I Should Work For A TV Network
I’ve had some ideas for reality television shows.
It has been pointed out that my ideas are more “elaborate and dangerous practical jokes on innocent people” than television shows. But on the other hand shows like Joe Millionaire and WB’s Superstar USA, and Scare Tactics seem to indicate that elaborate and dangerous practical jokes are a valid entertainment choice.
My first idea is called “The Haunted Manor”. A group of standard attention-whore reality show fodder are placed in an actual haunted house. Last one to quit wins a fabulous and expensive prize.
Naturally the house isn’t actually haunted. But it will be built, and controlled by a high end special effects studio. All of the background, history and so on will be elaborately faked. Given enough lead in time, and enough of a budget a fake special program about haunting could be produced, for the express purpose of convincing people that the house is a real place, with a long documented history.
Once the contestants are inside, it’s just a matter of screwing with them until they start snapping.
The people who run haunted houses for Halloween can already reduce customers to sobbing wrecks. And those customers go in knowing that it’s fake. Imagine how much more could be done with someone who thinks it’s all real, and furthermore has a strong financial motive to stay.
My next idea is called “Apocalypse Island”. The contestants are taken to a big-brother-esque compound, on an island in a nice tropical (And possibly fictitious) third world country. They will not be told the real name of the show going in.
The format, at least as far as the contestants know, is pretty standard fair. Each week they get a series of wacky challenges. Losing the challenges makes them eligible to be voted out of the compound, and once a week they hold an elimination election.
For a week or so before the contest starts, all of the participants, including a few actors, will be sequestered away from civilization. In theory to give them a “safety briefing” about the local area and/or to give them lessons on how to help keep the audiences attention, perhaps even a few classes in how to use some of the special equipment in the compound. That sort of thing.
The real reason is to isolate the contestants so that they cannot realistically learn anything about the location that they are going to. Because a quick Google search might reveal that they were going to an imaginary place. Some of the safety briefings can mention that there is some political unrest in the area. But the folks running the show will be sure to reassure everyone that everything is fine, and that the local insurgents never come this far/like Americans/are generally not a concern.
At the location where all of the classes are taking place much can be done to subtly give the contestants the idea that the country they are in is beginning to experience a major upheaval. Heck at this point on of the planted actors can “get a really bad feeling about this” and back out.
The players get to the compound and spend a few days doing what should feel like normal reality show stuff.
And then the world ends.
An attack is staged. Most of the crew, and even a few cast members are killed when what appears to be a civil war spills into the set. Of course the fatalities are nothing more than blanks, blood quibs, and a few well trained actors. Possibly some explosions that blow up a dock, or a bridge to the mainland or something.
And the plot here doesn’t have to be limited to a revolt breaking out. With the right prompting, special effects, and hints from some actors you could fake any number of dangerous scenarios: nuclear war, catastrophic industrial accident, zombie apocalypse. Really the only limit it the skill of the FX crew and the budget.
The idea is that the contestants are led to believe that the show has gone horribly horribly awry, and that they are now trapped in a dangerous location. Granted they still have a well-stocked compound to live in, but no idea how long it will remain safe for.
At this point the show is filmed entirely from hidden cameras, and it becomes a sort of perverse Gilligan’s Island. The few “surviving” crew members come up with a variety of schemes designed to help contact civilization to arrange some sort of rescue. A panel of judges will periodically vote a contestant out of the compound. The remaining contestants won’t know this of course. All they will know is that every once in a while, one of them disappears without a trace.
I think watching a group of reality show contestants descending into total Lord of the Flies mode will make for some seriously entertaining television.
And yeah, I made peace with the fact that I am a horrible human being years ago.
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August 6th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
So how awful was it that the very first thought I had about your Apocolypse idea was “I’d totally watch that?” Because, in a really twisted way, I really like the idea.
All you have to do is figure out how to avoid the lawsuits.
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skippy reply on August 6th, 2009 10:02 pm:
“All you have to do is figure out how to avoid the lawsuits.”
It’s all in the liability release form.
Some people sign anything to get on TV.
Besides that lawsuit = free advertising.
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August 6th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
The jerks who get “cast” for reality shows are vile, and so I would gleefully watch this.
And seriously, did you expect well-adjusted human beings in your readership?
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August 6th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
You know, when I came back from Afghanistan, I came up with one very, very, very good thing to say about that country: they have no reality TV, and therefore are culturally superior to us. In every way.
But I’d love to see these two. Mainly because we could see them just flip the fuck out and go insane. And then see what happens when they get back to the US. That’d be hilarious.
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CCO reply on August 7th, 2009 8:47 am:
That reminds of what Jay Leno said about “Temptation Island” (the horrible “reality show” on Fox about five years or more ago in which couples were sent to an island to be tempted to cheat): “The Taliban may have a point about TV.”
There was one more show he classed with “Temptation Island”, but I can’t remember the name.
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Viktor reply on August 7th, 2009 2:22 pm:
Especially if those voted off the island were “kiddnapped” by “marauders” or something, blindfolded, tossed in a truck, etc. Then the hood gets pulled off their head in front on their front lawn, with their family there, while the cameras are rolling.
I’m sick. And probably going to hell.
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Minty reply on August 7th, 2009 3:46 pm:
I would pay real money to see that.
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Viktor reply on August 7th, 2009 3:58 pm:
Which part? The revealing that it was all a joke on camera or the me going to hell?
Minty reply on August 7th, 2009 5:45 pm:
The reveal. As for Hell, what with my health, I’ll be saving the seat next to me for you.
Cmdr. Crashlander reply on August 7th, 2009 6:52 pm:
Minty, Save one for Me too. Are you not well? Are you still in Seattle? I’m on Capitol Hill. Keep up the great writing. I’ve gat a few stories to submit if I can find the time to write them. Get well soon. Oh and don’t forget to save that seat.
(I’ll volunteer to run the Apocalypse Island “prison camp”
SERE school style.)
Captcha: McGovern raids – Maybe we could get him to attack the
Island?
Minty reply on August 7th, 2009 9:58 pm:
“Are you not well?”
I’m fine. I’m just referring to the likelihood of me dying from obesity. I like to poke fun of my weight. Of course no one else can XD
Yes, I’m still in Seattle, and in CH to boot! Feel free to email me: mintofthewater@gmail.com
Kat reply on August 8th, 2009 9:02 am:
minty, I live in Seattle too!!!! Well, actually just south, near seatac, but close.
emaziarz@live.com
Maven reply on August 10th, 2009 9:24 am:
Ohhh…Have the kidnapee be voted off the compound by the audience each week so it’s totally random who gets the boot.
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Cmdr. Crashlander reply on August 10th, 2009 6:54 pm:
A friend of mine just informed Me that there is a show starting Thursday called “The Colony” that sounds disturbingly similar to Apocalypse Island.
Captcha: profitable septums – Michael Jackson’s
August 7th, 2009 at 12:01 am
I would be happy with the whole reality show concept if they just relabelled them to “Game shows” since that’s what they are. I’d even settle for an “extreme game show” or similar marketing ploy. Truth in advertising my aunt fanny.
Captcha says “Thrills single” .. Maybe it says you should go with idea #1 and make it a dating game too!
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Minty reply on August 7th, 2009 10:13 am:
Are you kidding?! The moment two of the contestants have sex, some psycho will break onto the set and kill them both! Talk about lawsuit waiting to happen. . .
Captcha: “Hermann pantie.” Well, there’s Nazi zombie movies; why not a Nazi slasher flick? I can just see it now–a small group of teenaged Hitler Youth take a break from learning how to detect Jews with phrenology and go to the country. While they’re there, they get drunk and try to summon Woden. Unfortunately, they flub some of the incantation and get Tiw. And he is not happy.
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paula reply on August 8th, 2009 2:27 pm:
hmmm….. I like it!
Let’s see, now there’s sex and violence and gangs of crazy people; maybe you can add in teams of, say, Bloods or Crips (or Taliban!) to go head-to-head with those Hitler Youth? Arm ’em all equally, and just think of the TV ratings that would get!
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oneluckyduck reply on January 24th, 2011 6:53 pm:
Huh, I’m reminded of a certain kingdom Hearts Fanfiction. Now, I’m usually a fiction fan, but this one can only be choked down with the mocks from Project A.F.T.E.R.
See it now- two boys, members of an S.S. that is completely historically accurate, are best friends. Except one is the son of a high ranking official and the other is a homosexual jewish boy who turned traiter. It’s basically a horrifying high school fic.
~~~~
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Minty reply on January 25th, 2011 3:38 pm:
Actually, there’s already a (serious) movie with a similar cast, though the Jewish boy in question isn’t gay or a traitor. It’s called “Europa, Europa.” Check it out–good stuff.
oneluckyduck reply on January 26th, 2011 3:54 pm:
Ack! I ment inaccurate *face palm* And trust me, this stuff is BAD. But with how many people here who don’t like fanfiction, I think pimpin’ project A.F.T.E.R. is a good idea. XD check out the forums!
August 7th, 2009 at 12:33 am
There was an independent movie made some years ago that took a very dark satirical/comedic look at the Reality TV genre called Series 7: The Contenders.
If you haven’t seen it yet, and you enjoy either of these ideas, I’d suggest renting it or finding it somehow, and giving it a viewing.
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Former Spc. 19K reply on August 9th, 2009 2:08 pm:
Hear, Hear!
That was awesome, and totally within the viewing demographic of Skippy readers. The perfect manhunting dark comedy.
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August 7th, 2009 at 2:14 am
See, there’s the thing. I think that both shows would be horribly entertaining, but I fear for the actors and the crew of the shows. Don’t forget that if there are zombies/guerillas or ghosts and goblins running around, I wouldn’t put it past someone to try to fight back, and possibly fatally injure an innocent. I define ‘innocent’ as anyone not a contestant.
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Maven reply on August 10th, 2009 9:27 am:
That’s where careful screening of applicants comes in. None with defense training…or a brain, just like Survivor
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AFP reply on August 10th, 2009 11:17 am:
Then go for the double-twist: Don’t tell the television audience that the contestants are in on it too.
Sure, it’s cheap, but do you really think the average viewer of reality TV is much better than the contestants on these shows?
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oneluckyduck reply on January 24th, 2011 6:59 pm:
Ahh, but everyone is saying they like the ideas. Do you really want our last hope for the genre that is called “reality TV” to loose all joy, nay, all hope?
Captcha: Rev. Compite -ohhh, he can be the excorcist!
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August 7th, 2009 at 2:58 am
Oh yes, coming from a country where something like 50% of 22-year-old males (already – 75+ % of 30-year-olds; also, women can volunteer and those who do tend to be of the same demographic group as the reality-show applicants…) have military training, these look dangerous for the crew and actors.
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Kurt reply on August 7th, 2009 1:15 pm:
Wouldn’t be too hard to keep them seperate with the well stocked compound and all. Maybe have the occasional “Attack” which is of course staged with blanks and sfx explosions. But you never let the “insurgents” into the compound. Also, you can screen out people who you think would fight back.
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Sabra reply on August 8th, 2009 7:52 pm:
Less than 1% of the US population is/has been in the military. So we’re probably safe on that front, if we keep it local.
And to build on what Kurt said, I somehow doubt the folks who do have any sort of training would be very likely to volunteer for a reality show.
(Mind you, I don’t even have a TV anymore, so for all I know we’ve got Marines flooding these shows.)
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August 7th, 2009 at 3:48 am
Holy freakin crap. I bow to your superior means of entertainment. Maybe i’m morally flexible but i would probably go so far as to buy a tivo just so i wouldn’t ever have to miss a single episode.
All hail Lord Skippy, Master of the airwaves.
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August 7th, 2009 at 4:37 am
Skippy, we must buy you a TV Channel. I really want to see that Apacolypse one. And I must say, despite how twisted these shows are, you are a truly valiant human being, as you plan to stage everything.
When Reality TV got into full swing I got pissed and came up with three ideas of my own. First, “Real Survivor”. Pick ass end of dangerious nowhere place. Issue one each, map, canteen, knife. Instructions are simple. “Be at the extraction point in 30 days and get a million bucks. Don’t be late.”
The other was a similar 30 day thing with the same equipment plus T-Shirt with giant American flag, except this time we give them all parachutes and push them out of the airplane over Bagdahd. I don’t thing the second idea will work anymore, and to forstall any ruffled feathers the idea was entirly aimed at my frustration and raging hatred of reality show contestants, nothing else.
The final one would be “American Whore”. Find a bunch of people and bascially pay them to do horrible shit and see how far we can push them. Amusing as it might be to break them though, I know enough phychology and history of the Nazi Party to know this one is a bad idea.
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Minty reply on August 7th, 2009 10:14 am:
But for “Real Survivor,” do they have to have both shoes when they get back after 30 days? Or is that asking for too much?
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StoneWolf reply on August 7th, 2009 11:55 am:
Minty, all they have to do is show up with a hearbeat. They are free to leave any equipment or body parts they like behind.
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Minty reply on August 7th, 2009 1:18 pm:
Ah. So, you’re being generous. You’re way too nice, you know.
Maven reply on August 10th, 2009 9:48 am:
I wonder if you can sign away your right to sue for PTSD… They’d have to agree to an $x parting gift for losers – in writing first – to negate some of the legal liability. That acceptance of cash after the accident works for car insurance companies.
The required insurance on the contestants the underwriters would require could be astronomical. After all, idiots will insist on hurting themselves no matter how much cotton you pack them in.
Catchpa – 1971 cations. Didn’t FORD make those? ;-)
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StoneWolf reply on August 10th, 2009 10:10 am:
I thought of that. First, in a legal contract you can sighn away damn near anything. Its just the lawyers that pooch in up.
Second, to avoid said problem, I would do this somewhere not subject to US Law, the law of any of our allies, anybody with extraditon agreements, or anybody with similar laws. I may have to buy and island in the Pacific to do this, then wage a bloody war of independace to free myself from legal tyranny, but damnit I will have sadistic Darwin inspired show!
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August 7th, 2009 at 4:57 am
This is why you run the show strictly inside the compound except for ventures like an escape atempt provoked by planted members. So you can control the situation when the actors and contestants come into contact and while they are inside the compound you can do all kinds of shit outside to fuck with them. Example: fake mortar or air strikes etc on the ground around the compound, mass executions ss style…. see if you have a bit of distance between the goings on and the people you can do all kinds of shit without them knowing the difference.
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August 7th, 2009 at 5:32 am
The first idea sounds like the “real” back story on the the Blair Witch Project. I swear it was a troop of rural boy scouts messing with the city slickers in that movie.
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August 7th, 2009 at 6:24 am
Like both of these ideas. Then again, anything that involves scaring (or just being mean to) willing reality show participants probably has some virtue, IMO.
As regards the Haunted Manor idea, I vaguely recall an episode of the old ‘Dick Van Dyke Show’ where something like this went on. They were all stranded in a strange house, where weird stuff started happening and, before long, people began disappearing. Turned out to be an elabiorate gag by their boss.
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August 7th, 2009 at 6:50 am
I hate reality shows. I saw the last episode of the first season of survivor only because I was in a hotel room with four other people who wanted to watch it…and they had the pizza and beer. That said, I would pay to watch Apocolypse Island. The idea is sheer genius. If there were fatalities it’s just natural selection at work.
Captcha: Meister depicts – Yes Skippy is the meiester and what he depicts is genius
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August 7th, 2009 at 7:54 am
On what channel are does shows on?
I really whant to see the horror show…
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August 7th, 2009 at 9:34 am
The only problem I can see is that it would probably only work once or maybe twice (ok, considering the general level of intellegence of contestants, you could probably get away with three seasons)
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Kurt reply on August 7th, 2009 1:24 pm:
You could keep it going for several seasons. Who’s to say those two ideas have to be different shows. Just make one show, call it Pure Terror, and every season you concoct some nightmare scenario to put people through.
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Leon reply on August 7th, 2009 1:40 pm:
You have people out there who still believe in a flat earth (yes seriously). You will have no trouble finding some gullible idiots. All hail Skippy.
SPC tudor – climbing the ladder to King, one rank at a time
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Sequoia reply on August 8th, 2009 6:33 am:
“You will have no trouble finding some gullible idiots.”
Yeah, just go with Obama supporters and you’ll be set.
And let the Conservative hating BEGIN!!!!!!
Kurt reply on August 8th, 2009 8:43 pm:
That comment doesn’t even deserve the dignity of a response, other than of course this response stating that the above comment isn’t deserving of a response other than this one.
Captcha $1,434,613 offal. I remember when you could buy offal for less than half a million
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August 7th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Don’t forget the idea of a giant monster escape to help motivate working together. If they fail to work together and take down the beast, then they have to pay the winners of the next attempt.
captcha: Irish wenzler, thats what you could call the monster!
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August 7th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Y’all are sick and twisted. And so am I. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with that.
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August 7th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
This is sick, twisted, and goddamn it I would watch both of these religously. Shallow people descending into madness? Pretty much what people who volenteer to be contestants on reality shows deserve, IMO. The possiblility that they would start killing each other would only make it better.
And the real survivor idea is great too. Drop them in the middle of the Amazon, and good luck.
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Random reply on August 8th, 2009 9:09 am:
If you like the psychology angle of it, you might want to check out Cube. basic premise: Seemingly random people find themselves in giant maze, with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Any wrong turn will kill you. Hilarity ensues.
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Billy reply on August 9th, 2009 9:13 am:
Damn I loved that movie. Though the second one kinda messed with my head trying to analyze it, late at night, when it happens to be easy for me to mess with my head.
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StoneWolf reply on August 10th, 2009 10:12 am:
I loved that movie. Haven’t seen it in years, but I have probably seen it over a hundred times. I worked at a video store so it was easy.
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August 7th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
First thing I thought of even BEFORE I finished reading the first idea was, “Is that house from The Amityville Horror still standing”?
It’ll save time in pre-production and there’s your first season right there. No need to develop a background story. That way, while filming the first season, you can do all the work needed for the second season.
I thought of that in the first 5 min. Does this make me a bad person? ……save me a seat.
As for “Apocalypse Island”, someone mentioned a movie called Series 7: The Contenders
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251031/
This is one serious mind f*ck of a movie. The premis is that a group of terminally ill patients are picked at random, given a gun and are told that if you are the last one alive then you win. Watch this movie, watch for the twist and don’t read the spoilers or you’ll ruin it!
(I wonder if extreme stupidity can be classified as a terminal condition?)
Either way, I would PAY to have these shown here in Aus.
Captcha – laundry Schwartz – Is your wife controlling these?
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Darksyde reply on August 8th, 2009 6:01 am:
It was my understanding that the “Contenders” were not terminally ill, but picked at random, through a national lottery type system.
If your number was picked, producers showed up at your house, handed you a gun, and a welcome to the show.
Just the one guy was terminally ill; and in order to get off the show alive, you had to survive several rounds.
But yeah, it’s wickedly mind f*ckery, and I laughed my ass off. Never said I wasn’t a sick and twisted soul.
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August 7th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
I wasn’t gonna comment, but…
Captcha: $38,071 okaying
OK for what? Certainly not enough of a reward for any of the shows.
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CCO reply on August 8th, 2009 9:55 pm:
Umm, On “Jeopardy” that would be a good episode’s work.
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August 9th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Are we forgetting a Saw kind of tv show? The survivor not only gets a decent prize, but they also get their life and a lesson on how to be less of a dumbass. It would also be Darwinism at its finest!
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August 10th, 2009 at 3:38 am
Apocalypse Island, eh? Sounds good. Hoax reality TV in the spirit of Space Cadets.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_cadets
captcha: institute transmit – The Stanford Prison Experiment’s on primetime. Probably on Bravo.
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August 10th, 2009 at 6:10 am
Folks, gentle people, and the rest of you in the cheap seats – they already have a show like “Apocalypse Island” on Discovery Channel by the name of “The Colony” (http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/colony/colony.html).
They’re running it as a sociological experiment, the kind where the subjects go in knowing it’s an experiment, but they become so immersed and disconnected from the real world, they really start living as if the experiment is real. Check it out, it started off a little slow, but is really starting to ramp up.
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August 13th, 2009 at 10:34 am
hmmm i would so watch those.. wonder how long it would take before someone resorts to cannibalism?
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