This entry was posted
on Monday, February 15th, 2010 at 11:08 am and is filed under Fun with internets.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
Yeah, we have military. Infantry-wise, only the SAS are any good, the others are just muppets too retarded or lazy to get a real job, so they joined the regular army instead. We have 50 light armoured vehicles, only two of which have ever been used outside training (and that was for transporting armed police during a siege last year when a gunman holed himself up and was shooting at anything that moved).
We have no combat wing of our Airforce, having retired our Skyhawks a few years back and not replaced them (we were offered Tomcats by the US, but for some reason turned them down). That left us with a few Orions (used mostly for patrolling our fisheries) some Hercules (taking stuff to Antarctica) and a couple of Iroquois choppers (no idea what they’re used for, but I bet it’s not exactly cutting-edge military stuff).
And our Navy isn’t much more than an extended-range Coastguard – the last major additions were ‘Inshore Patrol Ships’, which don’t carry any guns. Added to that the fact they’re slowly retiring our frigates (the only ships that actually have weapons other than small-arms), and we’ll probably not have a Navy with any combat abilities worth talking about within a decade. Oh, and we don’t have subs or anything of that nature either.
I have a feeling Aussie could take us in a week if they used their full firepower on us.
you don’t need a navy as long as you don’t intend to attack someone, few dozen trucks with anti-ship missiles that can be deployed anywhere in the NZ coast within hours, one, maybe two squadrons of attack aircraft equipped with anti-ship and possibly anti-submarine weapons, and of course a gatling, preferrably GAU-8 Avenger.
Add a flight of interceptors per each two attack aircraft flights, and deploy couple of mobile Anti-aircraft artillery regiments (doesn’t have to be actual artillery, trucks or APCs with SAM launchers will do) and New Zealand will not be invaded anytime soon.
Then again, what could Kiwis possibly have that anyone actually wanted bad enough to take it by force.
I think their’s is mostly to keep the crazy animals at bay. Seriously, No one will ever invade Australia, they’ll get two feet before the beasties start crawling out of the sand and then it’s all over. I think that place has more poisonous critters per square inch than anywhere else, except maybe the Amazon.
Someone Else reply on February 15th, 2010 7:54 pm:
Yep. It’s the same military that kicked arse in WWI and WWII, won Long Tan despite being outnumbered (at least) by 7 to 1, and was severely under utilised and screwed over the US military in Afghanistan.
WW2 the ARA was over in the middle east while we were being directly threatened by the japs. The malita did a damn fine job and stopped the japanese at kakoda but they were not proper soildiers. Once the ARA returned and the battle of the coral sea was won the japs folded in kakoda. If you want storys of outnumbered and classed forces winning the day try reading about the battle of Isurava. AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!
Squid Vicious reply on February 18th, 2010 3:08 am:
All NZ’s energy comes from renewable sources – most of it is hydroelectric, but we also have geothermal plants in our central North Island, and a few wind turbines as well.
When i was working in the Pentagon Library, one of the regulars that came in was in the RNZAF. At the time, (late 80s, early 90s) we were having a bit of a tiff with them over nuclear naval vessels, so I’m not sure that he had alot of work to do.
Follow
February 15th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Does New Zealand actually not have military? o.O
Reply
February 15th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Yes, they actually do. As much as any non-American force, at least.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Zealand_Defence_Force
Reply
February 15th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Yeah, we have military. Infantry-wise, only the SAS are any good, the others are just muppets too retarded or lazy to get a real job, so they joined the regular army instead. We have 50 light armoured vehicles, only two of which have ever been used outside training (and that was for transporting armed police during a siege last year when a gunman holed himself up and was shooting at anything that moved).
We have no combat wing of our Airforce, having retired our Skyhawks a few years back and not replaced them (we were offered Tomcats by the US, but for some reason turned them down). That left us with a few Orions (used mostly for patrolling our fisheries) some Hercules (taking stuff to Antarctica) and a couple of Iroquois choppers (no idea what they’re used for, but I bet it’s not exactly cutting-edge military stuff).
And our Navy isn’t much more than an extended-range Coastguard – the last major additions were ‘Inshore Patrol Ships’, which don’t carry any guns. Added to that the fact they’re slowly retiring our frigates (the only ships that actually have weapons other than small-arms), and we’ll probably not have a Navy with any combat abilities worth talking about within a decade. Oh, and we don’t have subs or anything of that nature either.
I have a feeling Aussie could take us in a week if they used their full firepower on us.
Reply
Squid Vicious reply on February 15th, 2010 2:33 pm:
Oops, make that 105 LAV. Oh, and we also added “Offshore Patrol Vessels” as well, which are also unarmed. Waste of money.
Reply
Signalist reply on August 11th, 2011 7:05 am:
you don’t need a navy as long as you don’t intend to attack someone, few dozen trucks with anti-ship missiles that can be deployed anywhere in the NZ coast within hours, one, maybe two squadrons of attack aircraft equipped with anti-ship and possibly anti-submarine weapons, and of course a gatling, preferrably GAU-8 Avenger.
Add a flight of interceptors per each two attack aircraft flights, and deploy couple of mobile Anti-aircraft artillery regiments (doesn’t have to be actual artillery, trucks or APCs with SAM launchers will do) and New Zealand will not be invaded anytime soon.
Then again, what could Kiwis possibly have that anyone actually wanted bad enough to take it by force.
Reply
February 15th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Wait… Australia has an military too?
Reply
kat reply on February 15th, 2010 2:55 pm:
I think their’s is mostly to keep the crazy animals at bay. Seriously, No one will ever invade Australia, they’ll get two feet before the beasties start crawling out of the sand and then it’s all over. I think that place has more poisonous critters per square inch than anywhere else, except maybe the Amazon.
captcha: Untruest Therapy – I KNEW IT!!
Reply
ltc_insane reply on February 16th, 2010 4:15 pm:
nah we have our navy primarily to stop illegal immigrants and people smugglers getting to our shores :P
and yeah our defense force would be pretty useful as we do have Indonesia to the north which we occasionally have issues with each other.
Reply
Sweet Sister Morphine reply on February 20th, 2010 3:41 am:
Actually, the climate is probably more likely to kill people than the animals. They just clean up the remains.
Reply
Someone Else reply on February 15th, 2010 7:54 pm:
Yep. It’s the same military that kicked arse in WWI and WWII, won Long Tan despite being outnumbered (at least) by 7 to 1, and was severely under utilised and screwed over the US military in Afghanistan.
Reply
ltc_insane reply on February 16th, 2010 4:27 pm:
that we did mind you we were a tad over extended in WW2 if things had gone bad the Japanese could of had us.
if i’m not mistaken i could of sworn the Australian Air Force patrols New Zealand’s air space. :P
Reply
LOKIM8 reply on February 23rd, 2010 7:05 am:
WW2 the ARA was over in the middle east while we were being directly threatened by the japs. The malita did a damn fine job and stopped the japanese at kakoda but they were not proper soildiers. Once the ARA returned and the battle of the coral sea was won the japs folded in kakoda. If you want storys of outnumbered and classed forces winning the day try reading about the battle of Isurava. AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!
Reply
Phelps reply on February 23rd, 2010 8:43 am:
The funny thing is, this comment even reads with an accent.
Captcha: went rommel
too easy.
LOKIM8 reply on February 23rd, 2010 3:49 pm:
Sorry for my historical inacuracy it was the AIF Australian Infantry Force at that stage.
February 16th, 2010 at 9:52 am
Gotta love the Aussies.
Reply
February 16th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
What’s the clean energy in the commercial?
Reply
Squid Vicious reply on February 18th, 2010 3:08 am:
All NZ’s energy comes from renewable sources – most of it is hydroelectric, but we also have geothermal plants in our central North Island, and a few wind turbines as well.
Reply
February 17th, 2010 at 6:10 am
When i was working in the Pentagon Library, one of the regulars that came in was in the RNZAF. At the time, (late 80s, early 90s) we were having a bit of a tiff with them over nuclear naval vessels, so I’m not sure that he had alot of work to do.
Reply
February 18th, 2010 at 8:29 am
Oh yeah, well all our energy comes from bombing brown people, and they are a renewable resource too!
Reply