My name is Janice Schwarz, known to you all here as “Mrs. Skippy”. (Outside of here, I’m known as GeekArtist. Or I use my real name; you can find me. Anyone that can’t find me online isn’t looking hard enough.)
Because my husband has been really busy with his game business, I’ll to start posting post on his behalf.
Ok, actually, I started this site called Skippy Sez, Life With Skippy: The Things Skippy Doesn’t Write, But His Wife Does. Yes, this is stuff he actually says, in real life. I don’t have enough of a way with words to make this shit up.
But I neglected to tell anyone about it. So ya know, it sat there. So I’m going to start posting those here instead.
And to start you off, I’ll give you stuff that got posted there (which, wasn’t much, because: Life). Ok, I won’t give you all of it right off because it would still make for a long post. (And besides, some of you may rush over there to read stuff anyway.) But I’ll start you off with this…
Christmas: “Roman orgies are the reason for the season.”
While cleaning Little Boy, post-dinner: “That was really good, except for the part where your Mom hid a landmine in the lasagna”.
To me: “Did you just fail at ‘toaster’?”
Comment on his behavior: Alas, I was not bitten by a radioactive, rude spider.
Pacifier Training: Because we are using this pacifier weaning method, Skippy to 2-year-old daughter: “Your binky converted sweetie. It’s circumcised now.”
Wife’s Attempts at Comedy: You do kind of treat comedy the way Germans in the 30’s treated everyone that wasn’t German in the early 30?s.
Got a Marker: The girl got a marker and drew on her arm and her brother’s. Skippy: “That’s toddler for ‘thug life’.”
Math: I hear if you can’t do long division, bears will fuck you up.
On Loud, Thumping Cars:
Skippy’s Dad: “I wonder how the guy feels being in a car that loud.”
Skippy: “Extremely well compensated for his small penis.”
On my Fancy-Ass Tea:
I got some awesome teas from Teavana. A few months ago, a friend introduced me to the place and that’s one of my splurges. Tea so pricey, I generally only drink it on weekends so as to conserve it. And it’s delicious.
Anyway, the first morning I tried it, Skippy comes trudging out of the bedroom, half-awake, while I’m bouncing up and down telling him about my new tea.
And I tell him about one of the teas I have, called Monkey Picked Oolong. This is a type of tea that is only harvested monkeys, trained by Buddhist monks, to retrieve the tea leaves from the top of tall trees. I then put the mug under his nose and demanded he smell it.
Skippy’s bleary-eyed response to this excited behavior is, “Mmmm, smells like monkey slavery”.
More to come. See you soon!