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Shoplifters Are Bad…

November 11th, 2009 by RivCA

As any sailor will tell you, a thieving shipmate is a dead shipmate. You’re on a boat, in the water, with nowhere to go but the physically defined walls that you signed up to be contained within while you work and live. If you steal, you can bet someone will find out. When they do, and they find who it is, whoever committed the crime better hope that someone of a command level gets to them first, and that includes senior enlisted. Otherwise, you’re looking at a world of hurt.

We, as sailors, get this ingrained to us as early as Boot Camp, and it is made especially poignant for those on a submarine. If you can’t guess, it’s because you’re in an underwater tube, and any kind of physical escape gets you a one-way ticket to Hell, along with the rest of your boat, i.e. drowning.

This isn’t to say that a particular branch is bad, but merely pints out that some people still don’t get the message.

That stated, we would assume that other service members get the same training. Not so much. What follows is a story from a local game shop here in Charleston of one such occasion, told to me by the owner.

A few years ago, Scott, the game shop owner, was running the register and assisting numerous customers. He had quite the line. He also had another half of the store used by gamers to play whatever they had brought in, with the exception of digital entertainment. His wife, Adrianna, was in that part of the store, keeping general order. Not much to do, because there were lots of servicemen there enjoying themselves. They usually policed themselves well, as we do today.

Inside the store, though, is an Air Force Airman. Something to bear in mind about Charleston, is we have every branch of the armed forces represented here, as well as the Department of Homeland Security on our base.

Back to the Airman, he was in the comic books section of the store. He would glance about, grab a comic from the shelf, and ram it under his sweater. This would go on for some time. That is, until Adrianna began making her rounds.

She stopped at the doorway between the sales and gaming floors, and just stands there, putting her hands on her hips. One of the gamers, a marine I’ll call Mike, looks up and asks, “What’s going on, ma’am?”

She says over her shoulder, indicating the Airman, “That man is stealing.”

All of the gaming groups stop what they’re doing, get up, and take positions, some at the exits (there are two or three per) with Mike and another marine taking point. Something like this alerts the customers at the register, and Scott as well, who properly deduces a shoplifter he couldn’t see before.

Mike walked up to the Airman and asked what he had under his shirt.

“Nothing.” Panic is in the airman’s voice, apparently. (Notice what I did with the word, “airman?”)

Mike, not buying it, open-palm strikes the kid, sending him back a few feet, and anything up his shirt onto the floor with a whoosh of breath. He said to the airman, “Nothing huh?” Then in a louder voice, “Looks like about $500 worth. Hey Scott, that’s grand larceny, right?”

Scott, a little surprised, said, “Yeah, it is.” Uh, oh.

The airman is now in trouble at this point, and knows it. He panicked, and in his panic punched Mike.

I should let you know that Mike is an interesting individual. Scott told me that he is a sadomasochist. Also said that Mike’s marriages were very interesting affairs.

Regardless, he took the punch, smiled, and (likely wondering why he wasn’t hit harder) wallops the kid a clean one. Then the other marine who was with him grabs the airman, along with Mike, and they drag him out to the parking lot where another shipmate is waiting with a car like an old Hemi Cuda, and they begin ramming the kid into the backseat.

Those of you who know that most muscle coupes don’t HAVE a backseat would see the torture for what it is. Scott, meanwhile, does nothing. What I’ve neglected to mention until this point is that he’s former U.S. Navy, and as such as zero remorse for what’s being done.

At this point, a man dressed in jeans, a flannel, and a trucker’s cap is bringing his son up to the store. Scott figures him for a shipyard “bubba,” one of the workers at Charleston Shipyard back when they were still doing business. He took one look at the car and asked what was going on. Scott told him it was a shoplifter. The bubba then asked, “Shouldn’t the cops be called on this?”

Scott is taken aback. Apparently, the thought had not crossed his mind. He stepped out of the store and called to the marines at the car, “Hey guys, we got a witness!”

The marines are also surprised, and they both stop for a moment while this new development sinks in. Then when rational thought took over for instinct, they drag the airman out of the car and back into the store, plopping him in a corner while Scott called the police.

Needless to say, the kid got everything coming his way when the police showed up.

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32 Responses to “Shoplifters Are Bad…”

  1. Wyvrex Says:

    For me, in every basic class there seemed to be that one kid who thought it was a good idea to steal things form the shoppete when we had a chance to go there to pickup more basic supplies. You know, despite the over 9000 cameras in there, their name velcro’d to their chest, and the employees seeing the same drill sergeants every week for the past X years. Needless to say they were easily identified, and everyone else was stumped as to trying to come up with a train of thought where shoplifting a chocolate bar from there was both a good idea or worth it. Good for a laugh at least, and kept me under the radar

    Reply

    random person reply on November 11th, 2009 2:31 pm:

    …over 9000???
    ugh, ok i deserve to be hit for the bad meme joke XD

    Reply

  2. Kitty Says:

    Little shit deserved a good kicking, shame about the witness. I do like military justice as handed out by squaddies. straight to the point.

    Reply

  3. Shadowydreamer Says:

    Stupidity and ignorance = a beat down? I dunno, let me stop hugging my tree for a moment here..

    Yes, he was caught redhanded. Yes, he was obviously a complete tool. Does that give you the right to beat him with in an inch of his life? No. We have police for a reason.

    The big difference between Canuckleland and the U.S. is the RCMP came out *with* the pioneers.. where down south (not very far off) you guys made the pioneers the police. Both systems have their own unique advantages and disadvantages. One of the advantages of ours in this case would be Mr Airmen in lockup explaining to a very hairy indivdual why he was stealing from a retired veteran.

    Reply

    One Random Guy reply on November 11th, 2009 3:58 pm:

    So an ass beating at the scene of the crime administered by people who witnessed it is bad, but an ass beating in jail (with possible bonus sodomy!) is no problem? Huh? For the record I support on sight ass beating for those who have it coming.

    Reply

    Shadowydreamer reply on November 11th, 2009 4:35 pm:

    Double standard? Hypocracy? Me? Well, I am female.. :)

    I did consider going back and extrapulating, but replying to my own already lengthy post seemed a bit narcissistic. I think, what I was trying to say was.. I don’t support vigilante justice.. and no, while I don’t think getting beat up in jail/prison/etc is any better, you’re not lowering yourself to the offender’s standards.

    Captcha : and grover. I’m not sure where he fits into this at all!

    Reply

    SKD reply on November 11th, 2009 6:03 pm:

    Had the police not been called the airman would likely have gotten just his ass beating and a good lesson. He may have had to explain to his Senior NCO why he was in such bad shape the next day but he would not have had a police callout and punishment from both the civilian courts and his command.

    Reply

    Anna reply on November 11th, 2009 8:01 pm:

    but that sort of justice can so easily be carried too far, not saying it was in this case, but it can, best to simply call the police, it’s what they’re there for. But then again I am also both Canadian and female, so :D.

    Reply

    Shadowydreamer reply on November 11th, 2009 9:48 pm:

    And that’s better how?

    Reply

    StoneWolf reply on November 12th, 2009 6:22 am:

    Avoids paperwork ;) Besides, the cops can’t be everywhere at once. If a problem needs to be dealt with NOW, deal with it. If you live in an area where the locals can take care of themselves, you fuck around less and people are more polite.

    Lt Ronald reply on November 12th, 2009 9:07 am:

    A little ass-whippin never hurt anyone.

    FM 22-100 Wall to wall counseling field manual states the following:

    “Robbery, burglary and barracks thievery
    These crimes also affect unit morale. When a soldier rips off your stuff, all you want to do is kill him. Well, if it’s your shit, go ahead and do him in. In fact, do more than that. If however, it wasn’t your shit he took, you should let the wronged do the little shit head. Popular punishments for barracks thieves include the soldier falling down the stairs twenty or thirty times. Soldiers have also been penned into their rooms and tear gas powder blown under the door with a hair dryer. Anything cruel is good barracks thieves. In fact, it is best if you hold a formation to make the entire battalion observe the barracks thief being killed. People who do shit like this do not deserve to live, as they are far below contempt. I would rather have Russians distroing message traffic than a barracks thief in the company.”

    http://www.ncoer.com/wall.htm

    Shadowydreamer reply on November 12th, 2009 11:18 am:

    I’m gonna disagree with y’all but in the spirit of Rememberance day thank you for your contributations for my ability to disagree with you :)

    SKD reply on November 12th, 2009 12:36 pm:

    It is better because he has the chance to straighten up and learn from his transgressions without permanent harm.

    I don’t mind if people disagree with me, it is one of the freedoms I enlisted to protect.

    Captcha 358 latrines – a suitable punishment

    David reply on November 12th, 2009 12:14 pm:

    Excellent point! This was NOT an example of “vigilante justice”. This was not a simple case of a well-deserved ass beating that was prematurely interrupted. This was a case of Unit-level Non-Judicial Punishment that was not properly applied. Instead of a serious lesson being impressed upon his body and his mind in a memorable fashion, but no repercusions to his career, the (A/a)irman has to face civilian courts AND his chain of command. The reason that wall-to-wall counselling works is that the counselee understands that non-judicial punishment is fair, equitable, and if survived has no lasting repercusions on career.

    Reply

    Shadowydreamer reply on November 12th, 2009 12:52 pm:

    I can see your point – and I guess it’s part of the military that this base brat just can’t “get” never having been in. (Apparently the CRAF want SAR personnel with fully functioning bodies? Spoilsports.)

    Its just these things can get out of hand so quickly and easily and go beyond an equitible punishment.

    Random reply on November 12th, 2009 8:31 am:

    Also Canadian here, and I see no problem with what happened there. I’ve seen similar situations, wherein the moron was asked which way he’d rather go. The beating is generally considered preferable to the criminal record and jail time.

    Reply

    AFP reply on November 13th, 2009 11:42 am:

    In defense of the Marines, the Airman did throw the first punch. Well, the Marine laid hands on him first, but the Airman threw the first punch that counted. You punch a Marine, you get what you’re grabbing for.

    I don’t recall if we got a no-stealing lecture during Basic for the Air Force, but I also don’t recall having any problems with thieves (well, all of my boot socks disappeared when I spent my last week of Basic with an Honor Flight, but I’m willing to assume that it was a laundry-related mistake, since the entire flight was full of retards and the laundry crew was largely worthless…)

    Reply

    Shadowydreamer reply on November 13th, 2009 11:54 am:

    Also a very good point!

    When we were in Bodmin (Cornwall, England) .. Our neighbour was a presumed ex-SEAL. One night Dad and Norm were at the pub, and a drunk said something grumpy about Americans and threw a punch at Norm. Norm took the punch with apparent curiosity, then said “Now son, I’ll show you this once.. THIS is how you punch someone you don’t like.” punched the guy out cold with one shot, sat back down and finished his beer while my Dad apparently stared at him open mouthed.

    Reply

  4. lukazaz Says:

    nice… thas al I can say…nice… hope he got his troubles worth :P

    we do something similar here in Tijauana… but insted of a car its a closet and its not a while it more like a cople of days…

    Captcha Chapter infidels…. halalalalalalalala!!!!

    yeah I know long day and ISO / AS / TUV

    Reply

  5. Lit Says:

    While in Army basic, one of our drill sergeants gave us a “briefing” that went something like this:

    Privates, you don’t want to steal. You really don’t want a drill sergeant to find out you’ve been stealing. But you really, really don’t want to have your fellow privates find out you’ve been stealing from then. We drill sergeants are here to babysit you for 16 hours. But then we leave. And if something happens after we’ve left, well, it’s not really a you said/he said situation so much as a you said/60 other people said situation. Now, Private Brown has reported to us that a silver chain and cross of his has gone missing. Goodnight privates.

    Reply

  6. Viper Chief Says:

    The dummy got better than he deserved. If he was a flightline’er we’d’ve taken care of him in a very non-regulation, but very just way. If he was a non’er, he probably just got some “extra duty.” Whatever that is for non’ers.

    Reply

  7. Speed Says:

    We got the lecture in basic from the ole drill sergeant. He told us of sharing the last bit of water from your canteen with your buddy, sharing the last bit of food, etc. He summed it up with this line, “Trust your buddy with your life, but not your money or your wife.” Sage advice.

    We had a few blanket parties in every unit I was ever in because PVT Snuffy just never got the message.

    As for the ass-kicking in the parking lot, that’s a teaching moment: “Son that’s why you NEVER steal. Now, let’s go help them beat the hell out of him!”

    Reply

  8. SpaceMunky Says:

    As a fellow gamer at this “local game shop”, I would have to say he’s lucky no one brought out one of the many weapons hanging on the wall (after paying for it or asking to borrow it of course). And also, we as taxpayers have to foot the bill for enough idiots to live for free in prison, I don’t think that prison is enough of a deterrent and we need to consider a few alternatives.

    Reply

    Adam reply on November 12th, 2009 8:35 am:

    I’m all for charging prisoners to pay for their free services. What? You don’t have a savings account? Well then, you need to do community service. A lot of it.

    Reply

    StoneWolf reply on November 12th, 2009 8:51 am:

    You know, that’s a really good idea!

    Reply

    Anna reply on November 12th, 2009 10:30 am:

    I actually do like that, even better than the option of learning a trade, you must learn a trade, I think they do have a couple minimum security prisons that have the inmates farming and they’ve become nearly self-sufficient. The prisons are in Sweden or some such place of course, but it wouldn’t be a bad model to follow.

    Captcha: appal Sweeney, if the crime appals Sweeney Todd, then you just lock them up and throw away the key!

    Reply

    SKD reply on November 12th, 2009 12:42 pm:

    We have a few of those facilities here in Florida.

    Captcha 1830-to-1860 furrows – the average farm size on a penal facility?

  9. Courtney Says:

    Plus, there’s the whole learning theory, applicable to dogs and people who should know better:

    when your puppy messes on your carpet, you rub their nose in it immediately, not at some negligible point in the future. It’s the only way they learn.

    Reply

  10. Raven Prometheus Says:

    As LT Ronald implied, half jokingly but there it is, stealing is bad for morale. If you can’t trust a guy with stuff back at the barracks, how can you trust him with your life in combat? And knowing that you can’t trust your squad/team mates can literally make you feel sick inside. Or worse. Immediate justice at the hands of those wronged is neccesary. In a perfect world, it wouldn’t be. But in a perfect world, El Doucho wouldn’t be stealing in the first place. We in the service live, breath, sweat, bleed, die in chaos. In extreme situations. As such, some extreme reactions should not only be expected, but encouraged, for the most part. Things can go over the top, sure, but that will only happen if people lose control. And it sounded like those involved were in complete control, except for the loser that was stealing.

    Reply

  11. paula Says:

    No theft involved, but the same sort of group self-correction: some years ago, I was working in an AAFES uniform shop when I overheard a couple young soldiers talking about a guy in their unit who was, for some unknown reason, insisting on wearing Vietnam service ribbons: a guy who could not possibly have been wearing those ribbons legitimately, as he was a 20-year-old pvt., and this was 1991, long after that war was over. Anyway: his very-offended squadmates were apparently planning to ‘discuss’ the matter with him late one evening, somewhere private…..

    Reply

  12. Matt Says:

    I can’t condone Airmen bashing, to a certain point. It’s unfortunate that this incident has cast a bit of a shadow on the USAF. I would like to point out that all branches have their share of dummies.

    And I agree with Viper Chief. The flight line has it’s own understood rules that non-ers will never understand. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get punched in the head when they bitch about working through lunch or for more than 8 hours.

    Reply

  13. Tzanti Says:

    The local Sainsburys store where I grew up would take school parties round to see the store, warehouse and the amazing (for the early 80s) technology of barcode scanning. During these trips they would also impart a tale of their opening week shoplifter.

    It was in the heady days of punk: pistols, the Clash, Johnny Rotten and Joe Strummer – you get the picture. One punk, with the hair, the piercings, the skinny-T and the baggy trousers and bovver boots, was helping himself to several bottles of Bells in the BWS aisle when a shop assistant spots him. He grabs his belt and makes a run for it with four bottles stuffed down his trouser-legs.

    He makes it out of the door, but gets spotted by a gentleman of the constabulary and pursued through the shopping centre.

    “Stop that man!” yells the copper, whereupon an hold gentleman steps out in front of the thief, and trips him up…

    Heard this tail on a primary school trip, and again in high school. Still makes my eyes water.

    Reply

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