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Russian WWII Humor

August 12th, 2009 by skippy

This was sent to me by a longtime reader. The same guy responsible for this mess earlier in the year.

I just got a mild kick out of seeing another culture’s old jokes, and decided to share it.  Also I leave for GenCon in the morning and need to pack still, so this saves me the effort of writing something.

Short analysis of WWII Tactics

Standard task – Attacking a hill defended by an enemy infantry company

Germany, early and mid-war:
An hour before sunrise a battalion of troops has breakfast and prepares to attack. At dawn the hill is softened by dive-bombers and battalion mortars, then infantry moves in, throws grenades, charges into the trenches. By afternoon the Germans have already built their own defensive positions on the hill.

Germany, end of the war:
Because there is no gas for the dive-bombers and the battalion has 47 men remaining (including three HitlerJugend kids and two VolkSturm men who didn’t take part in WWI because of poor health), the attack fails. The attempt to reinforce the the battalion with a tank company fails because one of the tanks had engine trouble, two were destroyed by enemy bombers on the move, and the last one started to advance, but was knocked out.

Poland:
A cavalry squadron charges the hill and goes down in a hail of bullets.

England:
The troops retreat across the nearest sea and start the naval blockade.

USA in Europe:
A regiment moves near the hill, and the hill is bombarded by 150 strategic bombers for two weeks. Sometimes they miss and hit their own troops. In two weeks the remaining battalion occupies the giant crater.

USA in the Pacific:
An island (10 sq.mi) is attacked by five battleships, four heavy carriers, and 150 supporting ships. After three days of bombardment, the troop transports enter the bay that used to be Japanese fortifications and land everything needed to take the island: Marines, beer, and a movie theater.

USSR, early war:
The regiment assigned for the attack is disorganized because of air strikes, so it starts the attack three hours too late and attacks by companies. The retreat order is late by eight hours, the remains of the regiment (about a hundred men) go into the forest, form a partisan unit from the locals, and the Germans have to keep that company on the hill for the next 3 years.

USSR, mid-war:
The regiment assigned for the attack is disorganized because of contradictory orders, so it starts the attack three hours too late and attacks by companies. The retreat order is never comes, after the regiment is wiped out the hill is attacked by three penal battalions. By the third battalion Germans run out of ammo and remaining convicts take the hill in fierce hand-to-hand combat.

USSR, late war:
The hill is bombarded by dive bombers, then heavy artillery, then Katyushas. The battalion assigned for the attack, along with supporting tanks and SP guns, finds only a smoldering plain where the hill was supposed to be. The commanders bitch about being given the wrong maps again and decide to take another hill 5 miles to the west, punching through the second line of German defenses. Everyone gets awarded.

Italy, early war:
After losing all tanks in a frontal assault, an Italian regiment surrenders to the defenders. Mussolini asks Germans for help (see above).

Italy, mid-war:
Due to horrible cold (2 degrees below freezing), Italians don’t attack. Then the entire battalion surrenders to a Soviet scout platoon.

Italy, late war:
While Italians try to figure out if they’re supposed to attack, some of them are disarmed by the Axis, some by the Allies, and the rest go home.

France:
Plan the attack until the Germans get tired of it and attack them.

Japan, early war:
Soldiers with bayonets fixed and officers with swords drawn do a human wave assault on the hill. The English shoot a couple volleys and retreat across the nearest sea.

Japan, late war:
Soldiers with bayonets fixed and officers with swords drawn do a human wave assault on the hill. American sentries start shooting at them, they are supported by American company HMGs, battalion mortars, regimental howitzers, battleships and heavy bombers. None of the Japanese make it past the barbed wire.

Romanians, Bulgarians, etc.:
Massive desertions after rumors about an attack order.

Translated by Daniil

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85 Responses to “Russian WWII Humor”

  1. Albaholly Says:

    “France:
    Plan the attack until the Germans get tired of it and attack them.”

    Love it :)

    Reply

  2. Mick Says:

    Q: Do you know why there are tree lined boulevardes in Paris?

    A: Because the French know that Germans prefer to march in the shade…

    Reply

  3. StoneWolf Says:

    Anybody know what Maginot means in German?

    “Speed Bump”

    Reply

    Sean reply on August 13th, 2009 7:26 pm:

    I thought it meant “German entrance this way —->”

    Reply

    David reply on February 18th, 2010 7:46 pm:

    Actually, you have the wrong language.

    Both of those are alternate translations of the French word Maginot.

    Reply

  4. Dave in NC Says:

    Everything needed to take the island: Marines, beer and a movie theater — Brilliant!

    Reply

    lukazaz reply on August 13th, 2009 7:05 am:

    you forgot lube…. hey for does times it could be needed

    Reply

    Catherine reply on August 13th, 2009 11:02 pm:

    Fuck yes. Just tell the Marines that there is beer on the island, and that they can’t have any until they kill every last enemy soldier. Wait two hours. The island should then be safe for American civilians.

    Reply

    Shadowydreamer reply on August 14th, 2009 8:31 am:

    This leads to the Canadian defense plan in case of American invasion.. All bars near the border have signs that say “Free drinks and pot for American troops!”

    Captcha : Nougat absconds .. Ooooh.. so you’d be invading for the *Candy*!

    Reply

    Catherine reply on August 15th, 2009 12:37 am:

    Actually, that would probibally work really well. I can’t lie. Offer strippers too and we’d never get our boys home again.

    Shadowydreamer reply on August 15th, 2009 11:23 am:

    Not letting me reply to Catherine directly..

    I know how much the U.S. Forces are paid for risking life, limb and sanity.. you can have them back :) Our boys might have crayons to use as ammo, but at least they can support a family without foodstamps!

    SFC TC reply on August 15th, 2009 7:27 pm:

    That could very likely stop my entire Brigade. Not saying that’s a bad thing either. The only reason Canada is still Canadian is the US doesn’t need anymore icy wasteland.

    Wife says I should say I’m kidding, I don’t. Who in their right mind would choose to stay there after the first winter, must be frostbite of the brain. The only population that will be immune to becoming zombies, brains are already destroyed by the cold.

    Shadowydreamer reply on August 15th, 2009 10:41 pm:

    You are such a wuss. Vancouver (ish) is warmer than most of the North-eastern states.

    Canada has water, oil, and real beer. The U.S. has .. well, most of our hockey players.

  5. Ziggy Says:

    France:

    Plan the attack until the Germans get tired of it and attack them.

    Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

    A: No one knows. It’s never been attempted.

    Reply

    David reply on February 18th, 2010 7:48 pm:

    Q: What does a french war hero say?

    A: I surrender!

    Reply

  6. Billy Says:

    To help explain the U.S. tactics, I will say only one line, one that happens to be my favorite in videogames: There’s no kill like over-kill.

    Captcha: Synagog William, is captcha trying to tell me something?

    Reply

    Catherine reply on August 13th, 2009 11:07 pm:

    There is no such thing as overkill. There is only making damn sure that your enemy is dead, and that his comrades are driven before you, and that you can hear the lamentation of their women.

    And then use a couple more tons of C4, just because.

    Reply

    Sicarius reply on August 14th, 2009 12:47 am:

    Ahem. To quote Schlock Mercenary: There is no overkill. There is only ‘Open fire!’ and ‘I need to reload!’

    Reply

    Catherine reply on August 15th, 2009 12:32 am:

    Also, the enemy of my enemy is my enemy’s enemy. No more, no less.

    Chris reply on August 17th, 2009 10:26 am:

    Don’t forget, “Rule 39: If you’re leaving scorch marks, you need a bigger gun.”

    StoneWolf reply on August 18th, 2009 10:03 am:

    A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant with no clue.

    Captcha: Kindergarteners ignore-geneva convention. evil little tots!

    David B reply on March 14th, 2014 3:22 pm:

    An Ordnance Technician in a dead run outranks everybody.

    izaak reply on February 3rd, 2010 3:10 pm:

    Yes! Because that is what’s best in life!

    Reply

  7. Kitty Says:

    The French War Machine has been crippled after a massive fire broke out in the country’s only white flag factory….

    And eh! Us Brits are bloody good thank you very much, much better bombing precision than the Yanks and our boys did it in the dark ;)

    And away to copy this to a WW2 forum

    Reply

    Jim A reply on August 14th, 2009 9:41 am:

    Well the Brits may have invented the idea of making bombs so big you don’t need to aim ‘em(cookies, tallboys etc.) but we perfected it. Heck, our second nuke got the outer suburbs of the wrong city.

    Reply

    Billy reply on August 14th, 2009 3:04 pm:

    Don’t forget, we also made a bomb, nicknamed the GMOAB, as it was the biggest bomb ever made that wasn’t a nuke, it was phased out after production because the nuke was made right afterwards. Also, don’t forget the Davey Crockett, the portable nuke, the one that never got used because the crew manning it would still be in the blast radius. Damn, if only we fixed that problem…

    Reply

    Billy reply on August 14th, 2009 3:05 pm:

    Forgot to say that GMOAB was supposedly the acronym for Grandmother of all bombs.

    bob dole reply on February 18th, 2010 5:50 pm:

    Its called the MOAB its post WW II it stands for Massive Ordnance Air Blast

    Billy reply on February 18th, 2010 8:35 pm:

    there is a GMOAB, its a giant bomb standing on end outside of the Aberdeen Proving Grounds munitions museum. And I know what MOAB stands for, I was pointing out the nickname.

    StoneWolf reply on August 18th, 2009 10:05 am:

    Unfortunetly for the French, their bloodline failed to improve after WWII due to widespread use of condums by American GIs.

    Reply

  8. The Tree Says:

    “There is no overkill only Open Fire and Time to Reload.”

    Reply

    Billy reply on August 13th, 2009 12:46 pm:

    That reminds me of something written on the game Gungrave: Infinite ammo, because reloading takes too long.

    Reply

    Sicarius reply on August 14th, 2009 12:48 am:

    Agh, you beat me to it.

    Reply

  9. CCO Says:

    I think it was in Team Yankee by Harold Coyle that a Russian major tells the following joke:

    At infantry officer school he was asked: “You have an American division on your left and a German division on your right. Which one do yo attack first? The major replied, “The German.” “No!” replied the instructor, “The American. Business before pleasure.”

    Reply

    CCO reply on August 13th, 2009 1:58 pm:

    Pardon me. Please insert the ‘u’ so the Russian isn’t a pirate.

    Reply

  10. David Dylan Says:

    Ahem,

    Might I remind everyone that it was the French who fought fierce house-to-house battles so the allies could escape at Dunkirk?

    Geez, they surrender once, to the biggest army on the continent at the time, and they don’t get credit for anything anymore? ;-)

    The maginot line, well, yeah, bit of an oversight leaving Belgium wide open like that… but to be fair, the Germans had one hellish time getting through the Ardennes.

    Reply

  11. John Stephens Says:

    When I was in the (US) Berlin Brigade, the French contingent there was the smallest and kept getting smaller. The joke was they could keep shrinking indefinitely, because their battle plan only required one soldier to execute. Two, if it was a windy day.

    Reply

  12. Susan Says:

    We Americans need to remember the French were there for us during our Revolution. Remember Lafayette and his troops? I’ve never heard that they were cowards.

    Reply

    Sequoia reply on August 14th, 2009 6:07 pm:

    After Napoleon, they lost their balls.

    Reply

    David Dylan reply on August 15th, 2009 2:55 am:

    It’s all funny and all, but as a somewhat serious amateur historian (well, I majored in history for a few years but since I didn’t graduate I’ll stick with amateur) I have to say; The French never lost their balls. They fought like the devil before surrendering in WW2. Their resistance did, too, afterwards.

    I wouldn’t want to piss off a Legionaire these days, either.

    Most countries Germany invaded folded like a cheap newspaper, including my own (The Netherlands – although there were some fierce battles beforehand, but the Dutch were very ill equipped.) but France actually put up a fight. Remember that Germany had never seen before tactics at the time, a very strong and modern military and superiour numbers.

    If you look into the Dunkirk episode, you’ll come away with a deep sense of respect for two groups of people: The sailors (military, fishermen, private yachts, anything that would float) who went back and forth to pick up men under heavy fire at times, and the French soldiers who held the line so others might escape, knowing their chances were pretty much zero of getting out themselves.

    I found myself in Paris last year (a beautiful city, go there if you can) and visited Cimetière du Père Lachaise. After paying my respects at the war memorials, as I always do, I went looking around and I stubled upon a very small grave, tucked away in a hidden corner, of a resistance fighter. She had medals, major ones, from *every* allied force.

    I offered a private prayer there.

    Without the “underground railway” through france to Spain (Or the Dutch fishermen who took people to Sweden for that matter, quite another story) many a downed flyboy, Jew or resistance fighter would not have seen the end of the war.

    So, all Joking aside, we owe respect to the folks who fought in that war, in whatever capicity.

    Reply

    StoneWolf reply on August 18th, 2009 10:13 am:

    Short form-Legionaire
    Long form-French Foreign Legion

    France as a rule doesn’t fight well. There are always exeptions to rules. If a frenchman fights well, he fights well. Besides, France did give us Jean Reno.

    CCO reply on August 14th, 2009 7:19 pm:

    What’s that saying about America:

    England was our Mother
    France was our midwife
    Germany was our school teacher
    Scotland was our brother and
    Ireland was our friend.

    (Yeah, I know some smart aleck always ask about our father; the correct answer is George Washington, but it doesn’t fit the pattern. And I think I made up the last two lines myself. In which case we could leave off Ireland and Scotland just to make the paternity test more interesting.)

    Reply

    Sequoia reply on August 14th, 2009 7:33 pm:

    After a while of no speaking, we are now friends with our Mom.
    After our midwife was a bitch to us (Napoleon *coughcough*)
    Except for WW1&2, we’re good (if you ask me…)
    Scotland I would be honored to call our brother (KILTS!)
    Uh, got nothing for Ireland.

    Reply

    Catherine reply on August 15th, 2009 12:35 am:

    Ummmm….booze? Hell, they gave us a day that’s purely an excuse to get snockered on green beer. If that isn’t a freindly gift, it don’t know what is.

    Sequoia reply on August 15th, 2009 9:33 am:

    Good point, good point. However since I don’t drink, I didn’t think of it.

    CCO reply on August 15th, 2009 9:36 am:

    I think I may have left Ireland out the first time I did my own version of this epigram, thus leaving an obvious candidate for the smart aleck’s question.

    Pericles reply on August 16th, 2009 12:20 am:

    It’s covered under the rules of French military victories. He collaborated with us(Americans), and thus was able to win.
    The Rules For French Military Victory

    “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.”

    **”France only wins when America does most of the fighting.”**

    “When in doubt, send an ally.”

    “Pay them to leave us alone.”

    http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/French_warfare

    First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French.” This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

    Reply

    Jose Beltran reply on August 24th, 2009 2:32 am:

    I would say that the counter-example would be the battle for Paris in WWI in 1914, the Battle of the Marne. That was where the French, on their own, stopped the German advance.

    It had the famous “taxi brigade” that ferried reinforcements (the French commander had the Paris taxis taking men to the front).

    Captcha: “Aural Loungewear”. What a Dali-esque image…

    Reply

  13. Kitty Says:

    I like scotland, gotta love men with the guts to go out in public in gingham skirts :D

    As to French Legionnaires? Yeah I’d piss one off, mainly cos I know a lot of ex members of 2 Para. They have beaten everyone they’ve ever met to a pulp and never lost. And i reckon I can take on a legionnaire as well. ;)

    Reply

  14. Matt Says:

    I’d say the french overall were reasonable soldiers with some of the worlds worst military and political leadership. They really should of used the army to keep replacing the government until they got a good one though…

    Don’t forget though, the Mexican Army beat the French Foreign Legion and they (mexico) still celebrate it on May 5th. Of course, by getting beat, it means the French fought to the last man, killed around 20 to one or better, were basically out of ammo and still willing to keep fighting with swords and pikes so the emperor could escape.

    Reply

    Pericles reply on August 16th, 2009 12:32 am:

    I agree with this.
    And I despite my earlier post, I recognize the resistance fighters. BUT You’re forgetting something about the resistance fighters, they weren’t military; some of them may have been in the French Military but after the takeover they weren’t military. I don’t knock French people, or have anything against them. I just am entirely amused that they’re entire military history has no wins by a Frenchman.*Layfette won battles. He helped win a very important war; and in all seriousness was probably a better general the Washington; but the Americans/colonists did do more of the work. At least I think they did.

    Reply

    Lokim8 reply on August 16th, 2009 4:26 am:

    IDIOT!!! They conqured most of europe under Napoleon Bonaparte.

    Reply

    Billy reply on August 16th, 2009 7:46 am:

    And when he started to lose, he sold us Louisiana, back when it was a third of the country.

    joshSRA reply on August 17th, 2009 10:35 pm:

    Napoleon=Corsican not Friench

    Lokim8 reply on August 17th, 2009 10:41 pm:

    But he was leading a french army when he took europe.

    StoneWolf reply on August 18th, 2009 10:15 am:

    That still doesn’t say anything good about native French military commanders.

    David Dylan reply on August 16th, 2009 6:11 am:

    Well, mainly my heckles are raised by inaccurate cliche’s about WW2.

    There is no doubt that the US played a major role in liberating europe, but they entered the war when the tide was already turning; Hitler was running out of troops, oil and basic supplies. He still could have won, though. Not knocking the US’ role at all.

    But he was in essence fighting on two fronts as it was. His blitzkrieg strategy worked great for quickly taking large swathes of land. Keeping said land occupied afterwards was giving him real trouble. Even in tiny Holland there were area’s where basicly the resistance was in charge and the Germans dared not go.

    Poland had massive area’s where the combined anti-German/Anti-Sowjet resistance ran the show. (Financed by both sides, too. Clever bastards.)

    Hitler couldn’t trust his own Allies. Italy was half-heartedly making some war efforts but really only wanted land in Africa and some extra bits of Europe. When they got the latter, they started actively sheltering the Jews, and even aiding some resistance movements. Not ‘officially’ of course, nooo… In turn Hitler kept Mussolini at arm’s length, including not sharing scientific and military know-how, weakening his side further.

    So when the front at Normandy got hot, he was already treading water.

    It’s good not to forget that the US often encountered resistance already ‘softened’ by other allies, the latter stages of the war really were more about competing with the Sowjets over who got most of Europe than seriously fighting the Germans. Many cities and towns in France took it upon themselves to round up the Germans when they heard the Americans were coming.

    The Germans had standing orders to patroll with their weapon’s chamber empty, to prevent accidentally wasting a bullet. They were short on everything.

    Still, they put up one hell of a fight, especially defending Germany proper, and I’m not diminishing the US military’s efforts at all. But the Canadians, Brittish, French, Sowjets, Dutch, Polish, and so on troops who fought deserve quite a bit of credit too.

    Many a first wave of airborne troops was entirely made up of local nationals who had escaped to the UK, for example. On one of the islands of the Dutch coast (very beautiful, visit if you can) there’s a cemetary for Muslim soldiers from the UK parts of the Middle-East who fell trying to take the islands.

    In the Caribean, Netherlands Antilles mainly, the locals manned oil tankers for the allies, risking sub attacks with nothing more than at best an anti-aircraft gun welded to the deck.

    All those people deserve some credit, no? :-)
    To me, the mocking of the French is sort of symbolic for the whole diminishing of the efforts of anyone but the US in that war, and it’s just not true.

    captcha: opener sources. Hmmmm.

    Reply

    Gopblin reply on August 21st, 2009 8:16 am:

    By 1943 there was no real chance of Germany winning. US and Britain did help USSR out quite a bit, mostly with supplies, but the Soviets did at least 80% of land fighting (if you count it by man-hours put in).

    As for the French, it is true that the leadership gave in and not the soldiers, but well a nation gets the leadership it deserves. The soldiers might have fought fiercely, but haven’t heard of the French fighting in basements and catacombs for weeks and months after being surrounded, or attacking with units down to 1% of their original strength.

    Incidentally, more French joined the Wermacht than the Resistance.

    Best wishes,
    Daniel.

    Reply

    David Dylan reply on August 21st, 2009 8:24 am:

    By 1942, however, Germany had a fighting chance. They would have had to retreat in Russia, for a bit at least, but in essence they weren’t that bad off. If only they would have stopped to recoup, gegroup and rebuild.

    Main issue was lack of manpower and resources. Both can be solved, at least for long enough to blitz on in summer, by waiting out the winter and stockpiling.

    You haven’t heard of Dunkirk, then.

    I’ll take your word for it; however, you were the only one at risk of getting shot if you joined the Wehrmacht. Resistance fighters risked their entire family, sometimes their entire village.

    StoneWolf reply on August 18th, 2009 10:28 am:

    There is one facet of French history that everybody seems to forget though. Way back in the day, the Francs were tremendous fighters. They even worried Rome. They gave us one of the best war axes ever, the Francesca, from which the more modern steel tomahawk is derived. Then they were sucsefully invaded by the Normans. Then a few others. Then they became the French. So when it comes to warfare, the Francs would beat the cheese out of the French.

    Reply

    Sequoia reply on August 18th, 2009 1:07 pm:

    Well no crap the Franks beat the French. Just like how the Romans beat Italians. Plain and simple. The old school warriors would kick the ass of any soldier of the day on an even level of armaments.

    Reply

  15. Gopblin Says:

    (I’m the guy who translated this BTW)
    Soviets are the best –

    1. USA fought 20,000 Japanese over 8 sq mi of Iwo Jima for a month, having total superiority in pretty much everything, including 5:1 in numbers.

    Russians defeated 1,200,000 Japanese in two weeks over an area roughly the size of Western Europe. That’s with supply lines stretched thousands of miles and 5:4 force ratio.

    2. Soviet infantry did an airdrop in 1941 without parachutes. Into deep snow, but still.

    3. My dad was trained for six months after college. In the event of WWIII, he was expected to take command of a tank-mounted rocket launcher… From what I understand, his mission would be guerilla warfare with tactical nukes.

    What other army is awesome enough to arm conscripts with self-propelled nuclear weapon platforms?

    Best wishes,
    Daniel.

    Reply

    StoneWolf reply on August 18th, 2009 10:31 am:

    Awesome or bonkers? Either way, the idea of open warfare with the Soviet Union is not a happy prospect. Besides, my grandfather is Russian Jew by way of Romania. He’s nuts. You could shoot him full of holes and he’ll keep fighting until there’s nothing left to leak out.

    Reply

    Ara reply on August 21st, 2009 2:56 pm:

    Two words: Winter war :P

    Reply

  16. paula Says:

    I was once in a friendly argument with a co-worker over whose people would, in the end, take over the world. I was saying the Germans would: my people, God bless ‘em, are kinda known for large, well-organized invasions. My Lebanese co-worker said it’d be the Arabs: while we Germans stopped to catch up on our paperwork (always important!), his Arab brothers would sneak up and bash us in the head. He felt his people would take longer than us Germans (get a gun and a couple bullets, kill somebody; get another gun, another couple bullets, repeat as needed), but they’d win.
    A Chinese co-worker came by in the middle of this discussion; he said HIS people would be the ones to take over the world: after all, they’re already well on the way, with over a quarter of the world’s population…. he said his people’s way was slower, but LOTS more fun!

    Reply

    Sequoia reply on August 17th, 2009 6:44 pm:

    America would win. We have Chuck Norris.

    Reply

    paula reply on August 17th, 2009 7:53 pm:

    I don’t know about about that: while I yield to no one in respect for Chuck’s ass-kicking abilities, it appears he HAS gone a little off the deep end…. it seems Chuck has joined forces with the Birthers, those looneys who keep saying Obama’s not an American citizen.

    Reply

    Sequoia reply on August 21st, 2009 3:26 pm:

    Obama never did prove that he was eligible to run for president.

    skippy reply on August 22nd, 2009 7:57 am:

    Unless, of course, you count his birth certificate, his birth announcement in the local papers when he was born, of the announcements by the Hawaii Department of Health.

    Reply

    Sequoia reply on August 22nd, 2009 8:12 am:

    The thing is, McCain (who was obviously eligible) had to prove it before Congress, Obama didn’t. THAT’S what gets a lot of people ticked off.

    skippy reply on August 22nd, 2009 8:23 am:

    Actually McCain wasn’t born within the US borders. He was born in the Panama Canal Zone. It took a court ruling to determine that US territory counted as the US for purposes of birth location. Which makes his eligibility less obvious.

    At least I think it makes it less obvious, seeing as how the birther’s arguments all hinge on accusing Obama of not being qualified for being born outside of the the 50 states.

    Sequoia reply on August 22nd, 2009 1:30 pm:

    Was not aware of that.

    StoneWolf reply on August 18th, 2009 10:24 am:

    Unfortunetly, I can say without reservation it won’t be the Irish. Ever. Because god invented beer to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

    Reply

    paula reply on August 18th, 2009 7:23 pm:

    Yeah, I think most of Europe is probably glad Germany is so serious about beer and Oktoberfest: that’s at least ONE month each year when you can be sure they’re not scheduling any invasions…. well, not unless the beer runs out!

    Reply

    SPC Randall reply on November 10th, 2009 7:49 pm:

    You go piss off a drunk Irish man and see if you don’t get your head bashed in. Us Irish men would be the the best army in the world. Take our beer away and tell us we can’t have any till there are no germans left on the face of the earth, and bam wwIII.

    Reply

    StoneWolf reply on November 11th, 2009 6:57 am:

    I didn’t say we couldn’t fight, Hell we sacked Rome back in the day. We could take the world easy, but do you really think any of us Mics has the patience to actually RUN things?

  17. Mr E Says:

    You say the Russians are better than the U.S. on the basis that the Japanese were firmly entrenched in pillboxes, bunkers, and fortifications in an island honeycombed with tunnels running from position to position, enabling massive ambushes and assaults? Airstrikes and bombardments were no use, and the island had to be cleared by hand. My only wonder about Iwo Jima is that the United States managed to clear the island that quickly.

    Reply

    Mr E reply on August 24th, 2009 6:59 am:

    Meant to reply to Gopblin with the above comment. And there was nothing in the Constitution to rule that U.S. territories (like the Panama Canal zone) were not eligible. The whole thing that “McCain isn’t a natural-born citizen!” was merely a smear tactic.

    What I’d like to see is for Obama to prove that he was born in the U.S. If McCain had to prove it, so should have his opponent.

    Reply

    Sequoia reply on August 24th, 2009 7:35 am:

    YES!!!! SOMEONE WHO AGREES WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

    skippy reply on August 24th, 2009 8:45 am:

    “And there was nothing in the Constitution to rule that U.S. territories (like the Panama Canal zone) were not eligible. ”

    There’s also nothing that says it it. The exact quote it
    “No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; ”

    There is no definition of what that constitutes. To date, no President who was not born within a US State has been sworn in.

    Questioning McCain’s eligibility wasn’t a smear. It was a legal issue that hadn’t been resolved yet. Personally, I think it was resolved correctly.

    “What I’d like to see is for Obama to prove that he was born in the U.S. If McCain had to prove it, so should have his opponent.”
    Generally, when joining a debate it is considered good form to read the previous portions of the debate.

    I have already brought up Obama’s birth certificate, the Hawaii Dept of Health, and his birth announcement.

    But if more evidence is needed –
    The first congress pass a law which stated children born to US citizens outside of the US “shall be considered as natural born citizens.” Meaning that Obama was qualified to run as a natural born US citizen.

    Next the US congress passed a resolution determining that McCain counted as a natural born US citizen because his parents where US Citizens. The same logic could be applied to Obama.

    Now do you have some sort of logic or evidence, that contradicts what I have already presented or are we done with this silly little non-issue?

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  18. Old Rockin' Dave Says:

    A few points about the French:
    1) German armored theory came from a book written by Charles deGaulle, when he was an academy instructor. In 1940 he was given command of an armored division and did very well, but it was too late. The Free French fought very well in North Africa, just read up on Bir Hacheim, and they risked execution if they were captured (Rommel finally disobeyed this order).
    2) The Maginot line was never cracked, the Germans just cracked the even heavier Belgian fortress line. They used 80 men and took 8 hours to take the world’s strongest fort. How? They landed on the flat rooftops in gliders, pinned the defenders in their pillboxes and blew up the guns with explosives on the end of ropes. The Belgian failure allowed the Germans to come pouring in where the Anglo-French forces didn’t have any real defenses.
    3) We didn’t win in Vietnam either.
    4) And we’re not doing any better in Iraq and Afghanistan than they did in Algeria.
    5) The French commanders at Cassino were the only ones with a plan that didn’t consist of throwing away their men in repeated frontal attacks, and when 5th Army finally got through it was with French plans and French troops. The French and the Poles fought twice as hard as anyone else in Italy because they felt they had something more to prove.

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  19. Old Rockin' Dave Says:

    Another point about the French:
    while we’re all laughing about “cheese-eating surrender monkeys”, when the Nazis invaded Poland, the French declared war. When the Nazis invaded Norway, the French sent troops. When France was overrun, the Free French forces were formed and fought in Libya.
    During the same period, pro-Nazi and anti-Semitic rallies were being held in the US and dupes like Henry Ford and Charles Lindbergh were doing their damnedest to keep us out of “the Jews’ war”. While France was at war with the Nazis, the US was woefully unprepared, with an army smaller than Romania, an air force that was already obsolete, fewer than 100 tanks which were all worthless for modern warfare and a large complement of horse cavalry.
    For all the valor of our troops, and the British, we folded like wet cardboard in the face of numerically and technically inferior Japanese forces that we badly underestimated.
    So why do we make fun of France?

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  20. Gopblin Says:

    Russians caught on and overtook US after a while, as usual.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3Cpnq4wFx0
    Father of All Bombs has about twice the blast radius of its US counterpart while being smaller and much cheaper. They do talk about not having to aim it and therefore saving a lot on the guidance systems.

    Best wishes,
    Daniel.

    Reply

  21. Hammerogod Says:

    None of the Japanese make it past the barbed wire.

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  22. Signalist Says:

    Finnish army; encircle the hill and wait until the winter comes, soldiers start taking bets on if Ukrainians defending the hill surrender after having eaten their boots or do they all freeze to death, Soviet airforce tries to supply the defenders by air drops but after seeing a Finnish fighter they drop the supplies and try to escape, finally the defending company’s commissar shoots the company commander for cowardice and orders the company to break out of the encirclement, the whole company is slaughered, Finnish army gathers all the weapons from dead soviets and distributes them to front-line troops elsewhere.

    Reply

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