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Archive for September 2nd, 2008

Monday Morning List Update, Tuesday Edition

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008

Hooray for long weekends.  Now that we all have to go back to work on Tuesday, that makes it the new Monday, and so here’s the Monday morning “do not do list.”

This morning we have things that cannot be done while working for the Parks Department.

(Submitted by Ben Stewart)

1. I am not allowed to answer my phone while on the job

2. Even if it is the boss who is calling me

3. I am not allowed to edge a sidewalk from a moving vehicle, regardless of how good of a job I did

4. I am not allowed to kill ground squirrels near little kids

5. I am not allowed to make a shrine to the ground squirrel gods

6. Even if the city’s anti discrimination policy specifically mention religion

7. I am not allowed to point out every overweight women to my boss and say “wouldn’t you like to see her all sweaty?”

8. I am not allowed to bring fireworks to work
9. I am not allowed to throw little kids in the pond
10. Even if they did steal my trash grabber tongs
11. Not allowed to make up a gang name to cross out a real gang’s grafiti with
12. Not allowed to make spears out of the city’s tool’s to use for groundsquirrel hunting
13. Not allowed to use the excuse “It’s okay I work for the city” when not working to get free drinks at the softball fields
13. Not allowed to the excuse “Its okay I work for the city” when I drive non-road legal vehicles to go get tools from the hardware store
14. Not allowed to use the excuse “It’s okay, I work for the city” ever again
15. Not allowed to tell random women on the street that my coworkers would like to go on a date with them
16. Not allowed to give my coworkers’ names and numbers to butch looking softball players
17. Not allowed to look at the boss’ daughter
18. Not allowed to put broken glass on top of the bathrooms to keep people from climbing on them
19. Not allowed to go swimming in the pond
20. Even if it is to save a duck that has fishing string wrapped around its leg