(Submitted by ltc_insane)
1. Have pallet jack races around the store when the day staff go home.
2. Riding a pallet jack period is against OH&S even though the stock runners still do it regardless.
3. Should not laugh in any of the night fill managers faces when they tell me I have to do the impossible to fulfill the store managers unrealistic expectations.
4. Should not laugh at my managers when they say there is not allowed to be any excess stock of lines which are full and won’t go on the shelf.
5. When working past midnight night fillers probably should not start a congo line around the store.
6. I should not sing the D&D version of Jingle Bells during Xmas time to compensate for the horrible Xmas songs/carols that play over the store speakers all night.
7. Bon Jovi songs should not be played loudly & repeatedly from the stereos in the electronics department.
8. I should not strongly curse the store manager by the many foul names I have labeled him with just because he’s a clueless asshole.
9. Especially when he is in the next room and may hear me.
10. I should not threaten to throw anyone down the compactor………no matter how much they may deserve it.
11. I should not threaten to kill anyone, especially not any of the day staff managers.
12. I also should not threaten to kill the pay office staff even though they seem to fuck staff pay on a regular basis.
13. I shouldn’t tell the night fill head manager that she has a nice ass, even though she does have a nice ass and finds it amusing that I would even say that to her.
14. I shouldn’t flirt with the night fill head manager in any way, shape or form even if I do it to keep her sane and amused.
15. I should not laugh when I knock an entire end of books over.
16. I should not refer to new night fillers as “fresh meat for the grinder”.
17. I will never be allowed to use my altered version of a certain speech made by the drill sergeant in the pilot of Space Above & Beyond on new night fillers.
18. I should not swear when the store is still open.
19. I should not swear so loudly that i can be heard clear across the store.
20. ……….even if a bunch of shelves nearly took my head off
21. ……….even if the end cap of stock I’ve just filled collapses because the brackets and shelves are useless.
22. I should not curse customers for leaving rubbish and stock from other departments all over the place ……… especially when the store is still open.
23. I am should not refer to the store as one big OH&S violation.
24. Night fill should not shake the vending machines.
25. ……… even if the food/drinks frequently gets stuck in them
26. I am not allowed to kick the vending machine when it short charges me for 3rd time in a week.
27. Night fill are not allowed to get bolt cutters to cut off the padlock to lockup so we so we can put away the expensive electronic stock because the fools from the day staff locked the key away where we cannot get at them.
28. I should not take pride in the fact that one of the night fill head managers I worked under told me that he has never encountered someone who hates their work place as much as I did.
29. I should not threaten to kill members of the day staff for leaving trolleys of cardboard at the compactor without bothering to put it in the compactor and leaving it for us to deal with.
30. Night fillers should not play soccer inside the store and laugh at the amount of stock that is knocked off the shelves during it.
31. I am not allowed to refer to the counting and checking during stocktaking as a waste of night fill’s time.
32. Night fill managers are not allowed to use the PA to tell stories during night fill.
33. Or do silly voices.
34. Night fill are not allowed to suck helium while inflating balloons to do silly voices.
35. I should not refer to the female staff who dress up as Santa’s helpers at Xmas time as “Santa’s Sexy Helpers” even if their skirts were incredibly short for their size.
36. I should not remind the night fill managers that with all the unpaid work they get stuck having to work that they are making less per hour than a 15 year old Macca’s worker.
37. Night fillers should not tell their managers that they are making more money than the managers.
38. I should not take spiteful pleasure in racking up overtime just to spite the store manager for being a tight-fisted moron.
39. I should not curse the cleaners who come to do the floors of the store for keeping the night fill staff back for half and hour because they cleaned and sealed the floor on the way to the back door.
40. Night fill should not curse the cleaners for turning up at the worst possible times and making our work harder by having to go around the areas they are cleaning.
41. I am not allowed to dismantle a cardboard display stand with a crowbar.
42. Night fill is not allowed to use large boxes to hide in just so we scare the crap out of someone.
43. I should not refer to most of the monthly corporate training/education as a waste of night fills time.
44. I should not comment after viewing the first 5mins of the latest corporate training video as a couple of million dollars better spent on staff.
45. I should not sign off on corporate training saying I’ve done it when I haven’t.
46. Even if it is not particularly relevant to our jobs most of the time.
47. I am not allowed to refer to cleaning the fixture room as a waste of time as the day staff always end up messing it up within 24hrs+.
48. I am not allowed to laugh at the day staff while they are trying to catch pigeons who have some how gotten into the store.
49. RnB Xmas songs are a blasphemy and should not be played over the PA at Xmas.
50. I am not allowed to refer to the store as “the hellhole”.