SGT Generic Part Two
Before I get into the second part there is a pertinent fact that bears mentioning. SGT Generic is a black woman.
Because I’m white, ed I am now obligated to spend a paragraph or so defending myself.
I don’t hate black people; I don’t think all black people are stupid. I have black friends, and coworkers. I understand that as someone who has light colored skin it is frowned upon for me to ever mention someone who is darker than me and any form of negative description. I am deeply and personally sorry for every single bad thing to ever happen to any person who happened to have more melanin than me.
Have I spent enough time on this to avoid racist accusations in the comments section? Probably not, but let’s move on anyways.
About a week after Part One happened we saw another story on CNN, this time about gay marriage.
She felt that it was sad and wrong that gay people want to get married. This in and of itself wouldn’t be noteworthy. Many people these days have the same opinion as she does. The noteworthy part is coming.
Being the way that I am, instead of just ignoring her comments, I asked if she really felt okay with the government telling people who they can or can’t marry. I pointed out that in our parent’s generation interracial marriage was illegal, and people gave pretty much the same reasons to justify that piece of discrimination as they give nowadays to prevent gay marriage.
She conceded that taking away people rights seemed wrong, but that she still thought gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry.
“Marriage is too special” she said. “They should make some other kind of thing that works like marriage for gay people.”
“So they should be treated equally, just kept apart?”
“Right.”
“So would you say ‘Separate But Equal’ is the policy our country should adopt?”
“Yeah ‘Separate But Equal’ is exactly how our country should opera—“
“NO!” Bellowed a very large, ticked off black Staff Sergeant who had been listening to our conversation.
YOU!” He said pointing at me, “You should be very ashamed of yourself. SGT Generic, please step outside.” And off they went, presumably for a crash course in the African-American Civil Rights Movement.
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August 3rd, 2007 at 6:40 am
A supervisory-level position person with zero critical thinking skills. I have those too. Great story.
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August 3rd, 2007 at 7:00 am
I have to wonder…prior to opening your mouth, no matter how small the discussion….how many conversations do you have with the other person in your head in order to be so well prepared as to always have the best answer possible? Hehehe
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August 3rd, 2007 at 7:18 am
Oh, ye gawds! PLEASE pass on the ass-chewing you got on this… it HAD to be priceless!
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August 3rd, 2007 at 9:30 am
I love the way that it’s your fault your supervisor is dumb as a box of rocks and couldn’t spot the obvious logic trap with satellite imaging and a flashlight
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August 3rd, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Well yeah. Skippy should know better than to take advantage of people’s deficiencies.
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August 3rd, 2007 at 2:10 pm
I have the feeling a large number of your immediate chain of command spiked their blood pressure in your vicinity. Subversive humor is underappreciated in the army.
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August 3rd, 2007 at 6:28 pm
I bet you could have gotten her to vote against woman’s suffrage as well. Great story!
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August 3rd, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Shame on Skippy for teaching the sheeple to shear herself. I could only wish that a Hindu officer had wandered by during your other encounter with Sgt. Generic. Or that maybe the Staff Sargeant was also Hindu.
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August 3rd, 2007 at 10:54 pm
*applauds*
Brilliant, Skippy. Nothing like catching someone off-guard saying something completely retarded. Any ass-chewing you got for this must’ve been incredibly worth it.
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August 4th, 2007 at 2:04 am
I just happened to Stumble Upon this site, and what a delight! I’m in the Army as an E-5, so I can relate to a lot of this shit.
BTW, E-5 is probably one of the shittiest ranks because you are responsible for all the E-4’s and below, yet you get treated like a E-4 by all the O’s and asshole Senior NCO’s.
Peace Out!
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August 4th, 2007 at 3:57 am
I’d tell you that you SHOULD be ashamed of yourself… if I could just stop giggling.
But I wouldn’t mean it.
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August 4th, 2007 at 5:28 am
To uderstand why Skippy “should be ashamed of himself”, go watch an episode of Up Pompeii. At some point, Frankie Howerd will say “It’s wicked to mock the afflicted”.
Sure, fish in a barrel are easy to shoot. Doesn’t mean they’re good targets.
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August 6th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Hey, at least your handling of the situation outdid hers. She sounded like a fat blond in Part 1, but this helps flesh it out a bit, and if anyone really thinks this is racist then it’s because political correctness has blinded them to the point.
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August 6th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Yeah, you should be ashamed of yourself. That’s still fucking hilarious.
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August 7th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
I wonder how much the Staff Sergeant had to dumb down the crash course in African-American history? Civil rights acts of 1964 and 1965, duuuuh, what’s that??
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August 8th, 2007 at 11:04 pm
My God, I never knew my boss was in the army.;) My boss, in charge of a shop of techs, is a woman who never held a tool in her life. So is her boss, and her boss’s boss.
As long as they stay out of our way, everything’s copacetic. But whent they try to be more “proactive” suddenly everyone’s bad back, trick knee, etc., starts acting up. They never seem to make the connection.
They seem happier than us. Must be nice going through life able to ignore any knowledge that might upset you.
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August 9th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Brown v. Board of Education? Anyone, anyone, Beuller? [Cricket chirping]
sheesh…As an educator, this just saddens me. Problem is, I happen to be teaching some of the kids who will (not might, but will) grow up to say things like this. I am trying hard folks…but it’s really hard to get folks to use the grey matter between the ears before engaging the pink one in their mouth!
Regards,
Andy Welkley
“Your Phrendlee Hevy Phyzx T-chrr”
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August 10th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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August 11th, 2007 at 4:49 am
#17 I feel sorry for you and all the stress some of those children must impose upon you. That and the fact many parents seem to expect the teachers to raise their hellions. I in fact could not be a teacher or a tech support person… I have a low tolerance for ignorance and blatant stupidity or the mass populaces lack of commonsense. Seriously people, why do they call it “common” it is not anymore….
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August 12th, 2007 at 5:27 am
Former SPC Schwartz, thou art my heroic alter-ego. I have been a fan of the list since someone pointed it at me many, many moons ago, and a fan of your stories and commentary for about a year or so (I got nostalgic, and wanted to initiate someone else to the list, and found this site). As an EOA student (Equal Opportunity Advisor) who JUST did a rather involved study of the Supreme Court and the modern Civil Rights Movement, as well as someone with a deep interest in religion (and am coming to embrace a Hindu/Pagan mix as the most comfortable belief system for me) I can only empathize. SGT Generic sounds very much like my ex-Stepmother. I’m sorry you had to deal with her, but more concerned for her assigned soldiers. I recognize that just being in a PsyOps unit does not mean you are schooled up on things that unit needs to know to do business (my Brother-in-Law was a supply guy in a PsyOps unit, at Bragg), but… wow.
Getting her to embrace Plessy v. Ferguson is just TOO classically hilarious. I’m a big fan.
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August 15th, 2007 at 2:13 am
Wow, you really are hilarious. Did you intend to get her to sound like a complete arse, or did you just see an opportunity and go for it?
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August 23rd, 2007 at 7:34 pm
happened to have more melanin than me.
lol thanks i’m going to use that now :)
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August 28th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Was it wrong of me to laugh at the fact SGT. Generic got her ass chewed for being completely and totally stupid? No. Ok good.
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August 30th, 2007 at 12:32 am
Yeah, well, this Supreme Court (with the full and active cooperation of its sole member who personally benefits from the holding in Loving v. Virginia) earlier this summer issued a 5:4 opinion permitting the resegregation of public schools, so don’t keep your hopes too high for enlightenment by our public officials. And don’t think it’s only in the Army that you have nitwits like that; I worked in a fed’l gov’t agency for 14 years and it nearly always seemed the promotions to supervisory and managerial positions went to the ones who no longer could do the actual job of the place but were looking to stay in and keep their gov’t benefits. Not a surprise in the land where the Dittoheads rule. There’s also a guy I know at my local gym (former Marine) who seems to believe that the Democrats are to blame for the Iraq war because they didn’t oppose it hard enough back in October 2002 when Dubya and his cronies were politicizing the need for the war by smearing the patriotism of anyone who thought differently than they did. And now Ari Fleisher has a $15 million advertising budget to do it all again. It would be so nice if all the neo-cons simply joined up as riflemen; nothing like a little empirical experience to adjust one’s attitude.
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September 11th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
The state should get out of the marriage business altogether. If people want to come and form some kind of legal partnership, there’s already buckets of law for that. If people want to go to the witch-doctor of their choice and call themselves “married”, what business of the state is it?
Get the state out of marriage, and the whole gay marriage thing goes away completely.
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September 17th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Do you know if SGT Generic crossed over to the navy? I could swear I worked under the same woman.
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October 21st, 2007 at 10:01 pm
love it. people are so funny, that’s why its great entertainment to go people watching!
my sister is up at norwich, wants to be in the army. i sent her your list, and told her to spread it around. i’m sure they’ll find a good laugh in it!
Cheers (i say cheers even tho i’m American–do not ask me, please)
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October 22nd, 2007 at 10:33 am
Well I do agree that what you did was pretty mean. I also thought it was very funny and quick witted- good on ya!
Anyway having said it was mean and probably uncalled for I do think that SGT probably deserved it- Being an Aussie Army cadet myself you get a lot of NCOs who think they’re top of the world and everything everyone says is retarded, every mistake anyone makes should earn them the right to be shot and whatever they say is correct and trying to correct them is a very bad thing.
After a while many of us are so embarrased by stupid NCOs and get so sick of them that if anything like that happens to them we all have a good laugh when no one is looking.
I’m sure most of us can relate to something like this happening to their boss or teacher so you should understand what I meant by us laughing at them (well, not directly at them but you know what I mean)
By the way I loved reading your list- and my cadet buddies got a good laugh from it too!
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October 30th, 2007 at 3:04 am
Where were you 35 years ago when I was in my early 20s? Looking back, it’s definitely worth the ass-kickings I received for similar (but admittedly no usually as clever) spontaneous pranks. Keep on cookin’!
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October 30th, 2007 at 3:48 am
Separate but Equal isn’t really a problem with gay marriage. Gay marriage is a legal institution, it’s a lot harder to keep physical institutions (like school or water fountains) equal than it is to keep a legal institution equal (as long as there’s little room for interpretation).
You need to breakdown gay marriage into what they actually want. What they want is usually tax benefits , inheritance, living will decisions, ability to adopt and whatever else it is you sign up for in marriage.
The arguments against gay marriage that have a problem with the “marriage” part usually have this problem due to marriage being religious in origin and nature and thus allowing gay people to marry would undermine that basis. The problem isn’t usually “Tax breaks for gay couples is against my religion”.
There are other issues too, like adoption. I’m not touching them right now
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October 30th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Freedom of religion means you should be able to live without having your religion imposed on. Having people trying to force the government to make you change what your religion says and alloys infringes on that.
Gay Marriage. Ugh… Weird issue mate. The whole concept of gay marriage is interesting hilarious and idiotic.
The who reason they want it, is for affirmation that it is something that is right, and there is nothing ‘wrong’ with it. From a institution/church that is built upon the principle that all “murders, thieves, ‘homosexuals,’ etc…” are going to hell, UNLESS they stop their ways, repent, and go on the ‘right’ path, yadda yadda…
It’s like having a club that is only for Army, and a Navy bloke getting buggered off, that they wont let him join.
If you ‘really’ wanted to have gay marriage. There is a simple way to do it.
Since there is a growing population of “Homosexual-Americans.” They should bind together and form their own church (Trust me. They have more than enough people to get government backing for their religion.
After they get government backing they can get married or do whatever they want, and there will be massive wants to be married in the “House of the Fiery Rainbow,” or w/e they are going to call it.
It’s just people pushing their beliefs on others. Start your own Religion, and do what ya bloody well please.
And on a different note, you have an awesome way of arguing.
I’ve done the “Woman’s Suffrage” thing on a couple of gals from a Feminine Studies class or w/e.
Put on a sad face and had them sign a petition to stop Womens Suffrage in America! lol
Got their siggies, told them what it was, and was called an ass by a few :P lol
Anyways, Good luck mate, Enjoy ya site, and hope ya all the best in the future!
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November 8th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
i’m probably going to hell for as much as I laughed at that.
skippy… you are my hero
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November 14th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
The problem with the gay marriage issue is that we’ve let a single religion’s definition of marriage become law. There are churches that will perform gay marriage (heck, I go to one,) but prople keep on assuming that the standard defenition of marriage is the only right one. Heck, I figure that as long as it’s between consenting adults, it shouldn’t matter who you want to marry, or even how many people. What they should do just make everything (including marriage) a “civil union” in the eyes of the law, and then let the church’s perform marriages if they want.
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November 15th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
JUST REMEMBER THAT IN TODAYS ARMY THERE ARE PEOPLE BEING PROMOTED THAT COUNLD’NT THINK THIER WAY OUT OF A WET PAPER BAG. LET ALONE LEAD A GROUP OF LEMMINGS OF A CLIFF. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
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December 3rd, 2007 at 4:42 am
Great story, sadly I worked with many people like that before, some my own rank, some more, some less. Any ass chewing would have been well worth it after getting somebody to say something like that. Priceless.
I would have done the same had the opportunity presented itself.
Priceless man priceless.
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December 6th, 2007 at 7:56 am
In response to #17 by Comment by Hevy Phyzx
gotta love the oh so smart rich kids at LaSalle Institute huh? What a special place, JROTC tempered with the power of christ.
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December 19th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Oh man. That’s bad. It’s amazing how times change. Plus it’s always funny about hearing anybody who outranks you getting their ass chewed by a Staff NCO. Or Company/Feild Grade Officer. I’m sure it says somewhere in some kind of legal, colonial document or atleast a quote from some dude in a powdered wig that might have been a President. “All men are created equal.” Now who cares if the men want to ride the Hershey Highway to Brown Town. It’s their choice. The Freedom of Choice. Embrace it folks. Free will. It may not be around forever. Oh yeah, and most Marines are latent homosexuals…
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January 7th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Geez. What an idiot. Can’t wait for Sgt. Generic Part III if there is one. Or any other idiot stories. Definitely a Darwin Award or the like waiting to happen.
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February 12th, 2008 at 9:50 am
obviously you are a racist mysoginist.
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February 28th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
*Snicker* if she’s going to say *THAT* she deserved it. I gotta say, I have no problem with gay couples being granted the same rights as a married couple. I have no problem with gays, hell my favorite uncle’s gay and one of my best friends is bi. I love my uncle, and I was furious that my friend felt it immediately needed to inform me that she wasn’t hitting on me. I’m oblivious, but not that oblivious, I can tell when someone’s hitting on me. My only problem with gay marriage is that of definition. Marriage is supposed to be for procreation, and I think that two people of the same gender might have a problem there. So, call it a civil union, give it the same rights, powers, and binding powers of a marriage and call it good.
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Janice reply on November 3rd, 2014 2:55 pm:
Kaze,
If marriage is only supposed to be for procreation, we should not allow anyone who is infertile to get married, we should ask that when they apply for a marriage license. I mean, women in their 80’s get married, and they’re not going to have kids.
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June 28th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
On the offchance that anyone is reading this, this far on, I wanna congratulate #13. Mr “she souned like a fat blonde”. Because in deprecating someone for being idiot and homophobic, you just insulted women, blondes and fat people. That’s got to be a record o some kind.
No, wait, this is the interwebs, you’ve probably found your idiot brethren and sit around being racist against bigots.
Twit.
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October 10th, 2008 at 6:06 am
It must be tough going through life as a “fat blonde”. Just ask #41.
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Minty reply on May 5th, 2009 4:27 pm:
It’s not so bad. Then again, I have managed to avoid the embarrassing “oh my god, a straw just fell out from the crack between my rolls of fat” scenario at the doctor’s office, so I may not be the best representative of the Fat Blonds of America.
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