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Pants Pants Revolution

December 18th, 2008 by skippy

1. “Wow, your pants smell fascinating today.”

– My wife, as her cat dug his claws into me and wedged his nose into my pants leg.  It was like he was trying to do a line of catnip off of my calf.

2. “Aw, lookit how cute she is. Isn’t she just adorable? Look at how AAAAAAAAUUUUGH! Get it out of my pants! Get it out of my pants!”

– Me, approximately ten minutes after bringing my first ferret home.

3. “Hey! It’s been years since I forgot to put on pants before I left the house.”

– Again my wife, who once accidentally went out to smoke wearing a trenchcoat and a long shirt, but no pants. (My wife insists that I point out that we don’t smoke any more, because evidently that is the part of that story that could make her look bad.)

4. “Those are rather unfortunate pants.”

-A friend of mine while watching “Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things”.  If you watch this movie you will understand.

5. “Okay, I suppose that it makes perfect sense for you to have a pair of Spongebob pants to match your wife’s Spongebob lingerie. Now why does your wife have Spongebob lingerie?”

– My brother-in-law, to me and my wife.  We were visiting and discovered that we had forgotten to bring anything to sleep in.  Since we were bedding down on an air mattress, in the living room we went to Wal-mart to purchase sleepwear, so that we would not traumatize our niece.  We decided to go with a Spongebob theme on the assumption that it would freak our hosts out.  Also I was amused to discover the existence of Spongebob lingerie.

6. “Now that you mention it, yes. The talking pickle has been in his pants.”

– On a camping trip I had in my possession an awesome pair of pirate pants, and a talking Larry the Cucumber doll.

I combined them to so that I appeared to have a gargantuan wang, that spouted ham-fisted Christian propaganda when it was smacked. Alcohol may have been involved.

Please note: Creating a situation where funny things happen when people punch you int he junk is probably not the best idea in the world.

7. “Are we going to label the things that have been in his pants?”
“No we are going to label the things that have not been in his pants. It’s faster.”

After the Larry incident my friends were understandably cautious about handling things in the vicinity of my tent.  A labeling system was created.

8. “I have to tell you something that might disturb you. Two lesbians have just had sex in your pants.”

If you have a set of awsome pirate pants, be cautious of camping drama majors.  They will steal your pants, and then do stuff in them.

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23 Responses to “Pants Pants Revolution”

  1. Sgt. Spooky Says:

    wow…….just wow…..especially the explanation of the last one

    Reply

  2. Lauren Says:

    Ah yes, I have two ferrets and they just LOVE to climb in weird places. I let mine run around the house sometimes and once I opened a random dresser drawer and a little ferret head popped out!

    Reply

    Adam reply on December 23rd, 2008 5:59 am:

    Just the head?

    Reply

    Lauren reply on December 23rd, 2008 5:07 pm:

    The rest of the body soon followed, thankfully attached.

    captcha: Nutbourne were…indeed

    Reply

    David B reply on March 18th, 2014 1:37 pm:

    My buddy has a pair of ferrets. And toy trains. Not a good combo, as it turns out. He was running his train one day, and as he went into his long (5′) tunnel, the train stopped. so he backed out, applied the full throttle, and out of the other end came his ferret! Once, we found the other one in a boxcar taking a nap. Somehow, it had closed the doors

    Reply

  3. Bane Says:

    oh, the larry the cucumber thing was frickin priceless.

    Reply

    Anonymous reply on June 28th, 2014 7:43 pm:

    I’ve got one that spouts things like that, along with the immortal “I love my lips!” and “Have you seen my hairbrush?”

    Reply

  4. Tzanti Says:

    This feels so much more disturbing if you’re British, as “pants” has a similar, though subtly different meaning.

    Reply

    Simonator reply on December 19th, 2008 7:40 am:

    Reportedly overheard in a British pub.

    Smoking hot American woman wearing a short skirt: “Boy it’s cold today. I wish I’d worn pants.”

    Reply

    Tzanti reply on December 19th, 2008 7:55 am:

    Yeah, that’d turn heads.

    Reply

    Minty reply on December 19th, 2008 5:22 pm:

    Isn’t “fanny” the same way? Means something fairly innocent in American jargon, and something fairly less innocent in British?

    Captcha: “unsteady hatter.” Heh.

    Reply

    Tzanti reply on December 20th, 2008 2:59 am:

    Yeah, absolutely.

    No, I’m not explaining it to you lot, that’s what the Internet’s for. :)

    Captcha: Maryland must…be the last station before Stratford.

    Reply

  5. Andrew Says:

    Wow… punching a pecker for pious propaganda? And lesbians in you pirate pants isn’t disturbing, just disapointing (cause you weren’t there). As for the smoking with no pants thing, my wife does that every morning, except she wears only a house coat.

    But alas, not every guy can be said to be as fortunate as to have a threesome with a couple of lesbians.

    Reply

    kelly reply on December 19th, 2008 6:03 am:

    Andrew… I just totally loved your awesome alliteration!

    Reply

  6. Azz Says:

    Coincidentally, one of my friends owns pantspantsrevolution.com. I should kick her to do something fun with it, because she keeps saying she’s been meaning to.

    Reply

  7. Suomynona Says:

    HaY! I like Larry the Cucumber! Although I must say seeing Larry sticking out of your pirate pants would probably be hilarious.

    Reply

  8. Amber Says:

    I can think of many types of lingerie I own and/or would like to own. But Spongebob squarepants is not one of them, the thought frightens me. Maybe I’m a little too old fashioned, for I’d rather have, I dunno – Tom & Jerry and Bugs Bunny lingerie. ;)

    Reply

    Sean reply on December 21st, 2008 6:49 pm:

    What about Roger Rabbit? “Pppppppplease!”

    Reply

    Amber reply on December 23rd, 2008 11:09 am:

    (lol) Ooo! That brings on some fun visuals as well.. Jessica Rabbit! haha. ;)

    Reply

    Pericles reply on December 21st, 2008 9:49 pm:

    /worships Amber’s Bugs Bunny lingerie and Tom & Jerry

    I prefer Woody Wood Pecker Boxers. Just for the hell of it.

    captcha: brownish ban-d on my boxers?

    Reply

    Amber reply on December 23rd, 2008 11:36 am:

    Ooo Laa laa – Woody Wood Pecker boxers! *grin* My turn to worship now. ;) Hm, and now I’m pondering lingerie or boxers with Woody and Buzz Lightyear. ;)

    Reply

    Pericles reply on December 24th, 2008 1:19 pm:

    Depends on the company you keep. :-P
    as well as what innuendo you want to use.

    Anonymous reply on January 11th, 2015 8:56 pm:

    I wonder if Woody and Buzz have met Andy’s mom’s toys. They probably have the same names.

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