So over here in Iraq, there are a lot of similarities to a fraternity house. Our days are pretty much filled with getting buff, getting some work done, and making constant homo-erotic comments.
Well one thing that you learn fast is that you should never look forward to your birthday. It is filled with nothing but practical jokes, and if you ever fall asleep during your birthday, you can pretty much count on waking up with another man’s penis in your face.
Now, with that said, I had a very unfortunate encounter on my Squadron Commander’s birthday. Everyone was trying to figure out the best way to truly “get the boss” as it were. Being the king of mischief as I am, I decided to moon him. Unoriginal, I know, but a tried and true prank that is always good for a laugh. So I go up to my Commander’s door, a little nervous, being that he can court martial me, and I knock three times, turn around and wait for him answer.
As soon as I hear the door open, I pull my shorts down, scream out “THAAAAAAAAAAT’S MY BUTT!!!!!!!” and I start to run away. The problem is, I didn’t pull my shorts up all the way before I start running, and my feet got caught up, causing me to fall flat on my face with my pants down.
As a result, my Commander is laughing his ass off at my follies, clearly not even bothered by the fact that he just got mooned, and I had to go see the medic for a cracked nose and bruised cheek. I still feel as if I won that round though.
Does that make me stubborn, stupid, or just a Soldier? You be the judge.