Monday Morning Update – Now With More Updatiness
It’s Monday. Here’s more things that you should not do.
(Submitted by SPC Andrew Sheffield)
1. Not allowed to recite the Specialist creed during the promotion board as a substitute for not knowing the NCO creed.
2. Not allowed to recite the Specialist creed during any formation/ceremony.
3. A rubber band and paperclip is not an authorized military weapon and will not take the place of my M249.
4. Not allowed to prove said weapon by firing at the first officer that walks by my office.
5. “You’ll be alright,” is not a term to be used when a soldier needs medical assistance.
6. The DFAC does not put mind control drugs in the food or drinks.
7. Not allowed to brake check civilians while driving a HUMVEE.
8. Not allowed to drive over curbs to wake up my TC.
9. Not allowed to Jump anything while in a HUMVEE.
10. Edible underwear is not authorized during field exercise’s.
11. (later that day) Edible underwear is not to be eaten during field exercise’s.
12. I do not have a god hand and I am not aloud to administer divine punishment.
13. The term “smoke ’em if you got ’em,” is not a command to open fire.
14. It is not funny to change the CPT’s decaf with espresso. Especially a half hour before formation.
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September 15th, 2008 at 9:28 am
#14 reminds me of a nearly-horrific Thanksgiving morning when I was 15 and we did that to my mother. I’d never seen Dad scared before then, but damned if he wasn’t shaking just as bad as me and the little sister.
Captcha: centimetre SS – Well, THAT explains a lot! No wonder they were so pissy all the time!
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September 15th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Not to get nitpicky…but “You’ll be alright” is generally the first thing any paramedic says when they encounter a conscious person in need of attention; what was the context of that, if you don’t mind me asking?
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PFC Barry reply on September 15th, 2008 6:44 pm:
i think he means just saying that
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September 15th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
For #5, it turns out that is also not an acceptable answer when someone brings you a piece of classified equipment to repair 20 minutes before a mission.
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September 15th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
I believe in the case of #5, the correct answer is, “Drink water, Change your socks and Drive on”
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September 15th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
“Here’s two motrin, suck it up and drive on.” (ex-91B)
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September 15th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
For #8, I always prefered taking the M113 airborne to wake up my TC.
Captcha $4,420,000,000 Sylvia – That must’ve been one heck of a night!
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September 15th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
“6. The DFAC does not put mind control drugs in the food or drinks.”
*Looks around whilst wearing a colander on head*
how do you know that? they ARE controlling your mind, after all. besides, thats probably what they want you to think.
*wraps self in tin foil*
Heh…
Captcha: State Worthless – Which one? hey boys, he said ‘smoke ‘em if you got ‘em’, so i guess that means nuke ’em all! heh heh…
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September 16th, 2008 at 5:50 am
But do I have a God Fingaaaaa?
(captcha: not profit)
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September 16th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
You may not have a god hand, but I AM the god of the Electrocons! Mwahahahahahahaha….
Captcha: Cup Skipper – Ah! That’s what they are called now!
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