These are some notes and observations that I jotted down during my recent car trip.
1)In Missouri there is a restaurant called “Skippy’s”. The sign by the highway made no mention about whether or not they served Panda. I wanted to check it out, but my wife wouldn’t let us stop there. She seemed to be afraid that I would do something weird. To be fair, she only believes that because she has years of experience dealing with me.
2)If you have to travel long distance with small pets, you should probably keep a water bottle handy, to make sure that you can always refill their dish and keep them hydrated.
3) You should probably not keep the water bottle next to your bottle of Vault energy drink.
4) Ferrets just fucking love Vault energy drink.
5) Just past the Arizona/New Mexico border there is an adult cabaret with a giant plastic cow on the roof. I am very curious as to the train of thought that led the owners to believe that this was a sound marketing decision.
6) Somebody in Oklahoma decided to make a combination Indian restaurant and truck stop. Evidently there are a sizable amount of Indian truckers in this country. I know that this probably makes me a bad person, but I keep imagining Smokey and the Bandit, recast with Apu instead of Jerry Reed. Matt Groening could probably make a Simpson episode out of that called “Far-Eastbound and Down”.
7) Since our cat is used to doing his business outside, and was going to be cooped up in a car for a few days, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get a leash so she could take him for a walk while having a pit stop. So she acquired what looked like some sort of kitty bondage harness, and strapped him in. Mr Kitty did not share her enthusiasm for this plan. It was remarkably like trying to walk a small angry chainsaw.
8 ) Eight. I forgot what eight was for.
9) I discovered that there is a Midwestern chain of gas stations whose mascot is a dinosaur. That seems kind of morbid to me. Kind of like using a cow to advertise a burger joint, or a small child to advertise a seminary school.
10) Early in the trip we noticed that some gas stations had up signs, advertising the cleanliness of their restrooms. We joked about that, speculating how the bathrooms must look at a place that didn’t advertise. Until we stopped at such a place. Those signs stopped being funny pretty damn quick.