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Archive for May, 2011

More Fun With Online Schools

Friday, May 27th, 2011

Assignment: Use masking effects to modify this image in some way.
Me: Okay. I can do that.

Anybody wanna guess what I added?

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Charlie Bit My Finger – Upgraded

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Three directors took a viral video from Youtube and turned it into a set of short films.

This is exactly the sort of reason that people made the internet. Well, that and porn.

Okay, mostly for porn.

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I Have Not Been Getting Along With My Latest Instructor Why Do You Ask?

Monday, May 23rd, 2011

Instructor: You did this part of the assignment wrong. You were only supposed to have curves on half of the anchor points.
Me: That’s not what the instructions said.
Instructor: I had an example picture.
Me: Was the assignment to follow the instructions or to copy your example?

Instructor: As an advancing school we use only the most recent version of the software.
Me: The Adobe website says you’re lying.

Instructor: We pride ourselves at this institution of being an educational leader in cutting edge technology.
Me: Well I can pride myself on being the most prolific male porn star in the world, but that won’t make it so.

Instructor: Well since you already know this material, maybe you could use this an an opportunity to share your knowledge with the beginner students?
Me: I know teachers don’t get paid or treated well right now, and that is a shame, but have we really gotten to the point where I am expected to pay you for the privilege of teaching your students for you?

About Damn Time

Friday, May 20th, 2011

The Federal Government is finally taking the inevitable zombie apocalypse seriously.

Probably A Little Late

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

But just in case someone wants to, you can totally buy CRS Notifications.

CRS

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

To amuse yourself this weekend, simply print out the enclosed form, fill it out as you see fit, and then tape it to the door of your favorite neighborhood fundamentalist.

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A Conversation For Sunday Morning.

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

*Ding Dong*

Hello Sir? My name is Skippy. I couldn’t help but notice that you are still here, despite the fact that the rapture was supposed to be yesterday. Yes sir. Yes. I understand how you might find it comforting to believe that a guy who incorrectly predicted the Apocalypse previously and in direct defiance of stated biblical position might be wrong. But Mr. Harold Camping has assured us that he was correct this time, and he used math and everything. Why no sir. I am not at all here to make fun of you for falling prey to the ravings of a mad man. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You see, I know that he was right. Completely and totally.
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Battered Gamer

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

I’m Ihmhi, and I’m a Battered Gamer.

You know the whole “Battered Wife” stereotype… turn on Jerry Springer or Steve Wilkos and you have a 25% chance of seeing an overweight redneck woman saying “He still loves me!” or “He don’t know any better!”

I’ve been going through my game library lately, playing some games that have a lot of good things about them (“I still love them!”) but they have a lot of gleaming flaws (“They don’t know any better!”). These flaws can actually make the game painful or frustrating to play, and yet I still play them!

Sure, some games are minor offenders (Can’t remap controls in this day and age? What the HELL.), but some are pretty bad. I’m going to throw down a few of the more egregious examples, and I’d like to hear yours as well. As with some of my previous posts, this may read like an advertisement, but that’s just because I love gaming so much. (However, if any of the companies involved would like to give me a comically large wheelbarrow full of money to be a consultant, I am currently in the market for a new job…)

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Still More Fun With Online School

Thursday, May 12th, 2011

A few days ago I received the following as an assignment in my current class. I have marked the relevant part.

“Write some notes as a personal journal of what you have learned.

By Tuesday, May 10, 2011, post your personal journal to the Discussion Area.

There is no grade for this, but it will form the basis for writing a final, farewell posting, and will be a useful reference as you pursue your career and further studies.”

Guess which is the part I ran with?

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Tits 1, Ass 0*

Thursday, May 12th, 2011

I don’t normally care all that much for Megan McCain. She rarely contributes anything useful to political discussions. She achieved her fame more or less solely through family connections without doing anything noteworthy on her own. And frankly her writing rarely strikes me as insightful, or even particularly well thought out.

But then there’s this. This is brilliant.

*Yeah I can see how this title is ironic, all things considered, but it’s funny, right?