Hate Male
I just returned home after a long trip out of town to find the following email waiting for me.
Note: Hate Mail is not safe for work. Unless you work for a gay porn company featuring Marines.
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From: ontos 184 [mailto:ontos184@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Sunday, June 13, 2010 10:38 AM
To: skippy@skippyslist.com
Subject:
SUCK MY MARINE COCK YOU DISGUSTING CUNT!!
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Well I’m not sure what I did to raise the ire of this well-spoken, and no doubt highly reputable member of the military community. Near as I can figure the only other time a Marine has gotten upset at my site is was because of item number 58, specifically the part about not making cadences about Marines being latent homosexuals.
But I don’t think that’s the case here, because he has presented quite possibly the worlds worst comeback against that particular joke.
Unless of course he is angry at me for not making those cadences.
In any case I find myself at a loss. I am not quite sure how to handle this email. And so I have decided to leave it up to you, my readers.
While I have allowed you guys to add your own suggestions, I need to point out that I will veto any solution that calls for me to actually suck his cock.
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June 15th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
damb it skippy I want to choose all of them
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INeedHelpBad reply on June 15th, 2010 9:56 pm:
You can vote for all of them. I voted for like four of them.
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June 15th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Hmm…
*spends about 5 minutes coming up with this*
Use his email to create the gay profile on gay dating sites, then send him an email saying: Thank you for the offer but I’m straight and have never been a marine. However, I have always respected homosexuals in uniform such as Onto 184; and have therefore decided to help you by signing you up for (insert list of gay dating sites here)
That’s the best way I can think of to combine multiple options.
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Ziggy reply on June 16th, 2010 1:21 am:
We have a winner.
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StoneWolf reply on June 16th, 2010 3:26 am:
Yes, yes, this is good!
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Srstrange reply on June 16th, 2010 6:09 am:
Perfection
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Laughing-in-class reply on June 16th, 2010 11:02 am:
Well, I WAS going to suggest just telling him to ‘Bite my ass’, but after reading this…I have to concede defeat. You win, this is GOLD!
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Shadowydreamer reply on June 16th, 2010 11:21 am:
Bonus points for the suggestion being from someone using the name “Willy” ;)
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Sgt. Spooky reply on June 16th, 2010 1:49 pm:
I concur. This is indeed epic. Of course we could end up with a Jack “You Pissed off the wrong Marine!” Nicholson wannabe here…..
Captcha- Tarzan One…..hmmm sounds like a homoerotic Marine callsign. Could be good fanfic material. Thank you captcha!
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Tremorwolf reply on June 17th, 2010 11:56 am:
I’m in agreement.. this is by FAR the best way…not to mention the possibility for the most Hilarity to ensue…
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Anna reply on June 17th, 2010 6:13 pm:
Yes!!! that’s perfect, props for the best order Willy! And of course Skippy for sharing this with us and coming up with these wonderful replis. Made my day!
Captcha: subjects theas, I can’t see anything obvious but after reading this post every thing is sounding like inuendo.
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Catherine reply on June 18th, 2010 12:12 pm:
Yes. YES.
This is what needs to happen.
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Andrew reply on June 19th, 2010 5:44 am:
This is GOLD! Skippy must do this as a self respecting, soldier supporting, internet celebrity! To do otherwise concedes defeat to ontos184.
Captcha: stopper move – yes it is!
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June 16th, 2010 at 4:32 am
Oh my god, I voted for this option before you brought it up… it is perfect, it must happen!
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NO-GO reply on June 16th, 2010 4:41 am:
whoops… the above was supposed to be in response to Willy there
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June 16th, 2010 at 5:54 am
3, followed by the second half of 2, then 1 as a consolation prize for such a loyal and attentive reader.
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June 16th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
I occasionally supplement my income by “writing” gay porn (honestly, Shakespeare I ain’t); I would be more than happy to write the required homoerotic fiction for choice #1.
I would suggest avoiding the one about telling him his dick is a clit; sexism is so last year, don’t you know.
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Speed reply on June 27th, 2010 8:22 am:
Instead of the clit remark, you could say that he only has three hairs and one of them leaks.
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June 16th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
You start by writing the slash-fic where he gets his wish granted, except that you change his wish to make him begging to grant groupie action on anyone worthy of his services. You do him the service of posting this, using his email address for contact, on gay dating sites. Be sure to include the “little nub is a clit” part in his dating profile because thats important.
THEN you can reply to him, point out that Skippy was never a Marine, you suppose blah-blah, you’ve done him the favor, and decline his offer.
And then you take the high road and ignore him.
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June 16th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
I didnt really have any comments for this thread, willy said everything that needs be said,
UNTIL i saw my captcha
CAPTCHA: well-supplied maurine
effing lols
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June 16th, 2010 at 2:52 pm
He’s a Marine. Nothing latent about it, in my experience.
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June 16th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Just what is it that causes a marine to insult an ex-soldier, outside of the random bull that is present here? I hate to say it, but I have to associate with this kind of Navy green. Thankfully, it’s not on a regular basis.
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June 16th, 2010 at 9:24 pm
If you ever find out what set this person off, would you please tell us?
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June 17th, 2010 at 6:12 am
This moron SAYS he’s a marine. I really doubt it.
I could announce that I’m the Pope’s favourite cousin and that the sun shines out of my backside, but saying so doesn’t make it true. IMO, this is just some pathetic dweeb’s notion of high art.
… And I voted for “Use his email address to create profiles on gay dating sites under the name “Gilbert the Frottaging Felcher” to help him get that blow job he wants.” ;)
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Stonewolf reply on June 17th, 2010 4:19 pm:
Eh, I could believe he’s a Marine. I work with a guy who would say something like this, and he used to be a Marine. Its cool though, he’s not racist or anything. He hates EVERYONE! Although I happen to know he worked Comms for the Wing, so its really funny to hear him bitch about POGs and REMFs.
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June 17th, 2010 at 10:12 am
definitely go with this
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June 17th, 2010 at 10:50 pm
You’ve given us his email ontos184@sbcglobal.net
I think (but won’t do it unless you request) your loyal skippy fans could wage a campaign of destruction upon this man.
Hell, it worked more then once for Maddox.
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Anna reply on June 18th, 2010 7:20 am:
I’ll help!
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June 17th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
In addition to the brilliant idea that Willie came up with, you could post up this person’s email address on your site, and have all of your loyal readers register his email address for a bunch of crazy gay or otherwise annoying, esoteric, websites that they could find… oh wait, you already did.
That’d be, at the time I’m writing, 548 horrible website offers that he would receive if everyone took the time to find one. And really, we’re reading Skippy’s blog, it’s not like we done all have a 30 seconds to google something that deals with “gay porn and (Insert random item, animal or action)” and register this email address for it.
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Merchant reply on June 17th, 2010 11:06 pm:
Apologies for the horrible lack of proofreading in the above comment. (“Done” should read “Don’t”)
Just arrived in Denver after a 13 hour drive West!
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June 18th, 2010 at 5:21 am
Maybe whoever / whatever sent this is actually hoping for a flood of nasty responses? If “temporarily” using somebody else’s e-mail, they might get their jollies using it to send objectionable messages and then let the rightful user get the backblast.
Making a “nice” response might be worth thinking about at this stage, just to see what happens next.
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M578Jockey reply on June 18th, 2010 9:25 am:
Curses!!! evil plans thwarted by common sense and decency.
Captcha: the entrance…I assume he was looking for the back entrance.
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June 27th, 2010 at 8:26 am
What I’ve picked out from his email address: Ontos is a lt tank chasis with six missile launch tubes, three to a side, like big bazookas. It was used in Korea and Vietnam by the Marines. 184 could be a date: January ’84. Birth date? Enlistment date? Retirement date, which would be in line with the Ontos part, if he is fact a Marine.
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