Come up with your own clever title. Do you expect me to do everything around here?
Today I learned about a new kind of person.
Flexitarians.
A flexitarian is a vegetarian who eats meat.
Take a few seconds for that one to sink in.
So it’s someone who eats both meat and vegetables.
In other words, prescription it’s a person with normal eating habits. It’s the dietary equivalent of white suburban teenagers dressing in $500 G-Unit threads and declaring how “Gangsta” they are, anabolics while sitting at the mall waiting for their mothers to pick them up. If that’s how they choose to live, that’s their business. But I reserve the right to laugh at them.
Now before anybody gets into a snit over this. I have no problem with eating vegetables. I have no problem with not eating meat. I have a mild problem with people who try to act like their dietary choice makes them a superior being. But only mild problem because I’m a smartass and I love an easy target. Veggie-vangelicals are awesome people to pick on because they are both pretentious and very unlikely to be able to beat you up for it.
I understand that some people have religious issues with meat. And I believe in respecting people’s religious decisions. But only so far as they don’t get obnoxious about it. If someone tells me that they chose not to eat meat (for whatever reason), I’ll say cool, and pass them a salad. But if they get pushy or preachy…well then they must be mocked.
There’s probably more I could say on the subject but I have to run upstairs to eat a plate of delicious dead cow.
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January 17th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
So…Flexitarian = Omnivore?
Silly vegetarians.
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January 17th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Vegetarians will be the downfall of society.
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January 17th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Definitely on track with the omnivore comment. I didn’t realize that normal diets were now being labeled something completely asinine. Yet another reason this society is believed to be “dumbed down”.
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January 17th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
“So… you eat like a normal person, then. Well aren’t YOU just a special little snowflake!”
Oh well. If there weren’t stupid people setting themselves up for mockery, how would we entertain ourselves?
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January 17th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I believe the term is “opportunivore”.
Personally, I’m on the Sea Food Diet- I see food, I eat it.
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Snyarhedir reply on January 28th, 2011 1:30 am:
I think I read that joke in “More From The Best Of Milton Berle’s Private Joke File”! (I have yet to read the prequel.)
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January 17th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Weeeellll Aren’t you special!
and I agree with comments 3 and 4
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January 17th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Why can’t we just call them fullofshitarians?
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Snyarhedir reply on January 28th, 2011 1:32 am:
That brings one of James Rolfe’s series to mind: “You know what’s BULL SHIT?”
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January 17th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I’ve seen worse. I know more than one person who seems to believe that chicken is a vegetable…
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January 17th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Actually, my friend is a flexivore in a way. She only eats seafood and vegetables, she won’t eat land animals. Maybe that’s what they mean by flexivore?
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January 17th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Yum, dead cow. Sounds better than my diet of tuna, tuna, hot sauce, and even more tuna! *pats neck* Am I growing gills yet?
Veggies are so silly!
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Snyarhedir reply on January 28th, 2011 1:33 am:
If only that were possible.
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January 17th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Gotta admit, GreyDuck’s “Special Little Snowflake” does it for me!
Here’s one for ya, Skippy: I used to work with one of those pretentious-about-it vegetarians, who described himself as “a very strict vegan, except on Fridays, when I always have a steak”. Huh?
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January 18th, 2008 at 12:11 am
My favorite term for vegitarian (and probably showing how much of a redneck I can be) is; Vegitarian is the Native American word for “bad hunter”.
Personally, I don’t care if people eat meat, vegetables or plastic pink flamingos, I am with Skippy about not liking someone thinking they are superior because of their choice.
My one concession to that line of thinking happens everytime I hear about people “trapped in their vehicle with no means of getting help” and knowing it was some urbanite that had never learned what 90% of the people living in rural areas have known since grade school about survival in the winter/mountains/forest/wild.
The movie “Idiocracy” is starting to look more like a glimps into the future and less like the comedy it was intended, and that is a scary thought!
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January 18th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Bacon is a vegetable.
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Grayson reply on October 26th, 2008 11:30 pm:
And if it isn’t, then it damn well ought to be.
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January 18th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Gods, they come up with labels for EVERYTHING. Why can’t we just call people who eat meat and veggies omnivores? Aren’t we omnivores? We got incisors for meat and molars for greens. How complicated is that?
I do like to call myself an elitist. My tongue accepts only the best kind of food, so I rarely eat fast food. Maybe I’m a realfoodtarian…
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Snyarhedir reply on January 28th, 2011 1:38 am:
Amen! I agree wholeheartedly: we are omnivores. Some years ago, I wrote something like a mission statement/self-describing composition for a class and included that I opposed vegetarianism (I do not anymore, really) for the simple fact that humans are omnivores.
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January 18th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
OMFG Dwayne brought up the movie IDIOCRACY!!!!I almost thought I was the only person in north america who’d seen it. My only question is where we gonna put that big of a trash pile?? First suggestion is New York City, and then where are we gonna put the Time Machine!!!
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January 18th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
As I understand it, “flexitarians” and “freegans” are people who allow themselves to consume meat only when it would be available anyways. For instance, if they go to a posh art gallery opening and there’s sushi, they will gorge themselves on said sushi because they didn’t do anything to add to the problems of overfishing, fish cruelty, et cetera. Also, they’ll eat half of your steak if you’re going to just throw it away. Basically an excuse to eat as much free food as possible, which I would endorse if they didn’t spend the rest of the time being all holier-than-thou about my eating habits. Whenever someone starts in at me about the “freegan code,” I say that I agree with them wholeheartedly, but I extend my eatery to parts of the cow that would otherwise get thrown away. Liver, tripe, lungs, thymus gland… funny how quickly they leave off when I begin discussing the recipes of my rural youth. I’m convinced that most vegetarians are just people who’d rather not confront the harsh reality that, for any organism to eat, some other organism has to die.
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January 18th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Dont forget the stomach Terato
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January 19th, 2008 at 3:11 am
I get it. They’re not omnivores. They eat TINY amounts of meat. They’re dominatly vegitarean but they reserve the right to enjoy a juicy hamburger once in a blue moon
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January 19th, 2008 at 9:24 am
I eat vegans…
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January 20th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
To these kinds of people I just grin and announce that I’m a humanitarian, and then lick my lips and pull a fork from my pocket. That usually shuts them up.
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January 21st, 2008 at 6:11 pm
As a vegetarian, I friggin hate preachy vegetarians.
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January 21st, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Hitler was a vegetarian. after inportting that fact to preachy vegetarians, they tend to disist.
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January 22nd, 2008 at 2:32 am
i usually just tell them that if i wasn’t supposed to eat pigs then god wouldn’t have made them out of bacon
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January 22nd, 2008 at 4:04 am
Vegetables are what food eats.
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January 22nd, 2008 at 9:44 am
Every time I meet vegetarians I fire off my whole stock of vegetarian jokes. If they can laugh about it I’m ok with them being vegetarian. So far I’ve met no vegetarian who was preachy but I suppose they would either try to strangle me or simply leave. Don’t know which one I’d prefer.
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January 22nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I am a vegetarian. A strict one. I HATE those twats who turn around and say they are ‘flexi’ because there is no such thing. I have nothing against people eating whatever the hell they want, as long as they don’t damn well lie about it to try seem superior. the worst somebody has said to me was “Oh yeah I am a vegetarian, but when I go home I eat Chicken Pot Pies…” from an American exchange student :/
I also hate Veg*n-Preachers. They are worse than Johovah’s Witnesses and only ever preach to the choir (aka ME). -_- I also hate meat-preachers, who decide that they can spin off thousands of extremely biast ‘facts’ about being vegetarian to me in hopes I will change. I won’t. I haven’t eaten meat since I was five. I could end up in hospital if I did right now so even if I wanted too, I’d rather not -_- (I do know a vegetarian [in person] who went to hospital as somebody decided that she needed meat protein after not having it for fifteen years and slipped it into her food. She had one bite before she realised it wasn’t what she thought but felt rude to not eat it and carried on thinking she was mistaken. She had to be put on a drip when she couldn’t keep anything down for the next three days -_- Her body couldn’t digest the meat proteins and fats)
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Snyarhedir reply on January 28th, 2011 1:54 am:
That is scary. I had no idea that the body could reprogram itself according to that sort of habit.
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January 22nd, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Survival of the fittest. I can digest all kind of tasty fats.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 9:58 am
I just remembered, what happened to Nikki’s acquaintance is punishable by law, even if the person who put the meat into the food didn’t know that the person cannot digest it, it is wantonly negligent assault (I hope the vocabulary is right).
And even if the person can digest it, its an infringement of their personal rights.
@Intel I think (hope) you meant that as a joke, but it is a bit … misplaced after the post of Nikki.
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Snyarhedir reply on January 28th, 2011 1:43 am:
Well, it was not posted as a reply.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Humans are meant to eat meat.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I used to be good friends with a vegetarian who lives in Seattle (I’m in Tulsa). We’ve since lost touch with one another, but we used to talk with each other quite a bit on the phone. She called me once and demanded, “Guess what I did!” There’s not too much this woman hasn’t done – she would be the female Skippy if she had been in the military. I said, “You ate meat.” After the stunned silence wore off, it turns out I was right, and she was freaked out. Two Oral Roberts University graduates in Seattle had opened up a Goldie’s restaurant (hamburger chain in Tulsa), and before she went veggie, she used to love their hamburgers. I guess the temptation was too much, and she became a flexitarian for a day.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Fttttt. Unfortunately the mood adjusting medications I am forced to take so I can leave my house…without crying uncontrollably are encased in little gelatin capsules. This is the singular flexibility in my vegetarian lifestyle. It rides on my nerves, but that may be a need for a higher dosage.
My rule is, if it has a face…you won’t find it on my plate. My brother has tons of fun with this…except instead of drawing faces on my veggie burgers, he tries to tell me that if we took the eggs out of the fridge they’d become little retarded chickens.
Frankly, I think it’d be hilarious if I went to eat some Cheerios and found that the box was no longer vegetarian-friendly.
But really, if you think cows and fish grow on trees…well, you’re just looked to be smacked.
I don’t care what you eat, I don’t. But be honest about it! And if you’re going to live with me, you eat my way or you cook your own smelly food.
My boyfriend doesn’t like touching raw meat, so he’s…learning. One day he tried a veggie burger because “I figure I’m going to have to get used to it anyway.”
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January 23rd, 2008 at 11:40 pm
I don’t care what you choose to eat, and it’s equally none of your business what I eat. No preaching allowed on either side, no holier-than-thou crap, and no forcing someone to eat what they have stated they don’t want.
One of my nephews is severely allergic to all nuts, wheat gluten, eggs, milk and cheese, several different fruits (yeah really!), and a long LONG list of other stuff. Would it be funny to give this toddler something known to endanger him? NO! Ditto sneaking animal products into a vegetarian’s food. And ditto sneaking something I’ve stated I don’t eat into MY food.
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January 24th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
i’m with skippy. what pisses me off is that i’ve been a vegetarian since i was little but i don’t care what you eat, why should you bother me about what i eat? and Veggie-vangelicals(nice word) are the worst. i had someone a few years ago tell me in all seriousness that i wasn’t a real vegetarian because i didn’t eat tofurkey on thanksgiving…
as for the titles: flexitarian is just funny. a pescatarian is a vegetarian who eats fish. my old roommate (psycho new-age “spiritial advisor”) told me that i was a laco-ovo-… at which point i stopped listening. seriously, when i started (or rather stopped eating meat) it was simple: vegetarians didn’t eat meat, vegans didn’t eat meat or dairy, and then there was everyone else.
screw the lables.
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January 25th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
The cows eat the greens, I eat the cows. Very simple, relationship working well so far.
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January 28th, 2008 at 1:54 am
Viper, I don’t think it would have gone down well if she tried to press charges on her mother-in-law… I believe it had something to do with the couple announcing that they were thinking of starting a family a bit earlier than planned and mummy-dearest thought she’d intervene and strengthen her up a bit…
After experiences with my ex’s mother thinking the way she cooked things was veggie (my cheese and onion rolls smothered in lard for example) and after hearing about my friend, I have decided that maybe veggies should stick to other veggies XD
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January 29th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
My car has a sticker that says “Vegan by Proxy*” I had a smaller one that said “*I only eat vegetarian animals”, but i decided not to put that on the car because this way i can confuse more people.
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February 5th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I stopped eating meat in fifth grade because I got very sick every time I ate the schools lunches, we thought this was because of the meat products and when I switched to a veggie lifestyle I didn’t get sick anymore. A few years later (about the begining of High School) I started eating meat in small amounts again, and I found that once in a while like once or twice a month I really can appriciate and enjoy a small Steak or a couple of meals with chicken. I can eat turkey and chicken and eggs without problems and do so about once a week but more than the occasional meal and I get very sick. Some of us are unable to eat the amounts of meat products others can. I still get very sick with all dairy products even though I’m not truley lactose intolerant. (recently I found that I can eat more meat and dairy products when I get them locally and from all orgainic farms. I am currently reserching the possibility that I have been having reactions to the chemicls in many animals used in meat production.) Please dont judge us harshly because I still tell people I’m vegitarian when I eat out.
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Snyarhedir reply on January 28th, 2011 1:52 am:
Back at my middle school (or was it another school?), I noticed that at one point, the chicken patties were not as fully cooked as they should have been. Unfortunately, I ate it anyway. Fortunately, nothing happened, but I know that I clearly lucked out. (Or maybe it was not rare enough to have made me sick.)
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March 13th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
I’m the grandson of a Wisconsin dairy farmer, guess what I eat? I’ll tell you: meat, cheese, pasta, pizza, more pizza, more cheese, other dairy products, more meat, fruits, and vegetables. WHat would that make me?
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David B reply on March 10th, 2014 7:57 pm:
A true Wisconsinite! I think you left out brats, though. They are their own food group around here!
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March 15th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Jack,
Um the grandson of a Wisconsin dairy farmer? :-) And what persay is wrong with that diet?
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