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Archive for April, 2010

From The “Dude You’re Not Helping” Files

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

It probably shouldn’t shock most of my regular readers that I am not particularly a fan of the Tea Party movement. I don’t agree with them on most issues, and on the ones where I do have a similar attitude, I tend to disagree with their proposed solutions. I know this is a bit of a generalization, as for the most part they are a loose confederation of people with similar attitudes.


Alls Well That Ends Well

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

This video is not as dirty as it seems like it will be, cough but is still probably not safe for work.


The Orange Mop of Death

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

My roommate’s girlfriend, who is also my roommate, believes in ghosts. Not only does she watch those ghost hunter shows, but she believes that the house we live in is haunted.

Mr. Clean has a mop out there that looks like the back of the head of a Raggedy Ann doll. My roommate bought one of these for his girlfriend because she mentioned that she needed a new mop.

Nice guy my roommate, right? Apparently not-so-much. His girlfriend was ragging it and in a generally pissy mood when he gave her the mop, and it turns out that she has used that type of mop in the past and doesn’t like them. She made no bones about telling him how much she hated the mop and what a dumb-ass that he was for getting that type of mop.

Now I like both of my roommates, and I do understand what PMS can make a women say, but that didn’t mean a little revenge wasn’t in order.


News Story

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

I have a news story that I feel I need to bring to your attention. A 74 year old Canadian woman was recently extradited to the US to face a 30 year old marijuana charge.


I Wanna Be Like Skippy Too!

Monday, April 26th, 2010

So what does a married soldier do as soon as he gets home from a long deployment? If you do not know this answer, you aren’t married, and have no imagination.

About three weeks ago my wife approached me when I was most distracted. I was playing COD:MW2. All she did was hand me what I thought was a pen and walk out of the room. It wasn’t a pen. It was an E.P.T. with a digital readout and the word not was nowhere to be seen. After receiving six unanswered head-shots I snapped out of my stunned stupor, and celebrated my upcoming child with the appropriate level of exuberance. I called every phone number in my cell phone to tell people I hadn’t talked to in over 3 years I was going to be a father.


Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Inadvertantly Causing Natural Disasters

Sunday, April 25th, 2010

It turns out that there are clerics in Iran who feel that earthquakes are caused by women who dress immodestly.

I’m trying to come up with a punch line, but I’m having trouble coming up with anything as funny as that statement all by itself.



Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

This is what working freelance is like.


Deceptive Movie Titles

Monday, April 19th, 2010

Evidently many people can be easily fooled by movies that have similar names. In fact there are studios whose entire business model is based on this fact. (The Asylum, I am looking in your direction for some reason.)

I Can’t Decide If This Is A Good Or Bad Idea

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Evil party clown, buy cialis available to stalk your children.

After A Long Absence

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

First, let me apologize for my long absence, but I have a good reason…

Did you know that the desert is filled with a demon spawned substance called dust? And some of this demon dust is so fine that no matter what type of air filters you use some will always enter your laptop and cover your heat-sinks. It then does what demons do best and heats up causing your laptop to burn out in a silent but sudden death. Yeah, demon spawned dust invaded my laptop and incinerated its brain. After an hour of frustration I reverted to a caveman and tried fixing my poor computer by hitting it with various large blunt object, starting with rocks and ending with a dumpster. Alas all this did was exacerbate the problem, as you have probably already guessed.