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Archive for September 8th, 2008

Monday Update

Monday, September 8th, 2008

So I was just about to finish packing up my basement when I realized that I hadn’t put a post together last night.

And so here is the purchasing department list.

(Submitted by Nadia)

1. You are not allowed to bring in a cape for a buyer.

2. Even if your boss was the one to call him Captain Stupid.

3. You are not allowed to sing with headphones in.

4. You are not allowed to sing with only one headphone in.

5. You are not allowed to sing off key.

6. you are not allowed to sing.

7. You are not allowed to take home samples of 190 proof alcohol.

8. No chatting online.

9. No emailing.

10. No bypassing filters.

11. No Internet use at all.

12. No laughing.

13. No listening in on when your boss insults people.

14. No Laughing when the buyer calls the VP of IT saying it’s a computer error when he just forgot his password.

15. Not allowed to tease the VP for not answering the buyer’s phone calls anymore.

16. Not allowed to eat quinoa for breakfast at 7am.

17. Not allowed to bring in last nights dinner for breakfast.

18. Not allowed to eat weird food for breakfast.

19. Don’t annoy the boss… he will take your scheduled vacation days away.

20. Don’t laugh at him in front of his superiors when he threatens this.

21. Don’t mock him when he asks if you got your vacation in writing about him not having it in writing to take it away.

22. Don’t mock the boss in general.

23. Don’t ever have rubber bands on your desk.

24. Don’t give shoot them at the boss even though he started it.

25. Don’t throw staplers at your boss… he’s not that coordinated.

26. Don’t mock the buyer when he can’t staple a stack of papers so you have to do it for him.

27. Don’t tell the buyer his daughter is a tard for dating the guy she is and that you happen to know from high school.

28. Don’t say “I told you so” when it ends poorly.

29. Don’t tell your boss he happens to have the same last name as your biological father.

30. Don’t tell the factory crew who already call him your daddy/uncle.

31. Don’t take the toys they get as gifts to hit them with.

32. Don’t flip the buyers screen upside down.. he can’t fix it.

33. Don’t try to skip meetings the buyer will be in with you… you will just have to train him later. Even though he sat in the meeting with you and asked more questions.

34. Refusing to teach the buyer how to change the ring tone on his cell is not an option.

35. Same goes for reading text messages.

36. And again for checking the voice mail.

37. You are not allowed to laugh hysterically when your coworkers devour last nights screw-up, horrid tasting dinner.

38. You are not allowed to talk to the buyer… he can’t work and talk at the same time.

39. You are not to make complex spreadsheets your boss can’t figure out.

40. Even if what he asked for was that complex.

41. No laughing when you boss goes on a rampage about your coworkers that can’t do their job right.

42. No asking to take the buyer’s job since you did it a lot better when he was out, even though you are not trained.

43. No streaming music.

44. No lying about the music being temporarily downloaded from a channel and not actually streaming.

45. No going to the ultra exclusive RnD parties without bring back food to feed your boss.

46. No making fun of the QC Director the 5th time you caught him sleeping at his desk.

47. No hoarding tissue boxes in your desk.

48. No stealing pure powdered caffeine.

49. You are not allowed to go by your birth name if your boss changed it and it caught on.

50. You are not allowed to change your boss’ name or any coworker’s name in retaliation.