You Should Hear What Happened When I Missed Shamrock Shakes This Year…
One fun thing about having two babies. They make noise.
Sometimes quite a bit of it.
Frequently for long stretches of time.
I have found that when my children behave this way, one of the best ways to get them to settle down is to put them in a stroller, and take them for a walk around the block. This generally gets them calm pretty quick and as a bonus, this takes me past a CVS. Which means that I can stop in and get Cadbury Cream Eggs. And between dealing with kids, and school and doing most of the household chores, regular access to Cadbury Cream Eggs are pretty much the only thing that are allowing me to keep clinging to sanity by my fingernails.
If I were to suddenly lose access to them there would be a terrible reckoning. There would be blood. There would be fire. The sun would be blotted from the sky, and shrieking clouds of skittering black shapeless things will flutter through streets, while trilling an insane cacophony of tortured noise. Indistinct humanoid forms will lurk in the shadows, snaring the unwary and stripping the meat from their bones. The firmament below us will crumble away into a swirling dark void, and the rivers and oceans will fill with a viscous ebony fluid, filled with menacing shapes that gibber and occasionally pull the innocent into the depths to feed.
And above us the angels would look down and weep bitter anguished tears to see what horrors I have wrought upon this earth.
It’s a good thing Cadbury Cream Eggs aren’t seasonal or anything.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 8:45 am
Sounds fun.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 8:59 am
Has anyone ever told you you are a very good writer?
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April 3rd, 2010 at 9:24 am
Skippy, that is better then the penny arcade one they wrote awhile back.
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haliwali reply on May 8th, 2010 12:31 pm:
I made the same comparison. If I had read this a week ago it would have showed up in my AP Lit essay as well as or instead of Tycho’s speech.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 11:35 am
*makes note to pacify the Skippy-God with Cadbury Creme Eggs*
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April 3rd, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Maaayyyybe you should start stocking up on creme eggs.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Hah!
Now Kraft have got their greasy, chubby hands on Cadbury, say good-bye to cream eggs, and say hello to:
(Read in 90’s infomercial hype voice, w/ echo)
NEW!! IMPROVED!! SUPEEEEER… CHEEZ-WHIZ EGGS!!!
Only $4.95 each!
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TheShadowCat reply on April 3rd, 2010 4:16 pm:
Cheez-whiz is cheese food. Therefore, it is what you feed to cheese.
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Frank "Grayhawk" Huminski reply on April 7th, 2010 7:06 am:
So, is Spam “Meat Whiz”?
Does swiss Cheez-Whiz have holes?
Can you grate Parmesan Cheez-Whiz?
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April 3rd, 2010 at 4:14 pm
I see the sleep deprivation experiment is going well.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 10:30 pm
“Starts stocking up frantically on Cadbury Creme Eggs.”
Hey…waitaminute…I’m FAR from innocent. So, does that mean that in the Skippypocolypse I’ll be safe? Or should I keep buying up all the eggs I can to send as offerings to the God of Sleep Deprivation?
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April 4th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Skippocalypse…I like that.
I’d say I can’t relate, because sweet things don’t generally call to me. But I can totally relate once I thought about it.
I can’t drink coffee. It knocks me out. So when I need my caffeine intake to stay awake I mostly drink unsweetened iced tea. When that isn’t enough, I resort to a particular diet soda that apparently must have as much caffeine as Red Bull based on effect: Cherry Coke Zero.
You’d be amazed at how many places don’ t have Cherry Coke Zero. I was at the convenience store owned by my brother in law and remember asking fairly calmly if they were likely to get any in, because I’d noticed there was none in the drink case.
Apparently, people in small towns experience me differently, becaause later that day my BIL mentioned that he’d been called by a nervous clerk at the store worried about some “great big scary crazy guy” obsessing over the diet sodas and wondering if they should call the cops if he came back.
I told him to tell the clerk no and just order my damn sodaa.
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April 5th, 2010 at 9:40 am
….. that was amazingly vivid….can I take you along the next time in need to negotiate a car lone? :)
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April 5th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Note to myself:
Mod up some rounds for an M203 to launch Cadbury Creme Eggs. Perhaps if I sabot the eggs in styrofoam I’ll get sufficient velocity and range.
When the Zombies come, fire Cadbury rounds near Skippy and run like heck.
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DF reply on April 10th, 2010 10:17 am:
I could probably modify my homebuilt spud cannon to fire saboted cluster Cadbury rounds. Let’s save ourselves.
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April 6th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Umm, Skippy, there’s something I need to tell you…oh, never mind.
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April 9th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
I lament, that with a pharmacological reaction to cocoa, I can no longer eat Cadbury’s Creme Eggs. Well, not without becoming a deranged lunatic…OK, a _more_ deranged lunatic.
But more than that, I lament that I never mastered the ‘second bite’. You know, you bite off the top quarter-to-third*, revealing the yummy ‘yoke.’ Then you try to bite it in such a way that it doesn’t fracture, leaving it with sticky, fondant-covered fingers. For only the truly gifted can master the second bite, the rest of us must shove the whole gooey mess into our gobs, rather unceremoniously, then lick chocolate and fondant from our fingers.
Now I remember buying one on a Stena Line ferry between Folkstone and Boulogne in the mid-eighties. It was cool to the touch, and strangely firm and easy to make a second bite. Then we sussed! The bloody frogs had REFRIGERATED it. There was outrage. Bad enough there was no HP sauce for the pommes frites, but this was beyond the pale. Wars had been started over less. In a last ditch effort at détente, we consigned it to the bottom of the Channel, half-eaten and yet with its dignity intact.
So, Skippy, if you can manage a three-bite solution to the Creme Egg dilemma. You’re a better man than I am, Bungdit-Din!
T.
captcha: sorts variably – No! There is only one Creme Egg.
* And yes, I recall the ‘seductive’ creme egg-eating of the girls in high school…and us lads left psychologically debilitated by the spectacle.
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skippy reply on April 9th, 2010 12:32 pm:
Dammit…you went and reminded me that HP Sauce exists. I haven’t had any since I ate at a cafeteria with British soldiers in Bosnia.
Fortunately i have found out that there are grocery store chains nearby that actually carry the stuff. I will be getting some this afternoon.
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Tzanti reply on April 10th, 2010 8:53 am:
Proper or Fruity?
And let’s not even get started on Marmite…
captcha: equally rwandas – HP lovers can be pretty tribal too.
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Enigmatick reply on April 9th, 2010 3:52 pm:
Indeed, there is an easy way to master the “second bite”:
cram the whole bloody thing into your mouth!
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April 10th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I… wow… umm… *stunned*
skippy, stay far far far away from my town. After reading this I went looking for CCE’s and found that not a single store I could find carried them. So stay far far away…
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August 26th, 2010 at 9:47 am
thank god i think you dont live near me and we have swords…
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