(Submitted by PFC Van Emden)
I’m in AIT to be a 35T, and its fucking boring but some funny shit happens…
1. If it looks good and tastes good, you’ll probably end up at sick call next week with “strep throat” (not mine)
2. When asked who you would next like to give a brief for class its not a good idea to say ” SGT. C, I choose you” and throw an invisible Pokeball at him.
3. Don’t clear hotel rooms with Nerf guns if your not staying in them.
4. Since this is TRADOC we aren’t supposed to party, so Don’t throw a hotel party between 2 CSM’s rooms.
5. Don’t pull a Superman impersonation by jumping off the back of a moving HUMMWV, the ground is stronger than your will. (not mine)
6. If he has a 2nd LT bar on it means hes an officer and I should not tell him to “Shut the fuck up…Sir. I got this.” While on an ARM range.
7. Never attempt to prove a COL wrong, even if you are, in fact, right.
8. My senior PSG has never been to Georgia, therefore the Charlie Daniels song doesn’t apply to him, and I should not suggest that it does again.
9. While in Routers class its not advisable to suddenly stand up and shout, ” Oh my god, we’re in trouble… What are we gonna do, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO??? (voice change) I’m going to do my laundry. Can I please have some change?”
10. It is not advisable to call cadences that are derogatory to paratroopers, in front of Airborne officers… They don’t like it.
11. I must not pass out while pissing for a piss test. (not mine)
12. Never imply that Texas sucks when your entire chain of command is from Texas.
13.Must not tell the CQ SSG that she can’t say that your drunk because “you’re drunker” It doesn’t go over well the next day when everyone’s hungover.
14. Hookers do not, nor will they ever, accept food stamps.
15. I must not yell “Hail Satan,” at children on the side of the road when they’re holding religious signs.
16. Jedi is not a religion that the Army recognizes and I should stop telling people that I am a Sith Lord.
17. Its not funny to shut peoples routers off remotely, even if he is a complete douche-bag.