• RSS
Payday loans
RedShirts 2 Ad Banner for Kickstarter

Archive for March 27th, 2008

Greetings fans of Skippy.

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

Hi. My name is Michiel and I have been a friend of Skippy for about twelve or thirteen years. Basically we knew each other when neither of us had a gut or love handles.

Skippy has been wanting to have some other people contribute to his website, doctor and I am honored to be the first person he asked, check or at least be the first to accept. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Skippy for the chance to either wow or bore thousands of people every week. Not everyone gets that chance. How cool is that?

I wanted to make my first post some cool, cough funny story, but somehow I felt that an introduction is in order. So here is a little bit about me.

I have no interesting military stories. I never served and my dad was in the Air Force, which we all know barely counts as being in the military. At least that is what friends in the other branches of the military have told me, and I have to trust them, because I never served.

I am, however, a geek/nerd/dork or whatever you call it. Allow me to present my credentials.

I am thirty nine years old and remember seeing my first Star Trek rerun when I was about four and still in pre-school. I even remember trying to explain it to my friends the following Monday. Oh, and I prefer the term Trekkie over Trekker.

I was totally into Star Wars and saw it three times in the theater when it originally ran. To say that I was into Star Wars at the time was like saying I like to breathe air. And for the record, I will never refer to the original Star Wars movie as “Episode 4,” or “A New Hope.” It’s STAR WARS! (Do you hear me Lucas! Quit jacking with my childhood mythology! It’s STAR WARS and Greedo did NOT shoot first you bastard!)

At about age eleven or twelve I fell in love with the wonderful world of Dungeons and Dragons, and even dabbled in a couple other games. (Gamma World ring any bells?) My girlfriend thinks it is so cute that I still have the books and dice, but most of all, the little lead figures that I hand painted myself.

Around this same time, (this is early 80’s) I was obviously into video games much like everyone else. But I never had an Atari or an Intellivision. No, I had an Apple IIe. And I had lots of games on that. I bring up the Apple IIe to not only show that I was a nerd, but that I am at least second generation nerd, as this was something my parents chose to buy. I just wanted an Atari. But then again these are the same parents that let me stay up late while I was in pre-school to watch Star Trek. (By the way, the Apple IIe still works, and has a working disk drive, monitor and dot matrix printer, as well as a large game library. I might be willing to entertain offers for the whole package, but my inner dork says not to, even though I don’t use it).

From about age twelve to about seventeen, I collected comic books. I was a Marvel kid. All of you fans of DC and other companies can keep your comments to yourselves, I liked what I liked. If anyone is wondering, my favorite character is the Thing.

I was a major metal head when I was a teenager too. I discovered heavy metal and pot and promptly grew my hair to the middle of my back. Seriously, a couple bong hits, some Iron Maiden and a good comic book, and I was a happy boy.

In college, I majored in Art.

I was a major chess geek for a while and was really into four way chess for several years. If you have never tried four way chess, then you really should. That game will make your brain scream.

I was very much into Paganism for several years. We all know that Paganism, in all of it’s forms, is the nerdiest of religions, as it is the path that most resembles a live action D&D game. It was through paganism, that I met Skippy at a big nekkid pagan campout. (Oh, speaking of live action role playing, I have taken part in a Vampire: The Masquerade LARP, but that is a story for another time).

I carry a Discordian Pope card in my wallet. My Discordian name is Art C. Fartci.

I have done tech support for an ISP and a major computer company. Please hold.

At this point in my life my inner dork expresses itself by playing City of Heroes. I have played other games some, but I like COH and COV. It just picks on too many of my nerd weaknesses. It’s a video game, it’s role playing, and it’s super heroes. WOW can bite me, I can fly and teleport in COH and COV. Until I can fly and teleport in other games, this is the MMORPG for me.

I also have worked in haunted houses for about fourteen to fifteen years. I don’t think it is dorky or geeky or nerdy, but I’m sure it is anyway. The way I see it, why go see zombie movies when you can BE the zombie? Plus any job that will pay me to chase people with a machete and threaten their lives without fear of legal repercussions, that’s the job for me.

Finally, I also do stand up comedy, which is probably one of the nerdiest forms of entertainment out there. Seriously, most comics are social rejects of one sort or another.

So there you go, I am one of you. Love me.

P.S. By the way the only thing worse than fanfic, is furries. Commence flaming, now.

Appearance Matters

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

One morning while I was still in the Army we got to do sports day PT. So instead of running or doing push-ups we got to play sports. Usually sports consisted of either football, or some other game that always started as a recognizable athletic competition, and would devolve into some sort of rugby/Ultimate Fighting hybrid. One thing was for sure, we felt pretty strongly that all sports were improved with the addition of tackling. And we tended to take a very liberal definition of what constituted a tackle. Good, if occasionally painful, times. To this day, I think that if Ultimate Frisbee was actually played the way we did it you would have a serious contender for a new Monday night sport.

Well on this particular morning we were playing soccer with our usual rambunctious glee. When suddenly, a few feet away from me, two soldiers collided. I will refer to these two soldiers as Boots and Nosy.

Boots had started out as an infantry NCO and had reclassed into PSYOP. SO he was a fairly big and imposing guy. Nosy was a particularly tiny female solder. And the bridge of her nose went into Boots’ forehead. Hard.

We all heard a loud crack and Boots staggered around comically for a few seconds and then collapsed. A few people laughed and he was told to get up and quit screwing around. And he kept laying there. It slowly dawned on us that he was not goofing off, he was hurt. A tiny female soldier half his size had just head-butted him into unconsciousness. We didn’t think of it this way at the time, but upon further reflection at a later date, this was determined to be freaking hilarious.

The game was halted and some of us began to give Boots first aid, while some other ran for a pay phone to summon an ambulance. I noticed that Nosy was standing over to the side, bleeding profusely from her face, with something poking out of her nose. She had a compound fracture. Nobody else was paying any attention to her and she didn’t even seem to realize that she was hurt.

I looked around for something to try to stop the blood and realized that the only cloth readily available were the PT uniforms we were wearing. I quickly reasoned that if I tried to take off her shirt to use as a pressure bandage, people might take that the wrong way. So I grabbed mine, looked for a spot without too much sweat on it, and tried to stop the bleeding. I didn’t even take it off first, I just kinda pulled it away from my torso. Eventually, someone showed up with an actual first aid kit and I got my shirt back. Once the paramedics showed up they looked over both our injured friends and determined that they would both be okay, but would probably need some stitches. The rest of PT was canceled and we were dismissed.

I was walking back into my barracks, and I was in a really good mood. You know that rush you sometimes get when you think something really bad has just happened, but it turned out okay? That’s how I felt. Just as I arrived on my floor, my roommate who was in another company, was leaving our room. Here’s how he described to me what he saw:

“I open the door, and here you are, coming down the hallway. You have a big, happy expression on your face, you’ve got a cigarette dangling out of your mouth, and you are whistling cheerfully. And your shirt and arms were covered with blood. I thought to myself ‘Oh crap. Schwarz has snapped and killed everyone at PT.’ ”

Which is probably why he ran back into the room and locked the door.

Accepting Submissions

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

I have thought about it long and hard and decided that I am going to allow other people to write for my site. This doesn’t mean that I will be writing any less. This just means that in addition to my weekly update there will be other new material as well. I have a few writers lined up who will be making their debut shortly, but I am still looking for people with funny military stories. If you have any, and think you might like to write a post or two here, please send me an email.