C.Y.A.
So over here in Iraq, there are a lot of similarities to a fraternity house. Our days are pretty much filled with getting buff, getting some work done, and making constant homo-erotic comments.
Well one thing that you learn fast is that you should never look forward to your birthday. It is filled with nothing but practical jokes, and if you ever fall asleep during your birthday, you can pretty much count on waking up with another man’s penis in your face.
Now, with that said, I had a very unfortunate encounter on my Squadron Commander’s birthday. Everyone was trying to figure out the best way to truly “get the boss” as it were. Being the king of mischief as I am, I decided to moon him. Unoriginal, I know, but a tried and true prank that is always good for a laugh. So I go up to my Commander’s door, a little nervous, being that he can court martial me, and I knock three times, turn around and wait for him answer.
As soon as I hear the door open, I pull my shorts down, scream out “THAAAAAAAAAAT’S MY BUTT!!!!!!!” and I start to run away. The problem is, I didn’t pull my shorts up all the way before I start running, and my feet got caught up, causing me to fall flat on my face with my pants down.
As a result, my Commander is laughing his ass off at my follies, clearly not even bothered by the fact that he just got mooned, and I had to go see the medic for a cracked nose and bruised cheek. I still feel as if I won that round though.
Does that make me stubborn, stupid, or just a Soldier? You be the judge.
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September 17th, 2008 at 10:55 am
I think that means you got a concussion.
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September 17th, 2008 at 11:14 am
So long as you didn’t land in such a way as to be….”presenting”, as the nature documentaries say, I’ll have to agree that you did win on that one.
captcha= velvet adjourn: What that band did to their respective careers when they broke up.
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September 17th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
“Does that make me stubborn, stupid, or just a Soldier? You be the judge.” – Brick
A little from column A, a little from column B.
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September 17th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
In our section we have a SMSgt (E-8 for the non-Air Force types) who we affectionatly know as “Mooney.” Birthdays go without the normal practical jokes and such, but retirement is a different story. We recently had all but two of the women in our section retire. Three women retiring in a one month period was a great opportunity to slack off and throw a couple parties, and Mr. Moon was the guest of honor at all three parties. One of the women, a very attractive and very proper young Captain was enjoying her retirement party when she was asked to step into the chiefs office. What greeted her was a full moon including, all unknown to SMSgt Mooney, the full shooting star affect. She walked into the office, took one look spun around and ran nose first into the edge of the door. 16 stitches and a broken nose later she laughed it off, but she could never look at SMSgt Mooney without blushing again.
Captcha: Eager Tombs – Anyone else feel a chill?
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Stickfodder reply on September 18th, 2008 5:45 am:
What the hell is “the full shooting star affect”?
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Michiel reply on September 18th, 2008 7:06 am:
The star fish.
The brown eye.
The man clam.
As for the shooting part, well, what is in my head is probably more gross than what actually occurred.
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September 17th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
we have an E-7 in my shop who likes to show people his junk as a practical joke. we have a saying that terrence’s dick is like a star wars prequel. everyone saw it but nobody was impressed.
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Snyarhedir reply on March 29th, 2011 9:50 pm:
Wrong. I for one was impressed. I never understood what anyone saw wrong with Episode I, Episode II is easy to find fault with but people seem to like it more than Episode I for some stupid reason, and Episode III is undeniably awesome.
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September 17th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
“Does that make me stubborn, stupid, or just a Soldier? You be the judge.”
Yes.
On the flip side, you can use MTBI* as an excuse now. Bonus!
C
*MTBI = Mild Traumatic Brain Injury, the newest hidden hazard of being a Soldier, now being blamed for many of the same effects that PTSD used to be blamed for.
captcha: war starter…I’m not worthy!
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September 24th, 2008 at 2:49 am
“”It is filled with nothing but practical jokes, and if you ever fall asleep during your birthday, you can pretty much count on waking up with another manâ??s penis in your face.””
…sounds like the Furry conventions i go to… XD
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October 9th, 2008 at 3:54 am
Hey. My birthday NEVER resulted in a penis on my face. What the hell? I think I have an EO complaint. All I ever got was cake.
captcha: variety land- the new theme park where you can wake up with a DIFFERENT penis on your face?
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skippy reply on October 9th, 2008 11:33 am:
Well now we all know what to get you next year.
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March 25th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Loved it :)
I had a friend. He used to be friends with a very famous Rock guy in my Country. They were on their way to celebrate this girl’s birthday. On the way they started to discuss how girls walk, you now, like sinuously. So sweet, and they started to imitate that walk and as they got on they became more and more ‘boisterous’.
Now this rock guy is (still) a ‘real wild one’ so as they stood outside the door he decided to surprise her (yeah..) and he succeeded in persuading my pal too, so they both undressed before ringing the door.
When it opened they found it to be her mother standing there, staring wordlessly at their blatant apparitions, having came over to wish her innocent daughter a ‘happy birthday’. .
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