A Yule Story

December 10th, 2008 by Andrew

With Yule right around the corner I finally got out my Yule tree and decorations. You may notice that I use the term Yule instead of Christmas, but that is another story. This one however involves certain things I rediscovered while unpacking my artificial Yule tree. Those things include:

A specific strand of holiday lights
My previous Yule tree
Several Yule presents which were never given
A train set
A large red cylinder with a black hose attached to it

The story goes something like this:

Did you know you should always use a certified electrician when running a new power outlet? Here is why:

Twas the week before Yule, and all through the house
Everything was quiet, even my pet mouse
The wife was out shopping, with my sister-in-law
Then the silence was broken by a reciprocating saw
I was cutting a hole, in the living room wall
I was laughing and singing, simply having a ball.
See there were no outlets, in the place I had cut
To plug in the lights for the Yule tree I had cut
I was running new wires, from breaker to hole
To brighten my wife’s Yule, and lift her soul.
I connected the wires, plugged in the tree
Plugged in the train, ho ho he he
I threw the breaker, then began to choke
For while hearing pops, I smelled smoke
I ran to the room and began to perspire
My Tree, My Train and presents on fire!
Did you know that house power, comes in three types
I had connected too much, two twenty volts to be precise
The lights had all burst, igniting my tree
The fire then consumed my presents you see
The train itself had burst into flame
Too much power, the cause the same
So if you are thinking, you know what to do
When lacking an outlet for holidays too
Then listen to me, I’ll say it again
Always, Always, hire and electrician!

Now for further clarification:

The holiday lights were un-fused and every bulb had burst, as well as electrically welded to their sockets.
The “Yule Tree” was little more than a charred lump of wood that I had kept to remind me not to play with electricity.
The presents were of course the remains of the ones I had put under the tree
The train set was little more than a lump of molten plastic and twisted metal
The red cylinder was of course a fire extinguisher

The good news is the house didn’t burn down. The bad: my wife didn’t get her PlayStation 3 or the new coat I had bought her.

I hope you all enjoy this!

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 at 11:01 pm and is filed under Andrew. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Vittles Says:
December 10th, 2008 at 11:23 pm

Wow… I can just picture in my head, walking into the room and freaking out, running to the fire extinguisher.

LordEnigma Says:
December 11th, 2008 at 6:48 am

Well, look at the silver lining. At least it wasn’t an Xbox 360 that burned up.

Andrew reply on December 11th, 2008 7:15 am:

And I also got to expand my living room a little. And the XBox360 Is under the tree this year. But it’s mine… all mine… mwahahahahahahaha…

Gunfingers Says:
December 11th, 2008 at 8:58 am

Using “cut” to rhyme with “cut”? *muah* Brilliant!

Andrew reply on December 11th, 2008 11:49 am:

Well I really couldn’t think of anything non-adult that rhymed with cut, that would also fit into this poem. The kids you see…

Jason Says:
December 11th, 2008 at 10:04 am

That was hilarious – thank you.

Stickfodder Says:
December 11th, 2008 at 10:18 am

So are you going to explain what that sock puppet thing was all about or not?

Speed reply on December 11th, 2008 11:16 am:

The sock puppet was manning the fire extinguisher? “Rescue the presents Andrew, I’ve got your back!” But who trusts a sock puppet? Not I. And they did bring Skippy some grief in the far past and yesterday. Damn sock puppets, who do they think they are? I’d blame the whole thing on the sock puppets, even the hole in the wall. I’d then hang a sock puppet for real, not in effigy [paper mache sock puppet?] and then light his sock puppet ass on fire. Outside, away from the tree.

But that’s just me.

skippy reply on December 11th, 2008 11:25 am:

My lawyer says that I am not supposed to talk about until after the trial.

Al Li reply on December 12th, 2008 3:19 pm:

You couldprobably convince everyone that you’re insane if your lawyer was a sock puppet. Plus, you can probably get a law degree for it from one those “diploma mills” online. Imagine the judge’s reaction!

captcha: wesware and… and what?

Thrice I Loose Says:
December 13th, 2008 at 12:00 am

Did you know a fire extinguisher will both, explode and semi-melt? Neither did I until I came back to my trailer one night and found the charred remains of the one next to me. The blaze was so hot that it melted the sandbags within a 20 foot radius of it (spilling the contents everywhere!).

The soldier in question was on R and R and his three other Can dwellers were out of material goods as well as a place to sleep. In addition to the trailer looking like a Picasso Guernica painting, they had also had about 400 rounds of 5.56 NATO ball which obviously cooked off and put quite a few holes in the others surrounding it. Now I have a skylight ceiling to view the sand as it whistles to and fro in my room. The blaze was caused by the cheap, crappy Chinese power stips which abound in the local Hajji shops here . . . maybe it’s an insurgent conspiracy?! Good to hear your house is still salvagable! Sucks for the PS3. I would be in tears.

Tzanti reply on December 15th, 2008 7:11 am:

About twenty-odd years ago, you could buy these little (2 ltr?) car fire extinguishers from petrol stations in Britain. They were cheap as chips, made in Taiwan or somesuch. They sold in the millions.

Then some odd stories started to come out, and a BBC magazine show called That’s Life sent one off to be tested. The stories were that the extinguishers actually seemed to make the fires worse. For example, one bloke set fire to a nylon seat cover (80’s, remember), used the extinguisher and set fire to the whole interior of the car.

So the lab came back to the BBC to report: it seemed that the fire extinguisher was quite powerful for its size, and full of very good quality fire-fighting powder. However, to get their costs down they had used an unusual propellent gas. Butane gas. So the fire extinguisher, tended to become a flamethrower! The TV demonstration was just awesome. They disappeared off the shelves within days.

Thrice I Loose reply on December 19th, 2008 9:55 pm:

Wow! And they never saw a problem with that concept?! Those would have made a great FX prop for “Saving Private Ryan”. Just imagine if they used those to try an put out a stunt double who was on fire!

Tzanti reply on December 20th, 2008 3:08 am:

I doubt they thought about it at all. It’s probably the same lot who put lead paint on toddlers’ toys and anti-freeze in wine. The old firms of Bodget & Scarper or Norfolk & Goode up to their old tricks.

Captcha: St Hungarian – the mountain rescue dog of choice for eastern Europe

Fractured Cell Says:
December 14th, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Wait, you even have a fire extinguisher next to your tree?

AND a 360?

*runs screaming for teh hills*

Fractured Cell reply on December 14th, 2008 3:02 pm:

sorry, that shuld have been @ LordEnigma.

Amy Says:
July 11th, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Also the good news is that you did have a fire extinguisher to use. Having one at hand was a wise thing to do. Amy