Holy Pants Batman!
These are all quotes, involving pants, that have been actually said in my presence.
1. “Wow, your pants smell fascinating today.”
2. “Aw, lookit how cute she is. Isn’t she just adorable? Look at how AAAAAAAAUUUUGH! Get it out of my pants! Get it out of my pants!”
3. “Hey! It’s been years since I forgot to put on pants before I left the house.”
4. “Those are rather unfortunate pants.”
5. “Okay, I suppose that it makes perfect sense for you to have a pair of Spongebob pants to match your wife’s Spongebob lingerie. Now why does your wife have Spongebob lingerie?”
6. “Now that you mention it, yes. The talking pickle has been in his pants.”
7. “Are we going to label the things that have been in his pants?”
“No we are going to label the things that have not been in his pants. It’s faster.”
8. “I have to tell you something that might disturb you. Two lesbians have just had sex in your pants.”
Now many of you may be wondering why I have put up a list of strange quotes with no explanation. (Others have probably given up wondering just what the hell I’m up to.)
Well obviously this is a way of leading in to my new Pants Contest.
I mean duh, what else could it be.
I currently still have a small pile of Squid Pie t-shirts left. And so whoever posts the best pants related quote in the comments section will get a free one sent to them. Contest ends whenever I say it does, and like all things of importance, final judgment rests with Skippy.
Furthermore I’m sure that several of you want to know what the hell happened that caused these quotes to be um… be-quoted at me in the first place. Well I will reveal provided that I receive some reader submissions to post up on here. The holidays are coming up and everybody is very selfishly spending them doing charity work, or spending time with their family instead of sending in content for my site. Picking up the slack would eat into my Left4Dead time, which means you might as well just hand Riverside over to those undead flesh-hungry bastards.
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December 16th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I was at my fencing club one night and had gone in my Renaissance faire costume because it was near Halloween. Part of my costume involves very baggy pants tucked into my boots, they waved as I was fencing, to such an extent that one of the other fencers who was helping to judge on a DIFFERENT strip than mine uttered the phrase: “I’m sorry, I was watching Charles’s pants.”
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December 16th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I think that I’m in the “given up wondering just what the hell you’re up to” category.
As for pant’s quotes here’s some:
“Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants”
“They tell me now that SpongeBob is gay. SquarePants is not gay. Tight pants maybe. SpongeBob Hot Pants? You go, girl!” -Robin Williams
“Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.” or “A good deed is like peeing in your pants. Everyone knows you did it, but only you can feel it’s warmth.”
About: Deed quotes.
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” -Theodore Roosevelt
“Fridays are not ‘pants optional’” -Nancy Cartwright
If I can find more or think up some I’ll put them up.
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December 16th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
While ogling (sp?) a stunningly beautiful waitress, a buddy of mine failed to realize that some of his nachos ended up in his lap. At which time I announced to everyone at the table that Rob “has just cheesed his pants”.
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Sequoia reply on December 20th, 2008 9:17 pm:
I think it is two ‘o’s.
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December 16th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Two of my friends were arguing at a party one night when one of them yelled out, for the entire party to hear, ‘Yeah, well. Your mom in my pants!’
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Lauren reply on December 16th, 2008 11:25 pm:
Btw…this happened just as the music stopped so the whole place heard this.
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December 16th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
“Down with pants! Up with kilts!
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Stonewolf reply on December 17th, 2008 5:48 am:
Hell yeah! Got mine already.
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December 17th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Well, there’s the “emergency pants” skit that happened at Technicon in Virginia. Seems a supervillain had created a de-pantsifier ray. Thankfully, the con chair had a kilt for just such an occasion.
(Pete Abrams (Sluggy Freelance) was a GoH, fwiw.)
captcha: unimposing To
to what?
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Speed reply on December 17th, 2008 6:58 am:
I’d be interested in Bun-Bun’s take on the pants issue. I bet it’d involve his switchblade.
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December 17th, 2008 at 4:07 am
I had recently remembered a World of Warcraft guild called “I crit my pants”, it was me that came up with the name for an opposing guild, “I pvped myself”
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December 17th, 2008 at 4:35 am
When asked if I wear my kilt properly, I normally reply with “well no, then it’d just be another skirt”
Also, when people ask me why I wear a kilt to begin with I just tell ’em “it’s like being naked…WITH POCKETS”
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December 17th, 2008 at 4:48 am
A friend of mine was running in a pretty…freaky crowd and got invited to a party. When I ran into her again she gave me this jewel of wisdom.
“If you’re invited to a pants optional party, remember they didn’t say panties optional too.”
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December 17th, 2008 at 5:54 am
This story involves alcohol and sleep depravation. After said sleep depravation and hooch, my buddy was trying to find his pants (don’t ask). He inquired “Has anyone seen my pants?” To which my other buddy, who was not hung over but still drunk replied (and this is the quote) “Yes, pants are very impotent.”
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December 17th, 2008 at 6:16 am
lol the list becomes funnyer if your english, espicialy number 1
why are people smelling your underwear ?
and “I pvped myself” as a guild i seem to remember for some reason (u dont play on Deathwing by any chance?) i think another one was “pvpness” or something close to that
im a bit dissapointed blizzard removed the “Handsome Brittish Bastards” guild – serves em right for having members who weren’t brittish, they made a come back with “Handsome Brittish Reborn” but its just not the same
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Billy reply on December 17th, 2008 9:59 am:
Actually, my server was Lethon, and I play horde. It was an alliance guild called “I crit my pants”
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Billy reply on December 17th, 2008 10:07 am:
Also, I discovered today exactly how much sugar it takes to make earl grey tea appatising, the answer is “a lot”
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Andy reply on December 18th, 2008 5:26 am:
never tried it, not going to try it
ima stick to the fizzy drinks and the alcohol
horde = win
wotlk = yawn
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December 17th, 2008 at 6:49 am
Emergency bourbon is better to have than emergency pants, because with enough emergency bourbon you no longer care about the pants, but no amount of emergency pants will make you stop caring about the bourbon.
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December 17th, 2008 at 6:53 am
Well, I won’t even pretend that these are mine, rather they are from Esquire’s The Rules:
Rule 296: Any word employed as a prefix for the woard “pants” results in a word that is funny, e.g., finickypants, funkypants, happypants, googlypants, nancypants, and boogly-booglypants.
Rule 270: Except for disestablishmentarianism-pants. Not funny.
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Dave Van Domelen reply on December 17th, 2008 1:26 pm:
ANTIdisestablishmentarianismpants, however, is HILARIOUS.
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December 17th, 2008 at 6:56 am
“Oh man, my pants taste FANTASTIC.”
I was at a birthday party, and the birthday boy and I were sitting on the floor drinking shots. I splahed vanilla rum on my leg, and in an effort not to waste any, I rubbed my hand in the rum, licked my hand, and the rest is history (and an LJ icon).
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Azz reply on December 17th, 2008 11:40 am:
My virtual little brother spilled chocolate (fondue) on his pants, and licked it off. (Flexible kid.) This has made it into LJ support legend.
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Badcat reply on December 17th, 2008 7:22 pm:
Kid brothers are the niftiest critters! Mine is good for hours of entertainment.
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December 17th, 2008 at 7:53 am
To my boss: “thats nothing I almost cried when my favorite pair of pants got a whole between the legs so big you could put you fist through it.”
Wearing snap pants to school, them getting pulled off, luckly I had boxers on underneath, “Crap, I knew I shouldn’t have worn pant to school on laundry day. Damn it, give me my f*cking pants back!”
“It’s not your works fault that you are such a clutz that you tear and stain your pants at work all the time. Go buy new freaking pants, you look like a hobo!”
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December 17th, 2008 at 7:53 am
“White pants are a triumph of optimism over experience.” _after I spilled Coffee on myself.
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December 17th, 2008 at 8:05 am
“DOOD! These jeans are AWESOME! They are great for Casual, Clubbing, Bussiness Casual, and Covert Ops. It’s like God looked at me and said LET THERE BE PANTS!”
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December 17th, 2008 at 8:15 am
I remember being at a party in college one time with 4 of my buddies. At a certain stage of the drinkfest, one of em comes up with the idea of whoever loses consciousness first gets his pants removed, tossed in water then in the freezer for an hour. Once properly frozen, the sleeper gets his pants put back on by the others.
Needless to say I never had such a massive shrinkage factor in so short a time. LOL
captcha: Adkins room – that would describe my package that night. =)
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December 17th, 2008 at 8:24 am
at a jail i worked security in there was a hostage situation where some officers uniforms were taken. They got away and ran down the hall in underwear. When i noticed the 50+ year old woman next to me hadn’t even blinked at the unlikly display i asked if she had noticed and she resonded ” pants no pants, nothing much to look at here.. if they strip the firemen let me know.”
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December 17th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Not only is it a quote, it’s a whole freaking website!!!!
Samurai Underpants Sheaths Your Katana in Awesome
see gizmodo.com for more details of the ultimate samuari pants avaliable in Japan
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December 17th, 2008 at 9:55 am
In college, I was on the executive board of the gay student union. We had the Split Britches (hey look, a pants reference right there!) lesbian feminist theatre company come to campus. They did a performance, and then they were coming to a party afterwards, but no-one knew where said fete was meant to be. After a few rounds of “Where is the party? Do YOU know where the party is?”, Stacy Makishi, one of the artistes announced “The party is in Marty’s pants!” and dove for my fly (they’re the fun kind of lesbian feminists). I shrieked like a little girl and attempted evade the Japanese lesbian who wanted in my pants. I kind of regret this now.
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December 17th, 2008 at 11:01 am
I had a friend with a ferret that used to love to burrow into this jean jacket that I had. It had what we lovingly referred to as ‘shoplifting pockets’, internal pockets that went from the button all the way to the back seam. I once fit an entire SNES, power supply and all, 8 games, 4 controllers, and a fighting stick in those pockets.
It’d dive right in and be happy, burrowing about, peeking out, and saying hi to people.
And then one day she came over and another friend was showing how much weight she lost. “Look! I can pull the waistband out this far!”
*foomp* “AAAAAUGH!*
Captcha: Alarm expressed
… Yes, you could _say_ that.
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December 17th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Hey, Skippy, you know the Star Wars game? Any Star Wars quote can be improved by adding Pants to it.
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December 17th, 2008 at 11:32 am
“Don’t become a lesbian. Seriously don’t, because when you’re gay you never know whose pants are whose. I don’t even know if I’m wearing my own pants now.”
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TeratoMarty reply on December 17th, 2008 12:10 pm:
It’s true! I went around all yesterday with my balls squashed because I was wearing my homo-husband’s size small briefs rather than my own size mediums! Which is information that I’m sure you needed to know.
Captcha: Netherland 75. Yes, my nether lands were squished down to about 75% of their usual volume.
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December 17th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
“I am the Queen of No-Pants!”
-My college roommate’s then-girlfriend, on being told that in order to go to dinner at the dining hall, she’d need to put pants on. She was a very…”open” person.
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December 17th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Got another WoW related one, from the Azerothian Supervillains series:
“So come on. Hug a tree. Pants optional.” -Archimonde in “The More You Know About Christmas.”
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December 17th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Got another World of Warcraft related one. Well, actually from the Azerothian Supervillains series:
“So come on. Hug a tree. Pants optional.” -Archimonde in “The More You Know About Christmas.”
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December 17th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
When my sister was in junior-high basketball, while the team waited for the boys to be done using the court, they would sneak up on each other and pull down each others shorts, an activity they called “Depantsing.” They ended up making some rules and they all signed them. The rules were called “The Ten Commandments of Depantsing”
They got in big trouble for it, especially since it was a Christian school and the guidance counseler didn’t realize that depantsing had nothing at all to do with sex.
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December 17th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
There is a true and sincere friendship between you and your friends’ pants.
A thrilling time is in your immediate future; remember to bring pants.
Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch with holes in pants before.
Something you lost will soon turn up. But it’s not your pants.
Plan for many pleasures without pants.
You can always find happiness at work on Friday without pants.
Do not mistake temptation for opportunity; except in my pants.
Flattery will go far tonight; especially in her pants.
Excitement and intrigue follow you closely wherever you go without pants!
___________________________________________________
I grabbed some Chinese Fortunes from here http://www.chinese-fortune-cookie.com/
The pants related part was added by me.(obviously)
In unrelated news adding except in bed to all of the original fortunes here makes them funnier.
captcha: disturb Baynon
Yes I believe he caught me with my pants down.
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December 17th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I know these are old but The
Best In My Pants Movies Jokes:
Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock- In my Pants
Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier- In my Pants
Star Trek: Insurrection- In my Pants
Grosse Pointe Blank- In my Pants
Across the Universe- In my Pants
Ace in the Hole- In my Pants
All of Me- In my Pants
Bad Santa-In my Pants
Die Hard- In my Pants
Clear and Present Danger- In my Pants
The Carebears Movie- In my Pants
The Butterfly Effect- In my Pants
Brassed Off- In my Pants
Beauty and the Beast- In my Pants
Criss Cross- In my Pants
The Cutting Edge- In my Pants
Everything is Illuminated- In my Pants
Girls will be Girls- In my Pants
Great Expectations- In my Pants
Falling Down- In my Pants
Full Metal Jacket- In my Pants
Hannibal Rising- In my Pants
Hard Candy- In my Pants
Imagine Me and You- In my Pants
It Happened One Night- In my Pants
Kicking and Screaming- In my Pants
Just Like Heaven- In my Pants
Legends of the Fall- In my Pants
Live Free or Die Hard- In my Pants
The Party- In my Pants
Pretty and Pink- In my Pants
The Quiet Man- In my Pants
Risky Buisness- In my Pants
The Punisher- In my Pants
An Officer and a Gentleman- In my Pants
Nothing To Lose- In my Pants
A Mighty Wind- In my Pants
Meatballs- In my Pants
Mystery Men- In my Pants
The Mist- In my Pants
SaturDay Night Fever- In my Pants
Scream- In my Pants
Sense and Sensibility- In my Pants
Spaceballs- In my Pants
Thirteen Days- In my Pants
Unaccompanied Minors- In my Pants
Uncle Buck- In my Pants
Twelve Monkeys- In my Pants
Velvet Goldmine- In my Pants
What a Girl Wants- In my Pants
Without a Paddle- In my Pants
X-Men: The Last Stand- In my Pants
You Got Served- In my Pants
Zorro The Gay Blade- In my Pants
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JMe reply on December 18th, 2008 6:51 am:
Your forgot “Crimson Tide-in my pants”
Thank you I’m here all week.
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December 17th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
25 Lines From Star Wars That Can Be Improved if you substitute the word “Pants”
1.A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
2.You are unwise to lower your pants.
3.We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
4.She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
5.These pants may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts.
6.I find your lack of pants disturbing.
7.These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
8.Han will have those pants down. We’ve got to give him more time!
9.General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
10.I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
11.TK-421. . . Why aren’t you in your pants?
12.Lock the door. And hope they don’t have pants.
13.Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
14.You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
15.Luke. . . Help me take…these pants off.
16.Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
17.That blast came from those pants. That thing’s operational!
18.Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
19.Maybe you’d like it back in your pants, your highness.
20.Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your sister!
21.Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
22.Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
23.Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
24.I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
25.You came in those pants? You’re braver than I thought.
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Andy reply on December 18th, 2008 5:35 am:
thats awesome :D
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December 17th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
this is why I keep coming to this site: the intellectual give-and-take, the high-toned discussions…..
wait, where’d my pants go?!?
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December 17th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Back when I was in high school, I was a member of the stage crew for various plays and musicals. At one point, another (female) stage crew worker had to get a microphone off of an actor who had just finished his scene, so she went into the green room (prep area backstage) to get it. The people running the sound board apparently forgot to mute the mike, as all of the sudden, she could be heard yelling over the auditorium sound system, “Oh my God Jason! Put your pants back on!”
The musical stopped and everyone applauded for about two minutes.
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December 17th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
I have a friend who has (on numerous occasions) stated:
“I believe in the pursuit of life without pants. I mean, really, all the things you don’t want to do require pants, work, grocery shopping, etc… But the good stuff can happen without pants. Don’t need pants to play video games, take a shit, have sex, etc… See? Bad stuff needs pants, good stuff doesn’t. That’s why I pursue life without pants.”
Now in all fairness, this friend of mine is an almost 30 year old male mental patient with a fascination with Tinkerbell, so I’m not sure if I should take him seriously.
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paula reply on December 19th, 2008 4:47 am:
He may be a mental patient, and the Tinkerbell thing is pretty weird, but ya gotta admit he’s got a good point about the pants!
captcha: Amanda in….. Amanda’s in yer pants?
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Former Spc. 19K reply on December 20th, 2008 11:54 am:
he’s also single and has a hard time finding women that understand the pants thing.
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paula reply on December 20th, 2008 2:41 pm:
is he cute?
Former Spc. 19K reply on December 21st, 2008 2:22 am:
I guess, I don’t think I’m the best judge
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December 18th, 2008 at 12:32 am
My favorite pants quote:
“And the pants are dead :(”
taken from a youtube video spoof made in Garry’s Mod.
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December 18th, 2008 at 5:38 am
Interesting quote I heard, while drunk, and directed at me:
“If his pants were any shorter they’d be a G-String”
Also, at several times when drunk:
“Hey man! Where’s your pants!?!? Skirts are not allo… Oh my god! Put on some underwear!!!”
And at my favorite bar: (Read this with a scottish brogue)
“Auch! Pants are fer loosers and namby-pamby sheep fuckers! Real men wear kilts, and fuck goats!”
I appologize if the above is offensive, and stipulate this: SKIPPY MADE ME DO IT!
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December 18th, 2008 at 8:45 am
“This is why I love the internet, you can just sit around, without pants… Having fun…”
“Well that’s great… But we are at the Mall, so put some pants on!”
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December 18th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
A friend of mine would always try to steal my Code Red Moutain Dew at lunch. So I wised up and started placing the beverage bottle in my crotch for protection. But she got bold after the tampon fight (another story for another time) and grabbed my Code Red. Needless to say, I would not loose my Dew. The following confrontation prompted this:
“Dammit Meagan! Stop shaking it or you’ll get my sticky cherry juice all over my new pants!”
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December 18th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Overheard on a fraternity camping trip (not mine, I was just along for the booze):
“Fuck pants! Fuck pants!”
[Moment of silence, zippers being unzipped]
“Ew, Mikey, that’s gross! She’s your SISTER!”
No one save the three persons involved (Mikey, his sister, and her friend that said that) know what it refers to. Kinda scary.
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December 18th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Me and my friends are some of the weirdest in my school. Our friend Ben happens to be on the swimming team. And as such shaved his gargantuan head when they had some large competition. It was then that I noticed that with the proper attire he would look like something. And so one day before classes began I pointed it out in a loud voice over the crowd… which happened to get quiet as I said it. “Dude. We need to draw a line in the middle of your head, attached two beach balls to your legs and have you in pants made of carpet and you can be a giant penis for Halloween.”
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Sequoia reply on December 20th, 2008 9:25 pm:
I’m one of those friends, and trust me on two accounts. A: He would really look like a giant penis. B: It is SHAG carpet, with the shag on the outside.
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December 18th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
My Favourite Pants quote of all time comes from Pinkey and the Brain…
Brain: Pinkey, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Pinkey: I think so Brain… But where are we going to find rubber pants our size???
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December 19th, 2008 at 4:12 am
Cold winter night. My buddy was a bit drunk. It was 3:00 AM, and we had just finished watching Braveheart.
Out of NOWHERE, he jumps up, goes to the front door and opens it. He shouts “They can take away our pants, but they can never take away… OUR BOXERS!”
He then ran out into the cold and came back 15 minutes later. To this day none of us have any idea as to where he went or how he didn’t get arrested, mugged, or propositioned.
CAPTCHA: sub teaches – I haven’t seen a sub who teaches yet!
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December 19th, 2008 at 4:13 am
Aaaagh, I forgot to mention the obvious – he had removed his pants before running outside in his underwear. It be sleepy time now. >:
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December 19th, 2008 at 6:59 am
“damn it…. my pants are on fire….. again.”
“I miss the 80’s, and parachute pants”
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December 19th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Just before my first Christmas with my soon-to-be in-laws my girlfriend’s mother called to see what I was wearing to a rather informal Christmas Dinner. After overhearing a little bit of back and forth going on, and having to answer far too many questions about my clothing options I had to yell out across the room:
“Tell them they’re damned lucky I’m wearing pants!”
The future mother-in-law heard me loud and clear. She was just trying to talk her husband into not wearing a tie.
Yelling across the room: 0 dollars
Cell phone coverage for the month of December: 40 dollars
Never, ever having future conversations with my mother-in-law about my clothes: Priceless
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December 20th, 2008 at 2:20 am
Not too long ago, my 5 year old was getting ready for bed, and out of the blue popped out with, “Mama, what if my pants moved to Texas?” … The kid says the most hilarious things; I keep a running list.
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January 12th, 2009 at 1:37 am
I have to delurk for this, and I know I’m late. But quotes about pants must not be denied.
We have a dog that’s a bit… special. He has a habit of grabbing people’s pants legs, which is fun if they’re actually wearing shorts. One night, my brother goes out to get something out of the car. Out of nowhere, I hear him yelling “Stupid dog! I don’t even want to know how he got my pants off!”
“Where would you be without me, Dax?”
“Well, without you, I wouldn’t be in two feet tall and lost in a sewer. With no pants! … God, I miss pants.” – Jak and Daxter, Jak II
“I have come for your pants!” Part of an rp I was involved in. Don’t ask.
“Dude. These are like… epic pants of win.” One of my WoW guildies.
“… Your cat is in my pants again.” Actually, it’s funnier not to explain that one.
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