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MAM fends off robots… Beats Buffalo w/ stick!

July 18th, 2008 by LT Ronald

No shit there I was, Ramadi, Iraq. We got the call for additional support from one of our OPs (observation posts). My outfit was on the hook to lead EOD to outpost in case of need.

Just south of our outpost was a section of palm trees and reeds (along the banks of the Euphrates river). We had taken small arms, mortar, and RPG fire from that area in the past. We had taken to posting signs in that area that stated locals were not allowed there and could be shot on sight.

On this particular afternoon there was an Iraqi Military Aged Male (MAM) walking through the reeds of “no-mans land”. The OP tried to get the MAM to come to the OP through their loudspeaker, but the MAM wouldn’t come closer and he wouldn’t leave. So the SFC on site raised his M4 and shot the MAM in the side. The MAM then laid down just on the outskirts of reeds.

With EOD now on site, and our outfit also having robots, we sent our robots out to inspect the MAM, to insure that he was not strapped with explosives. When the robots got to the MAM he got up and started kicking them. We brought our robots back to keep them from getting damaged.

The next thing that we did was take EOD’s IED clearing/blast-proof vehicle: The Buffalo (they had one in the film Transformers) and we proceeded to put a large stick in the Buffalo’s retractable arm, so as to lift up the MAM’s man-skirt and see if he was packing explosives. When the Buffalo got to the man and started to lift his skirt the MAM got up, took the stick off of the Buffalo and started beating the Buffalo with the stick.

My First sergeant, who you may or may not remember from the Backscratcher story, suggested that we set up a Pop and Drop (A block of C-4 primed with a remote detonated electronic blasting cap) and have the robot lay it down by the MAM. As the SFC on site started to set up the Pop and Drop, our gunner Young Specialist Janelle started yelling, “I don’t think that’s legal, I don’t think that’s legal”, and therefore Top dropped that idea.

That is when the young E-5 EOD tech said, “this guy ain’t packing, I’m gonna drag his ass back here before he bleeds out.” Before any one could stop him he ran at the MAM, the MAM got up and started to run, The EOD tech tackled him, and subdued him.

Upon closer inspection it turned out that the MAM was Corky from Life Goes On retarded.

The SIGACT the following day read “The ___ Engineers shot a MAM around OP ___. The ___ EN and ___ EOD sent robots to check on the MAM’s status, the MAM fought off the robots. The ___ EOD sent their buffalo to check the MAM’s status, the MAM beat the Buffalo with a stick. The ___ EOD tackled and subdued the MAM. The MAM was questioned, treated, and released.”

This poor retarded bastard was just walking through the reeds and gets yelled at, shot, attacked with robots, poked with a stick from a Buffalo, almost blown to bits, and then tackled.

You just can’t make this shit up.

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11 Responses to “MAM fends off robots… Beats Buffalo w/ stick!”

  1. barry Says:

    that is without a doubt the most fucked up day someone can have damn!


  2. Stickfodder Says:

    That story is easily one of the 5 funniest I have read on this site.
    “Upon closer inspection it turned out that the MAM was Corky from Life Goes On retarded.” awesome analogy.


  3. Michiel Says:

    I laughed. I cried. It was the feel weird hit of the summer.


  4. ineedhelpbad Says:

    Captcha of the moment: “6 1/2 inserted”
    You cant make this kind of shit up


  5. Kat Says:

    Were you yelling at him in Arabic? If you were then I have no sympathy, even a retard should be able to understand, “Get the fuck back!” in his native tongue. And getting shot might have been a good hint too…


  6. TGOBG Says:

    he may not have been able to hear well or at all, I have seen many mentally retarted people who are also almost deaf and or blind. I would belive that some where like Iraq, this person would probably be an outcast and reduced to begging for living. Also Ridiculed by the locals, so he could have been out scrounging for food. Or he may have been sent there to see your reactions, and since you patched him up and let him go, the next time he wanders into the area, you may be thinking “oh its Corky again” and he will have been loaded down with explosives by those loving “religion of peace” folks.

    Please maintain the vigilance

    Captcha: Restricted D


  7. A B Says:

    Its wrong that I laughed so hard… right?


  8. Raven Prometheus Says:

    I would dearly love to find out who that EOD Tech was. I probably know him, and if he’s an E-5, I probably went to school with him. He deserves much back slapping and beer buying. I understand, though, that while I’m probably not the only one that thinks this, there are those that think the opposite, so we must protect his ID, right? Anyways, nice story, and well told.


    Lt Ronald reply on July 20th, 2008 6:19 pm:

    I can’t remember for the life of me what that young man’s name was, but his outfit was the 58th EOD out of Maine if that helps. I believe that they were Army Reserves.


    tgobg reply on July 20th, 2008 10:06 pm:

    Out of Maine? then they are probably used to drunken Canadians infiltrating the border, so tackling that MAM probably was not a big difference to him

    Captcha: Boboard dead


  9. Snyarhedir Says:

    This would be at least ten times funnier if you said what a “robot” and a “buffalo” actually are, and if you clarified that the man lied back down after fending off the “robots” (thus explaining why he had to get up again to deal with the “buffalo”), among other things.


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