistant Scoutmaster.

Minty reply on July 27th, 2010 8:51 pm:

I would have preferred that in GS camp–the latrines we had to use were nasty.

Geodkyt reply on July 14th, 2010 2:58 pm:

Nope, but I am familiar with Camp Chickahominy (BSA camp nearby) — I grew up in Hampton.

Catbunny reply on July 14th, 2010 11:58 pm:

Skimino raided Chickahominy (chicken homely?) from time to time. I helped steal the weather rock once. *^_^*
(I had a different nickname at the time.)

Geodkyt reply on July 15th, 2010 3:46 pm:

Ah, I remember the weather rock fondly. Helped move that sucker a few times. . .

David B reply on March 2nd, 2014 1:14 pm:

I remember doing that in Boy Scouts at Camp Bearpaw.

Shadowydreamer Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 12:18 am

Brownie camp we had flush toilets in the bunkrooms (“But only flush every third use” .. with a guide on how to tell by urine colour, “Or its brown!”) but once up into Girl Guides, it was pitt toilets all the way. Yuuuum.

But much more important – thank you for helping me be a free, Canadian, female who can slap jerks in bars and not be stoned to death.

ArchaicDome reply on July 14th, 2010 9:24 am:

LOL GS Camp we even used a handy poem- if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down!

Raven Prometheus Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 12:20 am

Here, here. Good luck. We’ll miss you, too. Even if I never met you, I can say it was an honor to serve “with” you. Thank you.

Jane Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 7:53 am

I was with you right up until “White Castle”. :-)

From a civilian, thanks very much for your service, Sgt. J. Hope you and your family continue to be well.

SGT Johnson reply on July 14th, 2010 7:24 pm:

And when has anyone ever been addicted to something that was healthy? White Castle is da bomb. An addicting, greasy, artery-clogging bomb….

Thanks for the well wishes.

David B reply on March 2nd, 2014 1:17 pm:

Come to Wisconsin. We have this place called “Culvers.” Their burgers are actually grilled fresh, because not one is the same size, and you can actually see the truck backing up and delivering the raw meat at the place near where I live. Their buns are toasted and buttered, their fries are fresh made, and their cheese curds are made where you can see them being fried and breaded.

RivCA Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 8:12 am

From a young sailor to a retiring soldier, thank you for setting the bar that many of us can fall short of. You are indeed an inspiration.

On a separate note, I’m also an immediate descendant of an immigrant, but I am the oldest son of a Palestinian. Still, that made getting into the Navy a bit troublesome, on its own.

SGT Johnson reply on July 14th, 2010 7:35 pm:

Kudos to you for serving in the military. Do people expect you to take sides? In some situations, that was the case for me. Some just did not understand that I KNEW where I came from, honored it, but that was not what I wanted for my children. (Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now… )

RivCA reply on July 15th, 2010 12:44 pm:

I don’t know yet. Being at a training command for the past year (and another six monts following now), I’ve been sheltered from needing to make decisions like that.

SSG Hay Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 9:23 am

And all of Uncle Sam’s Special Little Children say, “HOOOAAAHH!!”

Captcha – gyrating however – I don’t even need to come up with something funny on that one, the joke stands on its own.

kat Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 10:35 am

I’ve already told my husband that if my daughter ever complains as a teenager about “but thats SO UNFAIR!” because I don’t let her do something, she’s going to get to sit through a lecture (and probably video presentation) about how teenage girls in the rest of the world are treated, especially those in the middle east and africa.

Dave in NC reply on July 14th, 2010 11:29 am:

By far the worst part about getting into trouble was not the physical punishments from my parents (which there were many and creative) but having to sit through both lectures of anywhere from 25 minutes to an hour.

Shadowydreamer reply on July 14th, 2010 11:37 am:

“Oh my God, Mum! I KNOW!”

“Not as well as you’re going to know thirty-five minutes from now!”

..My mother was also a good believer in ‘if you can’t make them behave in public – embarrass them.’

Tremorwolf Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 11:25 am

That, was truly a wonder read. Thank you for sharing that with us. :)

SGT Johnson reply on July 14th, 2010 7:36 pm:

I’m so glad. Quite the contrast from my retirement list, huh?

Raymond Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Thank you for your service Sgt. Johnson. It’s appreciated by everybody who can look past their own immediate self gratification. Sorry that’s not more people…

SPC. Kemperfish 19th SFG(A) Ret.

kat Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 3:24 pm

btw, I think we may be related, due to the fact that
1) I also need multiple alarms in order to wake up, as opposed to my loving husband who wakes up around 0430 whether he has to or not
2) I buy clothes that are “supposed” to have wrinkles, because I got tired of playing that game. Also, just over lunch today I spilled gyro meat on myself at least four times
3) The only way I got over the “I’m going to be 5-10 minutes late” thing is because right now I take the train, which means 5-10 minutes late translates into “I have to wait for the next train, which is in half an hour”
4) My sarcasm is on par with my husband’s, and he’s from New Hampshire, which is in the heartland of biting wittiness
5) I believe 25 mph only applies to old ladies and maybe schoolbusses
and finally
6) PT…. what’s that?

h-o-johnson reply on July 14th, 2010 5:12 pm:

re #2)

Sgt. Johnson only spills food on white shirts. I have no idea why this is, but any white shirt involved in a meal is almost certainly doomed.

SGT Johnson reply on July 14th, 2010 7:45 pm:

but only in civilian clothes. which is why bdu’s were so wonderful – they camoflagued pretty much every thing i spilled on them (which was a lot). i had to retire before october when i could no longer wear them. :)

Jim A reply on July 19th, 2010 8:44 am:

Or swith to eating lighter colored food.

SGT Johnson reply on July 14th, 2010 7:42 pm:

separated at birth, perhaps? it’s nice to know there’s a kindred spirit out there, somewhere. did you serve in the military? hopefully they were more tolerant of your “quirks” than they were of mine. :)

Diana reply on July 21st, 2010 1:45 am:

I’m replying here, because I want both of you to see this.

Are you late *all* the time? Or only in the morning? Do you have trouble waking up ALL the time? Or only in the morning/noon/night/crack of god’s ass/whatever time is woefully inappropriate for your body?

Lest you think I’m irreverently and unnecessarily splitting hairs, let me point out that I started sleeping through the night at *six weeks* old and did not wake up again before 9 am *unless someone or something WOKE me up*.

I took late classes in high school so I didn’t have to be up early.

When I went into the military, at first it was okay, because waking up at 4:30 AM is okay. Waking up at 5:30 or 6:30? Not so much.

If I’m required to work a 9-5ish schedule? Not only am I completely miserable, but I’m physically ill about it. Nauseated until about 6 pm, and as that nausea’s been going on since I was about twelve, I’m REASONABLY certain it’s not “morning sickness”, at least in the pregnancy sense.

I don’t even properly *wake up* until after noon. You can ask people who’ve worked with me, who’ve seen me drag my fat white ass in to work, and try to FORCE myself to concentrate/work/do anything besides *pass the fuck out and go back to sleep like my body wants*, and they will tell you.

I will take six twelve hour days a week from noon to midnight over five eights starting at 8 am ANY DAY.

Then I heard about “delayed sleep phase syndrome” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_syndrome) and when I finished HAVING HYSTERICS (because I have to have five alarm clocks that screech hideous wake the dead tones staggered in different places around the room so I actually have to physically get up out of bed to get to them . . . assuming I hear them in the first place, which I don’t, always), I realised how incredibly LUCKY I am that I’m already in a career (IT/Telecom) where I can ask for the late shift and almost always get it.

Melatonin has worked for me, so has Ambien (although if I’m going to take THAT, I need to have about 12 hours, because I’m still kinda foggy the next day). Vitamin B didn’t help with sleep per se, but it did with stress. Actually, CortiSlim helped *slightly* with sleep, but not dramatically.

But mostly what works for me is *letting me go to sleep when I am tired*, as opposed to trying to force me to bed when I’m *wide awake*.

And I’m *CONVINCED* that more people who think they have “insomnia” or “sleeping problems” *ACTUALLY* have DSPS.

(Captcha: “information salivates”. How utterly apropos)

AdoAnnie reply on July 21st, 2010 4:16 pm:

I agree with you. I am on a rotating 12 hour shift cycle and I am awake, alert and happy on graveyards. I am sleepy, cranky, sluggish and just plain unhappy on day shift. I even have to take presciption “stay awake” meds when day shift is too overpowered by the need to be asleep. I would be truly happy to stay on graveyards if it were offered. And my sleep doctor tells me that shift work has been designated as a sleep disorder.

Diana reply on July 21st, 2010 4:41 pm:

Shift work sleep disorder *is* a sleep disorder for people who are day shift people. People who are night shift people, shift work is not a disorder. It’s a REQUIREMENT.

However, even worse than days is rotating. Oh my god that’s miserable.

Can you switch schedules with one of your coworkers who is going to nights but won’t want it?

SGT Johnson Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Thanks all for the kind comments. Especially from those who served or are serving. Some of you know first hand how some of the days can be…. Enough said.

Jon Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 9:33 pm

Well said. As someone who didn’t serve, I truly and deeply honor those who have.

This quote is a brief and essential truth that many just don’t understand: “People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” – George Orwell

SGT Johnson reply on July 15th, 2010 7:46 am:

That is the truth. (Although I would add women and that not all the men who think its worthwhile to be “ready to do violence” are rough – people’s inner qualities in different circumstances is quite surprising… )

Every freedom any one ever had has been fought for by someone, and in many cases, believed it was worth dying for. I’ve never seen it any other way.

I won’t get into the politics of war, or the decisions that have been made concerning it, because we all have our opinions. But I must say, there are people in our country who are SERIOUS that the United States’ population sleep peaceably in their beds at night, and wake up with nothing that would challenge their belief that they can try and push the limits of Constitutional freedoms that day. I am thankful beyond belief for this fact.

ltc_insane Says:
July 14th, 2010 at 10:22 pm

i’ve never served but i was always strongly attracted to it, i honor the people that do.

walter willis Says:
July 15th, 2010 at 7:22 am

Grandpa came to the US just before the First World War. I figure that the Austro Hungarian, Communist Hungarian, Rumanian (occupation), Czechoslovakian, Slovakian, Nazi(occupation), Communist Czechoslovakian, and Slovakian/Czechian (don’t know which country it’s for now) flags have flown over that village since.
Soooo glad gramps came here.

TheShadowCat Says:
July 15th, 2010 at 8:56 am

On behalf of all of us who take our freedom for granted, thank you, Sgt. J. Freedom is never Free.

Susan Says:
July 15th, 2010 at 8:44 pm

I would add one more thing…the right not to attend any religious services, if that’s what you choose.

And thank you for your service.

SGT Johnson reply on July 27th, 2010 11:09 pm:

Definitely. Or to be able to say that you don’t believe in God without political or legal consequences.

AFP Says:
July 16th, 2010 at 6:43 pm

SGT Johnson: Thank you for your service, and for being the sort of person who makes the military an interesting workplace! :-D

AdoAnnie Says:
July 18th, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Simply, thank you. You made me cry this morning reading your list. I am 55 yrs old and a Vietnam Era Vet (served in S. Korea) and I take to heart all of what you can do now, even from the history of this country. I tell people that one of the most emotional steps I ever took was to buy a house in my own name as a single woman without having to have a male co-signer as my grandmother had to have back in 1954 when she bought her house. Even though she was amply employed, as a widow (single woman) she was required by the bank to have her oldest son co-sign her mortgage loan.

Many, many happy wishes on your retirement. I hope that you enjoy it to the fullest.

SGT Johnson reply on July 27th, 2010 10:54 pm:

Thanks for this. What a heartwarming comment.

Jim A Says:
July 21st, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Well said. Just a note that it IS important to distinguish between critical freedoms (like freedom of religion, and the freedom to choose your spouse) and benefits of the fact that we are a wealthy nation. (like indoor plumbing) After all, the Nazis had flush toilets. (at least until we destroyed them)

There, I’ve managed to Godwin this thread.

Diana reply on July 21st, 2010 2:21 pm:

The MINOANs had flush toilets.

I think her point was, exposure to raw sewage is a health and safety hazard.

I mean, you can get composting toilets that do things quite well with low odor, especially if you’re reasonably able to separate the liquid waste from the solid waste. But places without indoor plumbing usually just have a pile.

SGT Johnson reply on July 27th, 2010 11:08 pm:

It IS important to understand the difference between critical freedoms and benefits. And exposure to raw sewage is definitely a health and safety hazard. Here, though, it was more a quick list of what I appreciate about the U.S. that others don’t get to enjoy on a regular basis.

SGT Johnson’s Retirement Speech

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