” does not allow the carry of ANY WEAPON while on duty”

“So I can’t carry my S&W Homeland Security Knife?”

“No”

“My leatherman?”

“No”

“What about my RSX Keys? They are switch blade…”

“Not if you are going to use them as a weapon”

“Blow up dolls?” Damn brain-mouth filter!

The whole class errupted into laughter.

Thank GOD the HR Rep was a cool hot girl in her late 20s. She just smiled and shook her head. “No”

A————–B

So as I am walking, a cute asian girl employee comes through the lobby doors heading towards me. She stops and cants her head to the side.

“What is that?” she asked.

“Whats what?” I say as I stop and look behind me. Not seeing anything I turn and look back at her.

“Is THAT what I think it is? That thing by your feet…”

I look down and there on the floor is a white dirty nasty crusty probably-diseased piece of women’s thong underwear.

“I think so…I’m going to call Janitorial”

So I bust out my handy dandy piece of crap Security Cell Phone and call the janitor: he doesn’t answer.

SHIT!

Its now about the time when employees are filing in usually to get breakfast. CEOs, VPs, Investors, Clients, Contractors and employees pass through this hall CONSTANTLY. This was not good timing.

I RUN to the Reception Desk and ask “Linda” the Receptionist.

“Hey have you seen the janitor?”

“no”

“Dangit! If you see him tell him to get to the cafe hallway NOW and meet me there.”

I then go back to the hallway. I figure since I REFUSE to touch it and dont have anything to remove itwith the best I can do is direct people away from it and inform them janitorial has been informed and they are on their way.

During a break inbetween rushes, a young company sales rep in his 30s enters. He sees me and what I am “guarding” and he laughs.

“Wow.” he says.

“I know. Janitorial is on their way”

“No worries.” he says as he then PROCEEDS TO START soccer kicking it around in the hallway!

After a quick dribble or two, off he goes to the cafe.

At this stage in time, I’m thinking “CRAP this is not good”

At this time a crowd comes in. This time it is lead by my nemesis, a lady I like to call “The Militant Black Lady”. Now, I am not racist, one of my best friends is black(WE MISS YOU JASON!). BUt this lady has sort of the Jesse Jackson on Crack mentality and she hates SEC DIV and she DEFINETLY hates me(The reason why is another story).

My phone rings: Its the janitor! Thank God! I answer.

“Get to the cafe hall ASAP we need you to remove some…Hazerdous Material…”

I say as I notice Militant Lady is eye balling me. “Yes!” she said. “Do so NOW! That’s GROSS!” as if I DID IT!

I hang up the phone as she enters the cafe. While sitting there wondering how else this could go wrong, the Janitor arrives with some metal tongs and removes it, tossing it to the dumpster.

“This is the first time I have ever had anything like that happen…” I said.

“Not for me. I find these maybe 4 times a month!”

Say wha?

Now, this is CORPORATE HQ for a company. Not just ANY COMPANY, a GLOBAL company. Alot of people use the company’s product daily.

You’d think people have more class in this enviroment, apparently not. To this day I couldn’t help but think either this was a mistake or this was totally premeditated.

Naturally we never caught who did it and I have never dealt with that sort of thing ever again.

Til next time.

Alex, out.

ME ME ME?

-SCAlexD