I have a 16 year old little brother, and a couple of college degrees. Because of that my mother has asked me to assist my little brother from time to time with homework assignments.
For the first assignment my degree had nothing to do with me being asked to help, just having been in college did.
Mom: Your brother needs help, he has been assigned to list some of the best cheesy pick-up lines out there.
Me: (without skipping a beat)
1. Did it hurt? (girl): no, or, when, or, what are you talking about? (Me): When you fell from heaven.
2. Aren’t you that girl who’s having sex with that Wagner guy? (Girl): No. (Me): You wanna be?
3. If I could change the dictionary I’d put U and I together.
4. Wanna play Pearl Harbor? I could lay down and you could blow the hell out of me.
5. If I told you that you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
6. Did your father work at an explosives plant? Because your ass is da bomb.
I have about 20 more, but you get the idea. And I’m sure that there will be over 100 comments listing all kind of others, because you readers rock like that.
The second time my mom asked me to help my brother was on a 4 hour plane flight back from a family vacation in Vegas . For this assignment he was tasked with providing a sentence with a thesis and three supportive sections. She had intended for me to explain to him what the teacher was looking for in the exercise, not to do the exercise for him, but once I read the questions, I couldn’t help myself: (remember that this was a 15 year-old at the time)
Name a problem and issues you face as teenager.
My girlfriend has missed her period, I wonder if it’s mine, I wonder if she believes in abortion, and I wonder if I can talk her into believing in abortion.
What is your main career aspiration and why.
When I grow up I want to be a pimp, mostly because I get to wear a furry hat, I will always have a date, and things will get really interesting when I have to put on my big rings and slap a ho!
Name someone you look up to and why.
I have always looked up to my oldest brother, because he has a smoking hot fiance, kicks puppies, and does my homework for me. (my new fiance was sitting beside me while I was writing this.)
What do you want most out of life right now and why?
I really want to know if that smoking hot stewardess flight attendant really offers coffee, tea, or me, mostly because she keeps coming over to see why I’m smiling while writing this, has asked to read it, and is waiting for me to finish this sentence.
After the flight attendant read the page she doubled over in laughter, took it to the back of the plane, and since it was a Southwest flight and Southwest is awesome, read aloud most of the assignment over the plane’s PA system.
The look of embarrassment on my mother’s face was perhaps the most priceless moment of all! She told me I’d never be allowed to help my brother with his homework again.