It’s A Big One Today
It’s time again for the Monday morning update. So just pretend that I wrote something clever as a lead-in and enjoy the humongous list courtesy of Tony.
101 Things You Should Not Do in High School
(Submitted by Tony)
1) “Completion” is not the same thing as “effort”.
2) I should not ask teachers to tell stories about how they accidentally told a student to sleep with them.
3) I cannot call my English teacher by his first name.
4) I cannot call my English teacher “Captain Canada”.
5) Flipping off a security guard behind his back only works when there aren’t any standing behind you.
6) I am not allowed to start any slow claps.
7) I am not allowed to stop any slow claps by shouting Communistic slogans.
8) An “oral examination” is no longer funny, so I should stop snickering at it.
9) When asked to copy a file to the hand in folder, I should not copy any file I want.
10) Writing “Magic = answer” is not an acceptable form of showing your work.
11) The song “Fuck the Police” is not required when discussing the American system of law enforcement.
12) The song “Fuck the Police” should not be sung when the friendly cop comes in to talk to us about drugs.
13) I should not ask cops if they remember me when they come in to talk to us about drugs.
14) Jokes about epilepsy are only funny when the kid who sits next to you has a boyfriend who doesn’t have epilepsy.
15) I should not refer to the security guards as “Die ScheissPolizei” whilst in German class.
16) No, as a matter of fact, you don’t have any rights as a student. Now open your locker so we can search it.
17) Stop fainting in class.
18) My Chemistry professor is “Mrs. Daugherity,” so I should not call her “Teach”.
19) Calling my teacher a “pussy” when he refuses a dare is not OK.
20) Even if the dare was really easy and only a little illegal.
21) I will not call out WASPs during class.
22) When a teacher asks if we have any questions, I should ask questions related to the material, not: “Is there a God?”
23) I may not worship the girl who sits in the adjacent table as a deity.
24) After my teacher tells us the story of how he hit himself in the face with a fire extinguisher, I should not call him a “dumbass”.
25) After my teacher tells us the story of how he hung up his dog’s favorite toy on the ceiling fan, I should not call him a “douche bag”.
26) I am not allowed to reference Lost anymore when writing programs.
27) “Best 2 out of 3” does not apply to essays.
28) When my teacher asks if I read the book over the weekend, I should not respond with raucous laughter.
29) “I can has pass?” is not how you request a trip to the bathroom.
30) Holding hands with a teacher when crossing the street for safety’s sake was my idea, so I should stop screaming when he calls my bluff.
31) I should not write “Vive el Che!” on everything I hand in to my severely anti-communistic programming teacher.
32) I cannot nickname my computer “Stupid bitch”.
33) I cannot suggest that referring to computers only by their numbers is reminiscent of WWII concentration camps.
34) When asked what I want to get out of a class, I should not say I want to learn how to dismantle an atomic bomb.
35) When my teacher comes around to check for homework, she is severely discouraged when I say “Haha don’t bother.”
36) When asked what I want to get out of a class, I should not say “Banana monkey coconut” in a high pitched voice until my teacher can’t make eye contact anymore.
37) There is no re-re-re-re test.
38) I should not expect teachers to receive work when it is slipped under a locked door.
39) Anything with my own blood on it is going to lose points in the future.
40) When my teacher tells us to do it on poster board, he means he doesn’t want it handed in on wrapping paper.
41) I should not keep a running tally of the number of times my teacher says “okay” in one lecture, and then read the results at the end of class, no matter how annoying she sounds.
42) “Happy 4-20!” is not something I should say into the PA at a pep rally.
43) My paper would score higher without all the racist humor.
44) There is only one Messiah, and I am not allowed to suggest that he is the lead singer from Rage Against the Machine.
45) I cannot call Sam Cooke a “badass” just because he was shot.
46) I may not pretend to be eating an invisible hoagie when the security guards check to see if we are eating when we’re not supposed to be.
47) I should not quote 300 in my essays.
48) I should not sing that part from the song Killing in the Name that goes “fuck you I won’t do what you tell me” forty-one times in a row when our teacher gives us instructions.
49) I should not refer to groups as “nap circles”.
50) I should not refer to classroom debates as “angry sing-alongs”.
51) I should not say that the AP test was “the most expensive nap I ever took.”
52) I should not teach my English teacher any gang handshakes.
53) I should not suggest that my German teacher is older than God.
54) I should not sing “Fight For Your Right (To Party)” every Friday whilst in class.
55) When I make eye contact with a teacher, I should not mime the act of murder and narrow my eyes.
56) I should not interrupt class by saying “Look, the groundhogs are back!” whenever the cute little guys come out.
57) I should not threaten the students who chase the groundhogs.
58) My teacher cannot tell me why the revolution was not televised.
59) I should not name everything “Timmy the [adjective][object]”.
60) I cannot suggest that the security guards are attempting to steal Christmas.
61) I cannot suggest that the Asian-American Club is “up to something”.
62) I cannot accuse the Chinese Honors Society of racism when they do not let me in.
63) I cannot have a debate with another teacher about death metal when my teacher is giving a lesson.
64) Repeating a five-minute presentation does not mean I gave a 10-minute presentation.
65) I should not call the other redheads in my class “soulless gingers”.
66) I should not use the word “freshman” as an insult.
67) Freshmen are not “untouchables”.
68) During any hearing and sight test, I should not attempt to dig out my own brain with Q-tips.
69) There is no monster living in the Bunsen Burner.
70) During an oral presentation, I should not break into song.
71) It is never appropriate to attempt to tap dance like the penguins from “Happy Feet”.
72) I am not my teacher’s legitimate father.
73) I should not say that Odysseus was “a few soldiers short of a trireme” and expect my dumbass classmates to understand it.
74) I should not call my classmates dumbasses when they don’t get my joke about triremes.
75) I should not call a Poetry Club meeting a “Sadness-a-thon”, especially when I attend it.
76) I should not call Equestrian Club “My Little Pony Club”.
77) During school photographs, I should not ask for an action shot.
78) I may not use my Student ID as a badge for the fictional “Student Law Enforcement Society”, and I must now apologize to the freshmen I arrested.
79) When giving an oral presentation on The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, my classmates do not need to know what I think about Hannah Montana.
80) I should not use the Promethean board (Like a chalkboard that displays everything on the computer screen) to show that thing on YouTube where Barack Obama rickrolls.
81) The quote does not go: “Those who can, do. Those who teach, suck”.
82) When confronted by security guards, I should not go into “Crane pose”.
83) Standing very still does not stop teachers from seeing you when you are late to class.
84) I should not suggest that my Romanian math teacher will turn into bats and fly out the window.
85) I should not end any presentation with advice if that advice is: “Bro’s before ho’s”.
86) When you insult your teacher in another language, the advantage is lost if he speaks it.
87) I cannot tell teachers to “Meet me by the flagpole after school”.
88) I should not get into a freestyle rap battle while I am supposed to be working.
89) On a multiple choice test, there is no “shotgun” answer. (filling in more than one bubble in case you were wrong)
90) Shouting matches should not be held in front of police officers when massive amounts of obscenities are to be used.
91) I should not attempt to leave class every hundred and eight minutes to save the world. (Lost reference)
92) Should not mime shooting my teacher and claim that it is the only way to save him.
93) When taking a test, there are no “lifelines”.
94) Copying is not “comparing the answers he’s already written to the answers I’m about to write”.
95) Pretending to be going out of town the day a presentation is due and then skipping school…..works!
96) “Doctor Strangelove” is not a real doctor, so a doctor’s note from him won’t count.
97) Should not copy-paste lyrics to songs into the middle of any essay.
98) When my teacher says that boys and girls are the same, I should not ask him if he took a class on anatomy when he was in school.
99) Nor should I attempt to explain the vagina to him.
100) When filling in the section of the late note that says “Reason for lateness:”, I should not write “totally hammered”.
101) When writing an essay for Civics, I should not reference “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” more than seven thousand times.
Follow
December 7th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
This list is hysterical. How much trouble did you get into? I don’t even raise that much hell(anymore).
captcha: Nights Foregoing
-the nights foregoing halloween were filled with countless acts of unspeakable awesomeness. only to be topped when I watched Mallrats, Chasing Amy and read the Punisher: Circle of Blood on the same day. Simply because I can’t talk about the nights foregoing halloween….
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December 7th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Wish I had thought of some of that when I was in high school. I would’ve had way more fun!
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December 7th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
nice!
I’ll show this to my kids….
after they get their scholarships!
I was too good to get caught.
most of the time
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December 7th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
ha! This made me think of some stuff we got up to back in high school. Have to add to this
-I cannot draw Excretory Man on my AP Biology exam.
-Especially the part I’m turning in for a grade.
-Even if the biology teacher dressed up as Excretory Man.
-Cannot ask if it’s true that the Biology teacher got kicked out of the school as a student for growing pot on the football field.
-Not allowed to laugh when he says he found it and threw it away
-Not allowed to point out that the essay I have to read about God for religion class actually presents a good argument for reincarnation.
-Not allowed to laugh when the English teacher admits he took alliteration into consideration when naming his first child.
-If I want to talk about sex in English class, I MUST use a euphamism- “lala in the wheat” is apparently the teacher’s favorite
-Not allowed to purposely sing out of tune in choir class-one day, the teacher’s going to break the windows when he slams the door out of anger.
-It’s not a good idea to ask if John Paul II died during the bombing of Warsaw when watching a movie on his life (I didn’t ask this!)
-When on a school trip, I shouldn’t skinny dip
-Or miss curfew
-Even if it’s for pizza and ice cream
-Mom says I have to stop faking asthma attacks in order to leave early
-If you’re smart, the economics teacher thinks it’s funny when you turn in an assignment that says the best way to solve Britain’s economic problems would be to auction Prince William off on Ebay
-No, the Spanish teacher will not teach us dirty words, so stop asking.
-I should never admit that I wrote an essay an hour before it was due, especially when the teacher has used it as an example of great writing
-The head of discipline no longer wants to be called into the AP European classroom because the whole school is talking about how students left in tears after the Treaty of Versailles project
-The AP European teacher is no longer doing the Treaty of Versailles project, congratulations guys, I ran that one for 20 years
-If me and my friends dress up in costume to see Return of the King in the movie theaters, our government teacher will be too embarassed to acknowledge us in the lobby.
-So we shouldn’t yell his name and jump up and down in order to get his attention.
-My teacher is pregnant, she’s not looking fatter since the candy disappeared off her desk.
-The theater teacher heard how we got kicked out of Waffle House while celebrating the last show of our current musical and she is VERY disappointed.
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LordEnigma reply on December 8th, 2008 8:21 am:
I’m sorry, but I have to see this fabled drawing of “Excretory Man”. That’s just hilarious.
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Kelly reply on December 8th, 2008 8:12 pm:
I really wish I had it now, but it was literally drawn on the portion of the test I turned in. Everyone who saw it died laughing though-I almost got half the class kicked out of the exam because everyone on my side of the room was looking at my paper and the proctor thought we were cheating.
As for the Treaty of Versailles Project-we were split into countries with the task of rewriting the Treaty with an eye to preventing WWII. About half the class was extremely creative and had a sense of humor-we put in a clause that Serbia would be paved because they were the catalyst for WWI. I think everyone fought over who got control of Corsica. I was representing Japan and tried to get everyone to give me Mongolia, silly stuff like that. The other half of the class? Not so creative. Seems they thought they were ACTUALLY rewriting the Treaty, and for some reason, one girl just totally lost her head and ran out of the room crying in the middle of the period. By the end of the day rumors were all over the school about how the teacher was going to get fired because of the whole thing and the head of discipline had to come in and give us a lecture on taking projects too far. We spent two months working on that and the teacher decided we wouldn’t finish it. It’s somethng that, to this day, when I see someone from that class we both go “Remember the Treaty of Versailles?”
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Stickfodder reply on December 8th, 2008 8:35 am:
“No, the Spanish teacher will not teach us dirty words, so stop asking.”
My Spanish teacher didn’t know how to swear in Spanish so when we swore in Spanish she thought we were just trying to hake things up. Keep in mind she went to collage to become an English teacher (she never should have told us that, we never let her live that fact down.)
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Sean reply on December 8th, 2008 11:26 am:
I demand to know what occured during the Treaty of Versailles project. It just sounds too priceless to not have the details.
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Jim A reply on December 16th, 2008 12:10 pm:
A friend of mine was in some Jr High Social Studies project where they were the rullers of some little newly independent African nation. He and his friends spent THEIR budget building up their armies, while the girls spent their budget stuff like shcools and hospitals. There was much snearing by said girls until the invasion. “You can’t do this. Mr. Pakota, make him stop.” The teacher was amused enough to tell the girls that other than a Security Council declaration deploring the situation, they were on their own.
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Angelus reply on December 18th, 2008 9:11 am:
Bravo, sir. Well played.
Captcha: Wainwright &c
December 7th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
I’m in college and I used the “lifeline” thing on a prof. I had walked in to my world music class somewhat late and as I was sitting down he had asked me a question. Since I hadn’t bothered to go to the class the day before I had no clue. But, thankfully I had a friend who had a masters in music and figured he might know. So I asked the prof if I could “phone a friend” he said sure…so I whipped out my cell phone and started calling…apparently he was just joking; he didn’t think that I was serious.
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December 8th, 2008 at 3:39 am
I cannot use the Jedi mind trick on the security guards (it worked).
I cannot attempt to bust the Pepsi monopoly by bringing in outside drinks.
I cannot encourage the other students to rebel against the Pepsi monopoly on the school cable TV program.
I cannot tell the newspaper reporter the administration started witch-hunts and gulags after the Columbine incident.
I cannot voluntarily get in school suspension for “quiet time.”
..or to work on my epic roleplaying game for my TI-80 calculator.
..or to finish the entire Dune series before the end of the school year.
I cannot skip classes just to get in school suspension.
I cannot come back after dropping out to show off my college ID to pick up high school chicks even if they are my same age.
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December 8th, 2008 at 3:46 am
Oh damn, just remembered some more from earlier in my high school life:
I cannot start a facist styled group even if it parodies facist groups.
I cannot hide in the band room during pep rallies and play Magic: The Gathering.
I cannot start a Magic: The Gathering club on school grounds.
I cannot argue that not having a Magic: The Gathering club at school violates my religious rights.
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Imp reply on December 8th, 2008 1:00 pm:
My school (oddly) has magic: the gathering as a club.
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random person reply on July 5th, 2009 2:52 pm:
So does mine, and I know everyone in it! how many geek points do i get for that?
CAPTCHA: $1-million drones heh
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:39 am
I’ve been putting together my own list as well.
-Should not ‘save people from the sniper’.
-Not allowed to lick windows
-Don’t knowingly sit in on the wrong maths class untill found
-(next day)Don’t then sit in on the same class to beat your record
-Should not tie anyone upside down to trees
-Should not wrap anyone in tape and drag them around the oval
-I am not a seagull from Finding Nemo
-Should not run through a soccer game chasing after the ball like said seagulls
-Do not shake the tree or i’ll shake you
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:48 am
So far the best I’ve got is:
Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul in English class.
Not allowed to eat mints in English class.
Not even if I brouhght enough for everybody.
Captcha: pany Bogart,– Sounds like something out of a Harry Potter novel
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December 8th, 2008 at 5:17 am
Laughed My Ass Off!
37) There is no re-re-re-retest. – This would imply that there was a re-re-retest?
86) When you insult your teacher in another language, the advantage is lost if he speaks it. – Heh, reminds me of Mr. Taylor, our Bio-Chem teacher. His second most favorite thing to do was insult students in Klingon so no-one else would understand what he was saying. His most favorite thing to do was make minor (and sometimes major) explosions.
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LordEnigma reply on December 8th, 2008 8:19 am:
This would only work if his students didn’t happen to own a copy of the Klingon-English dictionary on hand :)
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December 8th, 2008 at 5:34 am
These are just a few I remember getting caught on. I learned early it is better never to get caught.
-Do not scream and throw a dummy off the catwalk in theater. It causes the director to have a nervious break.
-Do not “indoctronate” my lightcrew. Even if it does lead to us being the fastest and most efficiant crew.
-Do not break the lock onto the roof door to hide from the director.
-Do not throw snowballs off the roof.
-Do not scream, “fall” off the roof into a snowpile outside my algebra teacher’s class, them smile and wave.
-Anything that launches any sort of projectile, explodes, burns, or is not made of foam padding, bubble wrap and happy thoughts is no longer an acceptable project.
-No longer allowed to debate with the teacher in ethics class.
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StoneWolf reply on December 8th, 2008 8:59 am:
I forgot some.
-When found to be carring a Swiss Army Knife and have it confiscated, do not openly mock the school weapons policy by pointing out I could kill anyone in the class with a bic pen.
-Relating to the above, do under any circumstances list strike locations and approximate bleed out times to prove the point.
-There is no such class as Tactical Anatomy and I should stop asking my biology professor to teach it.
-Never let the Chem teacher know that you are a pyro. He’ll make you light off everything just in case he did it wrong.
-Knowing how to make explosives and toxic gasses from commom household goods is not common knowlege.
-Your teacher is smart enough to undertand what a Rapidly Expanding Gas Based Starch Propelant Device is and I should stop trying to make one in shop.
-Given my reputation, I should not have taken Shop, AP Chemistry, AP Physics, and Pre-Calc in the same year.
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David B reply on March 14th, 2014 3:46 pm:
What exactly is a ” Rapidly Expanding Gas Based Starch Propellant Device?”
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StoneWolf reply on March 14th, 2014 5:35 pm:
Spud Gun
December 8th, 2008 at 7:57 am
I’ve had more than a few of these myself. high school was my time to run rampant.
-Not allowed to spend my entire comp sci class figuring out exactly where the holes in the security system are and how many computers could be stolen without tripping the alarm.
-Even if I DID finish the entire year’s projects in the first month.
-Not allowed to loudly announce this tally in front of the class.
-Nor should I show up early and make sure that no computer is plugged into the monitor, keyboard, and mouse in front of it.
-Not allowed to use clips or stills from any movie rated R or above in my media class.
-Not allowed to mock the school counsellor’s career choice until I get sent home for the day.
-Doing the above while he’s trying to discuss my future does not get me extra points for irony.
-When my friend’s cop father lets slip that he will be at the school in a couple days, I am not to take that as a cue to put anything resembling drugs in any school locker.
-In fact, I should probably just leave the huge baggie of dried cinquefeuille at home from now on.
-I am not permitted to start Radio Free _anything_ using a computer, streamcasting software, and that unused input on the PA system.
-I am not allowed to form any political action group or revolution on school time, even if I do have a free period.
-Even if my Global History teacher will give me extra credit for it.
-“Career/Life Management” class is not an example of “Do as I say, not as I did”.
-Even if the teacher is the most atrocious waste of government money in recent history.
-Pointing out the above is also bad form.
-A blunt object, surprisingly, IS a valid point in a debate, though one should not leap across the table, screaming and waving it menacingly.
-The ammunition box is starting to frighten the other students, and the radiation and biohazard warning stickers on it do not help.
-Not allowed to drink on school property. Unless we brought enough for the teacher who let us use her classroom.
-Not allowed to disassemble a classroom computer and feed parts of it to the guy sitting next to me on class time. Even if he will eat them, and I did learn all of this crap two years ago.
-Blatantly refusing to do my math homework is frowned upon, and even more blatantly doing the problem in my head on the spot when called upon will earn me detention time.
-When I do the above, and arrive at a different answer than the teacher and the half of the classroom who copied the answer key when she wasn’t looking, not allowed to hijack the class and show them where the book went wrong.
-Any project that will get undue attention from the bomb squad is vetoed from now on.
-Not allowed to encourage fellow chem students to handle alkali metals barehanded.
-Skipping finals week is frowned upon, even if I am exempt from all but one exam and I did save up my sick days.
-When school officials are apparently worried that I am going to kill a large portion of their student body (because I play ROLEPLAYING GAMES! Gasp! The horror!), the appropriate response does not include taking a copy of the student roster, crossing random names off in red ink, “accidentally” dropping it near the office, and then leaving town permanently. (I still consider this one my crowning moment, though I never got to see the response.)
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Stickfodder reply on December 8th, 2008 8:23 am:
Yeah remind me never to have a debate with you in person.
I never understood why it was a bad thing that I could do math in my head. Which reminds me of something I should add.
-When yelled at for doing math in my head the proper response is no to go on a rant about how I don’t even own a calculator and that I’m not hiding one in my sleeve, or shirt, or shoes, or socks, or pant’s while taking off said articles of clothing.
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creepy reply on January 19th, 2009 9:58 am:
nor is the proper response to ask the classroom if im right about the answer while still at the board (to prove Im right)
just because i see the answer when the problem is given
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December 8th, 2008 at 8:08 am
A few I learned in my time in high school:
-Dry ice bombs are a strictly outside activity, and should not be thrown in the trash can in the middle of the science hallway.
-Even though the physics project was to make a catapult, I am not allowed to wage a siege against the highway running along side the school.
-It takes the AP Latin teacher almost the entire semester to realize that I have been taking the hall pass and going to lunch with my friends.
-While in choir I am a bass, and as such i should not sing the soprano part, even if I have a wider vocal range and can hit the same notes as said sopranos.
-I should however sing the tenor part because the tenors suck.
-Can not come to school in a miniskirt for Halloween, even if I have the legs for it.
-I will only have the legs for it when I shave them.
-Should not brag to physics teacher about cheating on a test.
-A life-size cardboard cut-out of Buffy The Vampire Slayer will not fit in my locker.
-Propping up said cardboard cut-out in the front of the class during calculus will result in a free-day however.
-Not allowed to tell hyper-liberal world history teacher that sometimes you just have to kill a few Injuns to get what you want.
-Pro-communism arguments can be utilized in Debate, not in economics.
-I can not out run the ex-high school track star hall monitor.
-When streaking be aware you take your life into your own hands.
-Never hop a chain link fence while streaking.
-A bicycle cop is not afraid to tackle a naked person onto the concrete sidewalk (thankfully not me).
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StoneWolf reply on December 8th, 2008 8:49 am:
“-Not allowed to tell hyper-liberal world history teacher that sometimes you just have to kill a few Injuns to get what you want.”
This also applies to ethics classes. However, it is a bad idea to let slip to the psych prof who doubles as school counselor you think this way.
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December 8th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Oh, yes, two more stemming from the same incident: -When a teacher deamnds I hand over something I brought from home that has no bearing on the class, I am to hand it over, NOT turn it into a day-long legal debate that ultimately involves the police.
-Having ready-made copies of certain sections of the Constitution and the Criminal Code in my backpack to support said legal argument is highly suspicious and does not improve my relations with the school staff.
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December 8th, 2008 at 8:10 am
What the hell kind of school did/do you go to? German class, equestrian club, Promethean board? You rich school bastard. When I went to school we only had Spanish, art club and chalk boards and dry erase boards and we… well we hated all of it but that’s besides the point.
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December 8th, 2008 at 8:37 am
-Not allowed to make your Science teacher cry, your English teacher with yell at you.
-Not allowed to wear headphones in English class because you can’t understand the thick accent he has.
-Even if you are paying attention to the sign-language translator.
-Not allowed to choke out eachother on school property.
-Even if you were asking for it cause it made you have funny dreams
-Not allowed to tell all your friends about the vending machine with a broken lock, everything will get stolen
-Not allowed to fill your pockets with food in the cafeteria line and try to only pay for a cookie
-Even if you have gotten away with it for the past 2 years
-Actually doing work as a TA for your friends hot Science teacher will get you a $50 gift card.
-Not allowed to tell the other kids in class that you spelled your name out on the final scantron for History class and still got 100%
-Not allowed to sleep in Algebra class, ace every test turn in one piece of homework all semester and still expect to pass with a flat 50% in the class.
-Not allowed to beat your teacher in your american debate class, he won’t be very nice after that.
-Not allowed to call you teacher a f*cking drug addicted gimp who likes to abuse his power as an electives teacher so he thinks he is worth a damn when he calls you a twit for throwing a screaming ball around class that he started.
-Not allowed to bring vodka orange juice to class, even if it is for breakfast
-Not allowed to call someone you know skidmark, even if he did have them on his boxer shorts when sagging his pants and you don’t like him.
-When failing English you are not allowed to defend yourself by telling the principal she grades you based on if she likes you.
-even if you can prove it since you copied your friends paper word for word and turned it in for a worse score
-or tell the principal she paints her nails in class, it will only make her mad at you.
-Not allowed to sleep in your English class your senior year because you transfered from another school who taught all the same stuff Junior year.
-Not allowed to rub it in your friends faces when you don’t have to do the Senior project, it will probably start a fight.
-When asked to solve a problem on a board you must show your work.
-When told to go show your work you aren’t allowed to make it over simplify until the other students can’t understand what you did in the first place.
-Not allowed to pass notes that only have the lyrics of the song that goes “I want to lick you from your head to your toes” to have the teacher read it out loud so you can laugh at them when they blush.
Very good list,I forgot how much trouble I got in.
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December 8th, 2008 at 10:27 am
1. Pointing out the blatant historical inaccuracies in your history book is frowned upon.
2. When doing the UN project (every studant is a country), Using the fact that I am Russia and my best friend is China to take over the world is frowned upon. (Seriously, use China’s army to invade Japan, then the Middle East, hold the US hostage for oil while conquring the rest of Europe and North Africa. By the end of the project I was Supreme Leader of Europe/Russia/ME/North Africa)
3. When a teacher says, “Get out of my class” the correct response is not “Why?”
4. In gym, just because you can sit on the floor and put your head between your knees, doesn’t mean you should.
5. The same goes for touching the back of your head with your foot.
6. Taunting the cheerleaders is ok, until they cry
7. When doing a project on 10 influencial historical figures, Hitler is not the best choice
8. Nor is Ghengis Khan
9. Doing a project on Ancient Greece is not an excuse to write “This is horse turds” in Greek around the outside of the posterboard
10. Just because you can put someone’s head through the divider wall, doesn’t mean you should (in my defence, she hit me first)
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December 8th, 2008 at 10:33 am
In the spirit of Skippy, I’d like to point out that a good number of the following were not actually me.
– RE lessons are a bad time to make an off-colour joke about stripping nuns.
– Before making said joke, you should check to make sure there isn’t one stood behind you.
– Especially if she is armed with a 3-inch thick, hard-backed bible (schools edition)
– When a new female supply teacher is introduced to the class, the appropriate response “Good morning miss” and not silent hand-rubbing and gleeful grins.
– It is not OK to barricade new teachers in the store cupboard.
– Nor is it OK to leave them a note to say that the lesson has been moved to the playing field, especially if it is snowin at the time.
– When a supply teacher flees the room in tears, there will be vile retribution.
– Just because your teacher has just had major surgery, is too weak to drive to school, and can barely walk unaided, does not mean he won’t storm into the lesson when he hears what you did to the supply teacher.
– Foreign-language supply teachers, nurtured and groomed over a double lesson, will happily teach you anything from patriotic songs to expletive-laden football chants.
– When marshalled to protest the county council’s plan to demolish the school to make way for a new chunk of ring road, you should not be seen to congratulate their Chief Exec for his forward-thinking approach to traffic management.
– Nor should you tell the local press that the PTA is backing the plan.
– Nor should you ask for the ETA of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.
– No, the pub next to the school will not serve you three pints of bitter to prepare you for the teleport.
– When the deputy head and the head of sixth form are searching local hostelries for truanting pupils, you may not tell governors that they are on their weekly pub crawl.
– When the head of sixth is giving a long speech at assembly, it is not OK to rearrange his cue cards.
– When told to organise an assembly in the middle of mocks, simply playing a tape of Bob Newhart’s Driving Instructor monologue may be regarded as cheating.
– The chemistry department contains no chemicals even half as volatile as the chemistry teachers.
– The school does not possess a supply of uranium. It’s a hoax used to deter the overly-curious.
– Caught smoking, drinking alcohol or swearing outside of school while in uniform when land you a warning from the deputy head. Whereas eating a hot dog at the bus stop will get you 300 lines. (My mate’s big sister caught that one.)
– The teacher who flew sorties over Aden will happily reminisce. The one who was at Bloody Sunday does not need to be reminded of the fact.
– Dismantling a television is not OK.
– Even if you can put it back together.
– Even if it now works better than before.
– Just because the school rules are not available to pupils does not mean you can plead ignorance.
– The following items are no longer acceptable CDT projects: Axes, Swords, Ninja Stars, Crossbows, Baseball Bats, or any type of firearm.
– Snowballs must not be thrown at local office workers.
– Especially as indirect fire, called by forward observers sitting on the playground wall.
– Nor may they be thrown at the police who have been called by the office next door.
– In fact snowballs are banned altogether.
– No, snowballs are not guaranteed by Magna Carta.
Sorry that’s much longer than I intended.
captcha: proceed informed – Now you know!
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December 8th, 2008 at 10:57 am
– Not allowed to enter English class shirtless and covered in grease and oil from your auto-mechanics class the period before.
– When you are called up to receive your award for the art honors society, not allowed to mention that you aren’t even a member.
– When called in to take part in the Mu Alpha Theta math tests, not allowed to whine that they won’t even let you join the math honors society, even though you do beat everyone else on the MAT tests…
– Not allowed to leave class to get donuts from the store five miles down the road.
– … unless the teacher gives you the hall pass to do so.
– Not allowed to instill revolt in the junior class by having them not say a word during the pep rally when it comes time for them to shout out their class spirit.
– When your auto-mechanics teacher doesn’t show up to class again, not allowed to call the main office and ask for them to call down to Harry’s (the local bar) and see if your teacher is there.
– Not allowed to test the theory that spark plug ceramic breaks car windows (I had a great auto-mechanics class my senior year)
– If the football gets kicked into the ocean during a football game, not allowed to suggest that the cheerleaders should strip down and fetch it (yes, we had this problem with our football field… it was really close to the ocean, and a well kicked ball would achieve splashdown)
– Not allowed to pour the punched out dots from a 3-hole punch into the air handler unit for the classroom airconditioning. It feeds both this room and the room next door, and they do not take kindly to having confetti spewing into the room.
– Not allowed to remove specific letters from the school name on the front of the school to make lewd words.
– Even if it happens every year.
– Not allowed to plan a cruise for prom, and invite everyone in the class that is “cool”, instead of going to the official prom which is ungodly dull.
– Not allowed to drive your boat to school. They don’t have proper docking facilities.
– Not allowed to distract my history teacher by asking them what they think of last week’s football game. He is the head coach, and he has a big answer, and we won’t get anything done.
– Not allowed to check out books from the library that have not been checked out since 1968. Apparently it makes it harder for them to cull out the books that haven’t been read in a long time.
– Not allowed to drink at the state spelling bee.
– Not allowed to make my own parking spot in the student lot “because my car fits there”. Even if it did (a VW Rabbit can get in places other cars can’t)
– Not allowed to move other student’s cars by physically lifting and carrying them around, simply because they were blocking me in.
– Not allowed to “hack” into the school computer network.
– Even though the teacher told me to go next door into the network lab and see what I could learn.
– And pointed out the books from which I could learn the system from.
– Yet never bothered to change the default passwords that were in the books for the system administrator.
– When I am found guilty of being able to read this sort of information, am not allowed to write in my punishment report that my teacher was an idiot in the first place. (Yes, I’m bitter)
– Not allowed to help a student write a story about just how evil the science teacher is. I look back on this story, and if we handed in that story to her these days, arrests would probably be involved. Back then, she just got pissed off.
– Not allowed to hand out newspapers at graduation to the audience for when the county school superintendent makes his speech (yes, it was that boring)
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December 8th, 2008 at 10:58 am
very nice, but you forgot:
-will not ask how to make nitroglycerine
-will not attempt to make nitroglycerine
-even if my teacher lets me
-not allowed to make nitroglycerine full stop.
-not allowed to make high explosives
-not allowed to make chlorine gas and ‘accidentally’ release it during assembly
-not allowed to light the lab on fire
-even if thats what the fire department are for
-even if the ethanol was spilt accidentally
-even if i have a perfect alibi
-not allowed to make sulpher dioxide and place the test tube under the heads chair
-not allowed to make exploding paste
-not allowed disassemble mice and place exploding paste inside
-not allowed to place exploding paste on the underside of toilet seats
-even if it was hilarious
-not allowed to steal alkali metals from the lab to crack hole in urinals
-not allowed to place super glue on the bottom of door handles
-not allowed to place super glue on toilet seats at the beginning of break
-not allowed to place super glue on the teachers keyboard and mouse
-not allowed to place water on the teachers keyboard and mouse so he gets paranoid
-not allowed to bring in super glue
-or crazy glue
-or any other glue
-not allowed to open computer cases and disconnect internal USB connections
– or network connections
-not allowed to open any other computer apart from my laptop
-not allowed to taunt the IT tech that because i have a mac i can see all his downloaded smut
-not allowed to get the IT tech to unwittingly execute scripts i wrote that restart his computer, then tell him im doing it with my mind
-not allowed to go within 50 meters of the IT tech
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Whoops…missed one!
– Not allowed to dismantle a VW Bug, cart the pieces upstairs to the second floor, then reassemble them into an operable vehicle, even if it is for the senior prank.
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December 8th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I’ve got a few that friends of mine and I did in our last year in high school (we decided, what have we got to lose?):
-I shouldn’t call my english teacher “the english nazi” even if it is funny
-I shouldn’t plan a fake school shooting with cap guns to point out the security weaknesses in the school
-I especailly shouldn’t mail my plan to the principal (was told this by a friend when I announced the intent)
-not allowed to goose step like a nazi stormtrooper through the halls for fun
-not allowed to read a non-curricular book in english class
-unless its a classic (this worked!)
-not allowed to call my classmate who always askes stupid questions a dumbass
-espesially if my teacher agrees
-not allowed to swear in german unless doing a project for military history
-not allowed to do the nazi salute in the social class about hitler, people will follow your lead
-the principal is not hitler incarnate and I shouldn’t act like he is
-not allowed to debate with my religion teacher about innaccuracies in the bible for the whole class
-not allowed to get my group of friends in the class to join in the debate
-not allowed to bring in evidence the next class proving our point (not me)
-I should not accept counterfit bills when running the candy booth for economics class
-the profits from the candy booth go towards school funds and it is wrong for me to ask for my cut
-flipping off the security cameras isn’t a good idea
-especially if a teacher is behind you when doing it
-it is also not a good idea to be happy after realizing the fire alarm went off not because of a drill but because of an actual fire
-stink bombs will not only cause you to get in trouble it will also cause people to hate you
-not allowed to call football heroes “steriod monkeys”
-not allowed to break the communications teachers 200$ camera
-especially not just before he walks in the room
-during “50’s day” even if you are a greaser it is not good to act like one, teachers will get the wrong idea
-my math teacher is proud of his anal-retentiveness and I shouldn’t mock him for it
-when I don’t understand what my biology teacher is saying about the anatomy of a frog I shouldn’t ask loudly “speakin’ ze english?”
that’s all I can think of right now
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Stickfodder reply on December 8th, 2008 1:04 pm:
Me and my friends had some stink bombs in high school and had TONS of fun with them. I remember one teacher walking from class room to class room checking for gas leaks. I still have 2 left.
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Dan reply on December 8th, 2008 1:13 pm:
yeah, but the guy who did it just went for the direct approach and put it in the main staircase, people were not happy with him
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Stickfodder reply on December 8th, 2008 1:44 pm:
Oh we did that too. And I never said that people didn’t hate us for it we just didn’t care. In fact them getting pissed off made it 10 times funnier.
Tzanti reply on December 8th, 2008 1:51 pm:
My primary school was next door to an abattoir. Believe me, nobody would have noticed a stinkbomb there.
Cody reply on December 8th, 2008 4:25 pm:
Nice job Dan, nice job, but of course you’re forgetting two
– Not allowed to use the computers to play Halo, even if it is technically military related
– Not allowed to read Skippy’s List out loud int he library during Military History, even if it IS military related.(We actually did this, we had the librarian laughing her ass off)
Captcha: Wanderers of – the halls?
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Dan reply on December 8th, 2008 5:53 pm:
right forgot those two, thanks for reminding me
but YOU forgot
-not allowed to play a military based board game (even in military history class)
-not allowed to sock hop in the halls even if it is “50’s day”
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December 8th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I fully agree about the AP exams being the most expensive naps ever. Though it was amusing when the stupid-dance-team-girl-I-hated didn’t stop writing when the proctor called time. Muahaha, no grade for her.
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December 8th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Does quoting 300 have anything to do with the Facebook group whose purpose is to inspire kids to write “THIS IS MADNESS/THIS IS SPARTA” on their AP exams?
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I have to add something to this:
-You are not allowed to use the fire escape windows as a means of getting to your next class, and it is wrong to ask if you can.
-The teachers can and will hold your own stupidity against you.
-I am no longer allowed to freak out the freshman. They will believe anything I tell them.
– ‘It’s broken’ is not the reason why the economy is getting worse.
-You should never bring a loaded cross bow into school. Chances are that it will go off. (This actually happened at my school.)
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Stickfodder reply on December 8th, 2008 4:51 pm:
If I had been the one to say the economy was broken as a reason to why the economy was getting worse it would have gone like this:
Hypothetical Teacher:”Class can anyone explain why the economy is getting worse?”
Student(me): raises hand and declares “It’s broken! (pulls out hammer and raises it in the air) And I’m going to fix it! (runs out of room shouting) “FIX IIIIIIIIT!”
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Tzanti reply on December 9th, 2008 7:55 am:
Thank you, Bob the Builder.
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Not much happened in my high school, but what did was highly memorable. Like a few other entries, not all of these were done by me:
– When made to give a presentation about what I did the day I skipped school to hear Louis Farrakhan speak, I am not allowed to include the part where my friends and I went to King Chicken in West Philly to lunch, only to find out it was a front for the Jamaican drug dealers.
– According to the principal, fellow classmate William Edgar Anthony Davidson IV is not to be addressed by the acronym of his name.
– No, not even if the visiting narcotics officer William Edgar Anthony Davidson III did it first.
– Not allowed to release 50 white mice in the school radio station as a senior prank.
– Not allowed to replace the name of the school, “Haverford,” with its nickname “Have-A-Drug” in the school anthem.
– Especially not allowed to bribe stoned football players with Tastykakes to sing along with you.
– “Whores on payday” is not a proper description to use when instructing the Color Guard on proper makeup application for the field.
– It’s not nice to dare Russian exchange students to call mock UN meetings to order by banging on their desks with their shoes, even if they think it’s funny.
– Especially if you know that you, the teacher and the Russian students are the only ones who get the joke, and your ultimate goal is to get the rest of the students mocked for their ignorance.
– Not allowed to encourage your English teacher to tell the class stories from her motorcycle gang days in the 1950s.
– Not allowed to compare tattoos with said English teacher.
– Just because you are eighteen doesn’t mean you can join the principal for a smoke during lunch; it makes him look bad in front of the Superintendent.
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December 8th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
I guess this means that I need to send in my list of things you can’t do in high school band…
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Dave in NC reply on December 8th, 2008 7:49 pm:
I don’t think skippyslist.com has enough bandwidth for the size of THAT list.
1. Not allowed to mock the band director when he rolls the six-wheel-drive Gator utility cart because his fat ass weighs so much.
2. Even when his wife does it next to you.
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Phantom reply on December 9th, 2008 9:15 am:
I counted, as of this year we’ve only got a hundred!
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Stickfodder reply on December 8th, 2008 9:30 pm:
Here’s some of mine:
1. Not allowed to throw drumstick at wind section (not me, not sure why he did it)
2. No drum solos in the middle of a concert.
3. Or guitar solos.
4. Do not skip the band recital it’s worth a third of your grade.
5. Do not pick on the string section he is very sensitive.
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December 8th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Thank god, most of these were not me:
-Not allowed to eat a hamburger in the line to pay at the cafeteria, and then walk out without paying
-Can’t tell the Principal, “HEY!! This kid does drugs!” And when you have his attention, correct yourself and tell him it was only Advil.
-Not allowed to “drop” three hole punch snowflakes into a fan pointing upwards.
-Not allowed to talk about sex, unless we use innuendoes
-It’s a terrible idea to log on to the school’s system using staff accounts (they have access to student accounts)
-And then lock up student accounts with around 400 identical pictures of chicken alfredo
-The blind kid is ACTUALLY blind; he didn’t mean to hit you with the cane
-If you play an instrument bad enough, the band director will cry, and slam her door so hard that ceiling panels will fall off
-Just because the and director is a very, very large woman, does not mean you can compare her to the boulder form Indiana Jones when she walks down a hallway
-Just because I’m polish does not make me a bad person
-It’s not a good thing that the new principal knows you as the “Guy who makes sheep noises”
-Cannot sniff hydrochloric acid in chemistry class
-Making barnyard animal sounds in chemistry is one of the few things that will get you kicked out
-Not allowed to put barbells on a treadmill running at 10 mph, just to see how far they go
-“Because God said so” is not an appropriate answer to attest question involving density
-According to the insanely liberal history teacher, because I am of European decent, and right wing, I am a nazi
-Not allowed to do the senior prank on a mountain
-Sleeping on the roof for senior prank will get you arrested
-Not allowed to tell people that I will throw up in the trash can for $15
-It is racism, even if it is true
-Not allowed to talk about black holes with the PhD. Chemistry teacher, he will forget the lesson
-Pissing off the biology teacher will get a machete pulled on you
-Fire hot
-So is burning alcohol
-When given a take home test for math, not allowed to go to another math teacher for help
-Nobody needs to see anybody else’s balls during class
-“Knits make lice, kill the children” is not an acceptable foreign policy
-Neither is, “Nuke them all”, “Nuke the whales” or anything involving nukes or fire
-Can’t do James Bond moves in a prom dress
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Stickfodder reply on December 8th, 2008 9:39 pm:
“-“Because God said so” is not an appropriate answer to attest question involving density”
My favorite answer for questions on tests I didn’t know the answer to “God did it” If the teacher marked it as wrong I could always argue that it’s my religious belief and by saying that it’s wrong they’re discrimination.
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December 8th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I am not to suggest an extension to the old adage, “Those who can’t teach, run for school board.”
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December 8th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Wow guys and I thought i did some messed up stuff
Now as usual not ALL these are me……..but quite a few
-Not allowed to let 12 chickens and roosters loose in school as a senior prank. People slip in chicken poo.
-Not allowed to write all over the lockers and make a senior clean it on ‘senior slave day’
-Calling a teacher Ms. Ask-A-Nazi when her name is Ms. Asanazi is not funny.
-Especially when she is Jewish.
-Setting fire to about 1/2 an ounce of sulfar and opening the door to the science lab is not funny.
-Nor is it a proper example of how are stravels from high to low pressure
-Giving your friends pictures you took of your ex-girlfriend is not allowed on school grounds.
-Even if she did cheat on you with your principal.
-Telling your 8 mth pregnant teacher she waddles like a duck when she asks you why u quck when she walks is not funny.
-When your parent(s) works at the school you don’t have to worry about the principal, or the teacher calling home. You have to worry about lunch time.
-Coming up behind your notoriously skanky band teacher and rubbing her shoulders will lead to bad looks from your teachers.
-Even more so if one of them is your mother
-And again MORE SO if she responds to it by asking “so when are you 18 again?”
-Encasing your superintendants car in about 6″ of ice is not a guarenteed day off of school.
-But freezing the locks at school is.
-When you forget to make a fake mouse for a science project, its better to ask for one more day.
-A mouse made of grapes, blue berries, a kiwi, and toothpicks does not count.
-If you skip breakfast at school, asking the teacher for a pass to go get food 20 minutes after class stars is not a bright idea.
-Telling kids in 1st grade the chili i made out of little children while smiling very demonically will get you detention.
-Trying to sell 7th graders oragano and telling them its kick ass pot while on school grounds is not a good idea.
-Especially if the kids dad is a cop.
-Snorting crushed smarties and huffing helium is not a good combination.
-Sticking the costume of the school mascot up the flag pole the night before a homecoming game is not good.
-More not good if its freezing rain.
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December 8th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
1. Not allowed to dare a friend to break a table in half with his head. He WILL try. And he WILL fail.
2. Do not teach others in your Spanish class how to swear in Spanish. The teacher doesn’t know these words and thinks we are making things up.
3. Sometimes if you don’t get permission to go on a field trip you will have more fun than all the people who went on the trip.
4. Do not zap people with the TIG welders in the metal trades class . Some people may try to kill you.(not me)
5. When zapped with a TIG welder do not try to put your chipping hammer in the back of the zappers head.(again not me)
6. Do not let people kick you in the groin for 5 dollars. Everyone will want to and they will kick you as hard as they can.(not me)
7. Do not take a dump in the class room trashcan. Everyone will hate you.(defiantly not me)
8. Don’t pick on the quiet guy he may try to strangle you to death.(I was the quiet guy)
9. Don’t try to strangle someone to death a week after Columbine People will be scared shitless of you for a month (I liked that).
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Stickfodder reply on December 9th, 2008 9:25 am:
Oh and here’s one for assistant teacher’s
-If a student drops their hat out the window of a second floor classroom and asks to go get it don’t say yes they will try to go out the window.(not me)
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December 8th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
-Not allowed to call my obviously gay biology teacher, Mr. Gobolos “Mr. Garbles-balls”
-Not allowed to steal RAM from the computer Lab.
-Not allowed to fill a condom with mayonnaise and put it under the hot teacher’s desk.
-Not allowed to fight a retard (I thought he just had a speech impediment)
-Not allowed to set off bombs in the smoke pit garbage can.
-Not allowed to switch the labels for sodium carbonate and sodium hydroxide in chem class.
-Not allowed to laugh at the dumbshit who didnt wear gloves and burned themselves as a result of this.
-Not allowed to use any meshuggah music in a digital animation project no matter how “totally fucking badass” it is.
-Not allowed to disillusion christians by pointing out fatal flaws in their bullshit religion.
-Not allowed to disillusion christians by pretending to be a fundamentalist dipshit and trying to “convert” people to their crazy zombie jew religion.(reverse psychology ftw!)
-Not allowed to write every essay about how much communism rules.
-not allowed to tell people i am the reincarnation of che guevara.
-Not allowed to take a shit on the floor in the bathroom.
-Not allowed to smoke marijuana out of a vaporizer in the bathroom.
-Not allowed to smoke marijuana out of a vaporizer in the classroom.
-Not allowed to take peoples gym strips and throw them in the sewage treatment run-off canal next to our school.
-Not allowed to tell people the fund raiser cookies have hair and/or fecal matter in them.
-Not allowed to tell people to go fuck themselves.
-Not allowed to tell people to go “fornicate” themselves.
-Not allowed to “challenge my classmate to a duel” with glove slaps.
-Not allowed to make allegations that the principal is a “sheep fucker”
-Not allowed to yell “BAAAA BAAAA” whenever he is in the room.
-Not allowed to spread peanut oil on doorknobs around the school.
-Not allowed to fill a cigarette with pot and smoke it at the smoke pit.
-Not allowed to take a dead animal i found down by the shit canal and crucify it.
-Not allowed to use any phallic imagery for my art project.
-It is not a good idea to come to school on mushrooms, acid, ecstasy, or any combination thereof.
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December 9th, 2008 at 1:43 am
My turn:
The combination of Napster and a ZIP drive WILL get you into trouble.
Your personal hall pass is only valid during the period taught by the teacher that issued said personal hall pass.
Your personal hall pass is only valid for official class business.
Getting snacks from the school store is not official class business.
Even if you bring some for the teacher.
Skipping through the halls singing the Smufs theme will get you odd looks.
The rumors about the band teacher and his previous employment are at least mostly true. And he can’t talk about the rest of it.
Band jokes are only funny to band kids.
Captcha: first instructions… so much left hanging on that low outside changeup.
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December 9th, 2008 at 1:53 am
I have a few generations on this one…
-Not allowed to blow up fifty-yard line of college stadium with (surprisingly stable) nitroglycerin {Grandma}
-Not allowed to used liquid nails to use liquid-nails to seal the locker of someone who seriously pissed you off {Dad}
-Not allowed to put a hated professor’s VW Beetle on top of a building using homemade winch and pulleys…especially when dating a cop. {Grandma}
-Not allowed to take wrestling coaches VW Beetle and put on trashcans, run a garden hose into it and fill it with water in the middle of a blizzard. {Dad}
-Not allowed to discuss (with friends)world domination in English class for half the period because the teacher was an idiot. {Me}
-Not allowed to correct same English teacher’s spelling in class and then get her dictionary to prove it. {Me)
-Not allowed to throw wrestling opponents (at a meet) into the referee, hard enough to send them both into the stands. {brother}
-Not allowed to put Ex-lax into fudge because the people in the next dorm keep breaking in and stealing it—half of them were the football team– {Grandma}
-Not allowed to dent half of the lockers in the school, using my forehead. {Me}
-Not allowed to glue a nose-cone and fins to a model rocket engine and launch it with the rest of the Physics class’s rockets (it tends to chase people){ME}
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December 9th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I must bow before you all, I wish I had a grandma like Podmunki does, I just hope to have a child and entertaining as all of this.
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December 14th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
This is fucking incredible, and I’m in highschool so naturally I’m going to have to try half of these, don’t worry I won’t mention where I got the idea. Except my school thinks that it’s living the Marxist Dream, so I have to change all communist refrences to capitalist.
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December 14th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
#23 is allowed as long as a) you don’t interupt class and b) you don’t get caught stalking her.
Like having her find you in her closet one night, dressed in a penguin costume, trying to convince her that you really are one of her stuffed animals and you’re very lonely from having been in the closet for so long, so would she take you to bed with her. As Tim Allen points out that’s pretty hard to sell and no matter what the outcome, you’re still out the cash for the penguin costume.
captcha: braids that — that what?
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December 16th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Not allowed to spend one week of the two weeks assigned to complete a project in industrial drawing class playing microgames.
Not allowed to set fire to AP bio’s fetal pigs. (Not me and man that STUNK. You might think it would smell like baccon, but no, they had to hold bio class in the library for a week. Who knows, maybe it was Crazy Astronaut Chick)
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December 16th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
– If your junior high has a rule against saying curse words, get a reputation as a straight arrow. Then, when you get sick of some annoying girl and tell her to (fornicate) off, and she tattles on you, you can bald-faced lie your way out of it.
– Do not threaten to throw chalkboard erasers at your physics teacher. Even if legend says he threw one at a student once.
-It’s okay to sleep in German class, but the teacher draws the line at snoring.
– Don’t talk about how the music teacher is so boring that you sometimes amuse yourself by counting how many times he hitches up his pants during the class.
– Especially if another faculty member is within hearing distance.
– If your chemistry teacher lets you take attendance in class, don’t announce to other students that you can be bought into marking them present when they’re not. (More fun with a straight-arrow reputation!)
– If your physics teacher says, “Today I’m going to teach you how to make an atomic bomb, from plans I found on the internet. Please don’t take notes during this class,” Don’t pull out your notebook and pen! (So much for that reputation…)
– Planning a prank to set off fireworks during your high school graduation ceremony, and breaking into the school to set it up, will get you arrested. (not me)
– If your high school is on the top of a hill, it is a good first-day-of-school prank to smear all the outdoor staircase handrails with vaseline.
– If your calculus teacher grades on a curve, it is a bad idea to identify the student who consistently sets the curve, and pay him to set it lower. (again, not me)
– On your scantron sheet, don’t fill in the dot that’s labeled “answer key”.
– The day after Senior Ditch Day, your physics teacher will mock all the students who just got their parents to call them in sick. His wife the chemistry teacher, however, will have given an exam. No make-ups.
– Don’t taunt the orchestra director. He’s sneakier than you.
Captcha: “of loneliness”. What comes after “of doom”.
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Al Li reply on December 18th, 2008 4:05 pm:
Regarding the fireworks, you only get arrested if you get caught. ;)
captcha: were rattles — what wererattlesnakes have
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Tzanti reply on December 18th, 2008 5:39 pm:
Me and a mate went on a little firework spree during one half-term. Aside from getting chased by our own rocket, and nearly getting nicked after we made a small banger rattle the window of some nearby office windows, we decided to fire one into our school.
Bear in mind, it’s half-term so the place is devoid of kids, and has just a few teachers around. We launched a rocket from the carpark next door.
The following Monday lunchtime, we walked around trying to find the remnants, to no avail. The next afternoon, we are sat in our geography lesson, awaiting our teacher (the one who would make us regret breaking a supply teacher the following year). Me and my mate are sat down the front, right before his desk. Teacher walks in, everyone stands up, he then places the remains of our rocket :gulp: on his desk, then tells us to sit down and gets on with things.
He never said it was us, he never even hinted at it. But I know he knew, somehow. A few years later we put another mate up to asking him about it, but he denied all knowledge of the incident. Then again, that teacher was far more mischievous than any schoolboy I ever met.
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December 29th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Not nice to get playing cards and tell made-up “fortunes” to gullible fellow-students for 25 cents a pop. Even if they come back repeatedly for more.
Made over $10 if I remember right. Never got caught for that one- quit when I had an attack of guilty remorse.
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January 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 am
Why does this sound like one of the mods from a forum I go to?
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January 2nd, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Not allowed to see how many times you can walk into the notoriously absentminded chemistry teacher’s class late IN THE SAME PERIOD. (Kids would get her to open the first floor window, then go out it, around to the front of the school and back in the classroom door. The record was 16 times in one period. She never once noticed)
Arguing school policy with the band director, the assistant principal, the principal and the school board is not a good idea. It will get you kicked out of band. (me)
Even if it’s a stupid policy.
Even if they change the policy three years later.
Not allowed to throw a party when the band director quits because they changed that policy.
Getting the band director so upset that he throws a baton at you will not get him fired. (It will however make him leave class for the rest of the day, get him reprimanded and get you a standing ovation from the rest of the band.) (My little brother)
Never tell the school librarian (who doubles as the school IT person) that her network security SUCKS and go into details as to why. You will spend the rest of your high school career being watched, and get banned from using the library computers.
Telling the girl that hates your guts because you slept through AP Bio when she spent three hours a night studying that you aced the AP exam will piss her off to no end. (And is f*cking HILARIOUS)
Especially when the only two people in the class who got 5s were you and her.
Never steal food from the little guy. He will go psycho and stab you with a fork. (B*stard never stole my food again.)
Getting in a fight on a field trip will not only get you suspended, but will make the paramedics laugh when they show up. (I had a cut in my eyebrow. Tiny thing that bled like I was about to die. The McDonald’s employee that came to see what the ruckus was saw a kid on the ground with blood streaming down his face and called the ambulance. Turns out my glasses broke and cut me, but that was the only injury. When the EMTs showed up, I was still lying on the ground with a bored expression on my face and a napkin pressed against my forehead because the chaperones wouldn’t let me get up. They laughed their asses off at the story.)
When having sex in the NJROTC supply room, be sure to lock the door first. Senior Chief will not be amused when he walks in.
Especially if the Unit Master Chief Petty Officer is screwing the Supply Officer.
Especially when she look up and say “Do you mind, we’re kind of in the middle of something…”
(Not me, I was the Unit XO. I got to hear about it second hand from both of them. Senior Chief didn’t report it to the school, and neither of them were specific as to how he handled it, but apparently it was sufficient. I laughed my ass off at both of them.)
Thermite is hot. Hot enough to melt through the hood of your principal’s car and go right through the radiator.
I’m sure there are others, but I blocked out most of high school.
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David B reply on March 14th, 2014 5:06 pm:
How does one make thermite? Our principal is a fata$$ and an idiot. When I was a junior, the school store kids stole merchandise and money, plus ordered Jimmy Johns for lunch nearly every day for a semester. The total was in felony territory, around $2000. That put the school store so deep into the red, they had to close for the rest of the year. And it was one lunch period out of four! What did he do? He made them wash the lunch tables. On Facebook, someone put a picture of him with the words on it: “Steal from the school store? Time to wash some tables!”
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July 19th, 2009 at 12:19 am
– Do not ask questions about the purpose of life during class time
– Do not imply that your history teacher is a pervert (especially if he is)
– Do not post wanted posters of your teachers in town hall
– Do not ransom the school mascot costume for 9 pounds of red peanut M&Ms
– Not allowed to confront teachers about their fascist dictator-like methods
– Not allowed to ask teachers if they have a complex
– Should not convince the other students that all the science teachers sacrifice and then eat their teacher’s aids for religious purposes
– Not allowed to crawl around in the ducts or sub-celling
– Cannot claim I have dyslexia
– Cannot say any four letter word
– Or any three letter word
– It is better if I do not speak
– Dumping tadpoles into the school water tower is illegal
– Bringing a bald cat to school does not make me Dr. Evil
– Do not argue in Mock Trial
– Strategically placing baking soda in the principal’s salad before she pours vinigar on it can be claimed as grounds for suspension
– Playing “Thriller” over the PA system and then dancing to it in the school lobby is not okay
– Cannot wear a Guiness T-shirt to school
– Cannot wear “Whiskey = life water” T-shirt
– Cannot claim Guiness and Whiskey are parts of my culture, even if I am Irish
– Do not Debate the nutritional value of hops in health class
– Claiming that “The voices in my head told me not to” does not relieve me of any responsibility
– Cannot break out into hysterical laughter during a lecture
– Cannot bring filled water balloons to school and start a parking lot water ballon war
– Cannot fill water balloons at school and then start another war
– When told to report upon a current event, I cannot use a personal experience
– The 30 second stress-relief dance party button does not exist
– Dead frogs are not funny
– Must not fall asleep in class
– If I do fall asleep, must not snore
– Wearing a kilt to school and then announcing, “I’m going commando!” is not appropriate
– Rubber knifes can be considered as weapons
– Tossing grapes into the mouth of a friend across the classroom is not appropriate
– Cannot call my guidence counselor Dr. Frasier Crane (even if it is a complement)
– Cannot claim that I have superpowers
– Cannot prove disbelievers wrong
– Imitating Robert DiNero is bad
– It is disrespectful to call President Obama Mr. Obooboo
– I-pods must be out of sight during school hours
– Correction – i-pods are to be left at home
– Do not make correctons to the school uniform (such as rips, tears, cuts, bedazzeling, acid washing, patching, iron-oning)
– Do not express my political/religious views
– Cannot urinate in the recycling bin when the teacher rufuses to give me the bathroom pass
– Can never dramactically shout, “I can’t take this anymore! I’m outta here!” during an assembly
– Especially if that assembly is attended by the mayor
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Billy reply on July 19th, 2009 3:20 pm:
Try learning how to evoke spirits into class and then summon one by the name of Taliahad for a class project. From what I understand, she is a water angel that appears wearing only a sash around her waist and she has purple eyes.
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July 22nd, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Not allowed to tell the (USian) English teacher that the metal is called Aluminium, not Aluminum… (I’m a Norwegian; we were taught English™).
captcha: York vassal
Yes, the Yorkians were our vassals a millenium ago; the NEW Yorkians should still be so…
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May 20th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
As a senior about to graduate all I have to say is this,
– Don’t get caught
– What did I tell you about getting caught
– Not allowed to make comments about a teacher’s inability to keep control of a class (especially after he yells at us about going off on a tangent that he started…)
– Not allowed to use freshmen as plows in the halls
– Not allowed to use freshmen as tools of any kind
– Just stay away from freshmen alright
– Don’t choke out your friend on campus and have other friends take pictures of it
– Don’t ditch class to hang out with a girl that you have the hots for, especially if the class that she’s in is right next door (not me)
– Try not to yell out pick up lines during the teacher’s assembly skits, especially if the teacher in question is gay
– Don’t try to have an airsoft war in the gym during a team sleepover (not me, coach was pissed)
– Definitely DO set up a tripwire in the gym that you are sleeping in after you have just bombarded the field hockey team with water balloons (awesome just…awesome)
and finally,
– As my momma always said, never trust anyone who enjoyed high school
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