Writer’s Block
A conversation from my home
Wife: Whatchya doing?
Me: Writing a post for the site…but I’m stuck.
Wife: What is it about?
Me: It’s a list of all of the phrases that every guy wants to be able to say for real..
Wife: Not sure I’m following.
Me: There are certain phrases, frequently heard in movies, that every guy would really like to say at least once in their life, and have it be a real viable conversation choice, rather than just a quote.
Wife: Oh okay, sounds cool. How many have you got?
Me: Just two so far. I have “Cover me!”
Wife: Makes sense, most guys are raised on action movies. What’s the other one?
Me: “Settle down ladies, I’m man enough to satisfy each and every one of you.” And then my brain just kind of stopped working right while I thought about that one.
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May 5th, 2010 at 8:08 am
You’re lucky Mrs Skippy didn’t help something other than your brain stop working at that point! :>
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May 5th, 2010 at 8:57 am
How about “Don’t worry miss/sir/citizen [delete whichever not applicable], [i]I’ll[/i] save you!”. Heck, I know I’d like to say that, and if it could be followed by “Cover me” it’d be even better.
What would be bestest would be if the third thing to be said was “Settle down ladies, I’m man enough to satisfy each and every one of you”, perhaps as the women you’d just saved showed just how grateful they were…
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Squid Vicious reply on May 5th, 2010 8:57 am:
Darn, I forgot this site doesn’t use html tags to format text. Ah well, y’all get the idea.
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May 5th, 2010 at 10:26 am
I’m sure Mrs. Skippy chalked it up to Skippy being Skippy, patted him on the head and handed him a child. :)
Don’t most men want a chance to use the “And we’re fresh out of bubblegum” line? :)
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May 5th, 2010 at 11:10 am
“Every time i tell her to do something, she dose the opposite!,, just like my ex wife”
“I’m not mean, I’ve just been in a really bad mood the past 40 years!”
“Most people your age die,, ,WHY CANT YOU!”
“Dont worry about snakes in the garden when you got spiders in the attic”
And this one i got to use after i was stabed at a weekend party in the inner city getting my friends ass out of trouble
(Class mate on Monday morning as) ” Hey, we thought you were dead!
(me) “yeah i get that allot… ”
and one i PRAY i remember to use when im old and Feeble..
“snort, Uhhh? Oh I’m sorry, my brain must have stroked off there for a second, what were you saying?”
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steelcobra reply on May 5th, 2010 11:43 am:
You have an Alot? Awesome!
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html
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Maven reply on May 21st, 2010 7:47 pm:
My fave is from a book, not a movie…”I’m sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you over the voices in my head.”
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May 5th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
I know I’ve always wanted to be able to say “It’s 106 miles to Chicago. We have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.”
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Billy reply on May 6th, 2010 11:17 pm:
Hey, if you smoke, I have the sunglasses. But you’ll have to pitch in for the gas. That craps getting expensive.
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May 5th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
“Wait, isn’t that flammable?”
“Has anyone seen my pants?” (It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m actually wearing any or not.)
“I have a shotgun, a shovel, and one hundred and forty five acres. Do not trifle with me.”
“If it weren’t illegal I would have KILLED you already!”
“Wow, that one cell in your skull must be so lonely.”
“Yes, I’d like to rent the empty space between your ears.”
“That’s right, its radioactive!”
“Sir, that’s cheap mustard gas.”
“No, I’m not a genius, I’m just smarter than you.”
Me: “No don’t!”
Idiot Friend: Lights fuse. “Huh?”
Me: “Fuck! Everyone, take cover, its live!”
During a physics class. Some students were having trouble, frustrating the teacher.
Teacher: “Come on guys, its not rocket science!”
Me: “Ma’am, actually it IS rocket science.”
“Forty two.”
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Willy reply on May 5th, 2010 2:38 pm:
I just love the physics one…
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spcMIKE reply on May 6th, 2010 8:54 am:
I love that on more than one occasion I’ve been able to say, “Actually, I am a rocket scientist.”
Captcha: Army mongooses-It would be so awesome if the Army actually had these.
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Enigmatick reply on May 5th, 2010 9:50 pm:
A lot of my friends, and I myself, use “42” every time someone opens the conversation with “Can I ask you a question?” or some variant.
I get a lot of blank stares.
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Novaprime reply on May 6th, 2010 5:13 am:
Personally I’ve taken to using the response: “12” it usually throws people off.
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theodore reply on May 27th, 2010 8:01 pm:
I use that every time someone ask me that. When they say “What’s that?”, I respond “What do you get when you multiply six by nine.” Leaves them even more stumped.
captch: discuss life – NO!
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Dragdamar reply on June 8th, 2010 12:35 am:
I use 42 all the time.
Another I use often is when someone says “I have a question.” I reply, “I have an answer.” Usually followed by 42…
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May 5th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
“Run, it’s gonna blow”
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May 5th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
I can just imagine skippy meeting my former unit’s Mess Sgt.
“I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.” Spc Schwarz to SFC Schwartz
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May 5th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
“Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.”
“Jacque! Start the plane!”
“We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!”
“Gimme some sugar, baby.”
One of the most obvious ones: “I’m Batman.”
“Where we’re going we don’t need…roads.”
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TeratoMarty reply on May 6th, 2010 8:55 am:
Why hold off on saying “I’m Batman”? I was in high school the year that movie came out, and me and my pal Tim had Homeroom together. We claimed to be Batman every morning for at least a quarter.
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Sean reply on May 6th, 2010 10:04 am:
Well I was thinking in the vein that the list was of statements that would be true in the given situation. Every guy wants to be Batman. Even Superman fans want to be Batman.
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Sean reply on May 6th, 2010 10:10 am:
Dammit, I forgot one, too:
“Come with me if you want to live.”
May 5th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
“Wait, are those even legal?”
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May 5th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
“I consider it my civic duty to piss you off.”
“…so fuck you all very much…and your mother twice!”
“Fuck reality, we’re doing it anyway!”
“You need to learn the ancient art of ‘shutting the hell up’!”
“…it’s called cheating, deal with it.”
“Congratulations! You’ve just made your death sixty percent more painful!”
“I’m sorry, I’ve contracted ‘I don’t care’. Shut up.”
“You’ve officially qualified for an ass kicking.”
captcha: swans had…sever mental disorders
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:28 pm
Then there are all those little things that happen in every day life, that seem like they should have come out of a movie… For example while decorating a Christmas tree one year, my best friend began wrapping herself up in tinsel and the following conversation ensued:
K: Wrap me up! I’m a Christmas Tree!
Kat: You want to be the seven-foot-tall phallic Symbol of a stolen pagan holiday?
M: You always have to be so negative…
K: What’s a phallic?
“K” here, may have been stoned though…
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
“good, bad, i’m the guy with the gun”
“howdy doody time kiddies, the bad man is back!”
So i’m a little bit evil.
captcha: shadowier is… me.
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May 6th, 2010 at 5:38 am
One I have used several times.
Them:”Do you have any questions?”
Me “What’s the speed of light in a vacuum?”
Them: “…”
I have gotten the correct answer exactly once.
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StoneWolf reply on May 6th, 2010 7:45 pm:
2.99×10^8 meters per second squared. And that’s off the top of my head. (I work with radios. Speed of any EM wave in vacuum is c.)
What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?
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Laughing-in-class reply on May 6th, 2010 7:47 pm:
African or European?
captcha: the sun…is damn hot.
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Billy reply on May 6th, 2010 11:15 pm:
“I don’t know that… AAAAHHHHH!”
tgobg reply on May 10th, 2010 6:59 pm:
I actually had a Navy O-6 (SeAL) ask if there were any questions at a morning brief, and Army O-5(SpecOps) asked “What is the airspeed of an unladen swallow” the Navy O-6 responded, ” Any Pertinant Questions?”
Gotta love Joint Commands
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May 6th, 2010 at 7:28 am
I’ve been a paramedic for a really long time and my favorite one is a line that I teased my partner about using because it made him sound like a big d-bag. But the more I thought about it, it’s actally pretty cool.
“Don’t worry. I’m here to save your life.”
Come on. It’s not that bad.
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May 6th, 2010 at 8:57 am
“Give my creation LIIIIIIFE!”
Though honestly, I hold little back, and say this whenever I fix a small appliance or similar.
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May 6th, 2010 at 9:08 am
When the monster-in-law would ask when we were going to have kids I would ask her, “When are you going to break a hip?” And then she did. That’s why I have a son.
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May 7th, 2010 at 7:16 am
In my Dungeons and Dragons game, I somehow, inexplicably and through no fault of my own, picked up the reputation of “accidentally” and “unintentionally” catching an ally or two in one of my arcane blast areas with spells and powers which can royally kick their asses.
Now they get nervous whenever it’s my turn to do some ass-kicking, and so I get to use my two favorite Han Solo lines from time to time, and interchangeably.
“Trust me.” (I do my best to give an innocent look.)
and
“Hey… It’s me.” (With a cocky, wry smile to make them more nervous.)
In my defense, I do try to be careful and not hurt my allies, but sometimes it’s not my fault if one or two strays into my line of fire. What can you do?
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StoneWolf reply on May 8th, 2010 7:03 pm:
Incoming fire has the right of way.
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Laughing-in-class reply on May 8th, 2010 7:06 pm:
Friendly fire isn’t.
captcha: to cosgrave…friendly fire isn’t, to cosgrave.
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May 7th, 2010 at 9:16 am
I get to use my favourite a lot.
“I’m surrounded by idiots and morons!” *facepalm*
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StoneWolf reply on May 8th, 2010 7:07 pm:
Said when surrounded by horde of Nazis during a night drop.
Friend: “Oh God, they’re EVERYWHERE!”
Me: “Excellent.”
Friend: “What?”
Me: “Now they can’t get away.”
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May 7th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
These are great! My friend introduced me to Skippy’s list this morning and I’ve been having fun spreading the word. Happy Friday!
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May 7th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
I would love to say in a series tone or get in a situation were “KILL IT WITH FIRE AND LOTS OF IT” or “MOAR CHAINSAWS” would apply :(
actually did use this one today…
I did start that fire but the sprinklers + fire hose got rid of it…”
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Sequoia reply on May 9th, 2010 6:39 pm:
FREEZE IT! FREEZE IT WITH FIRE!!
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May 7th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
I still want to use the line “well hello mr. fancy pants! You aint leading but two things right now, jack and shit, and jack just left town.”
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May 8th, 2010 at 8:19 am
“I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all outta gum.”
“Good, Bad, I’m the one with the gun.”
“Hold still while I light you”
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StoneWolf reply on May 8th, 2010 7:10 pm:
I heard my buddy’s girlfriend say that to him right before she immolated him. Don’t worry, it was planned and we had fire extinguishers.
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CCO reply on May 15th, 2010 5:53 am:
Your buddy works for Joey Chitwood and is a Helldriver?
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May 13th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
“Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”
“One mechanics tool set, complete. Sign here, Sergeant.”
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May 13th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
“LEEEROYYYY JEEENNNKIIINNNSSS!!!
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June 7th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
“I want my money back, and I’m going to hire a clinical sociopath to come and get it from you and then _skullfuck_ you in the EYE SOCKETS just for *FUN*!!!” or something very similar, from The Last Seduction.
Bill Pullman (whose character is missing like 3/4 million in cash from a drug deal) screams it over the phone at Linda Fiorentino (his thieving wife and possibly the meanest bitch in history in this role).
Most of the rest of the movie one-liners I love best have been integrated into my vocabulary for a long time now. The one recognized by the fewest people, sadly but to no surprise I can muster, is Robert Englund’s cheerfully psychopathic little “‘Ello ‘ello!” greeting from The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (nope, not surprised). He’s the actual reason I bought the movie.
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June 7th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Another entry from my household, in light of how badly BP is handling the Gulf oil spill (how much didja spend buying Google links instead of solutions???):
“A riot is an ugly thing–and it’s about time we had one!”
Captcha: 369 jobbing…good grief, am I supposed to think “Schoolhouse Rock” or “part-time sleazy movie work”???
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March 9th, 2014 at 1:39 pm
I know this is almost four years old, but I have to say something. (Also, I’m bored, so I’m going through old blogs to get my daily dose of Skippy)
We’re on a mission from God.
Enough with them negative waves!
Oh, man. Don’t hit me with those negative waves so early in the morning.
I’m drinkin’ wine, and eatin’ cheese and catchin’ some rays, y’know!
Oh, man! I just ride in ’em, I dunno what makes ’em work.
There you go, more negative waves! Have a little faith, baby! Have a little faith.
Crazy… I mean like, so many positive waves… maybe we can’t lose, you’re on!
(Pretty much anything Oddball said)
This is heavy.
Great Scott!
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