Longtime readers may remember when I mentioned that here was a movie called Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.
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So I happened to catch a rather interesting news development. It seems that Nick Simmons, son of famous musician Gene Simmons has his own comic book, called Incarnate.

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I have taken to playing tabletop wargames again.  It’s my one night out away from the kids each week, and I love my wife for letting me do this.

As anybody familiar with the particular brand of nerdom can tell you, you wind up bringing a lot of stuff with you when you play these sorts of games.  I myself have taken to packing my gaming accessories into a pampers box.  It’s just the right size, is fairly durable, and has handles.

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As I mentioned earlier, I got to go to Gen Con a little over a week ago, and stuff went pretty well.

First of all, I got to meet one of my favorite authors and artists, Howard Taylor.  We have spoken to each other online, and I was very shocked to learn he was a fan of my list.

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1. “Wow, your pants smell fascinating today.”

- My wife, as her cat dug his claws into me and wedged his nose into my pants leg.  It was like he was trying to do a line of catnip off of my calf.

2. “Aw, lookit how cute she is. Isn’t she just adorable? Look at how AAAAAAAAUUUUGH! Get it out of my pants! Get it out of my pants!”

- Me, approximately ten minutes after bringing my first ferret home.

3. “Hey! It’s been years since I forgot to put on pants before I left the house.”

- Again my wife, who once accidentally went out to smoke wearing a trenchcoat and a long shirt, but no pants. (My wife insists that I point out that we don’t smoke any more, because evidently that is the part of that story that could make her look bad.)

4. “Those are rather unfortunate pants.”

-A friend of mine while watching “Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things”.  If you watch this movie you will understand.

5. “Okay, I suppose that it makes perfect sense for you to have a pair of Spongebob pants to match your wife’s Spongebob lingerie. Now why does your wife have Spongebob lingerie?”

- My brother-in-law, to me and my wife.  We were visiting and discovered that we had forgotten to bring anything to sleep in.  Since we were bedding down on an air mattress, in the living room we went to Wal-mart to purchase sleepwear, so that we would not traumatize our niece.  We decided to go with a Spongebob theme on the assumption that it would freak our hosts out.  Also I was amused to discover the existence of Spongebob lingerie.

6. “Now that you mention it, yes. The talking pickle has been in his pants.”

- On a camping trip I had in my possession an awesome pair of pirate pants, and a talking Larry the Cucumber doll.

I combined them to so that I appeared to have a gargantuan wang, that spouted ham-fisted Christian propaganda when it was smacked. Alcohol may have been involved.

Please note: Creating a situation where funny things happen when people punch you int he junk is probably not the best idea in the world.

7. “Are we going to label the things that have been in his pants?”
“No we are going to label the things that have not been in his pants. It’s faster.”

After the Larry incident my friends were understandably cautious about handling things in the vicinity of my tent.  A labeling system was created.

8. “I have to tell you something that might disturb you. Two lesbians have just had sex in your pants.”

If you have a set of awsome pirate pants, be cautious of camping drama majors.  They will steal your pants, and then do stuff in them.

These are all quotes, involving pants, that have been actually said in my presence.

1. “Wow, your pants smell fascinating today.”

2. “Aw, lookit how cute she is. Isn’t she just adorable? Look at how AAAAAAAAUUUUGH! Get it out of my pants! Get it out of my pants!”

3. “Hey! It’s been years since I forgot to put on pants before I left the house.”

4. “Those are rather unfortunate pants.”

5. “Okay, I suppose that it makes perfect sense for you to have a pair of Spongebob pants to match your wife’s Spongebob lingerie. Now why does your wife have Spongebob lingerie?”

6. “Now that you mention it, yes. The talking pickle has been in his pants.”

7. “Are we going to label the things that have been in his pants?”
“No we are going to label the things that have not been in his pants. It’s faster.”

8. “I have to tell you something that might disturb you. Two lesbians have just had sex in your pants.”

Now many of you may be wondering why I have put up a list of strange quotes with no explanation. (Others have probably given up wondering just what the hell I’m up to.)

Well obviously this is a way of leading in to my new Pants Contest.

I mean duh, what else could it be.

I currently still have a small pile of Squid Pie t-shirts left.  And so whoever posts the best pants related quote in the comments section will get a free one sent to them. Contest ends whenever I say it does, and like all things of importance, final judgment rests with Skippy.

Furthermore I’m sure that several of you want to know what the hell happened that caused these quotes to be um… be-quoted at me in the first place.  Well I will reveal provided that I receive some reader submissions to post up on here.  The holidays are coming up and everybody is very selfishly spending them doing charity work, or spending time with their family instead of sending in content for my site.  Picking up the slack would eat into my Left4Dead time, which means you might as well just hand Riverside over to those undead flesh-hungry bastards.

I will not try to take over the whole world.  That is just greedy, not to mention impractical.  I mean, have you ever tried to run a church group or a PTA meeting?  Well neither have I, because it looks like more work than I want to do.  Imagine how much more work trying to manage the affairs of an entire planet would be.

I will take over a modest-sized third world nation.  Most people living in developed countries won’t be able to find me on a map, let alone make any serious attempt to thwart me.

I will not pick a country with significant oil reserves.  This way no developed countries will see the need for any sort of military intervention for humanitarian reasons.

Nutrition is very important, and after all, you are what you eat.  Which is why I will eat nothing but clones of myself.  I’ll probably make a batch of them fight to the death first, and then eat the winner, making sure I only get the strongest one.  I will eat them toasted to seal in the awesome.

I will construct and wear a set of power armor that is covered by a layer of ablative orphans, thus preventing any heroes from trying to kill me.

I will not execute any minions for failing me.  Execution has been vastly overrated as an educational tool by villains throughout history.  Execution isn’t a punishment.  Execution is what happens when you are finished punishing someone.  I might make incorporate that last line into the badge of my secret police force.

I will have a giant harem made up of the most beautiful women from around the world.  No clever idea behind this one, I just figure if I’m going to be a super villain I might as well get a harem out of it.

Every super villain needs an albino cat to stroke while gloating over prisoners.  But I have noticed that the heroes frequently escape during the gloating and make an attempt at thwarting.  So my albino cat will be rigged with a tiny dynamite vest so I can fling at any inconvenient heroes as my last line of defense.  Because I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t see that one coming.

I’ll make up a fake weakness to a common non-toxic substance, and allow rumors of it to spread.  I’ll say things like, “If Captain Freedom learns that I can be melted using only silly putty, my reign of terror will surely  come to an end!”  And then when Captain Freedom shows up with some silly putty I’ll be all like, “You dipshit!  No one has a weakness to silly putty.  NOW EAT EXPLODING CAT!”