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Archive for December 10th, 2008

A Yule Story

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008

With Yule right around the corner I finally got out my Yule tree and decorations. You may notice that I use the term Yule instead of Christmas, but that is another story. This one however involves certain things I rediscovered while unpacking my artificial Yule tree. Those things include:

  1. A specific strand of holiday lights
  2. My previous Yule tree
  3. Several Yule presents which were never given
  4. A train set
  5. A large red cylinder with a black hose attached to it

The story goes something like this:

Did you know you should always use a certified electrician when running a new power outlet? Here is why:

  • Twas the week before Yule, and all through the house
  • Everything was quiet, even my pet mouse
  • The wife was out shopping, with my sister-in-law
  • Then the silence was broken by a reciprocating saw
  • I was cutting a hole, in the living room wall
  • I was laughing and singing, simply having a ball.
  • See there were no outlets, in the place I had cut
  • To plug in the lights for the Yule tree I had cut
  • I was running new wires, from breaker to hole
  • To brighten my wife’s Yule, and lift her soul.
  • I connected the wires, plugged in the tree
  • Plugged in the train, ho ho he he
  • I threw the breaker, then began to choke
  • For while hearing pops, I smelled smoke
  • I ran to the room and began to perspire
  • My Tree, My Train and presents on fire!
  • Did you know that house power, comes in three types
  • I had connected too much, two twenty volts to be precise
  • The lights had all burst, igniting my tree
  • The fire then consumed my presents you see
  • The train itself had burst into flame
  • Too much power, the cause the same
  • So if you are thinking, you know what to do
  • When lacking an outlet for holidays too
  • Then listen to me, I’ll say it again
  • Always, Always, hire and electrician!

Now for further clarification:

  1. The holiday lights were un-fused and every bulb had burst, as well as electrically welded to their sockets.
  2. The “Yule Tree” was little more than a charred lump of wood that I had kept to remind me not to play with electricity.
  3. The presents were of course the remains of the ones I had put under the tree
  4. The train set was little more than a lump of molten plastic and twisted metal
  5. The red cylinder was of course a fire extinguisher

The good news is the house didn’t burn down. The bad: my wife didn’t get her PlayStation 3 or the new coat I had bought her.

I hope you all enjoy this!

Just A Quick Note

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008

I’m not going to pretend that I have even partial justification for my actions.

But it’s amazing what you can get away with when you have a sock puppet.