Two WOW stories

Drunken Midget Boxing:

The rules of drunken midget boxing are simple.  You MUST be a dwarf or gnome.  You have to be drunk IRL and in game (it really does kind of mess with your equilibrium dependent on your own intoxication levels).
You also have to be naked in the game, with nothing on, no weapons, no belt, no headgear or trinkets/rings/necklaces etc.  Once these requirements are met, the duel starts, it’s a best 3 of 5 matches.  The best effect is to get it going like a real fight, have bookies, and bet takers.  I think the most I’ve ever seen from a match like this is 350G. That was the TBC era.  I know gold is like pennies now.

Drunken midget boxing stemmed from me and a friend getting into an argument over something stupid.  We were out in the open in Zangramarsh, so we decided the best way to settle it would be drunken midget boxing.

Drunken midget boxing entails you actually being drunk in life AND on the computer.  Since I used to get trashed all the time and play wow, I always had a bottle handy.  30 minutes later, when we actually were inebriated.  We strip off our clothes (in the game, I played WoW naked naturally) and sheath our weapons.  Not 30 seconds into the boxing match, an Orc Hunter flies over head, dismounts and kills us both.  He then sits down and starts laughing at our lifeless naked corpses.  So we rez, and immediately upon rezing we charge the hunter and start pummeling him with our small naked fists.  He fights back at first until he realizes we’re not gonna gear back up.  2 dwarf warriors, naked and no weapons, trying to take down a level 70, geared, Orc Hunter.  I don’t know if he fluked, or if he let it happen, but midway between dancing and jumping as we hit him, he stopped responding, and his health eventually ran out.  30 seconds later I got a message from some jumbled letters saying “you 2 should go back to fighting :).”  I ask who it was, and lo and behold it was the hunter.  The hunter had alt tabbed to bring in his ally account for the server to talk with us.  He had no idea that we had killed his hunter and were currently jumping up and down on his corpse.  That hunter eventually came to the Ally side (one of his main reasons was me) and we’ve been great friends since.  Me and the other warrior have NOT let the fact that he got taken down by 2 naked midgets go.

Cyber Sex is for Uglies:

I used to roll on an RP server for shits and grins.  People take the game entirely too seriously, and me having an asshole degree in Internet douchebaggery, I felt as if I could do a lot of damage on one of these realms.  I ended up making a gnome mage (for reasons I still don’t know) and eventually came across a female.  I started flirting (I was bored) and we “hit it off” and by that, I mean, I had her interested in me.  We talked on Vent, so I knew I was dealing with an actual real life females.

Well, I finally convinced her to show me a picture of her.  The only way I could do this, was to have cyber sex with her.  I do not believe in cybering at all.  It is stupid, and pointless.  I think I’d rather be completely abstinent than have to do that with anyone.  It’s stupid.

But whatever, curiosity peaked, and I wanted to see what she looked like.  And lord have mercy it looked like a cow that had gotten beaten in the face with a baseball bat.  Call me insensitive, I generally like people for actions and behaviors, but if you end up dropping your drink and yell “HOLY JESUS!” and it’s not in a benevolent way, it’s probably justified.

We are on her Vent server, and she made a private room for us, password protected and everything.  I made up some lie about having to get something to eat and that when I came back I’d meet her in the Goldshire Inn (Noob Town 101) and it’d be less than 30 minutes.  I quickly go on my main, and spread the news to my guild.  And then inspiration hits me.

I give them all the vent IP and password and told them to come in and spam it when I gave them the go ahead.

I go back on to the RP server, and make my way to Goldshire.  I walk up the stairs, and there she is, naked, dancing on the bed.  She tries to be all smooth on vent, tell me how she’s waited for me and that she can’t wait.  I asked her how kinky she wanted to get, and she said “a lot.”

With that I “signaled” my guild and while 30 something people started spamming her vent IP, coming into her room, and making all types of weird obnoxious noises, 30 something additional naked gnomes STORMED into the room in which we were in.  Everyone bouncing around except her, who’s sobs you could barely hear over Vent.  Whatever hell they have for people who make people cry or get pissed on the net, there is undoubtedly a place for me.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009 at 10:59 pm and is filed under Guest Story. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.